It’ s Only The Wind
It is fundamental to the method by which we are able to exert our control that we maintain a heightened state of anxiety, in you. When we keep you on edge you are unable to function properly. You are not in a position to challenge what we do, either in your own mind or by confronting us. We want you on tenterhooks and feeling uncertain. One method by which I would achieve this would be the use of sudden noises. I would choose a moment when the other person is sat quietly, perhaps reading a book or watching television. The house is quiet and I can see that you are relaxed. I will exit the room and perhaps go upstairs where I will slam a couple of doors or stamp on the floor and then return to where you are.
“What was that bang?” you ask as I enter the room again.
“A bang?” I answer with a quizzical look on my face.
“Yes, there was a loud bang from upstairs, did you not hear it?”
I shake my head and watch as you frown.
“I am sure I heard it, like something hitting the floor.”
I shake my head again.
“No, I was just in the kitchen but I did not hear anything.”
I sit down and watch as you get up to explore and try and find out what the source of the noise was. You will not find any evidence that will help you in your quest because I stamped on the floor above the living room three times. There is nothing broken or damaged which would give you some clue as to what has happened. You return to your seat puzzled at this noise and resume the task you were engaged in. Throughout the day I intermittently make sudden noises, loud and designed to make you jump. I slam some doors, bang on the floor when upstairs and let the sash windows bang shut. Each time I deny hearing the noise as you pad about the house trying to find out what the source of the sudden noise was. I can see that it is getting to you. You are wandering around, peering about the house in an earnest fashion as if expecting some intruder to be stood there banging two pieces of wood together. You keep asking me if I have heard anything. On each occasion I deny it. I never let you catch me generating the noise and each time I am trying hard not to laugh as you keep asking me whether I have heard the noise. You question whether it is the neighbours but I point out that they are away for the weekend. I continue with this campaign through the night, slipping from the bed and making something topple over so you wake up with a start. Sometimes I wake up and shout out loud and then pretend to be asleep as you grip me, frightened by the sudden noise. Every time I feign ignorance and then begin to demonstrate irritation towards you because you keep waking me up and disturbing my sleep. By the following day you look terrible. You have barely slept, left on the edge by these intermittent noises which take on even greater sharpness and effect in the dead of night. I continue to cause these sudden bangs and crashes and always deny hearing them. I point out that you must be hearing things and the fact you look exhausted shows you must be having some kind of psychotic episode. You keep on asking me how I have not heard anything but every time I shake my head and deny hearing these noises. I pretend to show that I care by holding you and suggesting that it might be something outside or it was only the wind as it blew past the house, slamming a window shut or knocking over the outside bin. This causes you to go to the window and stare at the bin which has not moved. You do not accept these natural explanations so I begin to suggest that it is down to you being tired and perhaps you should take some time off work but you will not agree.
“Perhaps we have a ghost?” I suggest and watch the colour drain from your face at this suggestion. I then shift to making a noise in front of you.
“That was you,” you declare as you jump in your seat.
“I know it was, I was just checking that your hearing was working okay. It obviously is.”
“But I keep hearing noises and you don’t?” you protest with a look of bewilderment.
“I know, you keep saying, perhaps you should see the doctor?”
You feel ragged and drained so you agree. I accompany you, discharging the obligation of caring partner as I sit and listen to you explaining what has been happening to the doctor. I confirm you are hearing things and the doctor wonders if you are suffering from depression and suggests monitoring the situation. You ask for something to help you sleep and I concur with the suggestion. It is all getting noted down in your records and is providing evidence that I can refer other people to in order to build this picture that there is something seriously wrong with you, that you are prone to imagining things which is all helpful in creating the picture that you are losing your mind. I continue with the behaviour, creating slams, bangs and crashes throughout the day and night until you return to the doctors begging for more medication with my supportive self, nodding away next to you. Little by little your sanity is becoming eroded by this campaign of torment and you lean on me all the while, thankful for my support and oblivious to the fact that I am the source of your anxiety. I try to soothe you, offering explanations that come from a natural source as I continue to give you a look that you are stark, staring mad.
“It is only the wind,” I tell you yet again but you look out of the window and see the branches are not moving as you sink into a chair holding your head in your hands.
37 thoughts on “It’ s Only The Wind”
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HG, excellent post.
Do you and your kind use our fears against us because you have worked out the flaws attached to our emotional thinking?
Are we that predictable?
I do so. Most of my kind would not be aware of emotional thinking and therefore it is purely a case of ascertaining your vulnerabilities and using them against you.
HG, are narc men misogynists (maybe those having a narc mother and codependent father)?
Is this something we should take into account as a red flag?
Thank you HG.
I know better now (KTN learning), I recall being asked the question by previous employers “What are your strengths?”, followed by “What are your weaknesses”. Damn, ‘weaponising’ them with information that they could use against you at a later juncture. Granted, not all employers do “use” vulnerabilities against people.
Speaking of fucked up………I just had a memory of something StepNarc did to scare me when I was a kid. In one of the houses we lived in (moved a lot) there was an unfinished basement and there was a doorway to a dirt cellar with no light in it. He would buy a bushel of apples and place it in the middle of that dirt room on a table. He then relished in telling me to go down to get him an apple. The first time I told him I didnt want to because it was dark and dirty and I couldnt see. I didnt say I was scared but he knew that I was. He told me to just walk straight ahead from the door with my arms out and I would run right into the bushel. I asked him to show me or give me a flashlight. He got angry and told me to stop “acting foolish” which was a favorite line of his. I braced myself outside of that dark doorway while he yelled for me to hurry from upstairs. I envisioned spiders and rats and dead people reaching out for me and I was terrified but I did it and would not admit it to him of course. Once I reached in and there was an apple gone bad and my hands touched the mush and I almost threw up. He was always visibly amused upon my return and forced me to do this regularly. Sick fuck.
NA~Reading this made me livid!!! Literally, adrenaline is pumping through me so much that I can hardly sit still. After I finish my work, I’ll desperately need to go for a jog.
I’m hugging the child that you were, Narc Angel… and I’m now taking you by the hand and leading you outside of that house – then kneeling down on the lawn to the beautiful child that you were – and placing a beautiful apple pie into your hands. Savor that image of your worth — or imagine me going back inside the house for you and slamming the pie into face of your past abuser. Your choice. Your Power.
XO
(I’m so pissed I could probably lift a car right now, lol).
Caroline
Thank you for your kindness and the vision of leading me out. Please dont let it bother you (unless it helps fuel your run lol) as its just a memory locked away that came to the fore when reading this article and the comments. Just an example of the lengths they will go to to exert their power and amuse themselves. He of course would hold up these sadist acts as “making us stronger” and “building character”. I can look at these things and then put them away-they dont traumatize me. On the up side Im not afraid of spiders.
Dont let it stay with you or he wins twice. Thank you.
Narc Angel.
Uhg what a sadistic messed up guy doing that to a small child. Sick.
Ahh.. my ex didn’t make loud noises or do the startle reflex thing. Lol he knew I would probably scratch his face off. But he did do other things to mind fuck me. Examples: I’m a pretty organized person. Everything has its place. So he would move things to mess with me. Like car keys in the flour jar. Toothpaste in the fridge. Dirty Landry in the oven, then proceed to tell me I was doing “ crazy” things and was blacking out. Also told me when I woke up in the morning that I had been gone all night, where had I gone? How had I forgotten?? I need “serious help” I also suspect he put some sort of drug in my lemon tea at night. No proof, but I would wake up feeling very out of it with scratches, bruises and bite marks all over me.Funny how the last two years, I seem to be functioning JUST FINE!
Star
Wow. Drugging you is fucked up.
Scary to say the least. My narc didn’t exactly do anything like what’s mentioned above, but I did feel that he manufactured emotions in me that he could later use to declare me unstable in all sorts of manners. One of his favourites was to accuse me of something terrible on the spur of the moment, infidelity was what he seemed to prefer, and his accusations were always what I thought to be paranoid and very far fetched. But accuse me he did anyway, and then he never let me defend myself. He turned his shoulder to me, went to bed, refused to speak, commenced a silent treatment, sometimes interrupted by further angry insults. I was devastated, I couldn’t believe my otherwise quite rational man could believe such things of me, I followed him around, tried explaining, used logic, and in the end when he wouldn’t answer, just moving around in the bed so he wouldn’t have to face me or telling me to shut up, I started crying, screaming, acting hysterical because his behaviour hurt so badly. That was the cue for him to get up, get dressed and just leave telling me he hated my drama and that I was unstable. Usually a prolonged silent treatment would follow until I apologised for the drama I created, his hurtful accusations being conveniently “forgotten” along the way..
But the thing is, it’s taken me such a long time afterwards to even understand what truly happened. I focused all my energy on why he would ever think such a thing of me in the first place, and thought somehow his ensuing behaviour signaled how hurt he was. Now I realise of course that these occasions were not at all about what I thought they were about. He wasn’t really that paranoid, he lashed out at me to manufacture a hysterical reaction he could further use for his evil goals. He wanted control, power, fuel. He wanted to be able to diminish me through calling me hysterical. He always told me hated drama, and I’ve never known a person to be surrounded by it to the degree he was. Except maybe, come to think of it, my mother and grandmother.
Am I crazy (or crazier according to the narc) to think this is hilarious? I know it isn’t for the person going through it and I certainly would not think it was hilarious if it were happening to me. What makes me laugh is picturing someone running around the house doing all this stuff.
My sister and I would’ve definitely done this to each other when we were in grade school. She used to creep into my room and jerk both my feet down from the end of my bed then run out as fast as she could. I would cry, my mom would come in and my sister would get spanked. Fun times in our household!!
Have you ever taken or moved keys credit cards important things then pretended to help look then put them in a place already checked and acted like the other was forgetful ? My N also claimed he’d told me things he never had and no matter how we discussed a matter he claimed there had never been a conclusion or final agreement. Also I had to speak like an encyclopedia and never rely on the intimate shorthand one enjoys with true intimacy. I have never tried harder to make a relationship work and had less ( no) improvement . I felt less alone when I was alone than with my N husband. It was a hollow painful isolating soul sucking aloneness no real intimacy. I never had a one night stand but after our (very sporadic) one sided marital sex I cried bcs of the emptiness. Thanks HG now I’m sure why all my gut feelings were correct. The gaslighting and crumbs that kept me there …. all of it , to subject someone he claimed to love to it endlessly ….diabolical. I hope I can get ‘me’ back.
Absolutely.
I have.
I cannot believe you would do that. What a reprobate! Doing it to others is funny but not to me.
A way of reinforcing cognitive dissonance until “madness” appears?
I was there because of my husband stonewalling me when I needed him to understand my anguish and the psychiatrist watched him, telling: you need “human empathy” treatment, not her (pills).
I once saw my Nex’s car parked in front of a grocery store. I moved and parked it clear across the lot. Never got caught and delighted in doing so! I can mind f*ck Too!
Mb, ❤❤❤. Yes, you will get yourself back. Being on your own will make the lonelyness disappear. Do things you like to do, dance and smile and stay away from narcs.. eventually you’ll find yourself again.
Gosh.. I love this composition.. It is all too metaphorical.. And unfortunately, is all too real.. I love reading these articles and reading, in general, but this really takes me back to the days of dealing with my mid-ranger and my heightened anxiety and eventual frustration with this (because I knew I wasn’t crazy).. I don’t miss those days.. They were really tough.. To know there are people out here that intentionally manufacture disturbances and then watch as you react and are tickled to death by your reaction, is truly…… Mean.. That is all I am going to say..
Yes Bekah B and also just simply fucking immature. I’m so glad I’m done with him.
Yes, Bekah, I agree. HG’s writing is wonderful.. as for the stories..
..there’s a reason his insignia says ‘Evil’…
I have hidden cameras in and out of my house recording the evidence which will refute the narc’s denials if necessary.
Lots of victims of narcissistic abuse suffer from narcissistic abuse syndrome (anxiety, panic attacks, low self-esteem, state of utter confusion due to the gaslighting, sociophobia, depression etc.). After having lived with different narcs almost all of my life, I recently discovered what chronic anxiety does to your brain and body. I suffer severe memory loss and Cushing’s syndrome, because of a constant high level of Cortisol (stress hormone), due to the constant anxiety. (My dad has the same, living with my narc mum). If you see people that have a real fat belly but they have thin to normal arms and legs, they probably suffer from anxiety. Please never accuse those people of being ‘fat’, assuming they eat to much or eat junk food all of the time.
I walk, I sport, I eat very healthy and not to much, but I look 7 months pregnant and it is almost impossible to lose weight (under the circumstances of living with anxiety). I went for check-ups to the hospital, thinking I might have a hernia or so, but they couldn’t find anything wrong. Regular doctors know nothing about narcissistic abuse and the effect of it, they just don’t recognize it. I am writing this down not to pity play, but to make others aware of the consequences of chronic anxiety and high Cortisol level. I assume living a narc-free life is the best thing you can do for your mental, as well as physical health.
I have same. Can it be recovered from? Or is it irreversibly cumulative?
If you can be free of stress/anxiety, eat healthy (no sugar, not to much cafeine), exercise etc.. you can lower your Cortisol level en lose belly-fat. Meditation, proper (deep) breathing, listening to music and having sex can help as well. Also ashwaganda and other supplements can lower Cortisol. Just google ‘cortisol’ and you’ll find the information.
“The evidence”. This is the most annoying aspect of the Narcissist.
Scaring people with sudden noise actually causes brain cells to die, of course, this will mean nothing to your kind…
How many?
LOL…
Most likely the only two you’ve got
😁
(sorry but you asked for it..)
Come now, you know that isn’t the case.
Oh crap! I’m lucky I have any cells left with my scream startle reflex 😂
Don’t forget the laugh.
Luckily, laughter is supposed to reduce stress hormones. Perhaps if I laugh after I scream, it will protect my brain (though not the ears of anyone near by hehe)
Too many. Just think HG, you could add dementia to your ghoulish list of your victim’s suffering. Quite an achievement.