Infatuation
I have never known anybody like you. You are amazing. You are so loving, so kind and so gentle. Everything you do makes me happy. I didn’t think that was possible, not after the last person I was involved with. I don’t want to go on about that person for too long, why spoil this wonderful moment eh? Suffice to say they were not what I thought they were, a con-artist and a charlatan who made me think that they were something else and they took advantage of my good nature. I know you will not do that. I know you are too good a person. It is written all over you. I cannot believe how lucky I am to have found you. I wasn’t really looking but I am sure glad that I have found you. You are amazing. Have I told you that already? I can see you nodding. Sorry, I am just so excited to have finally found you and I am just so excited about all the adventures and fun we are going to have together. You really are everything that I have ever wanted in a person. There are not enough wonderful adjectives available to describe, there really aren’t.
My friends think I am nuts, but in a good way, because all I do is go on about you. I tell them the places we go to, the marvellous days we spend together and just hat a special, precious and loving person that you are. It restores your faith in human nature after all of the terrible things that have happened, sorry I am mentioning them again, I must stop doing that. I am all over the place, in the good way, this is what you do to me. Anyway, I tell my friends all about you, all of the time and I know that they are delighted to see me so deliriously happy because they have not seen me like this for some time. I have such plans for you and I. Wonderful, momentous and special plans. I want to tell you all about them now because they are that good, but I am not going to. I don’t want to spoil the surprises. This feels like my birthday, Christmas, a promotion and a wedding day all rolled into one. I know you might think I am going over the top but this is how happy you make me feel. I feel like I am on fire, fizzing with anticipation and joy. It is truly sensational and it is all down to you. You have brought this out in me. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I would have done. You rescued me and made me smile. You are my world. I mean that. I want to be with you all of the time and forever because you are so giving, so warm, so loving, so considerate, so funny, so attractive and well, just the very, very best. I have told my family about you, naturally and they cannot wait to meet you. I think they are nearly as excited as me. I think of you as soon as I wake up and you are in my thoughts all through the day and as I lie down at night I think of you again and wonder what you are doing and wish I was with you right at that moment.
You move me to the extent that I want to do great things for you and I and everyone else. You inspire me, you drive me and you motivate me. I feel completed now I have you, like nothing can ever hurt me and I know I will never let anything hurt you. That can never happen. I need you and I hope that you need me, we are a partnership and cannot be torn asunder, no matter what the world throws at us.
You will probably have seen my Facebook page littered with all those comments about you. I just feel them welling up inside of me and I have to let them out, give birth to them if you will and let them be shared with the world. It is the right thing to do, to allow such joy and happiness to be shared all around. Why shouldn’t other people be happy as well because we are? I want you. I want you more than anything I have ever wanted before I will do anything with you. I want us to be together, I want us to be one. I want us to grow old together and still be in love in sixty years as we are now. I know what we have is so special that we can achieve that.
I know I am babbling on but it is all good isn’t it? It is right to be this enthusiastic and excited and I know this is always going to be the case. That gives me so much comfort but again it is all because I know that we can rely on one another, trust one another and support one another. We are made for one another. Your hands fit mine perfectly, we coil together at night, fitting perfectly around one another. You finished my sentences and I know what you are going to say right before you say it. It is as if we have been forged from the same thing all those years ago, then separated and finally we have been put back together again in order to be happy and why not, we deserve to be happy. You make me happy and I will do the same for you. I want to tell the world how wonderful you make me feel. I want to take out advertisements in newspapers, on YouTube and on television. I want to shout if from the highest mountain and from the rooftops that I love you.
Am I infatuated? Of course you are. Who wouldn’t be so infatuated when being with someone as gloriously brilliant as me. Now, say that all again to me.
26 thoughts on “Infatuation”
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Hi HG,
1. For the narc, when targeting, does he or she want somebody who will make him/her feel the most powerful?
2. Since, fuel makes a narc feel powerful, then I imagine the narc searches for the one that will make him or her feel the most powerful. If it’s not about love, it’s about power, correct?
In essence, yes, I recommend you read Sitting Target.
Ok. Thanks, HG!
This is likely the best book I’ve read on the topic. Thank you for your insight.
Yes, the infatuation is similar to “love” in some way. The infatuation is an acute desire to CROSS your own boundaries and MERGE with another person. To form the “ONE”.
If another person is a “right person” and feels the same desire to cross his/her own boundaries and merge with you, the infatuation transforms into calm and serene, but very powerful feeling – LOVE.
But.
The hallmark of Narcissism is an inability (or, in the rarest cases it is a conscious reluctance) to cross their personal boundaries. The Narcs are SELF-CENTERED. They deny your existence. There aren’t two “kings” in the kingdom. If they sense, that you can cross their boundaries without their permission, they feel fear and immediately disengage (run away).
To merge with another person means a “death” to a Narcs’ grandiose self. That means to admit their HUMANITY. That means to ACCEPT another person and admit the equality. That means to REJECT their own core – Narcissism.
So, the Narcs’ infatuation has nothing to do with a love in principle. They don’t want to be the “one” with another person in principle!
Their infatuation (obsession) drives by another reason. ENVY.
You have what they don’t have. Life. Colors. Confidence. Prestige. Status. Money. Whatever. They want it badly. Their envy makes them sooo uncomfortable, so they want to get rid of that unpleasant and nagging feeling as soon as possible.
How? To get you.
How? To seduce. To lure. To bribe. To cajole. To lie. To threaten. Anything is good, if that means they get what they want and get rid of that unpleasant feeling.
Finally, they got you. The torturing envy is gone. Phew!
But. They never wanted to be the “one” with you from the beginning. They never wanted to cross their boundaries and be in real love with you. They’ve never been interested in you as a person. Your soul, your thoughts, your feelings have never mattered to them. You are a complete stranger to them. Hey! Who are you? What are you doing here? Ah, I see, you are the one, who has saved me from my torturing envy, letting me to get you. Yeah, you did your job perfectly. Nothing tortures me now. I’m bored…
Ohh… I feel the envy again and you aren’t the source of it. She is. I have to have her, because she and only she can “heal” my envy, not you. I’m done with you. Get out.
The Narcs’ infatuation looks like an “love obsession”. Yes, it does. But. They are obsessed with themselves. It is all about them, not about you. Always. Aside of cases, when they decide to do otherwise. But better not to hope for that. Just get out.
Noname,
This is very insightful. He used to say ‘when i see pple laugh, i think they are lucky’. I know his new remote tertiary on ig has this trait. He told me that she makes him laugh. So, like u said, they are interested in who they are envious of.
Hi HG, Thank you for your incredible insight. On three seperate occassions that I distincly remember, I’ve experiences what I would describe as a ‘black stare’ from the narc I was involved with.. almost as if I could literally see the devil for a moment. Is this such a thing? There was nothing that happened prior to these stares (from my perspective, anyway), they seem to come out of nowhere and were absolutely chilling. I said nothing each and every time, pretending I didn’t notice… but I did. Do you have any writings about this?
Please see ‘The Stare”.
HIJA– I’ve experiences what I would describe as a ‘black stare’ from the narc I was involved with..
^ yes, sinister. scares more than violence.
Hi HG.
HG, I have a really hard time imagining you saying these things! Surely the mismatch between your no-nonsense demeanour & these kinds of over-the-top “love confessions” would actually make your target suspicious?
Remember, when I write, I often write from the perspective of others of my kind and not just me. Further, targets are not suspicious, that is why they become targets in the first place.
Like charming the skin of a snake.. you are so very very clever in what you do .. slowly but surely with your words An so callled I’m only thinking of you babe actions ….. manipulating us to think your way …. wearing us down to the point of forgetting who we are.. I went from a carefree .. vivaciuse .. confident An funloving open minded girl … to a person I didnt recognise when I looked in the mirror an more importantly most of all inside my mind! an my heart felt empty even tho I was in deeply in love with him ….. the more An more I actually type now … I’m actually beginning to think that it was … An maybe I was hypnotised by him an it was just infactiation an needy ness of him …. but you know this don’t you … I remember now at the start … I actually said to him after a few weeks of seeing him .. your like a drug to me …. he must of thought HOUSE 👍
Wowzers! … he was so hypnotic …. an then my infatuation turned into love … I don’t regret any of it tho I had brilliant times An them memeories ease it now it some odd way … the first few months where hell tho .. I was craving him missing him so bad it felt like my heart An soul was being ripped apart … I was drinking heavily too ease the pain An sending him An his friends messages telling them everything he had done An the way he had acted towards me as he’s had started his smear campaign telling who ever would listen I was crazy… he messaged my family saying I think she has a drink problem … yeah funny how the only time I drank was when he would lie about his movements constantly … the thing is I knew he was lying I had the proof early on …. but I was so inlove with him I didn’t want to lose hime …. once when I cOnfronted him he went nuts at me saying I was crazy An shouting at me so then I would cry he would then say why are you crying your acting like a baby … your acting like a child … so nastily … he had no empathy what so ever …. an then of corse I would question myself when I had stemmed the tears … is it me??? An then I would opalagise! I once got down on my hands An knees An begged him not to finish it after another time I had asked him why his fone was off for two days whilst he was on holiday … Ile never forget that ever .. being on my hands An knees in front of him begging him not to finish it saying to him I don’t know what I would do with him….like a fool … ME Questioning my own self when I had done nothing wrong apart from question Him about his fone being off whilst abroad …… he was honestly the man of my dreams he was everything I ever wanted….. .. whe went together An fitted together so well we laughed everyday we had the same stupid humour … people would stare at us when we where out they would be coupled up standing at the bar watching the band drinking … we would be the only ones on the dance floor .. we bounced off Each other so much .. people always commented you are so alike…. I thought we where …. I’ve grieved the relationship now .. my family An friends have been there for me An my good have they had to be there for me I thought I was loosing it … I was craving him so bad .. his voice .. his smell .. his touch .. just everything … but I had to let him go …. and after all the tears the drinking … the sleepless nights .. the dreams of him … the heart panic attacks ..the constant crying on the fone to friends An family … god they must of been at there wits end at first I think they just thought ahh she will be ok in a couple of weeks .. but you can’t just turn off love can you ? I was happy .. I had got to that stadge that I wanted to be his Sunday morning … I did everything for him to make him happy … there was nothing I wouldn’t do I worshipped the ground he walked on … BUT he knew it .. An lucky enough I had an intuition in my tum for a good few months it just didn’t feel right after I started to question my own sanity I just knew it was not how I wanted to live …I felt like I was going mad … An I would drink .. giving him ammunition against me saying ahh drinking again are we? … but I only drank after his lies … but I woke up An said to myself that will be the last time I drink because of him … .. .. an then came the last lie An it was a lie that was so big he couldn’t get out of …. An as much as it hurt me to take again that he was lying I knew I had him … I knew I wasn’t going mad .. an my family An friends knew too … so no matter what he said or how much he created which he did … he couldn’t smear me too them … and even if he did try his hardest which he did … they didn’t give him the time of day …. even after all this I still feel for him I feel sorry that it has all come to this … I planed a futer with him in my head … I was happy … An at the age of 40 .. with 4 children an 3 grandchildren … that’s hard a bit to find sombody who wants you .. all of you An what you have …. that also makes me sad too .. as my children welcomed him … I welcomed him into our home … … like I said tho I don’t regret any of it …. I think of the good times we had now …. I can say for sure tho that it has made me confused as to weather I want another relationship …. going through the motion of getting to know sombody again… An telling them about the whole 40 years I’ve been on this earth … it just seems exusting. Haha! Mayb I’m just being closed An guarded … I do hope in the futer that I meet sombody … as I’ve got so much love to give I know that when I love I love with everything I have … but is that where I went wrong?? Ile never change tho.. I won’t let what has happened stop me from giving my love to a person who deserves it ….. I often wonder if he feels regretfull or weather he was as destroyed as me … but he did go on holiday 5 times in the 9 months we had split … an then still exspected me to come running back …so very delusion it’s actually scary! I’m sorry for the rambling a. The spelling mistakes but I’m typing through tears … as it feels good to get it off my chest! Alls I know that no matter how much I loved him .. worshiped him … praised him .. thanked him … pushed him to do better .. An looked after him …. no matter what I did … he was never ever going too been mine… until I was worth it … gut instinct is a powerful thing … onwards an upwards X
Thank you for sharing, Kelly. Sounds like you’ve been through a lot. I love that you’re not giving up on love – but yes, for the person who deserves it.
Ineed a have .. I think Ile always question why? But I will never get an answer as he just carries on blissfully in his own world leaving damage behind sadly he’s broke many good hearts …. he’s missed out on love reall love.. I put all his past aside An loved him deeply with all my heart An soul … but I was never enough, so I kind of also classed it as a failure .. thinking it was me … An I’m not one to give up ever … but I had to for me An for my kids an my family An friends also … i thought it was love … but it was so toxic between us it making me die inside … so unhealthy for both of us …. so sad .. but the show must go on as they say .. an that’s what ime doing .. no rain no rainbows 😊💪👍 bitter sweet indeed
Your hands fit mine perfectly,
^ ouch, yes. dagger.
Am I infatuated? Of course you are.
^ reminiscent of, i make it all about you just so it can be all about me. dying.
They are con artist
Yes..bummer.
I always get rod stewarts song infatuation stuck in my head when i see this one 😄
So much of supposed love is infatuation. Infatuation is fleeting.
I miss that feeling of infatuation. I miss the excitement, the thrill… I miss counting down the hours to the next meeting… I miss looking my best.. I miss the desire in his eyes .. I miss feeling beautiful and wanted… I miss buying a nice lingerie…
I can just wear Bridget Jones’ style pants now…
Who cares.
I can just wear Bridget Jones’ style pants now…
Who cares.
^yaaaaassssssss!
I just want to wear my own pants, not those itchy ridiculous things, I don’t care how good (or not) I look in them.
Just my comfy chonies’, nothin else, watching what I want on tv…….
The narc does all this for you,so they can receive it back, proving how wonderful and lovable they are.Mine seemed to be able to keep this up with me for as long as he was adored in return.
It was when I told him he wasn’t the wonderful man I thought he was if he wouldn’t take responsibility, when he had hyped for so long about wanting to take responsibility. He was going to leave his son in a juvenile group home, a long way from us, rather than take him in when he became homeless as a 13 year old.
when he knew I finally saw a fault in him, I was painted black.
So it is only infatuation and obsession.
The need to be attached to the feeling of love.
Yet, never actually feeling it.
We teach them how to mimic and mirror demonstrations of love.
Well said