The Smearing of the Empath



I have previously explained some of the forms that the smear campaign takes and also why they are so effective. Now I turn to the six reasons why they affect somebody like you so much. Smear campaigns are a constant in the arsenal of the narcissist. Effective, utilised through word of mouth and with the capacity to envelop several people at once who in turn perpetuate the smear, the smear campaign is a favoured manipulation of our kind. Here are six reasons why they affect you so much.

  1. Denial of assistance

The smear campaign is usually utilised during devaluation and on the cusp of discard. Its timing is such that you will more likely than not find yourself in a position of desperation, fatigue and confusion. Battered and buffeted by our manipulations through the devaluation period,you are in a poor position to defend yourself never mind having to defend your reputation with others. Once the discard hits you and knocks you for six, you are in need of considerable assistance. You need somebody to help you make sense of what has just happened. You need somebody to listen to you as you pore over the relationship and try to piece together (usually unsuccessfully) the cause of your fall from grace and subsequent discard. You will need assistance on practical items such as money, paying bills, eating, child care, washing and cleaning in some of the more extreme cases where your ability to function has been hammered. When your need for external assistance is at its highest, you find that those who you thought you could rely on to help you have been poisoned. Friends become unobtainable or suddenly busy with other commitments. Family are sceptical about helping you since they think you have brought it on yourself and they are even ashamed of your supposed behaviour. Colleagues are not inclined to assist someone who has been painted the way you have. These people disappear, turn their backs or even worse ally with our kind and the help and assistance you so desperately need has been taken away from you. This furthers your isolation, your pain and your distress. It also reduces your capability to address the nature of the smear campaign and neutralise it.

  1. The Corruption of the Truth

You abide by the truth. You speak it and live by it. Yes, you may tell the odd white lie but you are a paragon of virtue compared to our mendacious and repeated untruths. You believe in the truth and you need others to know that you are an honest and truthful person. You base your life on having honest dealing with people, both towards them and from them. It has been an horrendous enough experience dealing with our lies that we told time and time again to you, but it becomes even worse when you are being lied about. You may have reached the conclusion that we are well-practised liars and that is the way we are but to have your own reputation impugned and your character stained as a liar is anathema to you. This causes distress and the fact you know that other people are believing a lie about you will have a damaging effect on you and we know this full well.

  1. Frustration

You feel a huge sense of frustration that your reputation is being smeared but added to that is the frustration that people are actually believing what is being said about you. You are surprised and dismayed that people are falling for what we are saying about you. You are disappointed in those people who you thought would know better than to be taken in by what we have said. You really ought to know by now that just as oyu were taken in by our charm and seduction, so have they. Did you really expect them to respond any differently when you did not? The difficulty is, is that you know the truth about the lies being spun about you and you desperately want others to see through this but they do not. You understand why, because we base the smear on a grain of truth, we magnify and manipulate and twist and warp the truth so that people are deceived in an expert fashion but nevertheless you really though that people who you could rely on would see through this tissue of lies, this web of deceit. The frustration at this overhwhelms you and adds to the distress of the situation as a whole.

  1. The Lack of Control

We hate losing control. Most people do not like to lose control because this causes distress, anxiety and apprehension. If something bad happens and you are able to at least do something to address it, counter it or mitigate its effect you automatically feel better. However, if you are swept along on a tide by a force over which you can exert no control, the sense of helplessness is massive. You are made to feel like this because when the smear campaign commences your coping ability has been hugely reduced. We however are at the top of our game, calling the shots and orchestrating everything with considerable effectiveness. You do not truly understand why it is happening, why we are behaving like this and moreover why people believe what we are saying. You feel as if you have no control over the progression and outcome of the smear campaign and this increases its effectiveness in terms of how it affects you.

  1. Keeping Up Appearances

Related to the corruption of the truth. Whereas the corruption of the truth alarms you because of the way that a central quality which you adhere to and believe in is being damaged, the smear campaign is also damaging how people think about you. You are not a person who is immersed in pride. You are neither vain nor conceited but you still want people to think well of you because you are a good and decent person. You just want people to know what you are and to have them told that you are something contrary to your actual appearance becomes especially upsetting for you.

  1. The Hammer to Your Reputation


Not only is your character and outward appearance as a good and honest person shattered and dented by the smear campaign, the effects of a smear campaign often go further. Your professional integrity is called into question with ramifications for your job, career advancement and livelihood. Your standing in the community is adversely affected which could have repercussions where you hold positions of trust and authority. If you have to be licensed by the authorities in some way, a smear campaign can place that in jeopardy. You may lose friends, your family may distance themselves from you but the repercussions of a smear campaign can infect your professional life, your income, your integrity and your standing. You are made to feel like a pariah and you may lose clients and customers, the backing of your superiors, be regarded as an albatross to an organisation. People are obsessed with appearances and if you become a PR nightmare not only is your personal life hammered by the smear campaign your professional and business standing is also.


9 thoughts on “The Smearing of the Empath

  1. Bekah B says:

    Hi again, HG..
    So I read your article about the narcissist’s twin lines of defense.. Thank you so much for sharing this information.. It is very beneficial for me to somewhat anticipate what I’m up against in this situation.. In my specific case of dealing with my daughter’s father, he definitely had no choice but to go to the second line of defense: there was no denying what he had done.. I stood in front of this woman’s car and would not leave until he got out and took his bag of clothes and other items he had in my house.. He tried to distract and deflect by calmly saying, “This is why…”, but there was never a follow-up to that phrase.. I also provided no fuel during this encounter.. I was calm and just handed him his things and told him I know this female is pregnant.. See, I have known my upper mid-ranger for 11+ years.. I have seen him transition over the years into this incredibly passive-aggressive, manipulative “charmer”.. And it just keeps getting “worse”.. However, throughout the years, I have had the pleasure of getting him to open up to me and receiving information from him about how he views the world and the people within it, namely his family and females.. More than likely, he lied to me when discussing things pertaining me.. He always idealized me in his words and made me feel as if I was on an untouchable level, only where he and I resided.. He called all other females “stupid”.. (that’s his most profane term to use to describe the people beneath him).. He and I share the thinking, analytical personality trait and readily neglect emotional outbursts and responses when we both know it would be best to approach a situation in a logical fashion.. But more recently, he has glared at me in envy during our night long discussions of ourselves as individuals.. He has even stated, “That’s not fair.. You can do this AND you can do that” (in reference to me being able to care and love someone deeply, being able to empathize, but to also turn off my emotional side and use facts, evidence, and logic to support my explanation of why I no longer care for a person in an emotional way).. Within the past 2 months, he has called me a psychopath.. (such an insult, lol..) But also, in this past month (actually the past 2 weeks), I have been hoovered BIG TIME.. He arrived at my doorstep in the middle of the night with a lot of his clothes packed in a duffel bag, stating he was ready to come home to me.. That all other females did not matter to him anymore.. He told me all the things I wanted to hear as far as the ideal relationship I hoped for us to have.. (bear in mind I had recently let him in on these things a couple weeks beforehand).. It was as if he received the info I gave him, spiced it up a little, and fed it right back to me, in a loving, concerned tone.. I let him in and we “lived together” for just shy of two weeks.. And then I caught him with this female and found out she had been telling him she was pregnant.. So this exposure encounter is more than just him being caught in the act, for I have not contacted him since.. I am 7 full days in No Contact.. This was my escape.. Before this female ever appeared in the picture, I told him if he ever got another female pregnant, it would be over between us as two human people communicating with each other.. And he knows that because he brought it up back in July: he said he knows I would never speak to him again.. So again, HG.. What do you think? Considering how long I’ve known this upper mid-ranger; how I was just hoovered by him recently; the fact that we have a child together; the fact that I caused narcissistic injury by catching him in the act; the fact that I have not contacted him since, when previously he was conditioned to me sending him lengthy emails about things that had happened, my feelings about it, but the fact that I still loved him.. What do you think he believes just happened? Do you think he believes he is enacting his second line of defense and doesn’t realize I just escaped?

  2. Cindy Patterson says:

    Your articles are very good but my only question is why spell check would not catch some errors?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because it is a traitor.

    2. Sophia says:

      For the same reason your phone replaces a word you didn’t want replaced in a text. Duck. 🙄

  3. Violet says:

    I remember a satanic ritual within my family to make me a narcissist and it was organised. My mother’s catholic parents and my school knew about it, and all of us went through it. I’m having various flashbacks but from what I can gather, I was the failure.
    I remember being possessed at the dinner table, as in, overcome with an evil and saw my evil family without their masks. I remember sitting in the evil and becoming it, and I remember deciding to fight and began saying “I am a good girl”. And every bad thing they said in the ritual to me, I countered with a loving statement. I think I was 8 years old.
    I even remember the phone ringing and my mother saying “yes it is done.”
    Yes, I know the creature. I have had it, or know the state and what it is to have the stare, to speak the devil’s voice. To feel everything bad. I decided the way out was to accept it fully and lovingly. I would be curious by today’s Standards what this process was officially called. Hypnosis? After this time I must have undergone a period of narcissism to fix it. I said nice things to myself constantly. I decided the creature was just plain old being human. Just hate of someone’s hate. They called me the hating child who wasn’t confident enough to go all the way.
    I wasn’t the same however. I calculated my every word and move. I too felt a machine and it was so terrifying. I would now call this ptsd. I truly thought my soul had left. But I would now call this survival mode.

    Does this ring a bell for anyone? Are there mass organised satanic rituals within groups that plan this on children?

    1. Overthinker says:

      While I’m sure somewhere in the world there are people who engage in so called satanic rituals, I’m sure the number is over inflated in the media. However there is no way to turn someone into a narc thru a satanic ritual I even doubt anyone would have tried considering it wasn’t something the average person knew existed in the past, I mean the term narcissism , I think you were probably exposed to some horrific child abuse though.

    2. K says:

      It does not ring a bell for me, Violet. Your grandparents and school knew about the ritual, yet did nothing. It sounds cultish.

  4. Cal says:

    I have no idea if I’m the empath or the narc. I was definitely in a narcissistic relationship that ended recently. But I don’t know who is who. I love my friends and family, and I get energy from talking to them and that makes me more productive, but now I worry that it’s not energy, it’s fuel.

    I have no intention to hurt others, but maybe I do by accident. I act false sometimes, maybe even manipulative. It’s a facade so people think that I’m ok. I just don’t want anyone else abandon me like my wife did. I need that fuel/energy from others to move on right now, is that narcissistic?

  5. Overthinker says:

    There’s so much cruelty and pain caused by a smear campaign I still miss my former friend who stopped talking to me a year ago due to whatever narc was saying to him, I encouraged a friendship between them so narc wouldn’t be jealous of our relationship then he the narc destroyed my friendship for no reason other than for shits and giggles. The only good part is narc admitted to me my old friend stopped speaking to him as well in march of this year. I was sending him messages he never replied to them but I told him he would discover truth of the narc for himself and hopefully he did. My question is did u ever drive an ex appliance to suicide or to stalk you in a scary and threatening way, it seems like this would be a frequent occurrence due to how malicious u can be

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