Understanding the Fuel Matrix
*** EXPANDED AND UPDATED INFORMATION ***
All narcissists have fuel matrices and you need to understand where you fit into that fuel matrix and how that particular matrix functions as part of protecting yourself.
This Logic Bulletin takes you through :-
1. The Fuel Matrices of all sub schools of narcissist. This includes updated and expanded information about the Upper Lesser Type A and Upper Lesser Type B Narcissists, plus the Middle Mid Range Type A and Type B Narcissists.
2. What the Fuel Matrices look like, their size, the nature of the matrices and who sits in them.
3. How the relevant narcissist of each sub school relies on the individuals in the Fuel Matrix
4. What the Virtual Fuel Matrix is and how it operates.
5. How a Long Distance Appliance fits into it the narcissist fuel matrix and how that functions.
6. Detailed descriptions of each sub-school of narcissist, their behaviours and actions to increase your understanding of the different types of narcissist. This is a comprehensive expansion which will help you understand a lot more about the way different sub schools of narcissist operate.
A fascinating and educational exploration of the fuel matrix and the interaction between you and the narcissist, this is essential to know how the narcissist behaves so you can ensure your No Contact Regime is as effective as possible. It is also advanced reading for those who feel they are well-acquainted with the narcissistic dynamic from their existing reading and consultations.
This extensive Logic Bulletin is available at just US $ 10 and is a bulletin you will read several times and refer to often and can be obtained here
45 thoughts on “Understanding the Fuel Matrix”
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HG, is there an intimate tertiary source vs non-intimate tertiary source or are all tertiary sources in one category?
There are intimate and noon-intimate TSs
I got all tangled up in the blog and ended up reading some flirty banter with you and several females a long time ago. Would that be an example of intimate tertiary sources or something else?
No. An Intimate Tertiary Source is a one night stand or sleeping with a prostitute.
I don’t think it’s a secret that Narcs are not fans of the condom. Do you worry ever worry about STD’s? Some of the stuff out there can’t be cured!
No.
to clarify, we met from an online class*
Hi HG.
Which narcissist moves from place to place/relocates a lot? Acts as a helper/do-gooder, always has problems, pretends to be sensitive to others, but he can be aggressive but also is very, very sensitive? Basically, I can’t even express myself in regards to his behavior (he blame shifts and projects) without him thinking or feeling that I am attacking him. Is this the lesser or mid-range? and which fuel matrix of the lesser or mid-range? He is always moving to a different state/city after a couple or a few months have passed by. He sounds like he is a low-functioning/unstable type.
One would need more information to fine tune the analysis but he is most likely Lower Mid Range.
Thank you, HG! He does complain about having low energy and always has something to complain about or uses pity plays so people feel sorry for him – he always has a problem. He is also a recovering alcoholic who goes to meetings. However, he can be charming towards his friends on fb, though, did have a reasonable job, but he lashes out at roommates and then moves again. He can be mean to me, when asked, he often doesn’t know – like he is unaware of why. He flirts with me, but doesn’t want to commit and we met through school. He always asks or needs my help. He is always talking to people through messages, emails, phone, and etc.though. He NEEDS people. Was that enough info? Does he still appear to be a lower mid-ranger? I think so. But you, obviously, would know better.
HG, can the upper midranger be a somatic but also have some cerebral qualities? As in being highly educated, well-read and intelligent.
It is called being an elite.
Do you think HG, that if a UMRN had secured himself a high status IPPS, he would treat her better than other IPPSs? High status can provide golden fuel, not easy to replace.
If this high status provided useful character traits and residual benefits this IPPS would probably be held onto longer before disengagement, but there would be no difference concerning the move from idealisation to devaluation.
You are providing me with the missing pieces of the puzzle, thankyou – my cowardly UMRN had better watch out! There is a book on revenge, yes?? 🤣
Yes there is.
It’s so good , the book.
just saying.
Well, after reading HG’s latest NC advisory, I need to rethink my “strategy” to read the narcissist’s “NC emails.” I truly don’t believe I’m in danger of contacting him — when I’m done, I’m done. I don’t think he can even aggravate me, as I know exactly what he’s doing. However, it’s unpleasant to feel I need to stay up on what he’s thinking (What, am I going to have to monitor him the rest of my life?)…and I can’t control what he does anyway — he could seem like the last thing that’s on his mind is to pay me a visit, in an email message — and the next day be at my door. So what good does reading his emails do? It doesn’t protect me at all.
Ok, I talked myself out of it. I’ll just delete them, without reading. It’s going to make me feel a little shaky, which seems to confirm it’s what I need to do.
Thank you for the recent NC post, HG. Just when I think I’m adequately educated on this, I do something dippy! Still learning.
Deleting e-mails without reading them is the best way to deal with it – if you do read it, the words seem to linger and ultimately become a permanent scar in your mind…
Correct.
Good point, Carol. Thank you!:-)
Dearest HG,
I know you’ve said you’ve spent many years in people observation –
When did you put labels to your observations about the various schools of narcissist?
Did you ever keep a journal of your observations?
*memoir forth-coming, the delectable HG reveals his most saucy early years (ha! we all know you’re just getting started 😉
Last few years. Yes I have made notes and observations for a long time.
Mr Tudor, thank you for your explanations, however I am a little confused: you said previously Narcs cannot change schools (and I tend to accept your word, as your descriptions are always very accurate) but I am wondering whether a Lesser could have passive agressive traits just like a Mid Ranger while a Mid-Ranger also could have very low energy levels such as the Lesser? Untill today I was pretty sure I was dealing with a Lesser but this post made me rethink and conclude he could be a LMRN with very low energy levels. Thank you so much anyway.
There are certain traits which are common to all schools. Some traits only appear in certain schools. A narcissist may have traits from just one school, two or maybe even all three. If traits come from two or three schools then there will a dominant number of traits which mean the narcissist belongs to that school.
Thus, a narcissist may have some traits which are evident in all schools. He may have one or two which only belong to Lesser. He may have many which belong to Mid Ranger only. Accordingly, he will be Mid Range.
Thank You again, only one remaining doubt: is there any explanation to the Low Energy Level / what do you attribute the Low Energy Levels to?
For who?
For the Lesser.
I’m having the toughest time on identifying the narcissist being an UMR or a LRG. It’s almost an equal split of very specific qualities between the two. But I can’t shake the feeling he *knows* he’s a narcissist, in several things he has said and done — and also little tests given to see how I would react, like he was checking to see if I had figured it out. And there’s an overall intensity/fury I was increasingly sensing in him.
Oh well… he’s one of these two categories. Guess it doesn’t matter much since I’m “GOSO.” I just would like to know for the sake of NC. I mean, should I be normal-worried, really-worried, or really-really-worried?
Great descriptions on all 3 fuel matrices though.
Oops, above…I meant LGN, not LRG.
Caroline,
A consult with HG could help you clarify the classification of your Narc. Doing so gave me greater understanding of my relationships with my Narcs. He also warned me that my last Narc might possibly hoover me even after my intentional wounding of him and he did! Knowing also helps me avoid becoming entangled with those type of Narcs again.
Thanks, Kimi – really appreciate it – I might do that sometime…waiting right now to see if it calms down or gets worse. <I know, that sounds like a pretty sketchy plan, lol. I wounded mine unintentionally (didn't know he was a narcissist), and he seems pretty "under the surface" simmering to me. I feel like: "Okay, what is coming next?" Mainly I think, "Are you all done now?"
They are so systematic, yet unpredictable – still hard for me to absorb it. You are right — knowledge is power.
Caroline,
Knowledge is power, however I have recently learned that awareness and understanding are not enough to manipulate or even tolerate a Narcissist in an intimate relationship due to their unpredictability. I had no idea how my Narc would behave, some idea of the reaction (fuel) he wanted and understanding of his behavior after it happened. I did find though that once the Narcissistic illusion of love is shattered, my love for him quickly dissipated. Yet I still felt addicted to him. My relationship just ended, with a discard of course!
Be careful and guard yourself!
Wise words! Thank you, Kimi. 🙂
So this didn’t take long…I must have jinxed myself with my “What is coming next?” question, Kimi.
“Guess Who” left me a message (#2 now) on an old email account (one I don’t use regularly but still keep for work), which I had used a handful of times corresponding with him.
Not long before I got a really bad feeling and went NC, he told me about an award he’d received, and I saw a news clip on it. I sent him a “congrats” type email, on that work email.
So I get an email reply this a.m. on my (now pretty outdated) congrats email to him. It says: “Thank you very much, whomever…Who is this?”
Really, dude? Too funny! He’s devaluing me from the NC Grave! If I didn’t know he was a narcissist, I’d probably be worried that he had early Alzheimer’s or something – not even kidding. Or I’d be so confused that I’d call him. Of course, he knows all this about me.
As much as the message made me laugh, the un-funny part is knowing he is not stopping the manipulations just yet. So I’m being vigilant. I have zero desire to contact him, so I’m going to continue to read any messages he sends me. It makes me feel better to know he’s sending emails — and not physically where I am. The emails will give me some clue as to what’s going on in his swirly mind. If I don’t answer in an way, I think he’ll give up… eventually.
Because that’s what I want to think.
But the more I learn*
I just don’t understand why he went to such great lengths to try to keep it hidden from me only to eventually expose?
I would love to learn more about this type of behavior.
Thank you for this beneficial information as it helps me to better understand. But I the more Iearn, it seems as if the more questions I have.
I wounded mine by calling him a derogatory (yet deserved) name. In response, he quietly and methodically revealed to me his many written exchanges/conversations with other women. At that moment, it felt as if he supplied to me my “confirmation of fears” solely to hurt me.
Crushed by these revelations, they were the catalyst of what finally pushed me away.
So was that just part of the fun of an ugly devaluation or disengagement?
Was this a regrettable slip up prompted from a blind fury or a calculated move?
In the mind of the narcissist, what are the advantages to revealing other IPSS’s?
I am still learning about triangulation. (And I can understand how jealousy might confirm for some a note of caring (Fuel). Honestly, we’ve all probably received a jolt at one time or another from realizing that we can get a rise out our significant other.) But why would an UMRN reveal his other prospects?
Oddly, almost as fast as he revealed his transgressions, he seemed to have regretted doing so. He was insistent in trying to downplay that anything significant had happened as a result of his internet seeking.
Not true, of course.
After a harsh and heated discussion, he withdrew for a bit. Upon return, he said that he revealed his internet activities to me because he was “tired of living a double life.” He said he didn’t understand his need to do such things and he wanted to make it right with me. He tried to portray his reveal to me almost as a “cry for help.”
He took my advice and sought out therapy as an effort to rectify the damage. But I never really could ascertain that a serious effort was in the making. Sadly, I never saw much improvement.
I’ve been confused about that chain of events ever since, and I let it haunt me every day. Why did he do this HG?
The provision of the messages was an act of provocation and was devaluing behaviour. The revelation of IPSSs is to upset the person the revelation is aimed at so that fuel is provided, to tell that person they are not special and to demonstrate the narcissist’s superiority because he is able to acquire other intimate appliances. It is triangulation (as you recognised) and may draw hurt, jealousy, upset, anger and frustration
The apparent regret may have been because you either did not respond as he had hoped or as part of ‘I did not want to have to tell you, but you made me do it, but we can still work things out’ as part of drawing you back under his control again.
Yes! He did brag before, when I was trying to pull away from him on another occasion, that he wouldn’t have ANY trouble replacing me. He actually said, through his tears of anger, that he had “six or seven” he could pull from his back pocket anytime he needed. This was early on, so I thought he was saying such out of being hurt, but there was definitely a threatening undertone through his sobs as he was very confident in his skills to quickly snag another woman… if there should ever be a need, of course.
Now I realize for certain that these women have always been at his disposal.
And you are right HG. I did my best to not much react during his big reveal (even though I was crushed inside and later gave his indiscretions too much Fuel)! But in response to his 30 plus emails, I was calm and acted as if he didn’t much matter.
I actually thanked him, saying that I appreciated the confirmation that my suspicions were valid, and I told him that it was reaffirming to recognize that my silent assessment was correct…
“It’s good to know you really are a narcissistic sociopath.”
He replied, “Oh honey.”
That sent chills up and down my spine. But then right after his smartass reply, he went back to trying to “make it right,” acting as if no one compared to me. It was all a mistake; he didn’t understand why he did something so stupid.
Yeah, neither did I, but I’m getting closer to understanding!
Thank you, HG, for sharing your wisdom. Your guidance has been much appreciated in helping me to take the necessary steps to break free.
The sheer volume of fuckery doesn’t feel like it could be supported by a matrix so small for lowers and midmids.
Is it maybe abandoned attempts and more frequent tertiary engagement?
I feel like I’m missing something.
I think he’s an upper midranger
<3…Upper Mid…just as described,just as witnessed.
Much love, many thanks.
Yours, truly.
HG, is it possible for a mid ranger to have some traits and qualities of more than one area? For example a middle mid and an upper mid? I think my piano narc falls more among middle mid but his occasional flickers of awareness that something it not right makes me wonder if he an upper mid. Is there anything else that distinguishes these two areas of narcissist?
Yes.