A Sense of Guilt
Nope you’ve got me on that one.
54 thoughts on “A Sense of Guilt”
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Nope you’ve got me on that one.
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Dear Mr Tudor,
Your line was very amusing
True
But disturbing
That’s HG, amusing yet disturbing.
My ex’s first wife committed suicide… after he said some horrible things to her, including that he was divorcing her, taking the kids & that she would get nothing since she didn’t earn a penny of “his” money…the last being “stop your blubbering.”
After we were married, I found out that one of the first places we “snuck” off to have sex at his home was the exact place she hung herself. This was within 3 months of her actually committing suicide.
They don’t feel guilt or grief.
They don’t FEEL anything.
Wow HKGirl. That’s unbelievable. It is hard to wrap your head around that someone could be that cold & unfeeling.
Nothing is ever his fault, of course. When it came to light, I was sickened and furious. His only defense was “it just never occurred to me and that should be a compliment to you and how into you I was.”
Zero personal accountability.
HKG—they feel acc to HG. the two emotions mentioned, no. there is no limit to the absence of something. ie guilt, shame. funny (not haha) that we all try to outdo the other by our stories of this or that “atrocity” committed by the narc. there are no varying degrees of not caring and being void of guilt or shame. yet we agonize over the degrees to which they point blank shoot the truth at us in repetitive behavior of every degree saying the same thing. HG knocks himself out daily, drilling it into us like cadets. THEY DO NOT CARE. THEY DONT DO GUILT OR SHAME. WE REFUSE TO HEAR THE TRUTH. TRA-LA-LA.
Hi HKgirl….that is unreal! What a disgusting shell of a human being!
Thats where ive gone wrong in confronting my narc on what hes done or how hes made me feel bc he feels no guilt. He has more compassion for animals than he does me. He feels no guilt and actually has enjoyed doing things to hurt me yet he shares stories of dog/animal rescues and donates to organizations. To him people are flawed and corrupt and animals are loyal and pure. Hes told me so much himself. This knowledge that he lacks guilt has saved me from wasting time explaining to him any further how he hurts me bc he doesnt care.
Narc Affair – this is one of the hardest things to process when we’re trying to understand what the hell happened to us. Why can’t he acknowledge that’s he’s hurt us and apologize for it? Because (1) he can’t acknowledge our feelings because that would require recognizing that we exist as something other than his appliance; (2) he hasn’t done anything wrong — anything he wants or does is automatically right; (3) we don’t deserve an apology because we’re the ones who failed HIM. It’s nearly impossible for us empaths to get our heads around that kind of thinking. But that is, indeed, how his thought process works. You’re right — he doesn’t care. (About anything but fuel, that is.)
Hi recovering narcoholic…ty for your reply its good to be reminded of this. It is about fuel. Its odd bc he talks about his mother whose passed away as a lovely woman yet i feel theres this part of him that resents women. Like hes a misogynist. Id watched a vid on how male narcissists rely on women yet they resent and dont trust them and this sums him up. He has this veneer of respecting and loving women yet i know thru his devaluation this is not the case.
There is no guilt bc he can never allow himself to feel for others. He has more feeling for an animal he sees on a video than he does for a person hes known for years.
His lack of trust in people has a wall built. He will use people for fuel but never allow himself to have true feelings for them.
Hi narcaffair,
It seems like u r going thru a rough patch w ur narc lately. I’m sorry abt this. Both of our narcs are kind to us, but do show their colors frm time to time. I thought our narcs are v similar, but i do notice a difference. If i confront my nex abt my feelings, he apologizes and tries to correct himself. I have to explain in detail what he did wrong though, or he won’t get it. Once i do that, he usually never repeats it, eg. future faking, blame shifting. I have not explained abt deflection yet tho. I don’t think he will even understand that one.
Hmm… I see the presence of sense of Guilt in Narcs. It evokes the internal sense of Shame and then it quickly transforms into one or several protective mechanisms – Denial, Annoyance, Irritation, Anger or Fury.
This process is sooo quick, so it seems that they don’t experience any sense of Guilt. But they do. For couple of seconds. And then, the “protection” begins and we see the “classic” Narc’s behavior.
They aren’t afraid of Guilt by itself, they are afraid of Shame, that the Guilt evokes. The Shame says to them ”You failed everything again. You are such a loser” and it is a lethal insult for their ego.
Holy fucking shit. Yes! This makes so much sense. This is exactly how my mid range must think and act!!! To a T!!!!!!
Sorry forgot to say my reply was to No Name’s comment!!!! This makes so much sense about how my mid ranger must view things!
“Son, you’re in Alaska. If it happens to you, it’s your fault.”
^ MY problem. i live in alaska.
I thought my comment was deleted. I didn’t realize it had to go through a moderator thingy-ma-jingy.
At least HG has a sense of humour. Right HG??? Not like that sour puss Sam Vaknin. Jeez what a Debbie downer he is.
I knew there was a reason I liked you.
No guilt for any behavior, yes, I recall you saying this. Which does make sense given its relationship with empathy. If you feel guilt for a misbehavior toward someone, you feel a level of empathy.
Though, I do believe you said shame is experienced by narcissists, correct(akin to a sense of deep-seated self hatred that is hidden)? What about for sociopaths and psychopaths, the same combo of no guilt but the existence of shame?
What is your take on this HG?
I do not feel ashamed, but I have understood from my interactions with the good doctors how certain behaviours are predicated on a deep-seated shame. I have a buried hatred for what happened to me, not so much the acts themselves but the fact that I was conquered in such a way and I am told this links with deep-seated shame.
By discovering the origins of your shame-like experiences, would you feel more inclined to realize that it was not your fault for being conquered as a child and that you were and are worthy of love? Do you have the mental capability of allowing your wounds to heal and overcome your hatred?
I know it wasn’t my fault, although I am often reminded that I was but I till reject that.
That remains to be seen.
CANNOT COMPUTE: how one does not feel guilt or shame. envious. another bad emotion. i am full of them. rawr.
Hi Nuit Étoilée,
*waves back*
Pleasure to meet you! I am glad you found the mindfulness information helpful 🙂
Indy
I sort of understand this I was raped at age 22 and I was mad at myself I was angry I “let” somebody rape me , as if I failed myself in some way by not stopping it and letting him rape me when in reality I was 110 pounds and this guy was 6 5 about 350 pounds and knocked me to the ground and raped me in less than five seconds I didn’t stand a chance, nor did you . You were not conquered you were a child not legally allowed to work, vote , get a job or live independent ally so what recourse could you possibly have had to prevent them from conquering you
Kim,
I am v sorry to hear abt this. U have suffered frm an alcoholic father, rape, and narc abuse. Yet u turned out to be a true believer in love, and a true empath. I have the highest respect for u. Pls stay strong. I am sending u warm wishes. 🌷
Indy!!!!
Youve been missed.
Agreed 🤓
Hi NarcAngel,
Thank you, it’s nice “seeing” the gang again too😊
Hi Indy!
*waves*
I’ve actually become quite a fan of yours, reading many, many previous posts
*particularly wanted to say thank you for information relating to mindfulness =
THANK YOU!!
He gave me the shortened edition of golden period. Got me into bed. 45 minutes later said he was feeling guilty cause he was married to the woman he dumped me for so cruelly. Started blameshifting. It suddenly was all my fault. I was crazy etc.
Then he said he’s going off the grid for awhile. Gonna try to not do the cheating thing anymore. What was I thinking?? That he suddenly felt remorse?
No, this seems to me that you were either a Shelf IPSS or DLS and what he was doing was testing you. There was no remorse. You were being triangulated and provoked to see what your reaction would be.
HG, what kind of reaction would a narc hope for/ desire in this case?
Fuel and this would indicate that by being able to provoke a reaction you were susceptible to further manipulation.
Thank you,HG! Much appreciated!
Love this one! It made me laugh.
It amazes me that you, HG, know what you are. However, for those of your kind who do NOT know what they are. When they say they feel guilty….remorse…or even when they say they feel EMPATHY….you say they do not really feel it. They say they do for fuel or because they actually think that they are decent people who feel those things, even when they do not.
My question is about the THOUGHT PROCESS that causes this. Why can’t they realize this like you can? I thought cerebral narcs were intelligent. Or does intelligence not have anything to do with it?
I hope this somewhat of a question makes sense.
What happened to my comment HG?
I don’t know – I haven’t seen it yet, so it is either in moderation and I haven’t got to it or the Spam Dungeons has claimed it.
Spam Dungeons has claimed it.
^ sounds ominous. what’s admission price?
Oh it’s free to enter TZ, it’s the cost to get out which matters.
Hi LouLou – just be aware that HG Tudor has a spokesperson called Jenna who on his behalf informs bloggers that they have ‘no right’ to ask HG Tudor about what is happening to their already submitted comment. There is no such ‘no right’ clause in the rules of the blog but apparently Jenna has taken on that role or perhaps HG Tudor has hired her to speak for him.
I don’t hire anybody to speak on my behalf, I do the speaking myself. It is far more effective.
Hi sniglet!
I only feel that pple who have been here for some time shud not ask him where their comments are, becoz they know how busy he is (and they do not pay him). Pple who are new do not know the procedure nor know abt his very busy lifestyle. Loulou, i think u r relatively new here.
Since it offends u sniglet, i will stop. I do not wish to offend hg, nor any readers.
Tho we disagree on many things, i find u intellectually stimulating. I also find u humourous.
HG. – how would the narc feel if their victim commits suicide and leaves a letter blaming the narc? If not guilt then what. Anything?
Is this the comment you wondered what had happened to? It was only posted 12 minutes ago!
1. Annoyed or disappointed at the loss of the fuel source, dependent on where they fitted in to the matrix and where they were at in terms of dynamic. Thus an IPPS in devaluation who commits suicide would cause annoyance. A shelf IPSS who is on the shelf who commits suicide would irritate. A recently disengaged IPPS who has in effect been deleted would be regarded with contempt.
I initially looked at this and thought to myself oh what’s this on guilt … really ?? Then read ” nope you got me on that one ” haha actually made me laugh . This also just strengthens my thoughts etc on no contact ever ,
And thus it has served its purpose.
Ha, ha! Reminds me of my favorite line from some forgettable movie. It was a sheriff talking to a teenage boy,
“Son, you’re in Alaska. If it happens to you, it’s your fault.”
I think that’s how narcs always feel. Why should they feel guilt for something that happened to someone else? Everyone is responsible for protecting themselves.
You have no sense of guilt. Isn’t that correct?
That is correct Peaceful.
I would like to trade places with you for one day, HG. I would imagine I would feel 1000 lbs lighter from the weight of all my guilt being gone.
Understandable 12345, but no trading, nothing personal. You can of course look to join the dark side, I am just processing Sniglet’s application.
I’ve been flirting to trade for the dark side, and am not affraid. To cross the threshold I might, though not even the devil will take a bite. Status update on my application is?
We are checking your references at present.
1. Lord D. Vader;
2. Ms W. Witch of The East; and
3. Mr D. Dasterdly.