The Rules of Ex Club – No. 15
15 thoughts on “The Rules of Ex Club – No. 15”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Dear Mr Tudor,
I remember telling my narc friend … that my husband was my “soul”
mate ….. he appeared quite displeased and agitated …..
I still don’t get it !
After months of hearing my MMRN talk about his ex wife and their marriage, I finally drew my own conclusions to their relationship. I stopped being jealous of her. One day he mentioned her and I let him know I thought he had a skewed perception of their relationship. I gave him my outside looking in view and boy was he livid.
He also couldn’t stand that I was amicable with my ex’s. He compared himself to my son’s father constantly. I always thought the fact that I was amicable with them was a positive thing until him.
This shouldn’t be a surprise really. No partner wants to hear how wonderful your ex was, NPD or NT. Perhaps it just hurts them more.
Oh, done this inadvertently many times. Just because I don’t feel this way, and many years have passed since the Ex. Now I know better. Explains the silence, sulking.
I only praised my ex once to my narc and it was meant as a form of wounding bc he was devaluing me. He pretended it didnt bother him and laughed it off but i could tell it pissed him off. It felt good to retaliate. I guess two can play that game 👌
This was the one time i actually wanted a negative reaction from him akin to a narcs negative fuel to know i had wounded him. I felt guilty afterwards but now i would not bc i know what im dealing with. Actually now id not even bother doing this bc its futile. Well maybe i would but in a different way. If you dont stick up for yourself it hurts you even more than their devalument.
HG, if the praise is said on social media, is the narc just as wounded?
It will wound but not as much as in person. You also do not know if the narcissist will see it on social media because you should not be posting it on the narcissist’s social media, tagging the narcissist etc.
HG, is this true? Praising one’s ex wounds the narcissist? I never realized this.
Yes.
Why exactly HG ? How does it make them feel ?
If you are sat telling me how wonderful your ex is, your joyous comments, smiling face and shining eyes are all providing fuel but not to me. Thus there is a flagrant waste of fuel. Moreover you are talking about someone else, further that someone else was intimate with you and therefore had a considerable involvement with you, further still you have the audacity to do all of this in MY presence.
A short remark such as “he wasn’t a bad guy” with a smile will rankle slightly but would not ignite fury, but espouse his virtues with emotion and you can expect the ignition of fury from most of our kind.
Great answer ! Thank you.
It all makes perfect sense. But I guess when you don’t feel this way yourself it is impossible to truly understand how exactly this makes an N feel.
I like it though, more innocent wounding techniques.
Didn’t know… guilty!
Well this one makes sense. Praising the ex highlights what a loser the narc was to let her get away.