A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 20

A LETTER TO THE NARCISSIST -PRINCESS' LETTER

Dear Narcissist:

I love you in a way that is almost indescribable. But, I will do my best to convey my feelings to you even though I know you don’t care.

My love for you was strong and fierce, yet at the same time, as tender and delicate as a silk rose petal. It was complete.

From the very beginning, you wanted to know everything about me, inside and out, and I loved that! I thought it was because you cared for me.
You, dear Narcissist, had me hook, line, and sinker. And, you knew it in the way I swooned over you, day and night.
You were my prince! And remember how you use to call me “your princess”?
But, you couldn’t keep it up, could you? I mean, your mask, of course.
Your mask was too burdensome and heavy for you to wear for much longer, and it inevitably slipped down, and carelessly dangled around your ankles as you began to Gaslight, Triangulate, Deflect, Project, as well as all of your other mind-games you played on me, with the help of your Enabler, and Flying Monkeys, who were already put into place at that time. How could I have known? You were so clever!
Your switch from Jekyll to Hyde was difficult to spot, at first, but my intuition was definitely at odds with me long before I was willing to acknowledge it to myself that my Prince Charming was actually Prince Harming. I actually have difficulty accepting this truth, even now. Your mask was that convincing, and so is its memory.
My heart still breaks, now and then, even though our relationship has been over for nearly 16 months (of course, that’s not counting the many times that your Enabler has emailed me, since then, to poke and jab at me about how “utterly excited” she was to be in the wake of making her plans to go and visit you in London. And, of course, as you are happily aware of, this has in no way helped my healing process).
My heart still wants to believe that your complete change of behavior was all just one big misunderstanding, and that the man in whom I fell in love with is really who you are, but when I find myself thinking this way, thoughts begin to seep into my mind in remembrance of the major smear Campaign you put into effect, where you and all your friends laughed at me, publicly, as you had my heartfelt letters that I had written to you posted, for all to see, on Facebook. The ones who joined in on the laughter had been our mutual friends during our entire relationship, of course. No worries; you did me a favor in opening my eyes up to the falsehood of these “so-called friends”.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that you did a very good job in hurting me and butchering my heart to pieces. It has taken me, what feels like decades, to heal. And still, I am not fully there, yet. That person… you know, the one who was not really you… well, I loved him more than life, itself. (Of course, ironically, before the change, my beloved was the first to claim this about me).
Here’s to hurting me down to the deepest core of my being, Narcissist; well done & cheers!
Love, Your “Princess”
(P.S.- I still wish you’d bring Prince Charming back. It’s as if you are holding him captive inside of you, and he is trying with all of his might to get back to me, but you won’t let him, Narcissist. Please let him come back to me).
17+
Advertisements

25 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 20”

  1. I felt every sentiment . 2 years ago today i spoke to his other ‘life’ . We’re both discarded – new appliance installed . My devastation still raw . Your letter touched me princess .
    I was italian gorgeous princess for a while but mostly first officer . No PET names ever again – now i know why they are used – hey HG ?

    5+
  2. It sounds like this one is still heavily under the influence of the narc; it’s sad, but the prince is NOT in there, he never was. The prince Charming was only a reflection of what was inside herself…In a way, she has trapped her prince charming in the narc, who is nothing more than an empty cage, and only she can set him free…by letting go.
    Hopefully the author will one day fully accept this and move on to find a real person who will love her truly, with no illusions.

    12+
  3. Mine used to call me his princess, too. I miss Prince Charming so bad I broke no contact after 4 months and he was completely unaffected and mean. I’m heartbroken all over again. Back to square one.

    8+
    1. Shannon– its not all for wont of a narc. your growth is still there. he will never reach ground zero. we at least know our bottom has a floor. to build on. i cannot imagine the backslide feeling. (actually i can) try not to double down on feeling bad (about YOU) or self flagellating. it often takes trying to leave 7xs in a “regular” abusive relationship. one in a turbo charged narc? who knows.

      3+
  4. Very sad ending. You stated that you’re not “there yet” in your healing. That you still have a ways to go. Eventually you will realize that there is no “prince” trapped inside your narc. It was all just a mask that meant nothing to him but a reliable means to draw fuel. Keep working on your healing and you will come to know this in your heart and be able to let your longing for this imaginary person go.

    8+
  5. Very very sad letter. You have gone through alot, Princess… So deep wounds…

    I see the signs of serenity in you and that means you are healing. Slowly, but healing. Don’t inhibit your grief about your “imaginary” man, live through it to the end and then let it go. Don’t look back, because nothing good waits you there.

    You’ll win, Princess. By all means.

    6+
  6. I can relate to this letter as I am also struggling with the full acceptance that the person I was involved with and loved dearly is a narc. However, I think where we also delude ourselves is the whole concept of Prince and Princess. This is not real and can never be. Prince and Princess are fairy tale concepts, which is why they fit so well into the narc’s illusion. An authentic and genuine relationship is work, a lot of routine, and, yes, often times, boring. However, it also offers security, stability, peace, comfort. I am a love devotee, just like most if not all of you, I am sure. I can get easily caught up in a fairy tale, but I have to get out of fantasy and back to reality.

    15+
    1. We need to shit can the whole idea of Princes and Princesses so it can stop being handed down to successive generations. There are only people-some with different titles sure, but they do not possess magical powers. If you dont have the magic within yourself that you think THEY possess, would would they want you and why would they give you theirs? Thats not love but psychosis. Fuck Disney.

      21+
      1. NA – PREACH sister! Seriously. Princess Diana was a “princess”. See how that worked out for her? Very sorry to the author for your pain. I hope you will accept that he wasn’t real and isn’t in there somewhere, trying to get back to you. I know it’s hard.

        8+
      2. Hi narc angel…im in total agreement with your post! It sets up unrealistic expectations from people and like you said a reliance on someone else to feel whole and important. Its also in a way shallow bc no one can be treated as a princess continually. I find romance novels the same way it sets the stage for unrealistic expectations. Narcs will live up to that expectation in the lovebomb stage before they devour. No one can fulfill anyones needs 100% and thats not someone elses job in a relationship its a union of two whole people sharing.

        7+
      3. NarcAngel– you are my personal hero.
        Shitcan is right. Angel batman face. In a cape.
        You are the bom dot com. Ya, I said that. Muahaha.

        7+
  7. I hope you continue to heal. I know you crave your Prince Charming. I still think of the kind things mine did. And then I remember that it was to shore up his mr wonderful image, and I was not on the receiving end of his “generosity” for many years. When you wish for your prince charming, try to remember the beast who is really wearing his mask. Please be the ruler of your own heart, and be kind to yourself, the way they never could.

    10+
  8. I could have written this letter I loved him to the core of my being he was my other half the man I waited my whole life for I struggle to believe it was an illusion everyday it’s one thing for someone to leave you because they fell out of love but to have never loved you at all is the most painful thing imaginable I feel you to the depth of my core

    9+
  9. I feel so badly for your situation 🙁 you opened up so fully to someone who did not deserve one ounce of your time or goodness!! Your love was real his wasnt. The fact he posted your private heartfelt letters to facebook is dispicable!! You are so better off without this cold hearted jerk. Theres a guy out there that may not be the “prince” this narc portrayed but he will be very special and most of all “real” and not a fake. You deserve your love reciprocated. What you gave your narc was a gift and one he had no clue how to recieve and cherish. Your heart is a good one and i hope one day soon you meet the man of your dreams that you can put trust in and know who is the real deal ❤

    5+
    1. NA,

      ” man of your dreams ”

      I want to be able to dream, and direct my dreams so I dream of a real man.

      Sadly, i don’t seemed to have been able to dream in years. That shouldn’t really be true, as dreams supposedly happen automatically with REM, and REM is required to benefit from sleep. I’d be stark raving mad if I didn’t sleep, but recall is broken.
      Does this happen to anybody else?

      3+
  10. I agree kimmichaud1, when a normal break up occurs we can usually reconcile it to some extent… but a break up with a narc is so much more devastating…. to think that they never really loved us and especially in the way that we have given our hearts and souls to them. And the fact that our basic personality traits which should be treasured were used against us…. loving, trusting, kind, giving, etc. It’s like we’re punished for being the good ones. For me, I’m NC for 4.5 months now and I am having such a hard time with all of this. I started seeing a therapist, which is a good thing, and realized the reason I put up with the ex BF narc is because I had a narcissistic mother – apparently I have some self love to fix that I didn’t know about. All of this stuff is so new to me. I’m 56 yrs old and have been married with 1st husband for 20 years, just grew apart.. but he’s a good person and we remain friends (we go to each others houses for various holiday events, etc) and my second husband I was with for 16 yrs and he died of brain cancer at the age of 56 a few years ago… and barely on the heels of losing my 2nd husband I got involved with the narc relationship. My first 2 husbands never treated me like shit like my narc ex BF did. Never. Nor would I have put up with it. I knew the reason I put up with narc ex BF for MUCH longer than I should have was because I didn’t want to be lonely and I didn’t want to have to deal with more grief. You see, when my husband died of brain cancer, at the same time – within weeks my mother died and so did my step father… Repeat – within weeks. I had too much loss to deal with and I escaped into the arms of a vulture. So now after the break up I watch him with other women and I put myself in semi-exile trying to heal myself of the things that made me vulnerable to him in the first place. It sucks and it hurts and it’s hard fucking work. But I’ll get there…. and hell, maybe I’ll write a memoir and tell all about the things I’ve been through and survived. Because I will survive… and then I plan on thriving. Enough said ~

    4+
    1. So sorry for your losses but one good thing is even though you grew apart from the first and tragically lost the second u know what a normal healthy relationship is the narcotics just caught u in a vulnerable state which stinks but u will get thru it I think they thrive on finding vulnerable people but u r stronger than that

      2+
  11. Princess
    Indescribable, strong and fierce is exactly how I would articulate the love that I felt for my narcissist and, like you, he had me hook, line and sinker, too. Our formal relationship ended about 17 months ago and he broke my heart and demolished my soul. When I read about how your narcissist posted your heartfelt letter on Facebook for all to see and laugh at, I was so angry for you. What a cruel thing to do. They are butchers, who are content to mutilate your heart and soul without mercy. Your love laid waste by a soulless monster. You deserved better and I am truly sorry for what he did to you. Sharing in your sadness and loss as you follow your path towards a better place.

    1+

Leave a Reply