Muddy Hell

MUDDYHELL

I have a busy day today. Much to do and many people to do it to but when you have someone’s interests at heart, well, this is what you have to do isn’t it? I have the list of telephone numbers which I have noted down from your telephone when I gained access to it. It was not difficult to do so. Using my famous ability to move around without making much of a noise I stole up behind you and watched you enter the passcode for your phone and I stored that in my memory to enable me to use it when you were sleeping. Naturally I had a good look through all your messages, your diary and e-mails but that is for another discussion. I recognised the names of numerous people and made a note of their numbers inside my little book and then hid that in readiness for when I decided it was time I needed to use it. Now that time has come and it is incumbent on me to take this step.

The first number I enter into my phone is that of Sarah, a friend of yours. She answers after two rings. Like many people she is surgically attached to the ‘phone.

“Hello Sarah it is HG. Listen, I just wanted to let you know, since you are such a good friend of hers, that Gemma is, well I think the easiest way to describe it is that she is not well, not well at all. What do I mean? She has been acting rather strangely. The slightest thing seems to either have her shouting or crying. At first I wondered if it was just, you know, women’s things, but it has been going on for months now. You had no idea? No I know, I have not said anything before because well I was hoping I could help her  deal with it but it is beyond even me. I am going to get her some help. I try and talk to her about it but she just clams up on me, gives me silence and then a little later accuses me of not caring. I don’t think she is sleeping properly either and it takes me an age to get her to eat. Should you come round? No, thank you, that is kind of you, but I don’t want her to do anything which might upset you. She is very erratic in her behaviour but it is something more than just mood swings. I am going to get her the proper help but I am just forewarning you that if she contacts you just be aware that she is not herself. She has been saying things about people, me included, which are not very nice and I don’t want this period of illness to affect her relationship with her friends, you know how some people can be overly sensitive to what someone says and they miss the point they are unwell. Yes, that’s right. Yes I think it would be a good idea if you just give her some space. Yes, absolutely. If she does contact me, let me know, you have my number on your ‘phone now. Yes I will pass on your kind words and thanks for your help Sarah, it is much appreciated at this difficult time.”

I end the call and place a tick next to Sarah’s name. She was most understanding and fully appreciate the need for space in order to allow you to get better. Now, who is next. Ah yes, another of your friends, Helen. I call Helen and explain the situation almost word-for-word as I did with Sarah. She asks more details about what is wrong and I reluctantly tell her about the violence and the lying. She is shocked I can tell and she spends some time searching for an amateur diagnosis as to what it might be. I listen as she drones on, checking my watch and noting I have other names to get through too. Eventually I am able to conclude the call and place another tick. I continue working my way through your list of friends, the ticks adding up. Next is John, your fitness instructor.

“Hello John, this is HG, Gemma’s partner. We haven’t met. Look John, difficult call to make but Gemma is unwell at present. It is pretty serious. Yes, thank you, it is a difficult time but I am doing the best I can to help her. It is unclear at present what it is, I am organising for a doctor to come and see her today but it is making her very difficult to be around. She may be suffering from some kind of breakdown brought on by exhaustion. Yes, it is a worry. I know you would not have thought it to look at her outside of our house but I think this has been brewing for some time, you know, she even started telling me that she was going to marry you. Yes I know that is ridiculous isn’t it? You are already married? I thought you were. Don’t worry, I know nothing is going on, I am sure you are far too professional for that kind of thing, but this is part of the problem, she keeps coming out with outlandish comments and I can handle it but I worry others might not so she won’t need your services until further notice. Payment? Well yes if she has an agreement with you then just continue to take her monthly payment after all this is not your fault is it? I will let you know when she is well again but just in case she tries to contact you I think it would be best if you don’t take her calls, I don’t want her causing you any trouble especially between you and your wife. Thank you John, your discretion is appreciated.”

Another tick and a similar call is made to your choral group and your book club. Next is your employer. I made you take today off under the pretence of you gaining a lie in and then us doing something together. We stayed up late last night so you are still fast asleep upstairs allowing me to make these important telephone calls. Your employer is understanding and I can confirm that arrangements will be made to provide the relevant doctor’s note because I explained this situation is likely to last a number of weeks. My preparation thus segues into arranging for the local doctor to make a house call after I explain to the receptionist, in worried tones, that having you leave the house in your current state might be a risk to both you and other people. She was most understanding and confirmed that a doctor would attend after surgery, around 5pm. Next on the list are your family members. I secured the advantage of persuading you to move with me away from them and they are now a flight away. The inconvenience of having to fly and the distance is something I play on as I call your parents and your sister, forewarning them that they may experience some unpleasant comments about them and especially me given her condition. I assure them that I am taking care of you and there is really no need for them to come all this way. I confirm I will keep them updated and they are pleased I have taken time off work to care for you and that I have arranged for a doctor to attend. I spend considerable time reeling off examples of the terrible behaviour you have exhibited, explaining the awful things I have been subjected to and the lies you have told about me, your friends and family. I explain that I can deal with it but I just feel so sorry for your parents and your sister having to hear such things and in order to prevent it happening again the best thing is to contact me and not you and to keep you at arms’ length. I explain I understand that it is hard but it will be the best outcome for all concerned if you are prevented from lashing out and hurting people. My explanations and good intentions are accepted and thanks is offered for my understanding and support.

The final tick is placed on the list and I place both ‘phone and pen down. I really should go and wash my hands now after smearing all that mud around.

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50 thoughts on “Muddy Hell”

  1. Every narcissist excerts isolation in one way or the other as part of their necessity to feel powerful and in control, but the cognitive level of this sadistic psychology is ear-marked a Greater.
    This ‘over the edge’ story is a strong example of why ‘no contact’ is the only weapon we have.
    A normal person or an empath would never find the cruelty to either think nor act like this.
    Again…the perspectives outwards and inwards are groundbreaking.

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  2. If I received a phone call from one of my good friends husbands, along the lines of the one above, I would seriously question his motives. A person who is genuinely concerned and has his loved one’s best interest at heart does not name call, slander, warn against and isolate them. This behaviour would be a huge red flag to me and I would get in touch with her immediately to check she was ok

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  3. I have experienced this from different MRN women several times in my life. They are experts at smearing people.

    A couple of months ago a group believed the lies two malignant MRN women had been spreading about me for no apparent reason, except that I was getting more attention than they were due to an empathic trait I was not able to hide.
    Two men, who are in a higher position than the two MRNs came to me and asked me some questions about things I had supposedly said and wanted to do, which were not true. ortunately, it was just the three of us so nobody else was there to twist my words.
    I did not say anything negative about anyone. I only answered their questions and just stated the facts only once, without emotions. I explained to them what I actually wanted to do, which they also considered it was reasonable. They believed me. (Thank you, HG). As for the two sadistic women, I wish they will scream in agony while someone tortures them physically when they are totally helpless and unable to defend themselves, just like they did to other people and I am sure they still do. They will not change.

    I highly recommend the book Smeared.

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      1. You are welcome, HG. I want to make new readers aware of your knowledge and advice on this subject because smears happen in all kinds of relationships and there is misleading advice on the internet. Among other things, some authors speak about the target as a silly doormat who lets other people walk all over her. They also say the target is chosen because she is the one who will not speak up or tell the narcissist to stop. They also do not seem to notice that after the narcissist has started his game, the more the target speaks up and tries to defend herself, the more crazy she appears.

        These authors do not seem to know much about the narcissist’s dynamic in this vicious game. They do not know how narcissists smear people and they seem to have never been the target of a smear campaign or character assassination either, if they are convinced that this happens to idiots only. If they had studied dysfunctional family roles, they would have learnt that the scapegoat is actually the one who actually sees through the dysfunction, who complains and speaks up and not the one who succumbs to the narcissist’s wishes. Unless these authors lived on a desert island, they must have witnessed smears more than once in their lives and if they were not the target, they must have been Enablers.

        The idiots are all those who are blind and cannot see through the narcissist. I hope someday the day will come when these enablers are made responsible for destroying other people’s lives. Lack of knowledge or ignorance is not an excuse. Smear campaigns and character assassination can only be effective and successful when Enablers join the Narcissist and his malignant games.

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  4. After many years with my narc I had no friends or family connections left…….slowly but surely he managed to isolate me completely without me even being aware of it……….I was hiding so much about him and our relationship that I didn’t want to talk to my friends or family either. I am like an open book and they would have known instantly that something was wrong. In my case there was no one left for him to call…….it was a blessing once I escaped though……….as I avoided the smearing……Diva

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    1. I was in a similar position Diva. No friends or family for it to smear me to, the best it could do was to post on a forum I regularly posted on to people who I’d never have & will meet .

      In the end it threw it’s own pity party on social media it was that desperate… no one knew me on there either 🙂

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      1. We were lucky in a way!!!!!! I am gradually making a few new friends and a couple of my real true friends never went away, despite my absence from them……they patiently waited until I saw sense and welcomed me back, never once did they judge me…..they are older and wiser than I….. hopefully I too will do exactly the same for someone else one day….Diva

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      2. Hi Diva 🙂

        I suppose we were in a way , though It really hurt me when it’s family all turned their back on me despite that fact they knew it was being physically abusive .
        I think the only person who genuinely did care was it’s mother , but it was controlling her too .
        As the saying goes ” bloods thicker than water” and all that .

        I’m so glad your true friends stayed around and that your making new ones ! Yay ..

        xx

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  5. What doctor makes house calls?
    I know this is an example of smearing but irl most wouldnt accept these explanations and would contact the victim. This is how i found out my brother was smearing my hubby and i to family. An aunt who happens to love drama and is a pot stirrer told me what he had been saying and ordinarily id not believe her but the words she used are carbon copy things my mother would say and i knew then he had said them being my mothers golden child flying monkey.
    We had our twins about a year when he decided to trash talk us to a favorite uncle and cousins of mine painting us out to be unsocialable and not wanting family at our house which was untrue. These ideas were put in his head from my mother who felt bc we moved 5 min away she could drop in anytime she wanted.
    Also when we had our babies this uncle sent me a huge arrangement which my brother seen and was seething with jealousy bc he loves the spotlight with family. He felt insecure that other family were giving us acknowledgement.
    A year later him and his wife were pregnant with their first. He smeared our family at a difficult time dealing with our son’s diagnosis and that is something ill not forget. Its been 11 yrs no contact and its been for the best.
    Narcissists smear for control.

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      1. Doctors still make house calls here on the NHS……if you live within 6 miles of the surgery………Dr Harold Shipman loved house calls……….Diva

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      2. My partner is a physician. He makes house calls if a friend requests it for someone, but he does it as a courtesy. He does not get paid.
        The insurance company can only be billed if he sees the patient in the office. Phone calls, house calls cannot be billed. Insurance companies have very narrow rules on what can be billed. Any deviance frm those rules, and the doc won’t get paid. At least that’s how it is in my state.

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      3. Jenna,

        My Dad, a Dr has made a few yacht calls as he lives 3 blocks from river. He was paid cash for his after-hours or weekend service and insurance wasn’t utilized.

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      4. Kimi, wow “yacht” calls. Sounds like the life!
        My sig. other has been offered cash for such house calls but he is too proud to take cash, so he refuses. He sounds like a narc doesn’t he? But he is not thankfully.
        It is nice of ur dad to make yacht calls.

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      5. Hi Jenna,

        I’m glad to read you’re in a relationship with a non-Narc! And a Dr (tipping my nurse hat to them!).

        I’m sure a yacht call sounds much more glamorous than it really is, although it’d be fun to see the different ships!

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      6. Kimi, ur a nurse? Ty for ur dedicated service. Nurses work around the clock to ensure comfort of the patients. Much respect to u.

        My non-narc doc is so arrogant that he keeps telling me how all the nurses hit on him🤔
        I told him ‘go have them i don’t care. Once they realize how busy u are and have no time for them, they’ll drop u like a hot potato.’ His reply ‘why would i go anywhere else when i have u?’
        My reply ‘whatever, i don’t care just don’t fall in love ok?’
        Lollll! He goes nowhere though. It’s all talk.

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      7. Hi Jenna,

        I am a nurse, of almost 22 years. I found my life’s work!

        I do understand the demands on the Dr’s and their time. I’ve seen the impact of my step-dad dedicating his life to his patients and not my 3 stepbrothers. I’ve seen the residents on-call and called the Dr’s throughout the night. It’s difficult to strike a balance of personal and professional life as a Dr. Those who do, have well-defined boundaries, some values I could observe and learn from. I hope you are happy as you seem to be a sweet gentle soul. The world needs more of you!

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      8. Kimi, i respect nurses so very much. They have always made my hospital stays very comfortable. Their patience is exemplary. (except for a few rude ones, but that is more rare).
        Yes he does get calls at all hours. And if he doesn’t return the call within 30min, he will be warned then suspended if it’s repeated. He rarely takes vacation, because it’s difficult to get another doc to cover his patients while he’s gone.
        I am sorry ur step-brothers, and possibly u, did not get full attention frm ur step- dad.
        Kimi, ty for the compliment. I see u as very cooperative (frm ur response to a comment frm hg), v kind and caring. 💗

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      9. Hi jenna…thats cool your partner is a physician howd you meet? I work around medical specialists in a lab setting.

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      10. Narcaffair, i was introduced to him by a family member.

        Do u work in a lab? Lab technicians are much more skilled in many procedures, such as extracting blood. I would not trust my S.O. to extract my blood.

        But S.O. is so used to injecting pple w painkillers, he also brings them home to inject himself (prescription frm colleague) when he is sick, and leaves syringes next to the toaster etc. It’s quite ridiculous.

        He also has some syringes laying around in his car. I asked him if i can buy him a proper doctor’s bag. He said no. He said he understands his disorganized mess which annoys me, because i’m a neat freak. I told him that i will place them in hazardous waste if i see it in the kitchen again.

        When we were crossing the border to canada, the border authority pulled us over and asked ‘sir why do u have two hypodermic needles in ur car?’ I felt like punching him for not removing those because we took his car, and he was responsible to clean it b4 leaving. His response: i work at (insert name of hospital) without adding the word ‘hospital’ at the end, so not really explaining that he’s a doctor.

        His mindset is: why does anyone need to know what i do for a living? Needless to say, we were detained for almost an hour. He infuriates me sometimes.

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    1. Hi jenna…lol that was funny about the needles. Yes i remember you saying you were matched up with the guy your with by family. If you dont mind was this due to religious reasons?
      Im a bit like a lab tech. I work within a research lab and help with ongoing projects.
      Have you found youve grown any closer to the guy youre with? Thats a different situation like an arranged marriage. Im not sure if its possible to develop attraction if you had none to start off with. Your situation is a bit like mine in some aspects except i started off very much interested and attracted to my hubby but it changed over the years and not by choice.

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      1. Narcaffair, i admire the work that u do. Research in all fields is very important to find solutions, cures, answers to so many questions in this world. I did cancer research for awhile.

        I was v attracted to my sig. other at the beginning. He has a very distinguished look and personality, is diet and health conscious, works out cardiovascular 3x per wk, some weight lifting, jogs, and maintains a slim body. He is dedicated to his profession, very emotionally stable, and very well mannered (with others).

        He was very attentive towards me at first. As soon as he knew he had me, his attentiveness faded and he barely talked to me, barely acknowledged me, just answered ‘mmm’ to me, would always be looking at his phone when i speak to him. When i asked him why he does this, he said he is not a talkative person. I told him that when i talk, he can at least look in my direction. He used to get annoyed. This led me to depression. Recently, seeing how much his behavior impacts me, he is trying to change. I appreciate this. He is being more attentive now. I am really happy abt it. This also helps me to forget abt ex narc.

        Ty for asking.

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      2. Hi jenna…thats just it if youre not happy in your relationship then its much easier for a narcissist to tap into this and “help” you forget whats lacking. I do see this now but at the time i met him i was too busy enjoying how it made me feel then you find yourself in a trap. To go back to that place cold turkey is very difficult to deal with.
        Im trying to improve things in my marriage and start looking after myself little by little. My goal is to work on my life while detaching from my narcissist. Im not sure if ill work but its how im trying to work it.
        It sounds like things are improving in your relationship which is awesome! You will find the narcissist will fade gradually as you do.

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      3. Narcaffair, thank u.
        I’m glad to hear ur working on ur marriage. I hope he values u the way u should be valued by a non-narc. I wish u continued success w that.

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  6. You certainly do HG . 🙂

    Can I ask if anyone is experiencing problems with WP please ?

    I can see the replies to my comments as I did with yours HG but when I click on the comment to reply as I normally do I’m receiving a ” post unavailable ” reply ..
    It’s gone on several days now .. don’t know if anyone else has mentioned it .

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    1. Hi NoSoSad,

      I am still having problems with WP too. I receive most email notifications with replies to my posts but not all of them.

      …“when I click on the comment to reply as I normally do I’m receiving a ” post unavailable ” reply…”

      This usually happens to me when I click the Reply button within the email and there are two comment pages: one with the newer and a second page with the older ones. First refresh the (article) page and then click on “Older Comments“.

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      1. Thank you EB 🙂 . That’s exactly the same problem I’m having .

        The replies are coming through to my WP account but normally when you click on them they take you to where you’ve posted on the blog.

        Thanks for that I thought I was alone . xx

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      2. NotSoSad, you are welcome. No, you are not alone.

        “normally when you click on them they take you to where you’ve posted on the blog”

        Yes, but they take you to the newest page. If your comment is not there, you have to go to the previous one (Click on “Older Comments”).
        Some articles have only one page of comments and others two or more. HG cannot help that he is so popular! 🙂 Haha – I have just read The Classroom Narcissist: “Am I to be punished just for being popular…?” 🙂

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