Nobody Is Listening
Go on then, tell them all what has happened to you? Go on, here, take my phone and ring my parents, my family and my friends. Ring my colleagues too. Telephone the golf club in fact why don’t you take out an advertisement in a local, no, make it a nationa lnewspaper and tell everybody about how badly you have been treated? Climb on the roof and shout it to the neighbourhood, tell everyone who calls at our door and bellow it to strangers as they walk past. Do it, go on, tell them about. Announce it, broadcast it, transmit it, send it out by mail, e-mail ,message and radio signal. Have it blaring from the radio, repeatedly playing on television, hell I will even let you strap a message to a flock of pigeons and you can let them deliver the news that way. Scrawl how badly you have been treated by me on a piece of paper and wrap it around a brick and hurl it through the window at the police station. Scream it long and loud until you are hoarse. Go on, tell them, tell them all.
Tell my parents about their successful son who has studied hard, achieved brilliant results and now excels at work about what I do? Why don’t you gather all my friends around here and announce to them what a bastard I am? I am sure they will be intrigued to listen to you saying that about their loyal and dependable friend who always makes time for them and has helped them out in repeated ways through his largesse and influence. Pop next door and bang on their front door, explain to them with your wild eyes and even wilder hair what has really been happening? After all, I only every show them friendship and politeness don’t I? I don’t think they have heard me shouting at you (I wait until they are away before I raise my voice) but I know they have heard you ranting and bawling. Go to the local shopping parade and mention to the pleasant lady at the bakery what I really get up to behind closed doors. I am sure she will love to hear you tell her all about the charming man who is her best customer and has arranged for her to supply the restaurant of two of my friends. Call my brother and give him chapter and verse. Oh you can’t because he won’t answer the ‘phone to you anymore will he? I know, head down to the gym and see if you can interest any of the regulars with a hysterical rant about the chap who they all say hello to and who works out quietly and regularly. Type out a memo for my colleagues and circulate it to them. I am sure they will be interested to read all about their boss who holds the keys to their future. Declare it to the group I attend football with, they will want to know all about what I do won’t they? What’s that? These are all my people. At last you have recognised the truth of the matter in between your vile outbursts and hateful comments. I know then, ring up your sister and see what she has to say, mind you, I daresay you won’t want to give her the satisfaction after the way she came on to me would you? Tell your friends all about it. Oh wait, they are now my friends and all they have ever seen is how happy I have made you, the gifts, the trips, the presents and the love. What about the vicar? He will listen to you I am sure. It is what he does after all although what he will make of such slander against a regular attendee at his sermons and generous charity donor remains to be seen.
Do it, grab a loudspeaker, create a banner, haul a message behind an aeroplane and write it in the sand on the beach. Do it in this frenzied manner with words spilling from your twisted mouth, a word salad which makes no sense. I am sure the staccato way you spit out your accusations will be well-received. Make sure they look deep into your crazy eyes when you are talking to them, I want them to see who they are really dealing with. Tell your father will you? Ha, he has put up with this for years and was glad to see you leave home, he told me himself. He knows what a drama queen you are and as for your mother well she hates confrontation and she adores me since she knows just how much I have done for you.
Go on, beat your tiny fists about that façade, see if you can punch some holes in it although I know you will not be able to. Shout and stamp and holler all you like. I will enjoy watching you do that and there will be no favourable outcome for you. You are the crazy one and you are trying to unseat the stable, rational, dependable and ultimately far more likeable me. But you keep trying, it amuses and fuels me as your bloodied hands slap against the façade with no effect and your voice becomes no more than a rasp. I will watch as the hope fades in your eyes to be replaced by fear and incomprehension. Keep trying though, keep going and reinforce what I have already indoctrinated them to believe. They believe me. They won’t believe you.
36 thoughts on “Nobody Is Listening”
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I told helpful pple after 2.5 yrs because we both needed support. I was depressed. He was using marijuana and i was getting v worried abt him. Now i feel bad. He couldn’t handle it. His facade crumbled and he fell into depression.
jenna
You are so sweet and nice! You give me hope in this mean world and I smiled after reading your comment to Arshalys82.
Ty K.
I think that this sentiment is more confined to the reality of the narcissist than the every day reality of non narcissistic individuals.
There are a number of domestic violence and abuse organisations that are just a phone call away. Trained counsellors are available 24/7 and where necessary a stay in a women’s residence can be arranged.
I was living abroad with the ex and when I realised something was very wrong, I called a domestic abuse hotline in that country , it was fantastic to just talk to someone and know that I wasn’t alone.
When I returned to the UK I contacted the U.K. version and received counselling.
There is also a list available, known as Clare’s Law, introduced in England and Wales it is a scheme to let people find out from police if their partner has a history of domestic violence.
I’m not sure if you are referring to my post … All these things that they accuse me of is what they do … I meant to write that … I see a therapist once a week … I have no communication with my husbands mother or sister …
arshalys82
My ex (ULN) accused me of cheating and told me our daughter wasn’t his and his family is full of narcs/flying monkeys, too. Keep reading and commenting here, continue seeing your therapist and maintain no contact. Hopefully things will get better. Sorry they treated you so badly; you deserved better.
We are still married … I have no contact with his family …
I feel like I’m stuck in the middle … my mother never abandoned my dad who was a Narcissist … it’s very difficult
arshalys82
Well, you are in the right place if you are still married, and if you stopped or limited your contact with his mother and sister, then keep it up. That will save your energy and sanity, hopefully. Is your mother a narcissist/apath/empath?
My mother is a SUPER EMPATH … my father was a Narcissist and so is his sister my paternal aunt, I’ve been told that my paternal grandfather was a Narcissist HG would call a Greater I’m sorry I’m still learning lol … My paternal grandmother I don’t know too much about she committed suicide when my dad was 7 years old I’m guessing she wasn’t a Narcissist …. I’ve been told that I’m a lot like my father but I have empathy and I didn’t inherit their obsession with gossip or their hypocrisy … I’m not toxic … In a way I’m glad that I can finally label all this … all my life I knew something wasn’t right I just couldn’t figure out what … I went through a self destructive phase I’m a recovering drug addict … I’m not sure what’s kept me sane lol
Arshalys82, i am sorry u have had so many narcs in ur life. It is not easy. U have definitely found the right place on hg’s blog. Pls feel free to vent. HG is very kind to let us all vent. I’m so sorry ur paternal grandmother comitted suicide. It varies on individual personalities how pple will react to narcs, and most all reactions are frm a place of great pain and hurt.
But finally, hg is making it possible for us to at least label them, as u said, and give us strategies to overcome them. I hope u continued healing and pls stay strong. I welcome u to this grp because i think u r new. So welcome dear friend. 💐
arshalys82
Don’t apologize, you are doing just fine; there is a lot to learn here and it can get confusing, but it sorts itself out with time. You have quite a family history with narcissism and I am sorry that you went through a self destructive phase. I went through a delinquent/self destructive phase, as well. And like you, I knew something wasn’t right but there was no label. Stay here and your sanity will be restored, that I can promise you. I take after my dad too, but I am an empath so I don’t have the hypocrisy and toxicity either. Is your mother able to help or support you through this?
My ethnicity is Armenian and this type of behavior is normal … What made my situation different was the fact that my dad didn’t have a few traits that were narcissistic I’m not a doctor but I think he had a personality disorder so of course the impact was greater … my mother would always tell us that he’s not well cuz he had a very difficult childhood as we got older we started asking more questions especially me cuz to be honest with you I was baffled by his behavior I didn’t understand how a person can go from A to Z in one second for absolutely no reason … Knowing he was sick sort of made it less hurtful I guess … my mom would always tell us not to take anything he says when he’s in one of his moods seriously cuz he doesn’t mean it … All this made a difference … I always stood up to him I didn’t care what the result was … I told my mom that I’m in therapy and I actually said to her “Dad was a Narcissist … his whole side of the family is too” for She said yes I know … I asked her a few things cuz I couldn’t remember the details and she answered but it upset her cuz she never dealt with any of it, she also has a lot of guilt cuz she stayed with and continued to let not only him but my aunt as well damage us … My aunt lived with us growing up and she tried to attach me to her but as soon as I able to make my own choices I pulled away my mother says and she completely changed how she felt about me which was cool because I never really liked her … My dad died November of 2015 and for the first time since she was 20 years my mother has peace … Of course my mom wants to kill my husband (not literally, just figure of speech) I’m guessing it’s very difficult for her seeing history repeat itself …
Arsh82,
I’m sorry abt the loss of ur father. Though your mother has peace now, i’m sure it came w mixed feelings – sadness, hurt, pain, guilt, confusion. But know this – he is in a better place now. And since ur mother has peace, know that they are both comfortable.
I am sure u have mixed feelings abt his passing as well – sadness, relief, guilt, pain, hurt. Allow urself all these feelings. He is resting peacefully. It is very difficult when a family member who has caused us pain, and who we do not necessarily understand, passes. We go through mourning, and on top of that so many mixed feelings. I am sending u a warm hug.
Thank you … he had end stage lung cancer he was 55 … We knew so I guess it wasn’t as bad … his wishes were to die at home and that’s what happened he had a nurse that went to the house every day , he was on opiates other pain meds so he was comfortable ….he was actually pleasant to all of us … I was pregnant my youngest son was born 2 months after my dad died … He had a 3 month stay in the NICU he almost died too long of a story for now but he’s fine now he’s healthy and happy and thriving … like a month before my dad died I was visiting him and we were talking it was very pleasant and I looked at him with my WTF is wrong with you look my mom was sitting next to me and I said to him You are a piece of work it took you getting to this point to act like a human being… I said to my mom does he finally get it ? Is it guilt? Or he knows he’s gonna meet his maker and wants to cleanse his conscience ? He smiled at me … I think it was all those 3 things we’ll never know but I am glad that he finally has peace I don’t think my father knew peace he never had peace and that’s a sad life …. I’m not mad … I don’t think that I need to forgive him because I don’t think it’s about that … I’m in therapy because I was having panic attacks … I’m being treated for PTSD because of my husband and all my childhood wounds from my dad and my aunt came back up cuz I’ve never dealt with them
Arsh, i wish ur son continued health and happiness.
I am glad ur father was pleasant during his last days. I am sure that was a relief to u. He is resting in peace now, sadly the peace he rarely had when he was on this earth.
I hope u r finding the therapy helpful in dealing w the ptsd and panic attacks.
I am glad u r here. It will help u to know how to interact w ur husband. I gain much frm being here. I have learned much frm hg, and frm all the lovely pple who have been thru similar experiences. Have a nice wknd arsh and see u soon. 💗
arshalys82
Their behavior is very baffling and it is very difficult to understand it when you are a child, because your father is supposed to love your mother and you (and your siblings) and take care of his family. At least your mother tried to explain his behavior, which may have mitigated some of the damage. After all those years of suffering, I am glad your mother has some peace and I understand her wanting to “kill” your husband. She feels protective and that must be nice to know she cares for you. Are your siblings ok?
I have 2 sisters I am the oldest … Growing up my middle sister and I were exposed to my dad’s narcissistic rage and his sisters toxic bullshit … This was normal for us … It as if they were in charge of our lives … Both of our names were decided after we were born … His sister influenced his decision In other words she picked out names even though my mom and had agreed on different names …. I’m 35 now … I started abusing drugs at 16 got clean at 22 … married my 1st husband had a son then divorced … Met 2nd husband who was diagnosed with NPD in jail after his counselor and I had a long conversation … My middle sister married a “bad boy” he was involved in a gang, heroin addict abusive etc … They have a daughter … he is serving time in a Mexican prison she divorced him and doesn’t talk to him … She doesn’t date … she’s had many cosmetic procedures done that she didn’t really need … My dad and his sister were very insensitive about our weight and how we looked … my dad would get mad because he didn’t like the way I walked … My sister I guess reacted differently to the criticism… I would talk back and ask them if they’d seen mirror lately … My youngest sister and are 10 years apart my fathers sister wasn’t living with us anymore and my mom had enough of my dads shit and toxic influence on us … She made it clear to him that he wasn’t allowed to have any negative say with raising her … For whatever reason he listened to her … She graduated with a 4.0 GPA was valedictorian of her class full scholarship to UC San Diego … she graduated last year … same parents same genes … it’s insane the influence toxic people can have …
arshalys82
It is really funny how unsightly narcissists can look, but they are so quick to say something negative about your appearance. Like you, I would talk back. They meddle, interfere and bully everyone around them. At least your youngest sister was protected from the worst of it. and hopefully your middle sister won’t date another narc. Please, make sure you warn your youngest sister, if you haven’t already. My niece is an IPPS and I told her about this site. The narcissist’s toxic influence leaves a legacy of broken homes and broken hearts. It is really sad. Please keep your son safe and loved.
arshalys82
My sister is a narcissist and a drug addict. Addiction is a very difficult and complex issue and I am happy that you got clean. It takes a great deal of strength to overcome it and succeed.
K, i regret finding u on this site only recently. Your strength and your perseverance are quite exemplary. You are dealing w so much – having many narcs in ur family, having a sister w a drug addiction, yet u deal with it and manage to maintain balance. Of course, we all have our moments, as i am sure u do, because nobody is perfect, and that is v natural, yet i see patience frm u, a supporting ear, and humour too! That is some serious internal strength!
I wish hg would have a seminar/conference or something where he would come masked and we could all meet. We could even do a gift exchange! Ohhhh, i’m getting excited just thinking abt it !!!
Hg, any plans for such in the USA in the future? U commented in another article that it may be a possibility. Of course, u must be there, or i won’t come! And not just audio or virtual. I want to see u, of course behind a mask. Just don’t get furious if i run like a maniac and try to hug u!! Well, i suppose u would have ur minions as security guards so they would push me away! I’m petite hg, so tell them to be gentle ok? 😀
It’s weird … All these people that don’t even know me have such opinions about me. My husband always tells me that his friends think that I’m a bitch, I’m rude, I’m cold etc lol … The best one was when his narc sister said that I was flirting with her husband and all her friends (flying monkeys) joined in and said that I was flirting with their husbands too … I don’t even know how to flirt … I’m also cheating … His mother (covert narc, she’ll put the worst Narc to shame) would tell me that everyone in town says that I cheated on my husband when he was in jail and that I’m so good at hiding it that no one knows … My favorite was the one when she told me how people in town are saying that our son isn’t my husbands and that she always defends me … Anyone that knows me knows how I am: If I cheat I’ll say that I cheated, if my son was someone else’s I’d say that too … I don’t know how to flirt … I have never cheated on my husband, physically or emotionally … I don’t even look at other men …
Thank god my husband listened after all I put him through and understands HG’s words of wisdom but he doesn’t understand really, why won’t I defend myself even though I now have the concrete evidence I need to upturn the smear, to show the world he is a manipulative pervert at the very least and I have not had a breakdown.
“You have to tell people, to show them what he is… unless your still defending him….”
What fresh hell is this.
Well, at first maybe,, people won’t listen,
By people, I mean my best friends,
At first, they may not get it, but Time is a powerful thing
By using time, and recalling the events that happened, the pieces of the puzzle eventually fall into place, I could get over the narc who was in my life with the help of talking about it to my best friend
And in time, she understood too,
I have what the narc doesn’t have,
“True Friendship”
All the narc has is “A Black Hole of Loneliness”
Endgame –> I WIN!!
Don ‘ t be so sure , my ex disgusting narc wrote in a message that he was going to f…. my little girl and justice believed me
Paula Sarno
What a Sicko! Keep your little girl safe from that bastard.
I know you don’t agree with me HG but after watching my brother’s developing narcissism, I believe you recreate in victims all feelings experienced by you as a child.
It might’ve been a number of different situations that cause it but I watched humiliation, entrapment, loneliness and mind control. I think abuse is the momentum out of powerlessness for them.
And then the belief that abuse is a strength, protective and necessary.
The picture of that guy for the topic of no one is listening with his fingers in his ears is exactly what the messed up narc I know did to me when I ask her —–> are you a narcsisst, although her tongue was hanging out of her mouth. That was the last time I was in contact. Hahahaha unbelievable child like behavior!!!!!!!! When you see certain behaviors you need to run fast🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃
so did mine.
What did you think when your narc did this ? I think the narc I know is a lesser narc
I thought he was acting like a deranged childlish brat. He was also a lesser narcissist.
I never told a soul about him……..long after he had gone I had to endure the comments of “what a gentleman he was”…………I just nodded and agreed…….I even recall singing his praises myself……there was no point in doing anything else as it would not have changed anything……..the illusion was far better than the reality…….why disappoint everyone else? Ignorance is bliss………Diva
Diva,
Ugh, that must have been like swallowing lye.
(swallowing lie)
I said something like “yes I miss him”……I just left out…….like a hole in the head………One of my personal mottos……. “If you are going to lie……make sure there is a bit of truth to it.”………..Diva
Yep, and a narc will always do damage control and tell you about it too. They’ll tell you they their friends see you trying to make them look bad and that they are on to your game. While I never said anything or complained to any of his people, I’d be seething with anger in groups of friends with him because he’d laugh it up all night long looking like the life of the fucking party (even talking to me, serving me food and pouring me drinks). Everyone would see him being all gentlemanly to me….but NONE of them knew once we left or got home the screaming I endured off some perceived slight, followed by 72 hours of silent treatment. Then later, I’d hear, “my cousin said you look like you had an attitude at the party” or “My friends saw how sarcastic you were being trying to make me look bad…BUT they know me so you can never make me look bad.”
Meanwhile I’d just be so disgusted by the jekkle(sp?) and hyde behavior that I cannot fake the happiness.
My narc told me he never said anything bad about me to his family I told him when we ended things the first time he was welcome to tell his family I cheated on him which I never did but I told him he could say it because I knew in Islam its the only way he can leave me and get someone new without being disgraced he said I never told them anything bad about u he said he told them he left me because I’mme very ill physically I actually believe him on this one the illness is a lie but he can’t smear me to them because he needed them to like me when he hoovered again which he did and we were back together they were happy of course it didn’t last being together I have thought many times about messaging his sister the truth and forwarding the horrendous emails he sent me saying I’m no good good for nothing but sex and sending her screenshots of his online sexscapades but I won’t do it I know it will get back to him and I won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing I went through this trouble