Poll – What Has Narcissism Cost You?
Everything has a price and narcissism is no different. What has narcissism cost you? Did you find yourself paying for anything or even defrauded as the savings accounts were emptied and you found loans in your name that you did not even take out? Perhaps it has cost you friendships as you fell out with those around you or you had to cut off an innocent parent when going no contact with a narcissistic parent? Maybe you were left suffering from anxiety and hyper vigilant, your sense of security snatched away and you no longer felt safe? Did you lose your home? Has it cost you a relationship with a child? Perhaps you feel it has taken your sense of who you are?
Whether this cost appears permanent or it was a temporary state of affairs and you have brought about recovery or restitution, do share your thoughts. Choose as many of the options as are applicable before casting your vote and as ever, please do expand on your situation in the comments.
Thank you for participating.
Loading ...184 thoughts on “Poll – What Has Narcissism Cost You?”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Initially, it cost me my trust in myself – in my ability to correctly judge someone’s character. I didn’t think I could be taken in so easily, but despite acknowledging multiple red flags, I still was!
However…ultimately, the whole experience has (bizarrely) helped me to develop as a person (sorry, that sounds ridiculously corny and naff, but it’s true!) as I have learnt so much about myself and others as a result. It’s improved my marriage as well, as I have shared what I have learnt with my husband, and he has also benefited from the knowledge in his interactions with some of his own family. It’s been truly eye-opening. Thank you HG for everything you have taught me over the past 2 years!
JB, great to read what you say, it is not “naff” to suggest that HG’s work has helped you develop as a person. Kudos to you for sharing what you have learned with your husband 🙂
Thanks Asp Emp, I appreciate you saying that 😊
I am free from HERPES .
Cure to Herpes virus, this is AWESOME!!,!..I was cured
My heart is so filled with joy.
Your mother must also be very proud.
HG,
I would have to say narcissism cost me a lot. Having a narcissist mother caused me a descent childhood upbringing without the emotional, physical and psychological abuse I received from her. A narcissist brother who abused me and kept me from knowing a healthy sibling relationship. A narcissist ex husband, who kept me from having a healthy marriage. The emotional, physical and psychological scars I have and I’m working on healing the emotional and psychological scars…my poor self esteem, self worth has suffered, but I’m lifting up my self esteem and feeling better about me daily. I’m trying not to be so tough on myself and give myself a break for being human and accepting my mistakes for what they are….mistakes, not a death sentence or done on purpose. I’m trying not to blame me for everything that goes wrong and if it does, stop apologizing for what I didn’t do wrong. Narcissism cost me a lot of psychological abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse and sexual abuse….feeling shame and guilt. It almost cost me my life, life I almost took myself.
Twilight and Windstorm
Im laughing. While you two are waxing poetic about ice festivals (oxymoron to me) the Canadians are all Game of Thrones walking around mumbling: Winter is coming John Snow…
I do hope you enjoy your trip Windstorm. If anyone can make winter beautiful it would be there. They probably melt down each flake and refreeze into a more pleasing aesthetic.
Ha, ha, NarcAngel! I love snow and ice and look forward to winter every year. But then I live in the south where snow is rare. I have family and friends in the north, though, and they feel the same as you described!
I’ve looked at pictures of this snow/ice festival online and I’m really looking forward to it! A little afraid of such a long trip, though – 17 hour flight. Long trip to a very different land for an old woman! Busy getting in shape and prepared now. You will laugh, but all my shoes are crocs. My son laid the law down – I have to buy boots and learn how to walk at least a mile in them. He said, “Mom, in not taking you to a snow festival in crocs!”
Hi Windstorm2……I am an Irish emerald green colour, with jealousy!!!!! I love snow…..we rarely see it here. One year a long time ago, I awoke and the snow was deep. I could not contain my excitement…….but I covered my mouth with a tea towel and rang in work sick……stating that I couldn’t possibly drag myself out of bed as I felt so unwell. However, the grand master plan was to make a family of snow people before it all melted. I got out there with a bottle of sherry to keep me warm and put my back into it. I was working on the snow mummy when a blizzard started and the wind started to whip up. I was in my element, until suddenly, the front door banged shut. In my excitement to get outside I hadn’t put the catch on nor did I have a key. Guess where my spare key was……at work……no matter what I do I always get caught!!!!!. It never snowed like it again……..I think I have jinxed it!!!!!. You will so enjoy your trip…..it sounds amazing……Diva
Sounds like an episode of Terry and June.
No……my life has never been that interesting!!!!…….It’s more like a bizarre mixture of One Foot In The Grave and Only Fools and Horses…..it’s never dull though!!!!……Diva
Diva,
I think it’s part of being human to long for what we don’t have. Here in Kentucky it snows 2-4 times a year, usually just a few inches. The last few years have been abnormally cold with up to a foot of snow at a time. Being a rural schoolteacher I was fortunate to be off work whenever it did snow. Children have to travel up to an hour by bus to get to school and busses don’t have much traction. Also being a novelty, the poor, smaller counties don’t have crews or much equipment for snow removal, so they have to share. An 8 inch snow will close back county roads for a week. I love to be snowed in at my secluded cabin!
One year many years ago when my kids were small there was a big snow and we were like you. We built an entire snow family, with a snow dog and an abominable snow man monster. It was a ton of fun. I never had to worry about getting locked out, though. I always kept a key hidden outside. That may not be safe to do in an urban area, though.
One time here I locked the door without my keys and the spare key was missing (blame one of my sons for not putting it back). I couldn’t drive without my keys and had no neighbors or anyone within 40 miles I could call for help. All I could think of was to get a sledgehammer, knock the door knob off, then leave the door just pulled closed until after school when I stopped and bought/installed new door knobs/locks!
NarcAngel
Now I am laughing. Folks here are mumbling and preparing for war!
Entertainment …. when they call for snow here, the first time I witnessed the insanity I just went WTF is wrong with people they act like they will be snowed in for months…..we don’t live in Canada or Alaska.
And driving ah hell no most can’t. I love the I have 4 wheel drive I can drive in anything. My responds is ice doesn’t recognize 4 wheel drive from 2 wheel drive.
HG, I’ve been meaning to comment on this for some time in that I am amazed how much patience you have reading through all of the comments and lengthy stories, laden with expressions of feelings and emotions. I understand feelings/emotions but find it a waste of time to continuously delve into my own feelings and expressing them ad nauseum, let alone listening /reading somebody else’s. It is commendable that you can do that. More importantly, how do you find the interest and that patience for so long to continue doing it?
Yes, I am female but could not deal with the emotional overload from others and yet you can! Personally I find it easier to laser on the issue, find the solution, fix it and move on without regurgitating past problems as I often see here with some people. I could not do the analysis of feelings and emotions for anybody for too long. Same goes for anything relating to cooking and shopping.
Thank you Sniglet, in many instances it enables me to learn more also and I am always keen to add to my knowledge and understanding. There are occasional moments though where my patience is tested…..
Fair enough 😉 Thank you for your reply.
What has narcissism cost YOU, HG, both in terms of your interaction with other narcissists and being a narcissist?
Hello ANK, interesting question. The most obvious one is the absence of a long-term intimate relationship but I do not regard it as a ‘cost’ since it does not concern me. As for my interaction with other narcissists, there has been no cost to me.
HG
Don’t you want a long term relationship? Or is this nomad life suitable to you?
It isn’t really a case of want.
But you do control your life, do you not? Are you really satisfied with your status quo, or is there not something you want that you do not have.
I do. I often want those things which I do not have, so I make them mine.
I know fuel dictates, what do you want?
I don’t expect an answer, the question is just for you.
Noted, Twilight.
HG
Would you say that Narcissism has cost you a sense of peace and contentment or do you attribute that to someone/something else?
Valid observation, I attribute that to something else.
HG
Do you know what that something is?
Yes.
May I ask what?
Never mind don’t answer that
Thank you for your reply HG.
You say that a long term intimate relationship is the most obvious, although you do not consider that a cost, so there are other things that narcissism has cost you? Again you probably would not consider these as much of a cost.
I do not regard there as being any cost suffered ANK.
Reading your replies has been fascinating, H.G.
I wonder if, deep down, the reason you say you have suffered no costs, especially as you mentioned the lack of a meaningful long-term relationship, is because to admit you can’t have something would count as a criticism or injury… In that sense, if I were to ask “if you had a choice, would you have the cause of your narcissism (and thus its development ) never happen…would you” would not get a clear answer because narcissism might be directing the answer…
That inevitably is what would happen however part of what I understand has caused the development of my narcissism is not something I will revisit, hence I became what I am.
HG, Hope you don’t mind a bold assumption, but I would think it cost you the absolute knowledge that your “creature”, while linked to pain for very valid reasons, is in truth, magnificent, lovable and very worthy. Would appreciate your thoughts…
Interesting, but for once, this is not about me.
Oooh.. there’s one more I’d add to the list of what narcissism has cost me. Or nearly cost me. My liver! All the years trying to fill the void with alcohol, trying to forget & trying to numb & drown the pain.
Narcissism has cost me my life to date. I don’t care about the money, posessions, material stuff. They don’t matter. Understanding my way of being and existence was a lie created & controlled by a life time of exposure, ensnarement & abuse at the hands of abusers & narcs but not knowing what it was & just ‘survival tactics’ that had me existing not living. This is with the exception of 2/3 years around 2000 when God was my focus before I got ensnared again after I took my eyes off Him. It was the Greater last year that showed me what was going on. Now I have my God back, I am being restored & getting to know who I am meant to be & I am building a real life but the Greater is always there. Even at an intimate lunch yesterday hosted by someone who knows what he is, there was also a mutual friend who does not. So I still cannot be who I completely am because he is always there. However I will continue to grow & succeed, that is what I will show & that is what they will report to him.
To get to this age & understand I’ve never really lived because of something until last year I didn’t know existed has been freeing & devastating all at the same time. Better late than never I guess. And it will end. Soon.
Restored Heart,
I so relate to what you have written! I’m 55 and just recently discovered (through HG and Narcsite) that my Dad was a Narc, as was my husband, ex-boyfriend and most of the men I was romantically entangled with. If they weren’t Narcs then they had strong Narcissistic traits, which is why I was drawn to them. It is devastating to recognize a life-long pattern of relationships with abusive and Narcissistic men! My eyes are now open!
Fortunately, I have always chosen female Empaths as the core women in my life, including my Mom and Sis. Those relationships are still intact, lasting 40 years and more. I’m seeking their support now as I figure out my path forward, out of the darkness!
I also need to find a church family and my way back to spirituality!
I wish you blessings Restored Heart!
Thankyou Kimi.
Blessings to you too (God knows we deserve it!) & prayers in finding a church family. I’d be lost without mine.
Nothing! I got out when I wised up to his disorder. In fact, the 3 and half year relationship taught me so much about myself, my core wounds, weak boundarirs, spotting manipulative behaviour. And the fascinating topic of narcissism.
I checked money since he’s hiding the secret bank accounts and more. I don’t think I had self esteem to begin with if I allowed myself to think I was in a perfect relationship for 30 years. I didn’t start aging until I found out what I’ve been sleeping with. Smile. Then I found hg and relaxed then the divorce I went back to aging because I wasn’t going to have the upper hand in assest. I will always trust people same like I always have I just have more knowledge of character traits thanks to this blog.
Hg I would love to read your writings/ thoughts of empaths and self esteem and confidence issues. I always thought I had all of it but I question my reality now.
I chose 4: trust, sanity (mostly memory loss), money (I drained an account to pay for child care; he wouldn’t help me with our daughter) and looks (I was too tired to give a shit about my looks).
The biggest loss for me was the ability to trust my own judgment. Even knowing that his deception was intentional, I still judge myself for being fooled and wonder how many other “truths” I believe in all areas of my life are lies.
My grip on reality and trust in my own judgement. The financial and material cost is yet to be tallied. The price the children will pay… my greatest fear.
I lost almost all on the list for awhile and had to regain but the one that is taking the longest is, Trust.