Obsessed

obsessed

 

I want you to be happy. I am so in love with you. You are everything that I have ever wanted, you are like a dream come true, my soul mate, my other half, you complete me. You have no idea just what you do to me. I just want to love you like nobody else ever has. Yes, I am obsessed with you. I want to merge with you and become one. I am not just obsessed with you but with everything about you and most of all your happiness. I just want to ensure that someone as brilliant as you, someone as wonderful as you, someone as marvellous as you is made to feel special. You deserve that. I know. I know something, or rather somebody has hurt you before. I know you do not want to talk about it. That is absolutely fine. You do not have to talk about it with me. You see, I can tell. I have a sixth sense if you will for knowing about these things. It is just the way I am and let me tell you that you should feel no shame for that. You should not be upset that you have been hurt because I am going to put an end to the hurt. I am always going to look after you, help you, hold you and comfort you. No matter what the world throws at us, throws at you, I will be by your side. I want to keep all the malice and bad things in this world away from someone as special and as perfect as you. I regard that as my calling. I was sent to look after you. It is true. It was not just chance that brought you and me together, not at all. I was sent to make you happy. It has been decided that what happened in the past will stay in the past and instead I have come to bring you happiness, great glorious golden happiness. I will not rest in my desire to see you happy at all times. When you are happy, I am happy. My happiness is conditional on yours, that is just the way I am. No matter what happens, I will not give up on you. I will ensure that everything is great again. I give you my word. I am totally committed to achieving your happiness. I will do anything in the world to see you smile, to see your eyes light up and to know that you feel wonderful. You are an amazing person and you, more than anyone else in the world, deserves happiness. I know how to provide it you and if that means that you think that I am obsessed with achieving it then so be it, but it is a noble aim. It is a good and laudable endeavour to ensure your happiness. I will aim each and every day, without hesitation, without reluctance and without restraint to deliver this for you. I want to do this for you, I want to do this for us. You are the most important person in the world to me. You have made me feel so special being with me and I always want that feeling to continue, now and forever. I want to give that to you in return for all the scintillating things you give to me. I am truly blessed to have coupled with you and no matter how difficult things might become, no matter how hard others may make it I will not shirk from achieving your complete and utter happiness. I was born to do this. I am utterly beholden to you and your happiness. This is my obsession. You are my obsession. I am obsessed with you.

A period of time passes.

 

You want me to be happy. You are so in love with me. I am everything that you have ever wanted, I am like a dream come true, your soul mate, your other half, I complete you. I have every idea just what I do to you. You just want to love me like nobody else ever has. Yes, you are obsessed with me. You want to merge with me and become one. You are not just obsessed with me but with everything about me and most of all my happiness. You just want to ensure that someone as brilliant as me, someone as wonderful as me, someone as marvellous as me, is made to feel special. I deserve that. You know. You know something, or rather somebody has hurt me before. You know I do not want to talk about it. That is absolutely fine. I will not have to talk about it with you. You can tell. You have a sixth sense if you will for knowing about these things. It is just the way you are and you tell me that I should feel no shame for that. I should not be upset that I have been hurt because you are going to put an end to the hurt. You will always look after me, help me, hold me and comfort me. No matter what the world throws at us, throws at me, you will be by my side. You want to keep all the malice and bad things in this world away from someone as special and as perfect as me. You regard that as your calling. You were sent to look after me. It is true. It was not just chance that brought you and me together, not at all. You were sent to make me happy. It has been decided that what happened in the past will stay in the past and instead you have come to bring me happiness, great glorious golden happiness. You will not rest in your desire to see me happy at all times. When I am happy, you are happy. Your happiness is conditional on mine, that is just the way you are. No matter what happens, you will not give up on me. You will ensure that everything is great again. You give me your word. You are  totally committed to achieving my happiness. You will do anything in the world to see me smile, to see my eyes light up and to know that I feel wonderful. I am an amazing person and I, more than anyone else in the world, deserves happiness. You know how to provide it me and if that means that I think that you are obsessed with achieving it then so be it, but it is a noble aim. It is a good and laudable endeavour to ensure my happiness. You will aim each and every day, without hesitation, without reluctance and without restraint to deliver this for me. You want to do this for me, you want to do this for us. I am the most important person in the world to you. I have made you feel so special being with you and you always want that feeling to continue, now and forever. You want to give that to me in return for all the scintillating things I give to me. You are truly blessed to have coupled with me and no matter how difficult things might become, no matter how hard others may make it you will not shirk from achieving my complete and utter happiness. You were born to do this. You are utterly beholden to me and my happiness. This is your obsession. I am your obsession. You are obsessed with me.

Think I am the only one who engages in mirroring?

Think again.

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12 thoughts on “Obsessed”

  1. Hg have you written how the idealization and devaluation cycles work with a narcissist and their children and or their spouse? I find it fascinating that people can live with someone for years and never be disengaged from. Has your mother ever disengaged from you? If so please explain or write a blog entry about that. I have only dated narcs but never had them in the family at least not that I know of.

    1. Hello Abby, I have done so yes. With regard to the spouse it is the dynamic between narcissist and IPPS but there are variations on a theme owing to the fact that there are different school of narcissist, but the essential pattern remains similar. With regard to children, I have explained about the dynamic with them in terms of whether a narcissist would want children or not and if so, how they are utilised by the narcissist and how that dynamic pans out. The parental narcissist v child victim is a more varied dynamic than that of narcissist v IPPS. My mother has previously disengaged from me, yes.

  2. Do you think it is realistic to recreate the experience yourself, the one the narcissist created for you?
    I must say I keep doing a lot of the wonderful things on my own, but sometimes I block myself from accessing something that’s important to me out of shame.
    I wonder if living the special feeling on your own is simply too overstimulating and unsustainable.

  3. I answer no to the question asked at the end. The obsession from a narcissistic persective and from an empathic perspective is not the same.

  4. Jesus!!! Not been on for a while!! Needed the shite reality check… Coming up to my year anniversary of discovering you between Christmas and New Year last year … Don’t really like Christmas now since the Narc infection …. I knew it and hate that I know I am obsessed by this non relationship and every little facet of it and my love would cure all … What an absolute Dick I am… I think I am as bad as him!!! Just wish I could flick a switch and get over it all… x x

  5. Yes, but you started it!!!

    When my N and I were “just friends” (I didn’t know his intentions, and I don’t think he was sure he wanted to “pick me” yet), we would have long talks about peoples behavior when we were high.
    I had admitted to consciously observing people to learn how to get along. He admitted to the same thing. He told me, and encouraged me at first, “If you like somebody, do exactly as they do, and you become instant friends.”
    It worked!! But later on, he told me he never said any such thing, and I made people uncomfortable by trying too hard.
    Which, of course, confused me about whether people liked that or not?!

    1. Why would you not be you? You’d probably have different friends, but they would like you for you and not for an image.

      1. Blank,

        I meant mirroring their movements.
        I they face you in an “open” position, you face them in an open position. If they lean toward you, you lean towards them and so forth. Even if they lean away, you lean away, cause you’re crowding them, they see ‘unconsciously, you will give them space.

        Like that.

        I can’t go so far as everything you like, I like, just because you like it.

        And I already decided I liked the person first. One of my friends that I got like that, I still see, and she never did like my N. Called him an Ogre. We don’t agree on a lot of things, but we have pretty much the same morals, and we entertain each other. worked out for us.

        Also, when I watch people in public, they do a lot of mirroring without thinking about it. I see friends do it to each other, even in large groups. I see couples alone with each other do it a lot. It is a natural way of communicating.

        We are on the same ‘wavelength’.

      2. Ok Pers, I get what you are saying about mirroring. I thought you did it to fit in somewhere (and change your attitude therefore). My friends and I do not agree on a few things either, but we have the same morals and a lot of the same interests also, so I get what you are saying. I had a best friend completely ‘on the same wavelength’, who I got to know when we were in our early twenties. She was my soulmate, she suddenly died at the age of 38. My husband had just cheated on me and I needed her badly. I was devastated (still am). Her death made me decide to stick with my narc, instead of divorcing him (something I regret now). I never found a friend like her again, that was so much on the same wavelength with me. Hold on to your friend Perse, they are very good to have in your life (especially with the narcs around).

  6. The obsession works both ways. The narc wants us to be engulfed in their world, and then pulls away. Repeat a dozen times, and we are the ones obsessed. Then we figure out their game. But it still hurts like hell.

  7. Thank you, HG! You’re absolutely right. Taking responsibility for the quirks that make me susceptible to NSPs is the single most important thing killing the pained obsession and replacing it with indifference. It gives me the power to challenge myself to grow, and never go that route again.

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