Narc Magnet
You are a magnet. You attract our kind. You have done so at least once and you will continue to do so. Again and again. There is no hope for anything else. As an empath, super empath or co-dependent you radiate with the traits which draw us to you. Hitherto you had no awareness that this was the case. You would enter a room and be oblivious to the heads that turned your way as our kind detected your presence. You would have noticed that you were receiving the attention of people, but back then you had no knowledge of who was engaging with you or why that was the case. You have several sets of traits which appeal to us. These are the empathic traits, the class traits and the special traits. It is your empathic traits which stand out most of all.
These are evident in the way that you behave, the words you say, the gestures you use and the expressions that form on your face. The way your interact with people, the way you look about a room, the way you walk, the way you sit, the place you decide to sit and so many other things indicate to us your empathic nature. In the same way that everything we do is marked with the taint of our narcissism, everything that you do is stamped with the essence of your empathic traits.
When you walk into the hunting ground of our kind, you are identified promptly as exhibiting potential. It as if you give off a fuel signature, like some kind of scent which our kind smells and recognises as soon as you come near. You once did not see the Lesser as he leant against the bar and noticed you as soon as you entered the premises, his eyes fixed on you as he observed your entrance. The Mid-Ranger would look up from where was sat and find himself drawn to you, that unmistakable essence which you give off, being picked up and identified. Both Lesser and Mid-Range would not know why they wanted to engage with you save that they felt a compulsion to do so.
This need arises in the same way that a lion knows that it is hungry and therefore it must find some prey. The Lesser and the Mid-Ranger’s antennae twitch as you the empath walk through the bar. They are alerted to your presence and then they will watch and pick up on the other indicators which tell them what you are.
The Greater sees you and knows what you are. His lascivious grin indicative of the thoughts which are running through his mind as he begins to assess your suitability. You are signalling to him who you are, that you are empathic, that fuel is passing him by and an opportunity has presented itself.
Once upon a time you were oblivious. You walked through this den of narcissistic intent, unaware of the parasitic creatures that waited to climb down from their waiting perches so that they could engage with you, coil about you and draw you into their web with their silver-tongues and charm. You just thought they were being pleasant, polite and taking an interest. You had no idea how much danger you were in as you allowed your empathic traits to shine like a beacon. Each and every day you radiated these traits, issuing a sub-conscious “come and get me” to our kind. How good it felt to receive this attention. How pleasant it was to be courted in this manner.
As our kind picked up on your empathic scent and were drawn to you, they sought additional confirmations, assessing your class traits and hopefully special traits too, through a combination of instinct and design, dependent on which school of narcissist you had engaged with.
You do this as as easily as you inhale and exhale. Your traits are imprinted on you and they are indelible. They are part of your core and you cannot remove them. You cannot flick a switch and turn off these empathic traits. They are you. Imagine you will if some kind of glasses were created which allowed a physical representation of your empathic traits as hues of red light. If one donned those glasses and looked into this hunting ground as above, a bar perhaps, then one would see several things.
First there would be the normals who would have a slight red glow about them, indicating some empathic traits but limited in number and extent. There would be the dark and empty spaces which are where our kind lurk, the empathic traits completely devoid. Next one would see the dancing trails of scarlet and rose that signify the empath. The roaring flames of riotous red which blaze and indicate the presence of the super empath and then the supernova of bright red which is the signature of the co-dependent. As your gaze swept the room, one would see these differing hues and varying intensity, all indicative of the ever present empathic traits.
It is impossible for you to become incognito. You are unable to remove your empathic traits. You cannot switch them off and pass undetected. Accordingly, you will always stand out to our kind. You will always be identifiable, you will be seen and therefore if our kind is in the vicinity, whether physically proximate or through the accessibility of technology, we will be drawn to you. Like sharks which scent blood, like the hungry dog which smells meat, we pick you out and converge on you in anticipation of the fuel that will flow from you.
You will aways be a magnet for our kind. You have been created with empathic traits and you will always keep them. You will remain that beacon which we see and flock to. You will always attract us.
Of course you may learn to dampen down the manifestation of your empathic traits by altering some of your behaviours. Certain actions, words and gestures might be reduced, lessened and altered to reduce the extent of the empathic traits which you exhibit, but your traits always shine through and you cannot maintain this cloaking for long. It is contrary to who you are how you conduct yourself. Your empathic traits are so extensive that even when you have suffered the beasting at our hands and mouths, that when you have been drained, numbed and exhausted, the empathic traits will remain.
The empath will not shine with them as brightly and following the full horror of the devaluation and discard,t he empath will not function with such an obvious display of empathic traits because the brutality of the treatment will cause some diminution in function and display.
The super empath will continue to display these empathic traits because this person has the capacity to endure so much and then still have sufficient function to escape what has happened, once there is the eventual realisation as to what has happened. Once the super empath has had enough, they will seek their escape and their empathic traits continue to shine brightly.
The co-dependent, no matter how brow-beaten, how ground into the dirt he or she is, will continue to exhibit those empathic traits because the co-dependent would rather give you his or her last breath rather than take it for themselves. They continue to give, even when there seems there is nothing more that can be taken and thus their empathic traits remain on display.
This is why it is so often the case that you are almost passed from one of our kind to another. You are discarded but your empathic traits remain evident and thus another of our kind flocks to you, ready to gorge on the fuel which is generated by your empathic traits. Even if you escape, you continue to signal your suitability to us. You are unable to do anything other than stand out in this way.
It is only when you have gained the insight and understanding into knowing who it is that you keep attracting and why, that you finally learn what to watch out for. You cannot change what you are, indeed, why should you? What you can alter is your ability to identify us when we make that bee-line for you. As you radiate empathic traits, we also exhibit the narcissistic traits which once understood and once recognised in the behaviour of the everyday, mean you finally see and take notice of the red flags, flashing lights and blaring klaxons which herald this danger.
You will always be destined to be a magnet for us. That will never change. We will flock to you, be attracted to you and seek you out, our instincts seeking that scent of the empath which tells us that our needs will be met and fuel will be provided.
You will draw our interest and attention because the empathic traits flow from you. You will, once you gain the knowledge and understanding, know who it is who has joined you at the bar and flashed you that winning smile and then you can the seize the power.
22 thoughts on “Narc Magnet”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
It will be because (feel like running a marathon)
a. You fail to see the narcissist coming
b. You are susceptible to our kind
c. You fail to see and/or ignore the red flags owing to emotional thinking
^ right.
Hg, what do you think is the reason why every time I get caught by a higher grade narcissist? I feel exhausted, but thanks to the knowledge I was acquiring once I managed to understand that I was related to narcissists I have become wise and powerful in my relationship with them, even though I feel like running a marathon!
It will be because
a. You fail to see the narcissist coming
b. You are susceptible to our kind
c. You fail to see and/or ignore the red flags owing to emotional thinking
Now I understand why my relationships jump from one narcissist to another, thanks HG
In the beginning, I asked my greater narc “Why me?” His initial response was “Why not you?” Upon digging a little further, he told me he had been noticing me for quite some time; that it was the way I moved that attracted him to me. He clarified saying it wasn’t so much how I physically moved, it was who I am, how I conduct myself and interact with the people around me. Now I completely get it. It was my empathic traits he honed in on. Being a super empath, I reached my limit, sought my escape, and continued to shine bright as ever. I can’t change who I am, but I will hopefully heed those red flags in the future. Thank you as always, HG, for providing such valuable insight.
You are welcome.
good morning HG
good morning all lovelies
i am so very thankful i have every article and this one to alter my whole perspective …i have grasped the logical thinking versus the emotional thinking when i got to this realisation i have seized the power instilled in these powerful messages HG you are a legend i advise everyone to read read read i keep referring back to the over 20 HG books in my very own kindle compartment and of course the daily emails …
i have my very own DLS
Daily
Literature
Source
its you HG you have reinforced it every time i read your on the nail writings and recognise the traits in the N i have been entangled with and reiterate now i am strong enough to see the manipulations the control factor the silent treatments the lies…the insistent hoovering i use logic and apply it hard so much easier than what it was a few months ago …
i have replaced the Ns everpresence with my own DLS and this has really been my education your knowledge is awesome you are a gift truly a greater decent humble man thankyou for your very hard hitting honest writings unbelievable what you have done ….
grateful daily…knowledge is the empaths power
off too the beach and smiling from within all the way xx
Mister Tudor,
It was interesting what you said about being “passed from one of our kind to another” because I have often looked back at the circle of Narcissists of my past to see how they simply kept snagging at me, as their circle grew larger and larger.
Someday, I would like to plan another consultation, with you, in order to find out if I am an Empath, S. Empath, or Co-dependent. Then, I can see what to do for the type that I might be.
I wonder if Non-Narcissists would like Empaths, S. Empaths, and Co-dependents, too, or if we only attract Narcissists.
Interesting that they are ALL babies…
But what if he is the narcissist Nina?
Comparing empaths to babies is interesting, they are both naive and dependent.
They are also easily distracted by gimmicks and shiny things 🙂
I bet narcissists have a long list of critical things to say about empaths like this,
weak, naive, dumb,,
Brian
No doubt, but that is just evidence of their warped, contrary logic and their own inability to understand and empathize with others. What is different from themselves must therefore be inferior. They are incapable of seeing the strengths of traits and behaviors that they cannot experience themselves. It is no reflection of reality or the strengths we have as empaths.
Yeah a lot of narcissists seem to refer to themselves as strong, implying that others are weak.
They steal traits by saying they are sensitive but then also claim to be strong. They want the best of booooth worlds.
Hello Nina,
It seems to me more like it is the narcissist who draws his “victims’ to him/her. The dolls represent how he/she sees their victims: like toys/dolls to play with…
This man is terribly handsome with such a strong, masculine face. He looks to be in total control of the situation. When I look at him, he gives to me a feeling of security and safety. (However, this is not counting the baby-dolls hanging all over him. If he came towards me dressed like that, I’d truly freak out. He’d have to ditch the apparel, first).
of course im not going to change..i like myself..
Now i understand..im stronger..im proud of myself..i dont loose my light..it will be more and more shine everyday.
Thanks for your blog
I believe this is very true. I look back on my life and I know one man I used to be infatuated with was one, because when I divorced my ex-narc, I heard his wife died. I was so curious to find out for sure. We went out three times and it became evident that I was right. The good news is, I ran him off and I no longer think of him as I did before. I also had a boss years ago that I always think about. He was definitely one too. I had a man approach my friend and I one night and my gut feeling kicked in so quick. He manipulated us into paying attention to his dog and his phone was ringing like crazy and he ignored it. He reminded me of my ex… I literally couldn’t get away fast enough! I am learning to trust my instincts and I know allot more thanks to you HG.
I would love for you to do a book/story on your actual exes and how you see them all now and how they were similar or different. I believe I have only read bits and pieces in your books. I also wonder if you have gotten anything out of your work here? I wonder if we are just validating your behavior or if you have realization of the pain that can be caused by your kind? When I told the man I just mentioned about my ex he said, “Nobody deserves that.” So I think that goes back to the different levels you talk about. Some may see that behavior as the lowest level.
Not only do I recognize the red flags now, but I am working on being cynical AND narcissistic, however, I still attract narcissists. Maybe I should focus on being dull and pedantic, as well.
“You cannot change what you are, indeed, why should you?”
I find this uplifting. So many times I hear people vowing that they are going to change themselves. That they will stop attracting narcs. That is so not possible! We are what we are. And I have always been proud to be an empath. I love it that my light shines out for all to see. That is who I am.
But that doesn’t make our lives hopeless. We can learn how to spot them and avoid them and to protect ourselves when avoiding them completely is not an option, I agree 100%, HG. Knowledge is power and we can seize the power.
I had wondered what it was that drew you to us. If there were specific physical traits to look for or indicating behaviors we exhibited. They say the eyes are the window to the soul and that psychopaths eyes are cold and empty. I had wondered if our empath eyes communicated something as well. I’ve been told that my eyes, though trusting, have a sadness to them. Like l’m carrying the weight of the world even though l typically have a smile on my face. I wonder what your eyes are like HG. Would we look in them and detect any danger? The things you share with us would seem to indicate “yes” but, as your intent is one of helping educate us, perhaps there is a kinder, softer side to you that would shine through. This puzzles me. Are you good? Can you be trusted? Are you evil, as the title of your blog page suggests? Perhaps we are all a mixture of grey and we see in others eyes only what we want to see. I choose to see the good in you because l believe it is there or you would not be helping us. Thank you for that!
Those baby dolls freak me out. I am a narc magnet. The ghosts of narcissists past are hanging all over me.
Better to stay single then and keep my sanity 🙂