The One and Only
I really do think the world of you, you know. I have not met anybody like you. No don’t shake your head. I know you are modest but you should accept a compliment when it is given, heaven knows you deserve it. I have to admit I have had a few relationships, but you know, we have all been there haven’t we? I used to think I knew what love was. I used to think that the person I was with was what I wanted, the answer to my prayers and that special someone. All of that was not the case. In fact, it is quite apparent to me that they were really just practice runs to allow me to perfect my love in readiness for your arrival. I know it may seem strange but I feel like that I have always known you and moreover that somehow that I always knew we would be together. I used to tell myself in previous relationships that this was it, this was the one, but something would go wrong. I guess I was not a very good judge of characters back then. I kept picking the wrong ones. Goodness me I could tell you some tales. I have hooked up with some real fruit loops in my time. I seem to attract them. I think it is because when I want to be with someone I give my absolute all to that person. I see no point in holding back, do you? It has to be everything or it is worth nothing. I can see you nodding, I thought you would agree. You and I are on the same wave length. I can sense it. I have an aptitude for it. A sixth sense. I have to admit I have not always been blessed with it and it has taken some time to fine tune it, I guess that is why I had to go through the rollercoaster ride with some of my exs. Still, although they did not treat me well, no it is okay, you don’t need to know about all of that. I want to talk about you and me, that is far more important. Yes, they did not treat me well at all but that’s for another story I do not want to spoil tonight talking about their jealous rages and violent tempers. Thank goodness you are not like that. No it is fine you do not have to persuade me of that being the case. I know you are not like them. I can tell you are a far better person. Do you know how I know? It is in the way that you move. Yes, it is. You move with a grace I have not seen before. That tells me that you are self-assured but not in a flamboyant manner. You know who you are and you move around with a grace and a presence which brings reassurance. I will let you into a little secret. Before I spoke to you I used to watch you. Not in a stalker kind of way, more as in an interested observer kind of way. I saw how people reacted to you, with warmth and delight whenever you spoke to them and I thought to myself when I saw how their faces lit up and how their eyes widened in pleasure that you were probably the kind of person who spends more time looking after other people than you do spend looking after yourself. I am right aren’t I? It is not good trying to hide and look at the floor I can see I am right. I usually am about people. It is something of a gift but one I am now able to use to avoid the people who would hurt me and believe me there have been a few of them and instead find someone who will respect and love me in the same way that I will love and respect them.
It is all about finding that mutuality isn’t it? I bet you and I have much in common. Well, I know from our last date we share similar tastes in music and travel destinations and that just proves my point. I should imagine that if we discussed politics, although I don’t intend to tonight, there will be plenty of time to do that in the future, we would have similar views. You see that I have been able to work out, after all the mishaps and the people that have let me down, who is right for me and who I am right for. I am a straight-forward kind of fellow. I will put you on a pedestal and worship you, yes I will, because somebody like you, someone so special and caring deserves that. Oh I know you modern independent ladies are all about equality and believe me I am one hundred percent behind that but I do know that once upon a time you used to pretend to be a princess and that never leaves you. How do I know that? I have a sister you see and I saw how she played and made-up games based around being a fairy or a princess, good characters who wanted that happy ever after. I know it has never left her and so by the same token I know that someone like you, a good and decent and honest people still has that desire to be treated properly and every once in a while reminded of that fact. I can tell by your smile that you agree with me and I am glad of that because I know how well I will treat you. I have much to give to you and you deserve to be treated right. You see, I sense, like me you have been hurt in the past. I can see it in your eyes. You are hoping that nothing spoils what we have because it is showing such promise isn’t it? Yes, I thought you would agree. I can tell by the slightly guarded manner you have, but don’t be concerned, that is no bad thing given the way that some people behave, but I am not like them. You have no need to be concerned about me. I will only ever look after you and have your best interests at heart. That is why you and I have been brought together, two people who just want to love and be loved. It is not much to ask is it? That is why when I first met you I realised that you are the one.
You rise from your chair to go to the bathroom and I sit back in my chair and smile. I can say that speech backwards now and it works every time.
20 thoughts on “The One and Only”
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To be intimate means to OPEN your “heart”.
To love means to OPEN and then GIVE it.
The “magic” thing, that many people are talking about is a full ACCEPTANCE. It is really “magical” to know and feel, that you are accepted by someone completely with all your virtues and sins. You don’t have to pretend anymore. You can be yourself with that person. He/she accepts you for who you are. That’s a real “magic”. Wonderful feeling. Home.
The love isn’t not a required condition for acceptance at all. You can accept someone having simple intimacy and, in some cases, you can do it even without it.
For example, my best friend and I had an intimacy (without sexual matter) and mutual full acceptance. My first narc-husband and I had nothing aside of my partial acceptance of him. My second narc-husband and I have an intimacy (with sexual matter) and full acceptance. My son and I have a love, intimacy (without sexual matter of course lol) and full acceptance.
So, the type of relationship varies, but the really harmonious relationship needs the mix of intimacy and acceptance at least. The love itself can’t harmonize anything wihout an intimacy and mutual acceptance and, in many cases, it is a source of misery and pain.
I’m sure, that the love in combination with an intimacy and full acceptance can do miraculous things to people, but as I can see, it requires the unhuman level of trust and I don’t know anyone (including me) who was risky enough to do that.
Maybe someone of you have/had such experience or witnessed it, but I’ve never seen it. And I’m not talking about the mother-child love, intimacy and acceptance (because they all are given and they all are different). I’m talking about the man-woman, man-man and woman-woman cases.
That’s true Noname, it is very rare.
…writing just to be able to follow up the thread..
The men aren’t the emotional creatures and it is very hard to them to express their real feelings in words. Plus, they are ashamed to talk about their feelings, because it isn’t a “manly behavior”. They would rather give you an expensive gift, than a “love speech”.
The more a man talks about his feelings, the less he feels. Golden rule.
I can articulate how I feel or, if I deem it necessary, how you would want to believe I feel.
I see that you can, Tudor. Your blog articles prove it. You are really “in touch” with yourself and it is a rare quality. Whether it is a curse or a bless, I guess, you know the answer.
But. We are talking about Narc’s feelings and they are superficial. Tell me, if you REALLY fall in love, if you really decide to be intimate, would you be so articulate in that case?
Because expressing your REAL and DEEP fellings means to be open and…vulnerable. Admitting your own feelings to another person means… a complete submussion.
You give your heart to another person, you take a great risk without ANY guarantee to win. You only have a HOPE that another person would reciprocate your feeling. It is a scary thing, really scary.
You have to be exceptionally brave to do that. I never did it, because I’m a coward. And I’m not sure, if I “unblocked” my ability to love, even I, a woman with a whole set of emotions and feelings, would be articulate enough in that case! Not saying about a man, especially about a Narc man! I bet, that instead of “love speech”, we would witness his Grand Escape to another planet to live there. Lol.
So, my opinion remains the same. The more a man talks about his feelings, the less he feels.
I cannot fall in love so that is an irrelevant consideration for me. It is not a choice to “give my heart” as you describe, I am unable to do so.
HG,
In your view, what does it mean to ‘give my heart’? What do you think falling in love is like?
Hello ANK, there are two answers to this.
From my narcissistic perspective, falling in love is a disaster and a weakness.
In terms of what is the experience like, of course I do not know, but from what I have heard and read it is regarded as a magical, selfless act of giving your all to another, without condition. Of course one might become all flowery in terms of description (dependent on the kind of love being referred to e.g.romantic as opposed to love for a friend or a child) but that is the nub of it as I understand.
Thank you HG,
I guess falling in love is a disaster if your heart is taken, used, abused, ripped to bits and thrown away. It is a risk that is taken by most of us but if you want that to never happen, then the answer it to never fall in love, and to never fall in love is to never invest emotion.
I don’t judge you for that. Moreover, I prefer to live this way myself.
Albeit, I don’t afraid of intimacy and I can reciprocate and establish it without any problem with a “right” person (friend, husband). It is very enough for harmonious relationship and not so scary.
really all of you must go to same schooll….same words..same f… words.. just know one and know all of them..boring
“I can say that speech backwards now and it works every time.”
The very best impromptu speeches are the ones written well in advance. Ruth Gordon
However I much prefer……Well done is better than well said. Benjamin Franklin………Diva
Yep. The same spiel for all.
HG, do midrangers know they say this speech to each IPPS or do they repeat without consciousness?
It is compartmentalised so they would deny ever having said it before to avoid the criticism levelled at them that they were being unoriginal.
Some of that is what I heard from the con man. Pfft! Very convincing he was too. At least it taught me a valuable lesson. One I clearly didnt learn from all my study. Ill be much wiser from now on.
Recently discovered he was liking other woman’s pictures on Facebook when we were actually together on vacation together and spending day and night together the days and times met up we were together 24 7 at the time like he literally had to be doing it while I was in the loo or showering or sleeping cuz we never left each others side a new low even for him I might of even been right there and didn’t notice color me an idiot
So many red flags lol… I can’t even begin to type them all out lmao!
I would be extremely suspicious if someone said that to me lol. I would think you were completely full of shit and I’d be wondering what you are hiding.