Told You So
“You know you really shouldn’t get involved with me you know, I am damaged.”
“Well, it is a little bit late for that isn’t it? I am already involved.”
“I know and I am glad to hear you tell me that, really I am, because I want you more than anything. I have not wanted anybody else in the way I want you but it is because of that I think you would be better off without me.”
“Don’t be silly, what do you mean by that?”
“You are so wonderful, so perfect. I truly have not met anyone like you. It is as if everything I have ever wanted and needed in somebody has been put together and rolled into one.”
“That is lovely of you to say, but I am not perfect, far from it.”
“To me you are.”
“Bless you, that is so sweet. I think you are wonderful too, not at all damaged. I cannot believe you said that.”
“Well I am.”
“Not from where I am sitting. You are incredible. Thoughtful, loving, attentive, interesting, sensual and so passionate. Those are just a few of the things that spring to mind when I think about you.”
“What else?”
“Oh let me see. Generous, yes generous and kind, considerate and successful. Entertaining as well. I don’t think I know anybody who can light up a room like you do. I love to watch you when you have everyone’s attention, I can see how much they love to listen to you.”
“Oh you are just saying those things to make me feel better.”
“No not at all, I mean every word, I really do. I have not met anyone as special as you and that is why I love you as I do.”
“You shouldn’t, I don’t mean to be rude, but you will only get hurt.”
“How? By you?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
“I don’t know; I just always seem to mess things up. It may sound strange but somehow I want to think, I mean, I kind of know it should work with you, with you more than anybody else, I suppose I am just terrified that what we have is so wonderful, so perfect that I might do something to ruin it and then you would be hurt and I could not stand for that to happen.”
“You see, there you are again, considerate and kind.”
“I could not live with myself if I hurt you and I just do not want to run that risk of that happening. You do not deserve to be hurt.”
“That won’t happen, I can feel it. What you and I have is something out of the ordinary.”
“Yes we have haven’t we?”
“Absolutely. I love you and you love me and nobody is going to change that.”
“I know, I know, but what if, you know I do something?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, it is just that well, previous relationships have not exactly been successful have they? My track record is not great.”
“No but that wasn’t your fault was it? Look, you told me all about what has happened in the past. Not many men would be so honest as you to admit to what you have gone through. That takes real courage and is typical of the honesty and decency you exude. You are a good man and you have been treated abhorrently by some wicked people. Oooh, if I ever met them, I don’t know what I would do.”
“I knew you would understand. You always do. You get me. They never did you see. I tried you know. I always tried to make it work. I just wanted both of us to be happy but you know when whatever you do is not enough? When no matter how hard you try to please somebody but they always find some kind of fault? That was them. They made me feel like it was my fault a lot of the time. They had that way of twisting everything around so I was made out to be the villain. It is hard to explain it, but that is what they did.”
“I understand. There are some people who just delight in the misery of other people but that is not going to happen with you and me.”
“No?”
“No. We have both suffered previously.”
“I know. That is why I do not want to hurt you, you have had enough from the past and you deserve to be treated properly.”
“Well that is what you do. I could not ask for a better boyfriend, I really could not. You put me first, ahead of everything and you do so much for me. I really do appreciate it and each day I feel more in love with you because of what you do for me.”
“Thank you. That is all I want. Both of us to be happy. I think it must just be because of what has happened in the past, I am worried that this time, having found you, it will go wrong again and you will be hurt and I could not live with that.”
“Honestly, there is nothing to worry about. You have just been made to feel like this because of what they have done to you. It is understandable. I know you won’t hurt me. How could anyone who says the things you say to me ever hurt me? I have never had someone say the wonderful and beautiful things you say to me before. You leave me in tears. Tears of happiness admittedly because you just know what to say, you understand me.”
“Yes. There is a connection and it is deep and meaningful and I do not want that ever to be severed. I will fight to my dying breath to stay connected to you. I want to become you.”
“See, there you go again, saying the most wonderful things.”
“You bring it out in me. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I would do.”
“Well you don’t have to wonder do you? You’ve got me and you always will have.”
“Do you mean that?”
“Absolutely.”
“You see I am really in heaven every time we kiss. I don’t ever want to hurt you or lose you.”
“That will never happen. You have me forever.”
“I hope so, I really do.”
“You do. Now, let’s not have any more talk about you hurting me, that isn’t going to happen. We have the rest of our lives to be together and be happy. Let me get another bottle of wine, no, it is my turn, you stay there. You do enough running around after me, let me do something for you for a change.”
“Okay, same again please.”
“Coming right up. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
22 thoughts on “Told You So”
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He did say he never wanted to hurt me, but not often and def. not early on. He said HE did not want to get hurt again, by people leaving him. He had only mentioned the mother of his son as an ex( of course crazy, but her family said the same), and said HE ran away from HER.
If I said to him “I love you”, he wanted to know WHAT I loved about him.
I would enumerate for him, “Kind, loving thoughtful caring honest faithful trustworthy fun adventurous” He would get happier with every word! Then he would proceed to tell me, that I am “perfect, wonderful, fantastic, beautiful”, they really didn’t mean anything.
How could I not notice? How could he turn into (turn out to be) the opposite of everything I thought he was?
When he said he didn’t want people leaving him, He meant NOBODY would EVER be ALLOWED to ESCAPE FROM HIM!!!
This is so very accurate!
He told me
He explained his fuel matrix and many other things. He was the first man I was very open with in how I view the world.
Now he didn’t explain things the same way HG has, he was not speaking to thousands and doesn’t have the same goals. One had to listen to understand what he was saying.
When I say he trusted me in his way he did. Trust was broken on both sides and it can never go back to what it once was.
I do not believe this happens often and when it does it is with one that is very aware of what they are and have chosen to do such. We have no control over making them chose.
“”I want to Become you”
Big cue of Nutzo Land ..if you were to ask me
Of course…we wouldn’t want to believe there was anything the matter,
now would we
I was never lucky enough for him to do enough self reflecting to give me any warnings he’s never wrong I’m watching his hoover texts the pass week and he absolutely refuses to say I miss you I know they don’t but in the context of hoovering they usually lie he just keeps repeating the same thing hi his are you its been a long time every few days even though its been a week with no answer from me
Just ignore him. Ignore ignore. Any kind of reaction is still a reaction.
Hi kim,
I was worried abt u becoz u mentioned he was hoovering. I am so glad i stumbled upon this comment, and u r still maintaining nc. Good for u!
Yes I have not replied which makes me feel guilty but I will not do it this time I’m determined I just feel bad not doing it
Kim,
Pls try not to feel bad. Remember that he just up and left u, leaving u not knowing the fate of the relationship.
Stay determined!! 👌🏻
U can do it!
This makes me sick. Not in a “what an asshole” way but a “reliving that conversation” way.
If someone had said I saw all the signs prior to all of it happening I would not have been their friend anymore. But reading this scenario in black and white kills me.
What a brilliant way to get fuel and be able to say we were warned at the same time. So many will tell us they can’t believe we didn’t see all of this coming but the way the narcissist uses word play makes all those warnings seem like humility, brokenness and love.
Perfect storm.
I agree with you 12345.
So very true. Heard this conversation almost verbatim. And yes they do do this also as a way to blame you and say well it’s not like we weren’t warned.
The more I read posts like this I realize I have dated men who’ve said these things and they all treated me horribly. The next time I hear a similar speech I’m running.
Oh dear. Yes, very familiar.
This is so scary. That was almost exactly what my narc said to me verbatim. The only thing missing was him sobbing at the end saying that a man like him is never able to keep a wonderful, perfect woman like me.
HG, I often have doubts, sometimes I think I’m going crazy … how come I’m the only one who has realized that he’s a narcissist? What happens with your IPPS, your IPSS and your DLS, how is it that none of them has managed to notice who he really is? … I need guidance, because these doubts make me doubt my mental health …
Because people do not understand or recognise narcissism, they are often brainwashed by the narcissist, their emotional thinking causes them to reach the wrong answer, often they do not necessarily witness the worst of the narcissist owing the maintenance of the facade.
Chillingly familiar.
An ex told me upfront that he was trouble and damaged – exact words. I took note but I decide if I can handle the damage and that trouble by experiencing him personally. I need challenges or I get bored. I’m thirsty for stimulation – it’s a double edged sword. I like it and dislike it at the same time. It’s an internal battle.
Yeah.
Hg how long can a mid ranger go without activitely seeking fuel? Is it hours? Days? I know it would depend on the fuel matrix but I am just wondering how often they attempt to gather fuel or feel the urge to get more. It seems weird that they wouldn’t be aware of this need.
Days before feeling any real effect.