The Effect of No Contact on the Narcissist
You know that No Contact is the key to beating the narcissist, but how does it affect the narcissist?
This Logic Bulletin explains to you what happens when you impose your No Contact Regime and how you can expect the narcissist to respond.
It covers Lesser, Mid-Range and Greater Narcissists in fascinating detail.
How does the narcissist feel?
What happens if you tip-off the narcissist that you are leaving him or ending the relationship?
What happens to the narcissist if you end the relationship and say nothing?
How does the narcissist respond?
What do you need to look out for in terms of common errors which will prejudice your no contact regime and place you at risk?
What will the narcissist do by way of response, so you can ascertain how to avoid this?
The content of this Logic Bulletin will give you these answers and more so you can build your Logic Defences and understand what will happen when you impose no contact now or in the future.
28 thoughts on “The Effect of No Contact on the Narcissist”
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HG,
I applaud your choice of the Dragon to embody the Greater Narcissist.
Yet, in different cultures dragons symbolize slightly different things.
For clarity’s sake; is your choice of dragon representative of the treasure-hoarding and sacrificial-virgin consuming variety found in Western culture?
Curiously,
WC
Yes, from the Western perspective.
Thank-you.
My Narc and I were briefly in relationship, for more than three months. He is Greater and highly educated, intelligent and successful person. I guess he chose me among other reasons, because I am very successful and educated too. In that period of time, he managed to abuse me psychologically, emotionally and physically, to test me, scare me, humiliate.. I broke up three times and have always returned to him unfortunately. He had never diskard me. I dont know that he was with other women in that period. In the end of our relationship, when I wanted escape he suggested therapy, but on the end I rejected everything. We broke up before 4 months, the last contact was before 2 months, when I rejected to back into relationship again. I am terribly dependent and I think that he knows.. Since he never discard me, my question is, will he try contact again? Revenge?
Thank you in advance
Yes, subject to the Hoover Trigger and Hoover Execution Criteria.
Hi HG. Youll never guess who’s back. Yep. The tHiNg!! (GN) Havent had any contact for nearly a year. Intervention Order and instructions from your Revenge book seemed to do the trick. Ohh happy days!! Well, the lieutenants have been busy, finding me and reporting back. Hence the appearance after so long. I refused to engage him of course, (he sat alone and looked pathetic) and on the 3rd occasion he came up from behind me and said “success! I wont be coming back here again!” and then left. He sent word (via text) to the owner of the place the following day too! She is aware of the history. She didnt respond. Pity play perhaps?
So question is, will he be back? Could I have possibly sent him into chaos mode enough that he wont? I believe he has no IPPS.
Thank you…
Well done. I suspect he will leave you alone for some time now.
Thanks heaps HG. Thats the best news I’ve received for a long while! 👏
Have you ever reached a catatonic state from lack of fuel? If so how long? What does it feel like?
No I haven’t.
Mine used to drop these:
“The future for us is bright, do you realise that? Few couples are so fortunate to have what we have.”
“You cannot do this. I said to myself only yesterday that I wanted to grow old with you.”
Now he has me thinking he’s safe and respectful and all he wants is my happyness and serenity because I deserve it, because I suffered enough; but, he “promised” me, few months ago, to show me the only flaw I have, between one slap and the other.
He never raise a hand on me, ever but I can’t forget those words. It’s a punishment that awaits me, the problem is: I’ve done nothing wrong.
Oh, I know all the weird calculations and formulas to turn things on your side regardless but the thing is I don’t care.
So I’m learning krav maga and we’ll see who gets what, eventually.
But then again: I’m fighting a ghost.
He’s getting under my skin, I’m back on your site to talk abiti him, I’m involved again.
It took him about 4/5 months to get to this point and it’s way too close.
Hi Giuila, I share your thoughts; we do indeed fight ghosts with our narcs. After 7 months NC mine said similar bs: “my friends couldn’t believe it when we finished, they said we were the blue-eyed golden couple.” “There’s never been another woman since I met you, I don’t go on dating sites anymore…’ finishing his pity play bs with this nugget: “I’ve got a couple of women friends, that’s all.” it would be funny if it wasn’t the realty of a warped mind. Like you, mine gets under my skin; he’s like poison running through my veins. Lol is that a song..?
Anyway, I find concentrating on breathing exercises truly beneficial. Good luck. x
Could be Alice Cooper, Poison :)))
That’s what I need, to see myself in others so I understand what’s going on.
The “I didnt see anyone since you left” or the “just a friend”, I got that too, like I cared to know, like I was interested if he had someone else or not.
And repeating it, making me take a position about it. I think I somewhat believed him or considered it to be some truth.
And that’s how he engaged with my empathy, again.
Office secretary narc was a nice bonus. Cheers, great story!
Thought I’d share a message word for word I got after trying to leave him bear in mind English is his fifth language “I will be your good retirement.I will be your best end of life, I will offer you rest peace help.raise ur daughter and love u and ur girl for the rest of ur life” sounds so sweet and loving doesn’t it but as soon as it didn’t work the attack on my character started and every single part of my being was assassinated piece by piece. Just for the record I didn’t appreciate the first message because as he wrote it he was actively looking for other woman to fuck and throwing in veiled insults about my age
I was just discarded a month ago. I know he blocks people phone numbers and he deleted me off social media. I feel like I won’t have to worry about a Hoover? When I got the rest of my things from our house I saw there had already been another female there. So I’m sure I’m replaced as primary source. It’s been hard to move on. I was hurt and sad. Then angry. Now I feel free. i had found a few items that were family heirlooms of his that I mailed to his mother. Somces he’s removed me from his life, I feel like there’s no Hoover to worry about.
Not yet because he disengaged from you and therefore his attention is elsewhere, you have effectively been deleted. The risk will heighten when your replacement is devalued.
I left mine in 2004, so it’s hard to remember details of hoovers. My husband doesn’t use charm – on anyone, especially me – back then, now or ever. I remember being terrified of his reaction to my leaving and spending months coming up with a plan without letting him know. I laid extensive groundwork with both families, my work and a counselor to avoid smearing as much as possible. By the time I moved into our vacation home, he didn’t say or do anything. He was visibly angry but very controlled. It was over two years later that I filed for divorce.
I anticipated him refusing to accept the divorce papers. I knew he never even opened his mail at home, so I had my attorney mail them to him at his office in the court house. Oh my God did that cause all hell to break loose! I really never even thought about him not being the one to open his own mail. The office secretary (a spiteful narcissist who hated him) opened the documents and of course immediately told all and sundry.
What I would never have anticipated was he had never told any of his lieutenants and friends at work that I had even left him! And I’d left him more than two years previously! They all thought I was still living with him and that everything was fine with our marriage.
It was the most incandescent fury I’d ever seen from him and it seemed to last for months! If this had happened when I first left him, I might not have been able to withstand it. But I’d had two years to get established on my own and see that not only was it possible, it was so much better and happier than the previous 30 years with him.
Eventually he cooled down and accepted reality. I never cut him off or went no contact, but all dealings with him were very difficult and I was burned many times – financially and otherwise. No one understood why I continued to put up with him – not even our children.
From my perspective, after living with him for 30 years, he had become family and I can’t unfamily someone. It took another 5-7 years before we got to the point where we could actually enjoy one another’s company, which is where we are today.
Windstorm2…. You are an inspiration! Kudos to you, you are awesome ~
Thank you, Lori. That’s very sweet. I just did the best I could in the given situations.
Windstorm, excellent preparatory work on ur part. Too bad his fury was eventually ignited. Hope u stayed safe. Glad he cooled off and accepted the truth finally.
Thank you, Jenna. Ha, ha. Yeah I’m one of those people who meticulously plan everything. The total opposite of the “spur of the moment” people. Yes I was always safe. My exhusband considers himself above petty revenge, so that was never really a fear. My home here in the woods has always been an oasis of peace and tranquility for me.
You have a great weekend!
Ty windstorm. I hope u had a nice wknd as well.
WS2
You are right we can’t unfamily someone like the narcissist does to us.
I was discarded. So I am keeping hope that since I didn’t leave and he discarded me there will be no hoovers. I’m sure he’s blocked my number, I’ve seen him do it to other people. He’s deleted me from social media. I’ll be more in the clear from him ever contacting me again?
No Tess you are not. You will be for the next few months, probably longer, but there will be a risk of hoovers in the future.