The Stolen Case of No



No is a familiar word from our lips and I have explained its extensive use and important value to our kind on a previous occasion. We use now to exert our hold over you. It is not only used in that sense but also as a reminder that you have lost the use of no because we steal that from you and then, when saying “no” to you on a repeated basis we are flaunting what we have taken from you.

We steal your ability to say no very soon into the entanglement. We pluck it away from you with ease and subterfuge so that it seems as if you have placed the use of the word “no” into retirement when actually it has been carefully and quietly spirited away from you. During devaluation, the theft is far more apparent. It has been a brazen burglary, a smash and grab as each time we metaphorically hit you over the head (and in some cases also do so literally) and make off with your use of the word “no”. It is removed from you forcibly and then waved around in front of you on a daily basis, a vicious reminder that we can use it and you cannot. Therein this underlines our superiority over you. The acquisition of the word “no” is an early and key aim of when we ensnare you. We set out to take it from you, acquire it for our own extensive use and deny you the opportunity of using it ever again. Inevitably the questions of how and why we do this manifest. First of all, how do we achieve this pilfering? What forms does it take?

  1. You lose the capacity to say no to our advances during seduction.
  2. You cannot say not to spending time with us.
  3. You cannot say not to the suggestions we make.
  4. You cannot say no to the places we take you.
  5. You cannot say no to the gifts we shower you with.
  6. You cannot say no the first time we take your hand.
  7. You cannot say not the first time we move closer to kiss you.
  8. You cannot say no when we take you to bed.
  9. You cannot say no when we keep staying at your place.
  10. You cannot say no when we invite you to stay with us.
  11. You cannot say no when we turn up unexpectedly and invite you out for lunch or coffee.

Think back to your seduction (or if you are still inside this period consider the ongoing situation) and how readily you accede to all these requests. It is easy because there is always an upside. You cannot say no, because you do not want to say no, because you do not want to miss out on the experience of being with us and being bound closer to us. You do not realise this but we have already stolen your ability to say no. Just in the way that a totalitarian state tells you what to think, say and do, we do the same but it is all wonderful, golden and benign. This is because when we take away your capacity to say no during the seduction of the golden period we are governing you through love. This regime is as controlling as any other but is uses love to achieve governance.

What then of devaluation? How then does the theft of “no” occur?

  1. You do not say no to our demands that you run around after us.
  2. You do not say no to our command that you stay in and do not go out with your friends.
  3. You are forbidden from saying no to our demands in the bedroom, no matter how degrading and humiliating they may be.
  4. You do not say no to our sudden explosions of rage but rather you must deal with them and ride you out.
  5. You do not say not to the repeated crossing of your boundaries through our invasion of your personal space, the occupation of your accommodation, the use of your resources such as time and money.
  6. You do not say no to our coming and going as we please. We are entitled and we remove your ability to say no in order to further this sense of absolute entitlement.
  7. You do not say no to our erosion of your self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem as we whittle them away through the repeated applications of our manipulations.
  8. You do not say not to our isolation of you, as we ensure you spend time with us and do not socialise with friends and family.
  9. You do not say no to the frequent manipulations that are applied to you, but rather you suck them up and deal with them as best as you can.

The totalitarian regime that we implement is no longer one which used love in order to govern. That has been replaced with fear. Fear of repercussions, of responses, reactions and consequences has the word no evaporate from your vocabulary. Even if you try and say it, it will not come naturally, but rather sticks in your throat until we seize it and pull it away from you once again leaving you with no option other than to say “yes”.

The theft of “no” continues even after you are discarded as well.

  1. You do not say no to our smearing of you to third parties, since you are bewildered and do not have the energy or coping mechanisms to fight back;
  2. You do not say no to our hoovering of you by saying no to our home visits, no to our telephone calls or no to our messages;
  3. You do not say no to the memories of us but rather allow them to fill your mind and continue our infection of you;
  4. You do no say no to wondering what we are doing and who with
  5. You do not say no to spying on us, trawling our social media profile and asking others about us.
  6. You do not say no to the reinstatement of the golden period.

No is denied to you repeatedly. It is taken from your lexicon of words and if you ever try to take it back, it is soon whipped away from you once again. We own your use of the word “no”. We understand the power that comes with its use and that is why we take it by any means possible. At first through the false love and then through the imposition of fear, intimidation and threat.

Why do we do this? Why do we make it our aim to remove your capacity to resist, refuse and thus say no?

  1. The word “no” is powerful. More so than “yes”. It is harder to say but when used it is powerful. We want to remove that power from you and have it ourselves.
  2. By preventing you from saying no to us we can control you and have you do what we want.
  3. Only the great have the ability to say no. We have it. Therefore, we are superior. You do not. You are therefore inferior.
  4. You know you should say it but you cannot. This damages your self-worth even further.
  5. Watching you try to say the word we have taken causes you pain, frustration, upset and anger, all of which lead to the provision of fuel.

The removal of “no” from you to us is a lynchpin in our manipulation of you. How ought you to deal with this theft? It is simple enough. Always remember where you have placed the word “no”, take it out, use it, practise with it, say it to yourself in the mirror and remember that the more you use it the harder it is for us to steal it from you and keep it from you.

24 thoughts on “The Stolen Case of No

  1. Scout says:

    Another excellent article into the Machinations of NPD….

    Numbers 4 and 5 describe my experience to a tee. I did find courage to say No a few times only to unleash his narcissistic rage. Giving in was counter to my better judgement, but I survived to face another day. He did yield when I wanted to spend time with girlfriends, however, if I returned late the outcome was predictable. This apparent benevolence to let me see my friends baffled me, however with NPD knowledge I strongly suspect he utilised this time to womanise or watch porn or smear me, or probably all three at the same time. Sad or what?

  2. Just Me says:

    When I finally said no, the mask didn’t slip… it fell and shattered. Sure did cut through that cognitive dissonance.

  3. cordelia says:

    “No” was the last word I ever said to mine (via email–low fuel, thanks, HG!). Reading HG’s work, I gather that my narc would have been feeling fury but simultaneously laughing at me in his head to read that little word. It made me feel like I’d taken my power back, at least.

  4. E says:

    I used to say NO to only one thing was ‘I do feel like having sexy with you right now’ he usually stormed away and disappear for weeks. Then of course flowers, chocolate, wine, on his knee, etc…

    1. E says:

      Sorry gals, correction.
      I meant to say when I used to say ‘I don’t feel like having sex right now’ he usually stormed away and of course silent treatment applied. E.

  5. HG Tudors # 1 fan says:

    The word- “No” to the Lesser, meant Yes.

    Sense of entitlement, I am guessing, HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:


  6. narc affair says:

    Why cant we say no…for me its out of fear of losing the narc. If i wasnt afraid of this itd be “hell no”. Im slowly bringing no back into the equation both directly and indirectly.

    No im not staying up as late.
    No im not letting you ruin my day.
    No you will not determine my self worth for me. Ill do that myself ty.
    No i wont let you make me feel insecure. I realise when you do this its nc youre insecure.
    No im not attracted to you the way i once was.
    No youre not what youve made yourself out to be.
    No you do not love me like ive loved you i now know that.
    No you cant own me.
    No is going to be used more and more as i take back the power i allowed you to take from me. I allowed it and i take it back!!

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      Narc Affair
      I remember long ago when I was afraid to say no to mine for fear he’d leave. I lived many, many years like that. Then I finally got so beaten down that I couldn’t take it anymore without breaking. I started just looking at him with no emotion and saying “no.” And guess what? He didn’t leave. He ranted and raved a while, but when I just continued to look at him with no emotion, he got quiet and backed down. I realized that the only power he had over me was the fear in my mind. Once I stopped caring, the fear dissipated and I was free.

  7. Patricia J says:

    I am seeing Dating site Ads after this Blog. Is anyone else?
    I say NO to that.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There are those cookies again.

      1. Windstorm2 says:

        Why do they always want me to become a psychologist or get a passport? I have had enough university courses/degrees for my lifetime and always have a current passport. Does anyone ever get useful ads from these cookies? Somebody in marketing somewhere is doing a crappy job.

      2. Twilight says:


        I am always seeing HGs books…..specifically Sex and the Narcissist……Cookies and HG
        Ha ha recently thou a glass of wine and Confessions series, my relax time after work.

      3. Noname says:

        I only see the “WordPress. Share Your Passion” written on the dark grey background.

        It sounds like a mockery, considering the blog theme. Lol.

  8. Suzie says:

    I had to receive divine intervention to get away from my narc. ex boyfriend we were together for 5 years. I kept breaking up with him, taking a breather. However, I let him hoover me back in repeatedly due to loneliness and enjoying his company. He was very intelligent, entertaining and talented. I finally just asked my guardian angels to please assist me in getting out of this toxic relationship and to stay out. Three days later I got an offer to move with my job. I took it and never looked back, except to say”what was I thinking” was that really me that was there?'” A long, long learning cycle was finally complete.

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      Guardian angels don’t get enough credit. Mine have sure taken care of me over the years!

  9. Caroline says:

    My biggest NO was resolutely saying “You can’t!” when my ex BF intermittently continued asked me, “When can I see you?”

    I thought his continuing to ask that was bizarre. As his NISS who (years ago) was his IPPS, the weirdest thing about it was how cheerfully he accepted my resisting seeing him in person… he laughed, yet never quit asking and pressing the issue. Gee, why would that be? Think hard, Caroline, it’ll come to you. Lol!

    Weirdest 6 months of my life (and it was only over the phone/text, which was bad enough…I so feel for those who had it up-close and personal, as I remember my previous angst-filled relationship with him, which all is making sense now).

    The more I read on here, the more I wish I had a redo, just so I could say NO to every single little manipulation of his…but there will be no redo for me. I’m outtie! Let my NC be the biggest NO ever.


  10. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


  11. Mona says:

    It is still a theft, nothing else. How many words do you use to obscure a mean theft and excuse bad behaviour? Manipulation of thoughts, blame shifting as usual. We did not expect an ordinary thief at our side. Do not put the blame on us – look at yourself. Theft is theft, it does not matter, how many excuses you try to find. It is my morale opinion about that. Do not excuse your ingrained inability to resist your own selfish needs. It is some kind of insufficiency too. All love you achieve is based on lies and manipulation. They do not love you but the presented image of you.

  12. angela says:

    muy bueno

  13. Windstorm2 says:

    This reminds me of all the times I would complain about how unfair he was and say things like, “don’t you realize that all the times you do this that it hurts me? How would you feel if I treated you this way? You would hate it!” And he would always answer, “yes I know. I completely agree with you, but then I’d have never married someone like me. That’s why I married you.”

    1. narc affair says:

      Hi windstorm…well at least he was being honest there bc honesty is hard to come by with a narc. He definitely chose you bc you would put up with his shananigans. I do t say this to insinuate weakness but youre a patient goodhearted person and he seen that. Was your narc a midranger?

      1. K says:

        Narc affair
        WS2 was married to a Greater.

      2. Windstorm2 says:

        No, according to HG he was a greater because he knew what he was, and why he did what he did.

        He was often honest with me, since I always knew what he was. That didn’t seem to make it easier though. Listening to all the other women on this blog, though, I do think it was an advantage to always know what he was. At least I was never really tricked or deceived. I never had that wonderful illusion, but I never had to deal with the reality after I realized it was a. Illusion, either.

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