The Effect of No Contact on the Narcissist
You know that No Contact is the key to beating the narcissist, but how does it affect the narcissist?
This Logic Bulletin explains to you what happens when you impose your No Contact Regime and how you can expect the narcissist to respond.
It covers Lesser, Mid-Range and Greater Narcissists in fascinating detail.
How does the narcissist feel?
What happens if you tip-off the narcissist that you are leaving him or ending the relationship?
What happens to the narcissist if you end the relationship and say nothing?
How does the narcissist respond?
What do you need to look out for in terms of common errors which will prejudice your no contact regime and place you at risk?
What will the narcissist do by way of response, so you can ascertain how to avoid this?
The content of this Logic Bulletin will give you these answers and more so you can build your Logic Defences and understand what will happen when you impose no contact now or in the future.
12 thoughts on “The Effect of No Contact on the Narcissist”
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Dearest HG
I had a friend with NPD and I went no contact five months ago.However we work together, we often see each other,so that’s more gray rock method then real no contact,but I have been ignoring him.He has taken away from me a lot of our common colleagues.They think I’m weird, because he is wunderful person.When I started, no contact he was angry and nervous.He tried to hoover me.He wasn t comming to work when I worked on weekends.Two weeks ago I had been drinking coffee with his wife and I explained her that we are no longer best friends, that I broke the contact with him, and I told her how difficult it was to me, as he was like brother to me. After that he started coming back, not angry or nervous. He is full of self-confidence,doesn t avoid me anymore. He sits behind me in our coffishop.
Does this mean that every time he sees me, he remembers what I had told his wife and that s the way he gets fuel? Or does he have third suply who fills him with fuel so he can stand up my ignorance.?What is he up to?
Please help because he want leave me alone.I just want to know what should I do?
If a LMR knows that there is no chance for positive fuel, can I expect future hoovers to be only malign?
The only chance of contact is in person, since we both live in a small area and because I have my NC regime going. I have not gone out to clubs or bars since I found out and got out, mostly because the last thing I wanted was to see him and also because I needed time to heal, which I have done. All fuelled up with newly accuired life force – And realising I am a magnet for narcs, I have also kept low lately. But I want to go out soon, and there might be a good chance of running into him and / or his coterie. Should I just walk away, or pretend not to see him? What is the best thing to do to give NO fuel? (Stay at home?)
This post is on the money. There was no preventative hoover; I was fuel free at the end and he flounced off, ending our FR because I treated him so badly and he sought pity from his newly crowned IPPS.
He disengaged from me for the nth time. I had read about No contact but I didn’t block him on email, social media etc, as recommended. I didn’t know about narcissism.
I waited………..?……….I’ve received over 70 emails this last year and I’ve read them all- they say he said he loves and misses me, along those lines.
I hoped that something in his mails would show he takes responsibility for domestic violence and abuse and say he’s sorry- I was sure he would, it was just a matter of time…and I’m patient…
Naturally, it never happened.
It felt like I was ripping the bandage of slowly, it took me so long to unpack what went on in that relationship, see how he really was and I recognise had no choice but to let go….
Was it cruel of me to keep contact open but not to answer?- was I deploying a Silent Treatment rather than No Contact ?
Maybe it felt hard for him. I feel guilty.
But I had to do it like that, otherwise I never could have worked through what really went on in that relationship.
My True Self,
You were right to recognize that your only choice was to let go. The only cruelty you showed was to yourself, for allowing exposure to his emails. Fully implement No Contact. There is nothing else for it. He may have disengaged from your FR multiple times, but this is a different intent on your part. You need only suffer through the finality of this once. Be strong.
Merripen- Thank you so much for your comment- you are right , the intent this time was much different on my part- it would have been better to go NC
Desperately pathetic. First begging, then getting into a fury because the outcome is not not what they desired. It reads like a panic attack…
HG, what about the narcissist who flounces off and stays away and maintains silence until the smear campaign gets underway? Is that the trait of a Mid-Ranger or another school?
Thanks for this article; thought-provoking as always.
Mid Ranger traits.
Thank you HG.
Boy, I sure experienced this EVERY SINGLE TIME I tried to leave. The last time I tried, he dumped me a week later. He had to be in control of the disengagement, not me. I fell for the pity play every single time. Never. again.
He said the following:
“I am sorry”
“It was all my false perceptions”
“Throw everything i said the other day out the window”
“I don’t want to lose u”
“This is what i get after everything i’ve done for u?”
“This is what i’ve been trying to prevent for so many yrs”
“This is why i call u selfish”
The amount of effort he used to put into not “losing me” at the time (i didn’t realize it then; i just thought he was sorry) makes me feel sad for him and other narcs. Nobody should have to live this way.
HG, what of the mid-range covert narc who senses you are backing out of the formal relationship, has a variety of secondary sources on whom to go to for supply and will not overtly try to reel you in again? The one I’m dealing with right now, a next door neighbor, is employing tactics along the lines of tempt and withhold — tempt, lure in and then punish or snatch away — dangle some traditional gathering that was a yearly part of our friendship and subtly slip in that “Oh, that may not happen next year because of x, y and z…” Is this sort of behavior standard for the covert who has been made to learn that you will no longer be an appliance? They go on a subtle salami slicing campaign?