The Igniters of Fury – No. 20
38 thoughts on “The Igniters of Fury – No. 20”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Little story. Narc was in figure skating. I never really saw her perform but she skated well but she quit the next year (apparently because I said I didn’t want her in it, I found out later). She lies without conscious, had to smear me after the discard. There was a girl in figure skating with her that was younger and more talented. She hated this girl. She stated “I hate her she tires to be like me, even tries to look like me, tries to make her hair the same and everything”. Never thought much of it at the time. Someone was trying to be like someone for sure but not the other girl. Problem was she/narc didn’t have the talent so decided to quit to avoid the embarrassment of failing or not being best.
Blow me down.. gov arnie started that in California in 2004!
I’ve always had the utmost respect for dolphins … I’ll have to include their trainers
Squeak squeak
Thank you
Richard was so jealous that I could do things he couldn’t. He “taught” me how to shoot a gun, then became unglued when I turned out after a few months to be a crack shot while he accidentally discharged his weapon in the house – TWICE. Mr. Lamb couldn’t stand that I successfully started 12-mile obstacle courses when he couldn’t even make it over the first six-foot wall. He was jealous of my daughters because though his are in their late 30s, he hasn’t seen them since they were toddlers – because they KNOW who he is. He was jealous because I scored higher on our IQ and mechanical ability tests – way higher. He couldn’t stand that I am great at my career, while he’s on VA disability for PTSD – Only it’s NOT PTSD, is it? No, it’s NPD and he’s been fired from every job he’s ever had. Richard said I was a loser because I didn’t drink, smoke, or use pot. I was “unsociable” and embarrassed him. He was angry at me because other men openly told him how smart, accomplished, and lovely I was – and how lucky he was that it was so obvious that I only adored him.
Desr Mr Tudor,
What hidden talents do you possess, that you’d be happy to share with us.
I am a qualified trainer of dolphins in anti-terrorist operations.
Heh, good one!
Oh I bet that #HGfunfact wins over the Ladies in your real life.
I thought that Narcs usually seek out certain victims because of how that victim reflects on them (e.g. making them appear more successful, popular, desired, etc.). Why then would their victim possessing a talent ignite the Narc’s fury? Wouldn’t the Narc like the fact that the talent reflects on them positively by being with the talented victim?
Again, that’s just one of those concepts that doesn’t make much sense. Narcs want shiny objects to possess and brag about, but is angered by these very same skills their victim possess. So confusing!
Yes during seduction, but then it ignites fury during devaluation. As ever, we have it both ways so it suits our purposes.
Jaysle:
I agree it is confusing, but what you describe is exactly what the narc did to me. In the beginning, he was interested in pursuing the same talent, so he picked my brain and wanted to know everything I had to offer, etc. It was all about how I could benefit him.
Then in devaluation he stopped engaging for 4+ yrs, and he would never ask me about the very thing that drew him to me in the first place.
He never once asked, ‘How’s it going? What are you working on?’ Nothing.
And he got more and more defensive that I ‘knew more’ and so he vacillated between indifference and resentment.
I was always the one recommending books/films/art for him to read/watch/see. He never once informed me of a new writer or film or anything.
He wove 2 of my talents into his professional life, so it’s something that seemed positive. I thought he was proud of me for them… but now I realize it was just fuel for him – as in, look at what *my* girlfriend is/can do. But it’s one of the few areas where he was not jealous.
That’s very interesting, Caroline! Could you please explain how he was able to do it? Did he learned from you or just applied surface mimicry to that areas?
Hi, Antifragile 🙂 I play 2 instruments, so I performed at (stiff, boring) black tie events for him, like a little trained monkey.
I find they downplay it and a good way to do this is to just ignore it. They will never ask you about it, ‘What are you working on now?’ etc.
Just mastered that latest Mozart concerto? The somatic will be more impressed by the girl he spots at the gym. Or his buddy who can deadlift such-and-such weight.
Though mine was obsessed with my talent in the beginning but then years went on and he never asked me about it or engaged it.
I made the mistake of thinking that my talent meant he would see me as special and that I would matter to him more. So it was not only an emotional rejection/devaluation but intellectual as well.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Yeah …. my talent was just being a decent kind person … he couldn’t handle that !
The life without envy is much easier and more pleasant.
I used to ride horses. He never came to watch any competitions. As he is great at all sports, he thought he could out do me after a couple of years. And wanted to ride my horse. Boy did he bite off to much there!! Couldn’t walk for days! And he sucked at it too!! Hahaha!!
omg.. Each time the new side, never thought about. So when I have no some talent – I’m mediocrity for him, no reason to communicate with me; if I happen to have – he ignites. Great situation… I’m still highly amazed sometimes at narc worldview.
I’m missing so much his bright reality today… Was alright for so long time already, no thoughts about him; and this sudden flashback for no reason… It seems I have my own analogs of his influence spheres in my mind – and this was the sixth one. Just pop up in my thoughts. …managed to skip looking at his fb, but went anyway to monitor that his product is stuck on the 50 downloads after launch for couple of month already… resisting myself to breach nc and go help him to make his success dreams come true. Why it is so hard to forget our plans… The part of me which is conditioned to be his tool woke up. Still wants to make him happy, as if it was my own sense of living on this planet…
I mean, I know what to do with all this shite… just hating the fact I’m such a hazard to myself now.
How this is done to me, so effectively? Brain virus, f**…
I think this is well-formed neuron paths in brain, memory about activities highly rewarded with dopamine. And they are just stored… purposely formed mind viruses – yes exactly: they wake up to destroy each time the reality fails to be good without him… (and which reality could really compete with That!..)
HG, I have a question,
After fuelling a narc by scolding him/her, and when I’ve ignited the narc’s fury, what does a narc mean when he/she says “Please stop messaging me” ?
Mine disengaged this way. So it seems you wounded him and he can go silent-dormant for some time now…
Oh, thank you Antifragile
It’s been 5 months I’ve gone NO CONTACT with him
Oh, I see
Thank you for answering that, Antifragile.
How long did the resting period go on with your narc?
And yeah by the way, I wounded him badly.
Called him names and injured him with questions of his accountability
Oh I see, so did he say it 5 months ago?
And silent now?..
My narcy is silent for 5 month now too. Or
six already… thanks demons)))
Yeah, he said “please stop messaging me” when I angrily asked him why is his sorry so fake,, lolol
Then I said “okay I’ll leave you alone for now. Goodbye.”
I said “for now” to make him feel bad.
After that he went silent on me and I blocked him immediately after.
I wonder if you narcy and my narcy will try to hoover us back again.. Let’s see,,
But at the moment, it should stay NC.
Yeah, let’s see… We can enjoy the silence for now) Reading HG I firmly believe now that they will appear at some unexpected moment… So I’m trying to be prepared) I mean, to build new meaningful life without him and be ready to hear the most unpleasant hooks he can use against me. My last one is very clever, the Greater, I honestly afraid of battle with him: don’t know from where to expect him coming)) I was a warrior with Mid-Ranger, but this guy is levels more deep… and he left me half way without devaluation, so I expect there could be a plan to come back later for his negative fuel dessert.)
What school of narc your current one is?
It seems you performed successful wounding to him, and it wasn’t His decision at first to go that day… Am I right? If so, he probably will look for gaining the control back…
But by the way, some of them are disappearing successfully in the end… all such cases I’ve seen are in different cities, very far, however, so the hoover criteria are hard to meet.
*He did the discard twice, and the coming back once
It’s still too many times for me, so I cut him off completely.
My narc is a Greater narc.
Actually, he unfriended me for the 2nd time, so I wounded him terribly,
Then I took control by blocking him, so that he won’t repeat the same cycle. Problem is, he has multiple accounts that are currently deactivated.
It’s been 5 months I’ve gone no contact with him.
If he comes back via another source, I’ll assume he lost.
The issue with him is, he discards me, then comes back with the “validate me” banner 😡
He’s done this twice, but even twice is too many times for me🤦
So I blocked him to wound him further. Period.
Yes.
They don’t like the attention you get for having that talent. They will minimize your talent, but claim it for themselves in front of a different audience.
Perse, queen of hf,
“They will minimize your talent, but claim it for themselves in front of a different audience”.
Gross!
That woman looks similar to me, HG.
I also Poi juggle, which is spinning fire.
I’ve spinned fire at the Playboy Mansion and at bonfires in California.
How funny. I told him I played piano and always wondered why he never was interested to listen to me play. I’m glad he never gave me a chance to share this side of me with him. Less memories less pain.
The narc in my life wasn’t interested in me playing piano either.
Makes me wonder why they chose to ensnare us in the first place,, :/
Ha! They are so similar in their ways, it’s almost funny. Eh talent or not, they will always find ways to put people down. Having a talent, since it’s a threat to their ego, seems like an obvious and easy choice for them to use against you.
On the brighter side, keep playing piano! Thankfully they haven’t spoiled it for either of us.
Yep. Less ever presence.
Interesting way to put it. I completely understand the feeling. However, it passes. Time is the more powerful than any existing human ego. Their ever presence is an illusion just like the whole experience with them.