The Weapon That Is Infidelity
Infidelity is a given when you are ensnared by one of our kind. We know that it is not pleasant for you to think of us in the arms of another, conjoined in sexual congress as we do things with them that we have done with you and then we return to you. We know that infidelity is something that someone like you abhors. You have a strong moral compass, you behave in an honest and decent fashion and expect us to do the same. That will not happen. You place considerable belief in the question of trust and the concept of monogamy. Our infidelity will manifest in lots of different ways: –
- Having sexual liaisons with third parties, some of whom will be strangers and others will be prospects who are looking to seduce;
- Sending and receiving text messages of a sexual content;
- Describing online what we want to do to someone and they to you;
- Sexual liaisons with your friends and family members;
Although I know it is scant consolation to you since ultimately it is the breach of trust which causes you the greatest pain, we do not commit acts of infidelity because we want the sex. Admittedly, the physical sensation is enjoyable but that is not the reason we are repeatedly unfaithful. In terms of our attitudes to sex and especially sex with you, read Sex and the Narcissist. For the purposes of this publication it is sufficient to explain that when are unfaithful the sex is not the primary purpose. It is the fact that in your world sex is equated with love, affection and attraction and as a consequence it serves a purpose as a formidable weapon in our hands. We use it to seduce to we can additional fuel from third parties. We use it to seduce a new prospect who will provide us with fuel and will ultimately replace you. Initially we will be covert about our infidelity as we do not wish to damage having you as our primary source and therefore our need to obtain fuel from secondary sources through infidelity will remain covered up. Over time we will continue to use sex with other people as a means of gaining additional fuel but we will also be doing this to seduce your replacement. Eventually when we start our devaluation of you, we will be far less covert concerning our extra-marital affairs and often we will not care if you know or not. Indeed, we may even flaunt a mistress in front of you for the purposes of making you try harder and to provoke you so that you provide us with additional negative fuel.
Infidelity is not about the sex. It is about fuel. It is about control. Being unfaithful to you abuses your trust, it pours scorn on the vows we have taken and makes a mockery of you and what you stand for. It is abusive behaviour and to expect a narcissist to always be faithful is like expecting the tide to stop advancing when you tell it do so. It just will not happen. Infidelity is second nature to us because the weapon that is sex is just too good not to use to gain additional fuel. If there was another device that was so potent we would use it instead. The fact that sex feels enjoyable is just a matter of nerve endings and a pleasant side-effect. For us, sex is all about using it to further our aims; gathering fuel.
We will be unfaithful to you at some point. That is a guarantee. When we are first seducing you, we will be in the process of devaluing someone else leading to his or her discard. We most likely will have withdrawn sex from the victim who we are devaluing and be having sex with you as the new object of our seduction. This does not mean that since you are the apple of our eye we will be faithful to you. We will have intermittent sex with the person who is subjected to the devaluation either as a means of giving them a short golden period again or for the purposes of extracting further fuel by subjecting them to humiliating sexual activities. We will also be courting other prospects also as well as you and therefore there is a strong likelihood we will be bedding that person also. We will, when seducing you, maintain an image of fidelity since that is what you expect. If you are conducting an affair with us, we will assure you that our current partner (whom we are devaluing) never has sex with us, we sleep in separate beds and so on. We will bemoan the fact they never have sex with us in order to draw sympathy from you as the new prospect.
By contrast, we will triangulate you as the new prospect with our current partner. We will drop heavy hints that we are being unfaithful or even actively admit it in order to further the hurt. Our rationale behind this is that monogamy is for the little people and this does not include us. That would make us less special and we cannot have that. We are entitled to seek sex outside of a relationship because this is our inalienable right to enable us to obtain fuel. We feel no guilt in doing this, we do not respect any vows we may have given to remain faithful to you and we have no qualms about coupling with someone else. The reason for this is that we have to do it and in a perverse way, the only reflection on you is that you are not giving us the fuel we need. It is not a reaction to what you look like, what you do, who your friends are or what your interests might happen to be. We will of course use them, as a method of lashing out at you should you try and question us about our infidelity because as I have explained in Manipulated we will deploy blame shifting frequently when we are under attack. It is often the case that when a partner learns of the infidelity of their partner that they will scrutinise their own conduct.
“Is it something I have done?”
This means that you will examine your own behaviour and try to improve in some way because you will want to salvage our relationship. The fact of your addiction means you do not want to let us go. You will be mightily hurt and offended by our infidelity but you will try to find some way of fixing it because that is what you like to do. If our infidelity shows any risk of causing you to depart, we will hastily reinstate the golden period, as a Preventative Hoover, if you will, to stop you departing from us. Most of the time however, because of the way you are, you blame yourselves (often because we warp your way of thinking to do this) and you try to patch things over. Your need to resolve matters results in you clinging to us notwithstanding our fidelity. Indeed, in some instances you want to prove that you are better than the person we committed our infidelity with. You want to fight to retain us and ensure that our relationship triumphs.
We will also use infidelity as a means by which to control you and make you do what we want: –
“If you gave me more attention I would not go elsewhere.”
“If you put out more often I would not have to get it from someone else.”
“Perhaps if you hadn’t let yourself slide I wouldn’t stray would I?”
“If you thought more about me rather than yourself perhaps it would not have happened?”
“I won’t leave you, I should, but I will stay but some things are going to have to change.”
You are the victim. We have committed the transgression but other than when we fear you might leave us and sever our supply of fuel, we will not apologise but pin the blame on you. You will have been subjected to a succession of manipulation wiles in order to browbeat you and lower your resistance so that when we unveil our infidelity we use it as a method of getting what we want from you, namely more fuel and more control.
Infidelity is bad enough in the context of a “normal” relationship. With our kind it will always happen, it will always happen with many people and will do so repeatedly. It is a further black flag of abusive behaviour.
52 thoughts on “The Weapon That Is Infidelity”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Very powerful piece! Really relatable.
Sniglet:
“Alright, let’s clarify the point. The act which created the jealousy would wound you and the fury created should give you fuel which is negative. No?”
No. A narc can’t give himself fuel. Someone else has to do that.
So the jealousy would wound him, fury is created, he lashes out to you, you react with anger or hurt feelings, and this reaction gives him his negative fuel, which heals the wound and then he feels fine again.
Narcs are everywhere Claudia: they are your neighbours, colleagues, bosses, friends, family members etc.
You can’t avoid them all, so you’d better learn to protect yourself, especially if you are an empath, co-dependent of have been wounded before, because than you’re a narc-magnet.
It isn’t about fawning over HG, at least not for me, and thanking someone for their advice is just a courteous thing to do. I like it too when someone thanks me for my services.
So you give some positive fuel, so what, that is the least of my worries.
Correct.
Guys and girls, I have just ended up on this website looking for information about my studies in this field. What I just want to tell you is please, read and learn what you need to learn about narcissists and just leave this website without even a comment or a thank you.
Do not try to understand too much, do not try to understand why narcissists act in a certain way and so on, just leave and do not engage with narcissists at all. But most of all, leave and push away every narcissist you have in your life right now.
Just concentrate on yourself.
Do not try to understand them.
If you know yourself and take care of yourself, there is no need to stay long time on this blog.
Poor observation. It is only by understanding that victims have their many, many questions addressed. If they do not get their answers (our victims are truth seekers) this means
a. They remain susceptible to increasing their emotional thinking because they will keep wondering “why?”
b. They increase the risk of interacting with the narcissist to receive those answers;
c. Their anxiety et al remains heightened;
d. The confusion and bewilderment makes them vulnerable. If someone punches you in the face, it hurts on two levels. First physically and secondly because you do not know why that person did it and often this second point hurts/impacts beyond the healed physical injury. If someone’s husband whose wife you slept with punches you, you have the physical pain but you understand why they did it and thus you do not have the second problem.
Understanding is the first foundation stone of achieving freedom.
Hello Claudia,
It is very sad to read that you think like that about this site.
I think any opportunity of acquiring knowledge is enriching and developing. It all depends on which stand you are taking. If you take a constructive approach to the information given here it would help you more than adopting a negative approach.Well, it has helped me a lot.
I have been thinking about why people are so angry and express they hatred here. Which I can see when I read your statement ” …… just leave this website without even a comment or a thank you.” It is understandable at a certain point..
If you think about let’s say an artist whose creations you find appealing and enriching ( a painter, a classical composer, a poet, a writer ,a singer etc. ) or a scientist that has contributed enormously to this world with his/her work:
1. if you get to know they are narcissists would you get blinded by your hatred of what they are and not being able to embrace , appreciate and learn of what they are providing you?
Would you then stop finding enriching and giving their work, music?
Do you have to like her/him in order to like their creation and take the most of it to your advantage?
Would you decide not to hire the best lawyer or the best surgeon if you knew they were narcissists?
You do not have to hate them or love them to appreciate and take to your advantage of what they are providing. Regardless of what they are and what their main aim in providing it is.
2. You said:
” But most of all, leave and push away every narcissist you have in your life right now.”
This is exactly the message this site is giving you telling you why and how leaving /pushing away any narcissist.
3. Quoting another statement:
” What I just want to tell you is please, read and learn what you need to learn about narcissists and just leave this website without even a comment or a thank you.”
I think there are NO LIMITS in acquiring knowledge , there are no limits in learning…this site helps differently depending on where you are in your process:
-being a source of answers that were left unanswered,
-supportive by the interaction with other bloggers and their contribution ,
-insightful , validating ,reinforcing and empowering when you have succeeded leaving behind you the narcissistic relationship
-and even humorous and relaxing when it is needed in this crazy aftermath.
There is a lot of dynamic and movement in here that is very enriching and helpful . It is just a matter of wanting to do it and taking the best of it.
So sad that you think the way you do now…
Studies in your field so I’m guessing you were never involved with a narcissist just studying psychology if it weren’t for this site I would never have put the pieces together and figured out what was odd about my sister she’s a narc second why would you suggest we never comment or say thank you that’s inconceivable to me unless I was also a narc as far as staying along time on this blog unless he’s going to reach through my tablet I’m not afraid of this narc hg . I like it here I like feedback I like hearing others perspectives as far as saying don’t try to learn too much that’s a read flag for me it reminds me of the scene in Rosemary’s baby where she is questing her obgyn about her strange pregnancy symptoms and he tells her don’t read or study about pregnancy of course he told her that cuz he was a devil worshipper and knew she was pregnant with Satan’s baby but drs in the sixties really did tell woman to not bother to try to educate themselves on their pregnancy I font trust anyone who says to try not to learn when your a psychologist are u going to tell your patients to not bother to try and understand their disorders because its over their heads
That should say because HE the Dr knew she was pregnant with Satan’s baby not she knew
Hi claudia…i get where youre coming from not focusing so much on narcissism that you cant walk away and heal. Moving on is important too and many take breaks or leave for this reason. However many of us are here for more than just the knowledge. I enjoy the interaction and the humor. The friendships. Its become a place to share and learn from. I do think its important to balance it out and not let it become a crutch. Ive learned so much from this site but i stay bc i enjoy the conversations and the prespectives. The knowledge is first and foremost but theres more than just that to be had here.
Hi Claudia,
I’ve seen one other comment from you about the poster needing to see a doctor, and the poster gave you an answer from their own experience.
If you came here because your field of studies is narcissism, you’ve hit the motherload. Are you going to turn away from gold, just because someone tells you to leave it, because you didn’t find it in the right place?
HG and SuperXena both gave good replies to your post.
I’ll nudge you in a different direction.
Do you really want to learn about Narcissism? Or Psychology?
Or are you simply after the cert, degree, or whatever paper you need to call yourself a practitioner?
If you want to study the narcissist in isolation, you may be able to interview HG. The subject is at least aware and willing, not something you are likely to find elsewhere.
If you wish to study the effects on the victim, you can read many examples of the aftermath and damages in the comments.
I’m sure if you stay and observe, you will also notice that there is a lack of understanding therapists when it comes to trying to help the narcissists victims. They are unaware of the dynamics of the narcissistic relationship. As you are unaware of these dynamics. As evidenced in the “advice” you gave. Unintentional, I’m sure, but still…..
What do you say, Claudia?
At least lurk for a while
A highly constructive response.
Hello Perse,
Very good approach and very interesting suggestions you are providing.
It is hard to know if Claudia has had any entanglement with a narcissist and/ or she is learning for professional reasons. Either way you give her very good alternative plans of action.
Claudia
Claudia
It is exactly this type of attitude that is detrimental to all victims of narcissistic abuse. The lack of awareness and understanding is a monumental barrier that fosters and conceals this type of violence. It is paramount that people have access to the most accurate information that will facilitate healing in a non-judgmental manner, which can be found here for free. Many people have made unaffordable co-payments for absolutely useless 45 minute therapy sessions with ill-equipped professionals and rued the waste of time and money spent with these “counselors”. Thank God I am here; I have saved both time and money while recovering from devastating emotional violence. I am one of the lucky ones.
Claudia
You are not very far into your studies if you think you can just “push” every narcissist you have in your life away and think that will be the end of it. A lot of people are here because many who have concluded their studies were not effective without having the real world experience of the commenters here as well as the information from an actual narcissist on how to most successfully effect the actual pushing away.
Also, as a personal aside, after being controlled previously, I do not take kindly to people telling me what I should or should not do without them at least telling me the perceived dangers or what their concerns for me continuing are.
You will learn a lot here if you have an open mind. If you do not have an open mind-you may find yourself unable to help anyone else with theirs.
It was suggested to me how much he would like to watch me with another woman. Always trying to please, I said I would but that I would choose her. It didn’t happen. I can’t believe I was actually setting up a scenario where I was going to choose a woman to hand deliver to him to triangulate (mentally and physically) with me. It’s ridiculous how much I helped him treat me like shit. It’s laughable now.
Ugotit
Please read what you wrote.
*i can’t deal with him now.
*he is on the back burner for the time being.
You show control of this situation to a point. Can you see it. You are controlling his existence in you life.
I see it as you will get back to his need for fuel as soon as you get over the issues of your mom and sister.
He doesn’t live next to you or even remotely. You have the power to exit him out completely. Do what hg writes on the no contact. He just had the best post for this on how you do the wrong no contact.
Be kind with decisions with your sister, most likely you will get your way.
Your going to be fine.
My sisters a narc lol but thanks we will see how this goes
He would casually suggest that I be intimate with others, but then there was the extreme jealousy. I could never figure out if he was serious, trying to offend me or if the jealousy was fake. Are narcissists jealous in general?
That was a confusing one. When I saw him, he made some comments about what he saw on my social media for years but never liked, commented or said much. He expressed anger at my having chat off. He was supposedly angry at being peer pressured into what he did to me decades ago (now I know, it was all intentional). He then suggested a mutual female friend (also a chilhood flame of his) and I might all get our freak on.
Well….that was a huge mistake on his part. At least HG recognizes that for empaths you want to keep around, you don’t go down the orgy route. Once he made that comment, I knew, he would never care for me and protect me and as such, he was of no use to my life.
I sometimes wonder if he underestimated my level of tolerance for his BS. So many things became points of no return for me and in the end, that was that. I can only imagine what he has continued to do to his ex wife who is still from what I can tell, in his life. She has to be a huge enabler. And he is of no value to her other than they share kids because he has no money or anything that would help her life. It can only be a lifelong empathic/narc dance he has done with ther and since they knew each other since they were kids, he learned he can do this and get away with it. Even her sister is a ‘best friend’. Really grossly incestuous in a way when you think of it. And everyone knows he was just an unfaithful, lying loser but he has had enough support that I wonder if he ever experienced any real repercussions. He always got it to work somehow I think. They all helped create the monster that he is.
nfl3
These are two terms I have read about regarding NPD: Pathological jealousy and pathological envy.
hi Nfl3 …narcissists are in a perpetual state of jealousy and envy.
Another great post. Thank you.
I understand the positive fuel gained from seduction and the negative fuel from dropping hints and triangulation. But what about a narc using prostitutes and not disclosing it? the positive fuel must be pretty scanty when you lay $150 on the table first. And if it isn’t disclosed the negative fuel isn’t there either. So why does a narc (my ex is a mid ranger) use prostitutes? Is it simply to facilitate withdrawal of sex from the primary source as devaluation and taking care of bodily urges while avoiding feelings of inadequacy about his inability to fake intimacy any longer? Although he is hoovering me now I know he is still going to prostitutes. The narcissistic “logic” behind that one is a bit convoluted and unclear.
If you read ‘Sex and the Narcissist’, Reba it is explained in there with plenty more which you will find of interest.
We are still together but I truly hate him now he’s a hypocrite he’s living a double life I’m documenting and screenshotting everything he’s assumed I’m coming back to get married legally we are only married by Islamic standards when I return I’m showing his mother brother and sisters his fake profile while he’s out with all the nasty dirty pictures of naked woman and their asses I’ll show his friends and imam too I know hell attack but I’ll be long gone hiding in a hotel or at the airport getting on my return flight I want to destroy him he’s already attacking me for not living up to Islamic standards but I’m an american and he knows it but its OK for him to be a two faced pig one way or another I’ll get my revenge I might wait till he gets here and then have him imprisoned for domestic abuse not sure yet I’m so afraid of him not of violence but how he turns on me on a dime for the slightest mistake on my part he’s truly evil but thinks he’s a good person one of us is going to win this war and that person is me its not a relationship its a war
Ugotit
Why are you allowing him to run you? What will you benefit from:
*showing vulgar pics of him to family?
*revenge?
The amount of energy of the description you just said you want to accomplish will be a complete waste of time. Reconsider your thoughts before you plan your actions on this. All I can say is at least for the sake of your daughter, rethink rethink. Take your daughter out on a vacation instead.
Read what you wrote.
Ask yourself why you used these words.
evil, win, war, pig, hiding, imprisoned, afraid, hate, attacking, assumed, relationship, hypocrite, destroy nasty, profile, mistake, naked, asse*s, documenting, hiding.
You are so lucky to be separated from that guy. Your family/daughter is safe from him. That is what matters when you are still getting over the emotional thinking. Stay home.
I wrote that comment in the heat of anger I’m dealing with a family feud now cuz my mom needs long ter. Care and my sister wants her near her and I want her near me he is on the back burner for the time being
You wrote with emotional thinking governing you and it showed. A useful example for people to see.
Why don’t you just leave him already? He is abusing you. What are you waiting for? Life is too short for that crap. I hope you will wake up and realize that soon. He is never going to change. You are literally just wasting your time.
You are correct I can’t deal with him now anyway have a family crisis to attend too
Lol hg I’m glad I could be of service in that way to demonstrate emotional thinking your right I’m an emotional person and therefore think emotionally I’m also a vengeful rageful person in certain circumstances lol thank u so much for commenting on my post I’m not being sarcastic I’m serious I’m always thrilled to get ur input any time u care to give it if I had my way I would get a miniature version of you I could carry around in my pocket to teach me in real time how to be less emotional lol
Ugotit, you are fighting a losing and dangerous battle with this guy. Many Muslim men believe in polygamy (4 wives allowed by k) and their families support this notion. You are/we’re not his only paramour. With that in mind, what do you hope to achieve by outing him to his close supporters when they live by the same conviction? I have a feeling his own mother had been abused by his father. LET IT GO AND NEVER LOOK BACK or minimal contact if you have children. Don’t take revenge. Reread HG’s comments on No Contact. What will you do when this guy strikes you and calls you a slut for the umpteenth time. Since you are prolonging your suffering you must really enjoy the feeling.
None of his family or friends have more than one wife I know for a fact because all his brothers and their wife still live at home with the parents and his sisters who are unmarried live at home and the one who’s married lives at home with her husband then he has two deceased sisters there’s over 30 people living in his house if u include all his nieces and nephews they are all very lovely people for the record he has never once hit me or called me a slut the argument we had was because my phone had died and none of my pictures or videos were saved or backed up so I quickly uploaded everything to Facebook and I set everything to private but without realizing it set a video of his sisters to friends he saw it and went off on me because its forbidden to publish especially because they were at home with no hijab on he didn’t give me a chance to explain it was an accident then I told him to take pictures of my daughter off his Facebook page and he denied they were there so I commented on them to prove they were visible so he deleted the pics but continues to deny they were ever there this is the kind of bullshit he puts me thru. He didn’t let me explain in my haste to upload everything before the phone died I accidentally uploaded a video of his sisters not set to private and then he outright lied about not having pictures of my daughter on his Facebook page when they were there in plane sight with the caption my daughter as if she were his anyway no physical violence he doesn’t call me a slut but he gaslights me constantly
It appears that you have written against this guy in earlier posts and wanted to take revenge, and now you are somewhat defending him and softening your position.
Not at all he’s called me fat ugly stupid homeless looking an alcoholic a disgrace to my family a disgrace to him old and ugly a thief a liar mentally ill etc etc he just never hit me or called me a slut lmfao
Ugotit – oh, I see. Glad he missed the word slut from his rich devaluing repertoire. What’s the plan? What will you do with him then?
Lol.I don’t have a plan yet. Haven’t heard from him in 3 days which is fine cuz I’m busy wrapping presents and cleaning for Xmas I am toying with the idea of going out with a bang on news years eve and disappearing from all social media and blocking him on phone email etc without warning but doesn’t sound dramatic enough I want to recreate Meatball’s read em and weep or Barry Manilow’s read .em and weep (yeah I’m a wierdo) and goso with some kind of flourish I want to make a dramatic grand finale before I cut off contact permanently as it will be the only escape I ever made as he was the one discarding before I want to out discard his discard lol ( yeah I know I sound like a narc )
Meatloaf not meatball
Sounds like a plan. Ulldoit, Ugotit! 🙂
If infidelity is so common with narcissists why not opt for an open relationship? Have your fill – attend orgies, fuck to your heart’s content get non stop sensations and fuel.
1. Very few empathic targets would agree to such an arrangement.
2. What and head of a tried and trusted method of gaining negative fuel? No thank you.
1. Attend an orgy and you will find an empathic woman who will accept infidelity under the guise of open relationship. 2. Much negative fuel will be gained from you watching other men insert themselves into ‘your woman/object’ in front of your eyes while she takes pleasure in having someone else do your job possibly even better. 3. Easy way to settle your infidelity without hurting good, descent women who want an honest wholesome relationship.
1. Possibly.
2. Incorrect. It is only open one way unless it is done to demean – if she is to take pleasure from it, that is not negative fuel. Therefore your proposal fails in that regard.
3. Not a concern of mine.
Hello Sniglet,
I find your comment very interesting.
I understand what you are saying. I think ( based on my own experience) that the scenario you present is absolutely unacceptable for the narcissist. At least if you are placed as an IPPS in the fuel matrix and you still are a valuable “asset”( using the terms under the narcissist’s perspective) : nobody, absolutely nobody is allowed to please you sexually or in ANY other way except the narcissist.
Even more :nobody is allowed to awaken any emotion being sexual pleasure, happiness ,sadness or anger etc except the narcissist . I am talking based on my own experience as an IPPS .
My ex’s degree of possessiveness and jealousy was scaring and asphyxiating .
So the sole THOUGHT of me being unfaithful to him ignited his fury.He used to look around the house every time he came home to check that there was nothing suspicious.
Being a Somatic , it was of extreme importance for him to please me in every way.
If I had been unfaithful to him, that would have been the biggest treachery.
No one was allowed to “posses” my body ( or my mind) except him.
Quoting what you said:
“1. Attend an orgy and you will find an empathic woman who will accept infidelity under the guise of open relationship. ”
I think that If a women would accept it, the narcissist would regard her as dirty placing her out of the fuel matrix as an IPPS. They look for clean, honest women and to them I think that would be “impure”.
“2. Much negative fuel will be gained from you watching other men insert themselves into ‘your woman/object’ in front of your eyes while she takes pleasure in having someone else do your job possibly even better. ”
I think just the thought of it would ignite the narcissist’s fury. If the narcissist’s partner is a valuable IPPS.
“3. Easy way to settle your infidelity without hurting good, descent women who want an honest wholesome relationship.”
They expect 100% faithfulness from their IPPS….but of course they do not see the need from them to be faithful…
It seems to me that this is another example of the one-sided agreement when entering a relationship with a narcissist.
Unless of course it exists such a state as an eternal golden period…which I think is very hard if not impossible to achieve.
Best wishes.
Hi SuperXena, You certainly have had experience with a very jealous man. I agree with you that the scenario presented would be absolutely unacceptable to a narcissist and the consequences could be unpredictable and dangerous, depending on the narcissist’s level of self control, other presented options and need for revenge etc. I think there are 2 types of negative fuel. One has been discussed extensively and that is the narcissist extracting negative fuel from his victim through the infliction of pain in various ways. The other type of negative fuel which I wanted to bring to the forefront was the victim causing the narcissist discomfort through the creation of jealousy via an open relationship to which a narcissist would agree to for the purposes of extracting positive fuel (sleeping with many women) and at the same time drawing negative fuel from his internal jealousy. HG’s reply was “if she is to take pleasure from it, that is not negative fuel.” Jealousy is negative fuel to the narcissist, is it not? I view that as fuel and jealousy locks the narcissist into victimhood to which he would not admit anyway hence the supporting comment “…your proposal fails in this regard.” to maintain his superiority.
No Sniglet, I understand your point, but our responses are not fuel to us. If my victim is jealous because of something I have said or done – that is negative fuel. If I am jealous, that is not fuel for me. Indeed, the act which created that feeling of jealousy may well wound and thus that jealousy is likely to manifest with ignited fury dependent on the school of narcissist.
Alright, let’s clarify the point. The act which created the jealousy would wound you and the fury created should give you fuel which is negative. No?
Hello Sniglet!
Thank you for your extensive comment.
I see you have received the answer from HG.
Just adding my observations from the other side of the fence:
1. Any emotional response (+/-)from me provoked by my ex was “food” for him that is to say fuel.
2. If I triggered in him i.ex. jealousy and that wounded him it did not give him fuel. Since he was wounded, he had to look for the immediate provision of fuel to heal the wound. He immediately looked to provoke in me usually a NEGATIVE response since it gave him more potent fuel than positive to heal the wound.
He usually did that by i.ex. flirting with someone else or any other provocation that would make me feel angry .
He had a high degree of control so his fury ( caused by the wound) was not explosive ( ignited) and did not lash out but he tried instead to provoke me in many other ways.
A wound in a narcissist is triggered, expressed and healed in many different ways depending on their degree of control, calculation and their status of the fuel matrix ( different schools).
I hope this helps to clarify a little bit more.
“We will be unfaithful to you at some point.”
What about cerebral narcissists who aren’t so much interested in sex? Would it manifest in some other way, such as triangulation?
As example, I believe a coworker might be a cerebral upper midranger. I have a hard time imagining he would ever be unfaithful to his wife, as example, since much of his image consists of upholding himself as ‘the good husband and father.’
I once asked you if a somatic could ever remain faithful and you said without hesitation–no.
People always regard fidelity as sexual/physical. One can be emotionally, intellectually, financially unfaithful and thus that would apply to a cerebral. Plus a cerebral would readily engage in sexting or dirty telephone calls which some people would regard as being sexually unfaithful even though there is no physical contract involved.