50 Future Fakes
The technique of future faking is a splendid device that we utilise by promising you jam tomorrow so we can have all the jam today (and oddly enough leaving you with no jam tomorrow). The ability to future fake is integral to us since it sits with our frequent and repeated lying so readily. Just like Enron did, we want the pay-out today based on the future profits and what if those future profits don’t manifest? Who the hell cares? We will just walk away and secure the pay out with someone else instead leaving you to rue all those promises of something down the line which never ever came to pass. We are persuasive, convincing and seem so genuine, such is our astonishing ability to act, that you readily believe that we will deliver on the promise, no matter how outlandish it may sound to you. We really, really mean it. Can’t you tell?
Such is our brilliance at convincing not only you as our intimate partner but also everyone else who gets caught up in our extensive fabrications. It never matters to us that we have no intention of delivering on that promise of something happening in the future because all we care about is the here and now. We are easily able to shirk accountability for our promises, avoiding liability and culpability is what we do best and if you think you can hold to us something that we have promised give it a go. All you will find is that you will be subjected to denial, deflection or another charm offensive whereby you have backed down on the strength of, yes you’ve guessed, more future faking.
Here are fifty examples of our future faking.
- I know we’ve not been together long but we really should get married.
- Of course I will go and see somebody for some help, I want to do the right thing for us.
- I will pay you back.
- I will never hurt you.
- I will never hurt you again.
- I will get tickets for that concert for us, no problem at all.
- I can’t wait to take you away somewhere exotic.
- I will bring it back for you next week.
- I promise I will call you tomorrow.
- I won’t tell a soul about this.
- We have such a bright future together.
- I can see us growing old together.
- I cannot wait until we start a family.
- Why don’t we go into business with one another, it makes perfect sense?
- Of course I will help you out when you start your new job.
- We should make plans to travel the world, just you and me.
- Let’s look at houses so we can move in and live together.
- I will always be on hand, whenever you need me.
- I cannot conceive of a day where we are not with one another.
- Come on, let’s go and look at engagement rings.
- I won’t let anything come between you and I.
- Imagine if you moved over here how brilliant that would be.
- Imagine if I moved to where you are, I think I should do that.
- If you can help me with this project, I will give you a great report for the pay review next year.
- That’s right, give the money to me now and you can look forward to a 25% return in a year’s time.
- No matter how ill you become, I will look after you.
- I swear we will move just as soon as we can afford it.
- We can’t move just yet, but we will when I have repaid this loan.
- I know the loan has been repaid but I want to secure this promotion and then we will move.
- The promotion has helped but I need to think about retirement at present and then we can move.
- I want a large family with you.
- Of course we will go there next time.
- Whatever you want, just say it next time we are here.
- We will definitely book there for dinner next time.
- My home is your home, it is just a question of when, not if, you move in.
- I want to be able to come home every night and find you there waiting for me.
- Just do it this once and I won’t ask you to do it again.
- I go to sleep safe in the knowledge that we have a future together.
- We should make plans for where we will get married.
- I want a huge wedding, all our friends and family need to be there, I want the world to know how happy I am.
- Why don’t we select a retirement home now, after all, we are going to be together then you know.
- If you do the groundwork for this project now, I will next time.
- Of course I will change, I am determined to do it.
- This is the last time, I promise, then I will stop.
- I will seek some help, now isn’t the right time, but I will do it.
- I will give you the world.
- I will give you the fairy tale you deserve.
- I know we will have a happy ever after.
- I don’t see me and you, I can only see us.
- Of course I will respect you in the morning.
39 thoughts on “50 Future Fakes”
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HG, have you ever promised an IPPS that the two of you will start a family? (Knowing full well it’s impossible because you’ve had the snip snip.)
No.
You’re such a sweetheart. You surprise me sometimes, Sir
HG
Are you being clever and stating that “no” to you not PROMISING to start a family with an IPPS, but leading them to believe that to be the case through omission? I seem to recall Clarece being very upset with you for using this tactic with ex partners previously because it was a raw spot with her.
Plausible deniability is the narcissist’s friend, if the victim thought it, that is their problem, not mine.
HG
Fair enough. Thank you for your response.
It is devastating each month to get that period when trying to conceive. I went through it for two years. I cannot imagine seeing that pain, knowing it’s never going to happen and I know why. Pretending to be supportive. But, then again, I’m not a narcissist.
The one I know, his wife was having trouble conceiving for a very, very, long time. Finally she gave up and starting looking into adopting a baby from Africa. And miraculously, bam, just like that she was pregnant. He must’ve been faking it or something. Unless it really was a miracle!
PS You’re still a sweetheart HG, cause I’m in a lovey dovey mood for you today. #mcm
I’m really not.
Yes Sir, not a sweetheart. I know how you like correcting inaccuracies. mcm is over. There are those in your personal life you want fully believing that you are. I’m pleased that you allow yourself to be genuine here. Facade-free zone.
I will never hurt you. He kept repeating that right from the beginning, when there was no reason at all for him to mention hurting. I will never hurt you. Until today, that time has passed, that I have learned so much about narcissists, I still think that future faking was his worst trait.
I dislike future faking. It is unsettling and raises immediate red flags especially when it is for something that I really want so I create some sort of collateral or will try to hold the promisor accountable in writing via a text, an email or use of witness. It is ridiculous to promise someone anything in the future without intending to do so. I dislike people wasting my time particularly in relationships. I wish they would say what needs to be said, to the point, truthfully, very fast, nothing flowery and move on. Like most people I do have a busy schedule. But my schedule is never too busy to read HG Tudor’s interesting articles!
HG when they do go get help, how long does it last? My ex new supply asked him to go and now he’s going through the motions. How long will the psycho charade last? Was this a hoovering tactic
See the article ‘But I Can Change’.
My second narc was the worst future faker ever.
He said he wanted to marry me (I’m not interested in marriage), wanted me to have his child (I don’t like baby’s)), wanted us to move to France (I don’t care for French people) and wanted us to buy a vineyard (WTF?).
He could’ve at least made it sound nice hahaha.
So funny!!
He told me all of them
Marriage..make a bussines together ( we made one of course i lost money and he didnt care..he only talk about how much he lost)
After 2 month he start tolk about make another one..i didnt do anyrhing more with him.
Later we must (me) buy a house..
Another bussines ( all of them impossibles)
Came to my country to live with me..bla bla bla
All of them and more
Narcworld…….
Sometimes i am really surprise how is possible all of them are the same person..
HG talk right
They are like this
HG. Why are some of your kind unable to keep a secret? I’m sure they get additional fuel from the stories, but why risk the source finding out prematurely and disengaging sooner then necessary? Can’t they just wait until after disengagement for the additional drama fuel?
Does a mid range of your kind run scared when they are hit with a shit storm of push back? Say, when the source sees through all the future faking – and expresses it clearly, non emotionally and immediately goes no contact? Or do they just retreat to lick their wounds?
A sense of entitlement to use information as we see fit, the fuel which flows from its dissemination and its use as a tool of manipulation.
That would cause significant wounding resulting in the ignition of fury. If this ignition failed to draw fuel it would result in a withdrawal by the narcissist to avoid further wounding and seek fuel elsewhere. Dependent on where the dynamic is at between narcissist and victim, the wounding will have differing further outcomes.
Just to confirm my understanding, HG, so if an appliance sees through the future faking and calls the narc on it, this wounds him, correct? Basically, the narc expects you to get excited and provide fuel even if you know it is all B.S.
The narcissist does not expect you to see through it.
Say the dynamic is prior to disengagement, and the devaluation/triangulation was only at the beginning stages. The narcissist has not “had” their fill of the victim (i like target). But tension was building up towards and end one way or the other. The target inflicts batshit crazy wounds, goes no contact, and deflects several attempts of “abuse by proxy”. What outcome/potential then?
And now like “silent night”, all is very quite . . . .is this storm over?
HG
My exhusband can never be trusted to keep any secret. Plus he will embellish and warp them into something that will draw a big reaction from the listeners and loves to use them to triangulate. Just exactly like your explanation!
The only time he can be trusted to stay silent is if he perceives that keeping it quiet is in his best interest. Those secrets he may take to the grave. But if he feels the situation has changed and he can profit from telling them, they’ll be out of his mouth in a heartbeat. That’s why you can hear so much scandalous family dirt from the elderly narcs. 😄
Mine did it all the time and all these false promises really hurt. In the beginning I believed him and I continued to do so for a long time even though I knew in the end something was truly wrong. I used to wonder if he was severely mentally ill and delusional. But of course I was conditioned to protect him from the world and even from himself so I rarely pointed out to him what he was doing. He would only respond with anger anyway. In the end I just stared emptily at him when he promised things and knew he wouldn’t come through.
The most hurtful promise amongst many time was the « I will always protect you from harm. I’ll never let anyone hurt you » After he physically abused me I wanted to disappear from the face of the earth from the pain inflicted and the irony of that one. I placed all my trust in him, and he hurt me more than anyone else. The worst betrayal of my life.
And for all that some of them need to be profoundly tortured for their deceipt.
My last night with my ex-narc ended in violence when he grabbed my by my hair while calling me a whore and a slut. He always prided himself on “protecting ” me. I never understood fully what I was dealing with until that moment. I walked out, ended it and never went back. So many promises of a beautiful future together. He was promising another girl the same things. She still has him. I am so thankful for her because he has someone else to focus on. I understand what you mean about the worst betrayal. Worst pain ever but from it came such strength. I raised my standards so he no longer even fits the minimum standard!
Lisa,
I hope to find the strength you’re describing too. It’s a horrible betrayal when you put all your trust in someone and they blatantly abuse you. Mine was always protective as well; I had the feeling that if anyone as much as dared to touch me he would’ve exploded in anger. But then that was really his problem all along; his pathological jealousy and his lack of empathy. He needed to control his environment in every detail; I was just another item he needed to put in my « rightful » place. He called me whore and slut as well. I shudder nowadays even thinking about it and I’m giving myself quite a hard time right now for even putting up with it.
51. Let me look after you when we’re old
52. “The sex between us would be ridiculous.”
HG – Would a Narcissist “future fake” a Non intimate secondary source or DLS in an attempt to elevate then to an IPSS or IPPS?
Mine said:
I love a lot of things about you
My family would be happy for me if i was with you
All Rubbish . . . and they said these things only by phone, never texts, and with such a weak voice
Yes.
Well H.G. my last question that I asked you was…..what is the difference between a narcissist of any kind and a psychopath? I decided to go do research on that…and of course I could do years of research…but I have found that there is very little difference between the narcissists and psychopaths…seems like and maybe Im wrong here….that they operate the basic same ways as each other….low conscience….low empath….ego….I kinda feel they are more alike then not…..and I thought well if my ex was a psychopath…then I need not be reading about narcissism….I was wrong….I feel they have the basic same MO….mode of operation
Psychopaths have narcissistic qualities and some may also be narcissists. Not all narcissists are psychopaths.
H.G.
Oh okay…yeah that makes sense but is also confusing lol….but not your comment but the differences between them…but thank you for your response. 🙂
If you ever require further detail to address any confusion you may have do consider consulting with me.
Okay.
I had that too regarding phone calls. Anything that was promised was always verbal and when he knew I was on to him during a text conversation he would suddenly ask whether he could call rather than incriminate himself by leaving a paper trail.
When my ‘engagement’ ring disappeared during devaluation I just knew he’d stolen it so I said I would report it as lost or stolen for the insurance money (he actually suggested a mutual friend must have stolen it from his house). He switched to the phone and then inexplicably said that would be ‘fraud’ and besides there was no receipt as he had paid cash at the jewelers. I then rang the jewelers and when I told him they would issue me a receipt he went beserk, demanded to know which member of staff I’d spoken to (he knew them all in there of course) and called me ‘Golum’.
It was great listening to him squirm as he told me to leave it with him but I said ‘no need – you have already told me you are so busy with work that you can’t see me so I’m just taking the pressure off by dealing with it. They distinctly remember you buying it and are happy to send me the receipt…’
The truth is I didn’t give a shit about the ring I just wanted to see his reaction. I knew he had form as when we were first together he broke into his ex-girlfriend’s house and tried to give me a bracelet he’d given her saying she never wore it (that’s OK then!) Obviously I told him to put it back.
No doubt he gave it to one of the four women he was screwing behind my back although how it would fit onto one of their sausage fingers I’ll never know. Eventually, (and under much duress) he gave it back to me.
Presumably one of them is still looking for it.
Hi bw and sally,
I’m sorry for your experiences. Mine used to future fake via text only. I would take a screenshot and send it back to him. He would ask me to just throw everything frm the screenshot into the river lol!
Sally, his reaction following your call to the jewelry store is priceless!!
Golum is hilarious (in hindsight).