Little Acons – No. 18
5 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 18”
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My mother was warped in yet another way. Your father loves you more than I do. He loves you more than me. Double whammy compliment. Mind fuck.
I do tell my kids this, but indirectly and, in the main, without the invective. Their narc father is incapable of love, real love. His “love” is only about fuel – look at me, I am being a good dad. The kids are his appliances, everything is on his terms, always. I encourage my teenage/young adult kids to understand that. Why keep looking for something that isn’t there? Why continue to be disappointed?
I try to show them how to put expectation boundaries in place so they can decide for themselves if their interaction with their father is in their interests, or just in his. I am not trying to get them to hate him, I am trying to help them get some perspective on him. In fact I am doing him a favour. If the kids understand his limitations, they have a better chance of maintaining some sort of relationship, even if it is superficial. Better that than constant disappointment, anger and ultimately further intergenerational dysfunction.
Oddly i never got this. My mother didnt like my dad after they divorced yet she idolized him thru my brother. My brother was the son version of the man she couldnt keep. Really messed up!
Euw gross! Did your narc mom say that to you?
My lesser narc mom says that all the time but always does the opposite in a subtle manner,,
Pathetic!