The Porn Supremacy
There is a significant correlation between our kind and the use of pornographic material. Once upon a time, one might imagine that the size of a person’s porn stash might have been a rough and ready indicator of their reliance on porn and their potential for being one of our kind. Nowadays the availability of porn through the internet means that millions of images and videos are available at the click of the mouse. No longer is it necessary for people to buy top-shelf magazines, visit an “adult sex shop” to purchase videos or DVDs, or import some hardcore material from another jurisdiction. It is far easier to go online and obtain a porn fix there instead. If you have been entangled with our kind, it is highly likely that porn featured on the agenda. Initially, it will have been used as an aperitif to sexual activity, watching a film together or surfing for some interesting snippets in order to get us both in the mood or enhance the mood further. It would provide a basis for discussion between us as to ascertaining sexual mores and appetites. During seduction we would garner from you what worked for you, what turned you off and what intrigued you. Some of that knowledge would be put to use as part of the seduction and some of it would be stored away for later use. Porn would be used in an effective and healthy manner. Our true use of porn would be suspended by the needs arising from effecting the seduction, embedding you and extracting your positive fuel.
Porn appeals to each cadre of narcissist as a consequence of its availability and ubiquity. I will detail below a host of reasons why narcissists of all cadres and schools utilise porn, especially during the devaluation period, but to begin with, a brief mention as to why porn is specifically appealing to these groups.
The Victim Narcissist – with low energy levels and often a low libido, porn provides an easy and available option. Some Victim Narcissists also suffer sexual dysfunction and therefore watching porn is an easy substitute for something they are less able to do.
The Somatic Narcissist – porn is his playground. His obsessions with body and performance come together in a glittering array of writhing and gyrating bodies. Porn is the cradle of the somatic.
The Cerebral – whilst he may have less interest in the sex act, he still wants to know plenty about it and watching extensive amounts of porn, understanding techniques, observing scenarios and so forth enables the Cerebral Narcissist to stockpile his sexual arsenal for later use through spoken and written communication.
The Elite – quite obviously a combination of the reasons that attract the Somatic and the Cerebral means that the Elite finds much to relish in the world of pornography.
The Lesser – the power and control which come with porn appeal to the lesser. His lack of imagination is also catered for by watching such a massive array of porn.
The Mid-Range – acquisition of knowledge about porn enables him to portray himself as more capable than he is and enables him to talk a good game.
The Greater – the access to depravity and humiliation appeals especially to the Greater. Whilst such actions will also be evidenced in the Lesser and Mid-Range, it is the Greater who makes more extensive use of porn in this fashion.
Accordingly, porn provides some kind of use to each school and each cadre of our kind. If your narcissist did not appear to access porn, then it is probably the case that you just never caught them doing so. Secrecy is a significant part of the narcissistic lifestyle and secret tablets, activity in the bolthole and password locked devices will invariably be masking a use of porn.
Why do our kind make such extensive use of porn? The use of porn naturally is nor per se a bad thing and many victims enjoy viewing porn as a stimulating and vibrant addition to sexual activity. Those reasons are for stimulation, increasing knowledge and technique in order to please themselves and their partner and in essence for reasons which would be regarded by many people as “good”. Our reasons are far more varied.
- Objectification. I have explained previously how we regard people as objects because they are our appliances. This is even more so when we watch porn. Our grandiosity and sense of omnipotence means that these objects are performing for our benefit. We sit before glowing screen akin to a director as these objects interact at our say so. If we want to watch two women and a man together – click, we find the video. If we want anal – click, we find the video. She males, enemas, bondage – whatever we decide the objects should do, we just click and the relevant objects appear to do what we want. We consider ourselves as commanding them to do our bidding.
- Lack of intimacy. Our inability to feel many emotions means that intimacy is abhorrent to us. Yes, it will be faked during seduction because of the greater aim that exists but once there is no need for this, it is readily jettisoned. You may (not always admittedly) seek intimacy in your sexual union with us. We will not want that during devaluation and therefore this will result in an ignited fury response. In order to avoid such a scenario arising we take refuge in the world of porn where there is no intimacy. It is cold, clinical and two or more objects performing as we decree.
- Control of the environment. We do not want the environment to control us. We must control the environment. This is why control ranks so highly in our day to day dealings. In the arena of pornography, we are in complete control of the environment. We transport ourselves into the scenario as god-like we control it, directing people to place this here and that there, do this, do that, take this, take that. Porn is the ultimate place for us to be able to control the environment.
- Reflection. We do not exist save by reflection. This is why we have such an incredible need for external approval and why we seek fuel from everything that we interact with. Your emotional responses (good or bad) provide us with validation that we exist, that we matter and that we are important. We also take your characteristics to use as our own in order to further our construct of what we want to be. Porn facilitates this also. The supreme Olympic performances of those in the videos that we watch, we consider to be us. Therefore, we take those characteristics for ourselves. We also regard the reaction of those in the videos, their orgasmic screams of delight, their groans of pleasure, even the harsh words issued by a dominatrix to be directed as emotional reactions to us and thus fuel is gained and we receive validation by these people recognising us. We become a participant in the porn. If the video is a POV (point of view) production the effect is heightened.
- Withdrawal. By choosing to spend our time watching porn rather than being in bed with you we gain fuel from your response. Sometimes it will be Thought Fuel as we think of you lying there in a lonely bed upset and wondering why we spend so long locked in our bolthole and other times it will be Proximate Fuel as you berate us for watching porn or become upset when we reject your advances and head for the study instead. Our extensive use of porn is utilised to belittle you, thus drawing fuel and reinforce our superiority over you.
- Lack of challenge. We hate being challenged, after all, we are superior beings and you are inferior therefore any challenge you may issue to us in the sexual arena is unwelcome during devaluation. You are not allowed to make demands on us, have sexual needs which require fulfilment and the like. Those on the screen do not challenge us. Instead they comply with us and facilitate what we want and thus they are preferred.
- On tap. We require repeated validation and recognition of our importance and what better way than to receive it from a medium which is always there, always delivers and does so in spades? It does not feel tired; it does not have a period nor does it have a headache. It does not baulk at a certain demand or resist a depraved act. It performs when want it to and it provides us with what we need. This is how our appliances should operate and how we expect them to operate.
- Shame. We feel safer operating in an environment that does not require an emotional obligation on our part. Not always, but you will often expect an intimate connection with us during sexual activity and we do not want to provide this as we cannot. Whilst we take fuel from your emotional reactions, you often want this reciprocated in the sexual arena more than any other and we are reminded of our inability to provide certain emotions to you and this creates shame. This is a criticism which will then ignite our fury and cause us to withdraw or lash out at you. We do not wish to experience this shame and therefore by engaging in viewing porn we are not subjected to this emotional demand from you. (This is also a factor in our kind’s use of one night stands and prostitutes).
- Uniqueness. By delving into deviancy and taboo activities online this reinforces our sense of being unique, special and above everyone else. Vanilla sex is available for everyone but we are not everyone. Watching the more deviant and kink sexual activities is not done in order to gain a sexual kick from doing so (although one will be present) the main aim is to reinforce our sense of being unique because we watch (and by extension engage in) such activity.
- Triangulation. We will use the watching of porn to triangulate with you. Either through withdrawing from sexual activity with you or using what we have viewed as the basis for insisting on you engaging in similar activities and telling you why we want you to do this. This allows fuel to be obtained and enables our superiority to be reinforced.
- Social media. Our porn habits during devaluation are usually solitary activities in our boltholes where we are also able to reach out and gain fuel from a wide range of appliances through social media at the same time. This creates a heady brew of fuel from our porn viewing and our interaction with appliances through social media. This is highly edifying for us and by combining the two we feel especially powerful. We receive fuel but we are also god-like as we command the people on screen to do our bidding as we pull the strings of those we message and text.
Accordingly, porn is something which appeals considerably to our kind.
72 thoughts on “The Porn Supremacy”
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If you’ve discovered his kinks and have offered to be the proverbial lady in the streets and freak in the sheets, why continue with porn? Why does my covert narcissist deny me sex? (18 times in 8.5 years). His new supply is groomed and I initiated divorce. Of course that was a no-no. So he did the official discard yesterday. I knew it was coming (no pun intended) but it still felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. We have 2 kids (one not biologically mine….his from a ons). When will he bring the new supply out of hiding? Will he then want sex with me again or will his primary source of copulation still be computer generated?
Hello Candyce, please read Sex and the Narcissist and if you wish, organise a consultation with me and I can address your personal situation in a bespoke manner.
My narc liked porn but always seemed to be angry after sex. What could be some possible reasons for this?
Do you eat crisps in bed? That might be something to do with it.
I’m dying 😂 I think that was a serious question Mr. HG. Getting snarky, might be time to call it a night. Haha!
I ate popcorn and cereal in bed and my MMRN used to get pissed. Ha ha ha…he would dramatically shake the sheets so all the crumbs flew onto the floor.
Maybe you moaned the wrong name ?
very well explained..
Thank you.
Intresting blog.You write about why porn is something which appeals considerably to our kind. Don’t get me wrong I am not against porn, but what about the effect of porn on our children?
Wanting to keep him busy so he would not bother me, I set up a Twitter account for him following nothing but porn sites.
I confronted my narc about it. He ended up agreeing to counselling for porn addiction. Next thing I know he comes home after the first session telling me the counsellor had requested that I attend as well. The narc had twisted it all, and the counselling became about my ‘problems’. That helped! Ugh
A common outcome.
My MMRN told me that he was most vulnerable when he was intimate and seemed very distressed when he told me this. It was confusing because he was such a horn dog before the stranger period.
I confronted my husband about his reliance on porn over having sex with me. I told him it hurts that I’m like an option on a menu he rarely orders. He insists it’s not like that, he just uses it now and then as a release. He doesn’t know I know much of what’s on his computer, and know there are locked folders I haven’t seen. I know he has a collection over 64 GB of pics and videos of porn alone. He has directories of nude pics he kept from customers whose computers he worked on or did backups for, and I highly doubt he got consent to keep them. He has a foot fetish (which I knew and am fine with), but he has an entire folder of pics of MY OWN MOM’S FEET that he took on multiple occasions with his phone. I was often in the background on those. He took them in front of me.
A few weeks ago though I let him know how much it hurt that he prefers porn. I did NOT tell him I know the extent of his collection. You know what he said? “It’s true, I do look at porn a lot, but half the time, if not more than half, I’m looking at pictures of you, or watching videos of you.” It was such obvious bullshit, and I didn’t know what to say! He has 64 GB of porn, and prob less than 1% of it is pics he took of me. There are two videos of me undressing. I don’t think he’s getting off on those same pics and videos and just has the rest in his collection for the hell of it. He thinks I’m that fucking stupid. But I can’t tell him I snooped or he will be angry I violated his privacy.
And there’s the fact that he makes comments about an attractive neighbor at times. I’m fine with him saying she is pretty. She’s only 13, so I’ve hoped he meant this just in a observatory way. Last night he made a comment about her maturing “in more ways than one” and I haven’t been able to erase it from my brain. Feeling sick.
Oh god I feel for you reminds me of my ex I always felt he preferred maturation to see with me he actually had the nerve to ask me to buy him one of those masturbation things which is basically a rubber doll of just a woman’s bottom and front private parts with one hold for each he actually asked me to buy it for him what a freak in nerve sick bad tars they are and then yours commenting on a 13 year old disgusting
Wow! So thorough HG.
HG, have you ever made your own porn films with your IPPS, IPSS and DLS? And do the women get copies as well?
If you did make such films, would you only make them for later smearing?
I have. No they do not get copies.
They are made for the purposes of maintaining control.
You’ve made porn films w ur intimate partners? U dirty man ! 😡
Delete them now!! I dare u!
Erotic masterpieces if you please.
No, I won’t.
To bring them to heel? How often do you watch them and if you do, does it cause you to malign hoover them?
Periodically. Benign or malign, depends on the ongoing situation.
I envision film noir lighting and staging and mirrors abounding.
You probably prefer stark lightning to ensure face recognition .
The desire and delight is in the detail.
Did they more then not know you filmed them?
By the way HG, did you also script your erotica?
For your actresses a.k.a. props a.k.a partners
I am the director and I give great direction.
I imagine so, HG.
It would be fun to do, but not with knowing the true purpose of the end result.
I enjoy good direction and cinematography.
Perhaps, consider a black and white silent erotica film, for your piece, Hush, a la Garbo and Garfield, where subtle sex oozes from the screen, with no sound, other then music that speaks for the lovers, direction relies solely on light and shade, positioning, body language and facial expressions and cleverly designed screen captions course.
I should watch Flesh and the Devil, again. Makes me think of Sex and The Narcissist. Title wise, not content.
Have you watched silent films, HG?
Silent erotica may not garner sufficient fuel for you, HG, in the making or rewatching.
Other then to have a silent appliance taking your direction, as dictated.
I can envision you making your films highly artistic and incriminating. By your nature alone.
For your, Asylum of the Grotesque. A homage of sexually disjointed images flickering upon the pristine walls, as you bade beauty entry into your grotesque domain. A fluorescent number tally glowing brightly, as the door closes and locks.
Despite my keenness, I do not condone such nefarious behaviours.
But done for the right reasons it can be a wonderful experience between partners.
The creation of such a work need not involve abuse and therefore there need not be a concern about nefarious activity.
I have watched silent films play out before me, but I prefer there to be sound.
My apology.
I assumed there might be humiliation and degradation involved with the players.
Otherwise, if consensual and no abuse is occurring.
Agreed, then not nefarious.
Excellent HG, the sound and the fury.
“Erotic masterpieces if you please” lol stop! 😂
More like homemade, low-grade, amateur films!
How would you know? You weren’t there.
Hey Jenna…….I thought you were frightened of him…..(double gulp remember!!!)…..either you have popped a few brave pills or you really want on that naughty step. Commenting on any mans “low grade and amateur” performance would be brave enough, but to a narc….and to HG?????……and emojis too…….the naughty step is within your grasp…….I got put on it for a lot less than that!!!!……Diva
Jenna realised her mistake soon enough.
Hmm…..I was on the back row when they handed out that gene…….Diva
Valid point.
Indeed Jenna, I like to be valid.
Hehe diva you’re killing me!! 😂
When i meant ‘amateur, low-grade, and home-made,’ i was talking abt the film quality, maybe taken frm his iphone using a selfie stick? Lol!
I was not speaking of his performance. His performance, i suspect, would be ‘olympian’ like, as he proclaims. And i believe it.
My question however, which he never answered several months ago, is the duration. I wondered how long he can last. I am sure this is personal and v bold of me to ask, but when it comes to my curiosity abt him, i ask him questions repeatedly, and he just ignores them lol!
Well i don’t mind. Let’s see how long it takes to ‘not get’ on the naughty step. Some reverse psychology here!
My greatest fear is being banished frm the blog, and i do realize he can do that too. So maybe i should watch myself becoz he holds all the power!! Double gulp!!
I have high calibre filming equipment Jenna.
I never ban anybody from the blog.
Did the women know they were being filmed and did they consent did u ever distribute the material and did they know
Yes they knew they were being filmed. The threat of distribution is invariably more effective than the execution.
Hey Jenna……I knew exactly what you meant……I twisted your words just a tad to include “his performance” as I was trying to help you get on the step…….but then you started back tracking with that “selfie stick” Olympic production!!!!! I swear if I see anyone holding a selfie stick tomorrow I am going to be laughing out loud…….Jeez you make me laugh………Diva
Diva,
Thx for helping me try to get on the naughty step. Let me try another way. Credits for his film made frm high calibre equipment:
CREDITS
Cast: hg tudor and (insert real name of intimate source(s))
Music: depeche mode
Direction: hg tudor
Production: hg tudor
Lighting: hg tudor
Scripting: hg tudor
Casting: hg tudor
Stunts: hg tudor (note: no body double was used)
Camera: hg tudor (note: no selfie stick was used)
Any resemblance to actual props, gadgets, toys, or persons, living or dead, is entirely deliberate.
Ha ha, very good.
How long did the film last HG???????……..Diva
Jenna….you are a lost cause……you don’t have a mission of getting on that naughty step……you are too nice to him!!!!! I did enjoy your response though……I would watch it, but I have a feeling that the music would turn me off!!!!!!…..Diva
Hg, perhaps diva meant that music would turn her on, not ‘off’, right diva?!! 🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️
Now run!!!😅
Run????? In these heels????? In any case I only run into trouble and never away from it……….another one of my problems…..Diva
“High callibre filming equipment”
Wow! Ur taking this to the next level!
Do u ever use selfie sticks though?
And, ahem, question abt duration? Do tell, don’t b shy. U realize many of us wanna know.
My heart is pounding w anxiety as i ask this question, but i care not this time.
No I do not use selfie sticks.
My heart was not pounding w anxiety for the selfie stick question, but for the other question, which u don’t wish to answer i guess.
U will say it’s not my business but surely u can understand my curiosity nevertheless?
Come on tudes, u spilled the beans in ‘sex and the narcissist’ leaving out this one minor detail. Surely, u can tell us now? Don’t b shy!! ⌚️🕓🕟🕔???
😎😎😎
Not even for sucky pooch talk? 😄 🐶🐕❤ my furbaby sends you a smooch HG 😃
I never found any porn, but I’m sure he used the privacy search setting on his phone and I didn’t have his computer passcode. I asked him if he ever looked at it and he said not often, but he did have a year in college where he was looking at it a lot and felt dependent on it to make him feel better. I hate porn, btw and made that clear, but I am all about great sex with two loving partners..
Anyhow, I remember once during sex he said to me, “You’re so attractive and this is so good, I am never tempted to look at porn! You’re all I need!” I realize now that was admission to guilt…he’d obviously been looking at porn. That’s how narcs admit the truth..they say outloud the very opposite of what they’re doing. Like him telling me “I honor you at my job and never have unneeded conversations with women”..umm yeah… He cheated on me with a woman from work and I found out a month after he said that.
Later he said when he fantasized about me he only needed to recount thing we did, he didn’t have to come up with new scenarios. It was like he was trying to present a “wholesome” devoted image to our sex life. I was WAY more into the sex than he was. He never turned me down and enjoyed it, but I craved it. Looking back it was because that was the only time I had his full attention and he would always tell me he loved me and made it emotional…. until just prior to discard. Then he was more abrupt, not emotional and wanted to try kinkier stuff. I started to feel dark things (as we empaths do) and remember wishing he would hit me… a thought that scared me and I had never had prior or since. His darkness was influencing me. Scary stuff. NO MORE!!
Wow. All of #5, for years… except that I wouldn’t have a problem with him watching it until he started raging at me if I was taking care of my own needs. Even though he would do that for himself every morning, and rejected any advances I made unless it was doing something for him and receiving nothing in return…
How timely, because yesterday my narc-cousin visited me to discuss his “intimate problem” that bothers him. He gave me his permission to write his “story” here.
He has always been the truest and overt (at least with me) porn-lover.
He uses porn for “education”, “self-gratification”, and like a “aperitif” before/during sex.
The porn isn’t a bad thing by itself, but the key point is the “healthy dose” of it. Apparently, my dear cousin has overdosed himself and developed the full-blossom porn-addiction.
Now, he can’t reach arousal without watching porn (“hard” porn helps only) before sex and he can’t reach the climax “using” the woman (he has to “help” himself with his own hand). He started to use the viagra-like drugs to enchance the process also. And he is 39 only…
He wanted to discuss those problems with me and get some understanding why it is happening and what to do.
I said to him “You are not going to like the answers”…
He said “I often don’t like your answers, but strangely, I’ve became accustomed to them and even started to miss them when I don’t see you for long. So, go ahead, sis. Beat the sh*t out of me. Lol”.
“Okkay… Let’s start with addiction… Roughly, any type of addiction (alcohol, drug, porn, etc.) has 3 stages: 1) “pleasanties”, 2) high tolerance (when you have to increase the dose to reach the same level of “pleasanties”), and 3) final organic destruction. You are the porn addict, my dear bro, and now you have the beggining of the stage 3…”.
“What the nice compliment, sis…”.
“I’m all about nice, my dear”.
“Who? You? Lmao!”.
“The sense of pleasure is caused by certain level of serotonin and the vanilla sex or not compulsive porn watching work perfectly at the beggining.
Then, you become accustomed to that level of serotonin (“bored”), so you increase the “stimulation” to get the HIGHER level of serotonin to reach the SAME level of pleasure you were earlier “satisfied” with.
And then you form the vicious cycle – you treat your “boredom” gradually icreasing the “stimulation””.
“The problem is that the brain function (on chemical level) changes (often irreversibly). Your brain becomes wired differently. Nothing that could “satisfy” you in the past, doesn’t work now. The “vanilla is not for me anymore, right?”. Only something more substantial can give you what you need. You become a SLAVE of your own needs. ADDICT…
That’s why you can’t be aroused in the normal way anymore, dear bro… And with time, it will be worse, worse, worse…untill you lose your ability to have an erection completely”.
“Awesome, sis…”.
“Aside of porn addiction, you have another problem – you can’t finish the process without “helping” himself with your hand…
That is the direct consequence of masturbation. The pressure of your hand is more intensive, than the pressure of “woman”. Masturbating constantly, you desensitizes your penile receptors. They start to respond only to “certain” level of pressure (your hand) and they don’t respond to “woman’s” pressure. If you continue to masturbate, your receprors will gragually stop to respond even to your hand stimulation and you’ll finally LOSE the ability to climax. Pretty often, that outcome is irreversible also…”.
“Awesome, sis…”.
“Next problem. You use the viagra-like drugs… Yes, they work. But. Remember, that they dilate the penile blood vessels (you have an erection) and CONSTRICT the cerebral and cardiac blood vessels. That means you have the deficiency of oxygen in brain and myocardial tissues and irreversible death of neurons and cardiomyocites. The best outcome is the gradually developing organic brain pathology (clinical idiocy). The worst outcome is the myocardial infarction or stroke with paralysis. So, my dear bro, If you want to become a “plant”, go ahead and continue to use them…”.
“F*ck, sis… Am I the lost case?”.
“No. Not lost. Yet.”
“What to do…”.
“1. Porn watching “celibacy”. Don’t touch yourself. Maintain yourself in the “sex-hunger” state. After that, even the simple vanilla will sound like a heaven to you.
2. Try to navigate between “vanilla” and “non-vanilla”. If you sense that you want “more”, go back to #1.
“Whoa! I’m going to drink the vodka then…”.
“Lol. Just don’t forget to take the bears to accompany you…”.
P.S. Of course, having the intimacy and understanding with a partner, it is much easier to overcome the porn addiction and normalize everything. But, for many Narcs it isn’t a choice. Alas.
Hmmmm…..I am not sure how you know all of this…..but I certainly enjoyed reading it……..makes me thankful I am a woman though!!!!…….Diva
All those rules work for women also. Lol.
As my grandmother once said “Be careful with what you want”.
Well that response soon wiped the smile off my face!!!!!…….I had better read it again!!!!!…….Diva
I guess, it isn’t your case, Diva.
I see a lot of really deep thoughts in your comments. You definitely know what the Nature is. You are the WISE woman. So, smile again!
Hi Noname…….you are mostly correct…….I am that foolish and wise woman…..that always has a smile on her face…..thank you…..Diva
There are times when I wonder if he actually has multiple personality disorder there is such a huge gap between the persona he presents to the world as a Muslim who is into charity and obsessed with children’s cancer he has a sister who died of cancer and two who had breast cancer but both survived and then his alter ego which is interested in nothing but pure depravity and porn of every kind I have nothing against porn but when someone is into the most depravity u can imagine and keeps it all hidden under a false name and false ego I wonder if he’s more than just a narc if his alter ego was ever exposed to those who think he’s an altruistic religious man I wonder what would happen
This is interesting. I was constantly having terms text to me that I didn’t understand with the instruction to ‘Google them’ when I replied with a ??. Also In discard or whatever it was that happened, he made it look like I had sent him gross porn and he used the lies to smear my reputation when in truth it was nothing like that. The stash of filth on his phone was nothing to do with me!
Haha, I remember he wanted me to watch porn with him but I refused it. He also showed me 2 of his favourite porn stars and my reaction was: “Congratulation…”
After it turned out that he has a remote “fan” and I told him from that on we are just friends without any benefits, he still tried to have sex with me. I just told him: “Go and watch those “sexy” (I meant pathetic) porn stars!” 😀
Hmmmm……..interesting as always……is there any correlation between narcs and addictions, or them having what is known as an addictive personality?…….Diva
We are all addicts Diva.
Although I am pleased to see you back HG, I also enjoyed the rest…….you are “virtual high maintenance.”!!!!
Anyway on the subject of “we are all addicts”…..would you please clarify? Do you mean “all narcs” or “all narcs and empaths?” …….Diva
Both of us, but more so our kind.
Anyway, you are on the naughty step for your Depeche Mode comment.
I wasn’t aware that I was even off the naughty step from the last time. I don’t want to know what you have to do to get off it!!!! Here’s a tip though…..if you play Depeche Mode 24/7 while I am sat there, it will be akin to torture….it will make my ears bleed for sure!!!!
I too have an addictive personality…….hence my initial question…….I thought I was back to being a narc again…….Diva
Looks like it’s going to be a long, cold stay….
I think not…..Houdini is one of my middle names……..Diva
“Shame. We feel safer operating in an environment that does not require an emotional obligation on our part. Not always, but you will often expect an intimate connection with us during sexual activity and we do not want to provide this as we cannot… we are reminded of our inability to provide certain emotions to you and this creates shame.”
He was into porn, but i did not find out until 2.5 yrs later, much by accident. At first i was angry, but now i only feel sadness for him. He finally admitted to me that being physically close to me made him feel anxious.
Some demon who abused him as a child took various emotions away frm him, and now he feels shame/anxiety due to not having certain emotions in an intimate setting. Thus, he resorts to porn. It hurts me that he feels he must turn to this in order to feel safe.
I mean fetish porn and exnarc of course
I only recently discovered the vast quantity of fetishes port my ex Marc is into lots of underwear and stocking bulls hit I should of suspected this after I noticed he stole a pair of my panties when I confronted him he admitted it and said it’s because he loves me so much makes me sick knowing he still has them
I am gobsmacked. None of this had yet presented itself in our relationship, but oh, how it does make the tuning fork ring! The bolthole, the locked devices, the secrecy that seems so glaring to me now, as I look back in my rear view mirror. It seems there is much that I was spared (in degrees of cruelty, torture and degradation), compared to what others have been through in this community of survivors. Yet I am still destroyed.
I was alone all along.
He was a creepy, false-front ghost town and I’m thankful he’s in the rear view mirror now, three towns back. There is hope in the open road before me.