Forever on The Fake
Fakery, fabrication and lies are the bricks and mortar of our existence. They are the bread and butter that enable us to have sustenance. I know that when you look back at the golden period you always struggle to understand that it was not real. You cannot fathom out how something that felt so right, so true and so real could actually be something so false. Our behaviour seemed so genuine. Our declarations of undying love so moving and emotive, how could this be a façade? Yes you thought occasionally that we were a little over the top but you found that endearing. The reason it seemed so genuine is because our performance was so convincing. This performance was of such a high calibre owing to two things. The first because we have practised repeatedly and we possess experienced ease at mimicking the behaviour of others. We have done it so often and to so many people we do it without thinking. And there is the neat segue into the second reason. We do it without thinking because we believe it to be absolutely the right thing to do. We are not concerned that we are exhibiting a false front to you. We are not troubled by the fact that all our smiles, kisses and pleasantries are manufactured. Not only are we not burdened by this because we are not designed to be burdened by such concerns it also because we have the complete and utter conviction that behaving in this manner is the right thing to do. We need to seduce you. We need to ensnare you and what better way to do so than by this campaign of love and desire? Where is the harm in that? We get you where we want you, we receive dollops of delicious fuel and you feel loved, wanted and placed on a throne at the top of a pedestal. It is a win- win surely?
Does it really matter that your bag is a fake Louis Vuitton? It holds objects, feels the same and looks the same, so where is the problem? That Blu-ray disc is not a genuine licensed film but you can still watch it all the same with next to no deterioration in viewing pleasure, so again, what is the issue? Our fakery works for you and it works for us.
Our façade to the world of being charming, reliable and wonderful despite that particular mask being removed behind closed doors again is just a necessary device. How does it matter that friends and family are conned? They like me, they admire me and they believe me so where again is the harm in that? Yes, they may not believe what you have to say about me based on my façade but that is your fault. If you had kept up the flow of fuel this would not have to happen. Everyone else out there is in blissful ignorance and you want to change that. You want them to see what you claim is the real me. Why? All you will do is upset and alarm them. Is it not better that they remain shrouded in the illusion, content and unaware,rather than be subjected to the concern and worry that you seem intent on burdening them with? Why must you project your problems on to other people?
Even when I denigrate and berate you this too is merely manufactured. I do not really mean those horrible things that I say and do. I just do them because I have to. I have to keep you in your place, under my control and spewing out that negative fuel that I crave so much. If you had kept up the supply of decent quality fuel I would not have to say these things to you to provoke a reaction. I only do it because I must, I do not mean any of it. Even when you ignite my fury my hateful words and spiteful comments through this explosive fury is only based on a necessity to protect myself from your awful criticism of me. I do not mean it, it just has to happen. Do you understand now why it is not my fault? There is no real intent behind what I say and do, they are just merely actions which serve a purpose to ensure I get the fuel that I need.
From my seduction, through to my façade to everyone else and even my devaluing of you, it is all based on a fabrication. A necessary set of illusions required to preserve my existence. No matter who I deal with, who I interact with or who comes within my sphere of influence, I roll out the lies, the untruths and the perfidy. Everything I say or do is manufactured but I have an utter conviction in the necessity of this manufactured process so that this, couple with an absence of conscience or remorse enables me to churn out the lies and illusions like a factory production line.
I am always on the fake. And that’s the truth.
19 thoughts on “Forever on The Fake”
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Mytrueself
He did not say that they do not know right from wrong or truth from lies -just that they are not burdened by them. There is no guilt or remorse.
“We are not designed to be burdened by such concerns… ”
-You’re making excuses for your behaviour! You know right from wrong, truth from lies.
My narcissist liked to say “my truth is different from yours” to justify his behaviour. He had been in therapy, so I don’t know if, like you HG, he was aware he perceived life through his maladaptive delusions.
I did sense my ex knew he was an act, a sham, just smoke and mirrors yet simultaneously also saw himself as The Greatest. I think he was troubled by this paradox – or perhaps I’m projecting my own analysis of the situation onto him.
I suppose a narcissist is incapable of being sincere with himself, too, they aren’t designed that way….
The truth is we all need a bit of ‘healthy ego’.
I used to wonder why.
Now I just wonder how.
Must be damned exhausting.
Does the N have his own set idea of who he is?
Yes and no. I think it’s complex.
Dear Mr Tudor,
I love to read the facebook comments as well as your blog and have noticed they appear to be somewhat angrier and quite vocal. You do not appear to reply to many comments … why is that?
Thanks
Because I only have so many hours in the day and one pair of hands – the blog is the main place for discussion, if I replied to everything across Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, the blog, e-mails etc then I would have not time for anything else, so I prioritise the blog.
You know HG, I was moaning in my other comment about how you deal with the comments, but I was also thinking about the load of work you have to do all by yourself day in day out. So I wanna give you credits for that. I would offer to help, if that was an option.
Indeed. Thanks for the offer but it has to be done by me.
Thankyou Mr Tudor …. I’m in the right place then ☺️
HG
Perhaps you need more than 25 hours in a Tudor Day and an extra pair of hands, of course.
Those should be careful about commenting on FB. I have done so only a handful of times but it is never anything personal and very generic in nature.
Reason being, once I commented on some article involving these types (not sure if it was one of yours) and it was nothing very specific, but it landed in a FB friend’s feed, wherein she messaged me, saying she hoped I was no longer with any psychopath and that if I needed any help…etc.
Um, I was never ‘with’ any psychopath, save for my dad, many many years ago.
I understand she meant well but FB should not make it her business. Another time I had one of my aunts message me and ask if everything was alright.
I don’t like that FB does that, hence if I have commented on FB it is not going to be anything detailed, as I do here.
Hi bibi…this really bugs me about facebook! Theres absolutely no privacy. Ive privatized my fb acct. Fully yet i still do not trust “liking” on narc site posts and im careful of my comments too. I have one fb friend that follows me onto any site i comment on like a flying monkey but they dont know my narc. They have joined the same sites so i know they have seen me post via their feed.
Even if youre part of a closed group if someone from there tags you or you like a post itll show up on your friends feeds. Fb is the leaat private place. Closed groups arent an exception.
Hi bubbles…i used to post on the fb page but quickly realised others on my friends list could see. If privacy is an issue the blogs the best place!
Dear narc affair,
Thankyou kindly for that helpful snippet … I shall remain here …
I don’t really like fb …. I don’t have any so called ” friends” anyway .. haha
Do you ever have moments (of clarity) when you wish you didn’t need narcissistic fuel to create a facade and that you could function without it? Do you ever hate having to turn to fuel like a vampire to blood? Do you feel shackled like a slave by this cursed bizarre need? Perhaps that mental clarity would come by when you are well fuelled or exhausted and about to fall asleep. I hope my questions are not too strange.
No. It irks me that I have to draw fuel from lesser individuals and thus have such a reliance upon them but ultimately I am taking from them and therefore that underlines my superiority. I accept it as a necessary ingredient in enabling me to exist and remain so effective. A machine needs to be fuelled.
I understood HG that having to rely on others is a blow to one’s pride and can be even more frustrating if it is done on others’ terms. While it is unpleasant, you know how to focus on the benefits to help further your existence. I get the impression that you are a tough man who perseveres in spite of any obstacles and your persistence will help you achieve an even more superior status where others will have to rely on you, some probably already do. Time is key 🔑!
Hard hitting . I recognize a lot here. (My n’s lifetime pattern) Thank you. Hopeless for us without the protection of zero empathy. Thank you.
The thing is HG Dont act as you dont like it, you contradict yourself. Whats real is that it is real and fabricated. Its both…Your motives arent lies, your supposed compassion and thinking how this feels to the other person is, u dont feel empathy and compassion to which you know this, to which you want people to fall for your perceived flaw…
In other words i see what you did there… clever but there is no redemption for you and that’s how you like it