New Year, New Prey
As you read this you may be holding your head in your hands. Some of you may just be nursing a hangover although others of you will be holding your heads out of despair at another bout of maladjusted behaviour that you have been subjected to from our kind. It is a New Year and with that I should imagine that you are making your resolutions and vowing that this time things will change. Whereas other sites may be espousing the virtues of a revolutionary diet or unique exercise regime, the benefits of a January which is alcohol free or yes this year you will learn to speak Spanish, those matters need not concern us. Perhaps you will be resolving to put in place some of the knowledge that you have learned from my writing here and in my books. If so, you are sailing towards exciting horizons. Others of you may be swearing that enough is enough and you are going to leave and this time you will not go back. Go on, make that vow to yourself and see if it lasts any longer than your dedication to the treadmill.
My many years of practising my dark art has made me most familiar with the injection of resolve that comes with the first of January. You have dusted away the embers of the dying year and have sought to erase the pain and humiliation that marred much of the passing year of your life. The abuse, the denigration and the savage treatment you have been the victim of will loom large in the mind but you have found a spark of strength from somewhere, there is the flickering flame of optimism that has begun to burn inside of you. You declare that you will not allow our toxic breath to blow this flame out. We will not extinguish it with a smothering boot or the application of freezing cold water to your plans. This time it will be different. All this hope. All this optimism. I can almost taste it.
As one can detect a change in the air with the change of seasons so it is the same with the arrival of a New Year. The empath emerges from his or her slumber and stretches, keen to really shine in the year ahead and to find their self once more. They are keen to cast aside the poisonous cloak that was draped around them, lift the crown of thorns and strip away the clinging tendrils. Such enthusiasm is most laudable. Guess what? You are not the only ones. This year my reach shall be extended and my charm magnified. My sweet, sweet words of seduction shall fall with practised ease upon the willing ears of the supplicants that I have selected. My dark eyes will fix on the appliances that line-up, brimming with that potent fuel. So many appliances to connect to, so much fuel that must be harvested. I will ensure that this year my fuel will be the best I have ever known, I shall soar to new achievements and have eyes shining with admiration every where I go. My foes will lie crushed beneath my booted feet, the cloven hooves concealed from their broken gaze as I breach new boundaries, violate new pastures and conquer fresh virgin territory. Your hope and dedication only serves to spur me on to achieve even greater things in this year ahead.
For every promise of progress that you all make rest assured that I am doubling up on my manipulative strength. When you swear you will break free, I pledge that I will imprison. Every time you assert your desire to escape from my grip, I will tighten it further. You seek to shine a light in your attempt to be a beacon of hope. I will appear and snuff out those beams of light with the malice that surrounds me.
You can exist without having to place your arms around the world. I cannot exist without my fuel. You have a choice. I have none. I am destined to walk this earth forever in my unceasing quest for fuel. Whilst you take delight and solace in so many things, I am beholden to my task of securing fuel from so many that I encounter. They say that after toil comes rest ; not for me and my kind.
So, make those resolutions, dust off your pledges and polish up your good intentions. It is a New Year and the battle for new prey has just been joined.
31 thoughts on “New Year, New Prey”
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Greetings, HG.
I’ve poured through everything you’ve written on your blog site and was pleased to read what Narcissism is truly all about from a bonifide Narcissist. As an Empath, it was imperative I had a realistic and firsthand account of just exactly what makes a Narcissist tick, as I have attracted three into my life thus far although, I managed to extracate myself from each in less than three months and surmise this was due to the fact I recognized something was “off” each time and stepped away. I also consider myself a strong woman capable of reading others well and recognize what healthy behavior in a normal relationship should be like.
The last person I was VERY briefly entangled with was younger than I, and quite “inept” if you will, at utilizing his Narcissistic behaviors in a manner that would have drawn me in deeply. (Perhaps he should have his Narcissism member card entirely revoked!) Yes. There was the Love Bombing phase which, I will readily admit, warranted an occasional eyeball roll or two due to the sheer absurdity of some of his compliments. (Some of them were very sweet though, but obviously far from genuine). The Idealization was also very obvious as I am an accomplished and well-educated professional and, true to form with many Narcs, he was/is drawn to strong, confident sources of supply. (He is a civilian “police officer” on a military installation, who was previously rejected from the NY state trooper program) so association with any woman who was successful was also key to me ultimately understanding what he was about.
Knowing some of his past, I was aware he had previously dated a beautiful therapist for two years (a wealth of supply) who, ultimately left him, as his promises of marriage accompanied by his valuation and simultaneous devaluation, drove her away. I heard the “everyone leaves me” line, the “my ex wife was crazy” line and a plethora of other comments that were obviously spoken to garner my Empathic sympathies. In the (brief) Devaluation phase, I was not so much insulted as I was ignored and told “I need space as I am still wrapping my head around the fact my therapist girlfriend left me.” I gave the requested space, but in that time, I also realized after some introspection, what I was truly dealing with. When he informed me he wanted to date someone he’d known previously (he’s most likely a recycler), I asked him to just acknowledge the fact he was grateful for my friendship, my advice (both legal and personal) and appreciated me being a good friend. He could do none of that. When I told him via text he probably shouldn’t even be dating with all the child support and custody issues he was facing, he became angry, lashed out and blocked me. In turn, I blocked him, and my life has been very calm since.
It was because I took it upon myself to thoroughly read all your blogs, that when I briefly saw him today, I felt nothing but sadness for him. I know he will not change or seek help although, he is young enough that perhaps intensive therapy would have an effect, but I know he will never have the courage to face himself. Again, the sadness I feel for him is because I know Narcissist’s will never feel or give love the way normal people do, and he has a very young daughter who will, I am certain, suffer greatly due to his disorder. I wish him no ill will, but am grateful for being able to truly be “okay” after almost three months of daily contact. I am very certain if I ever attract another into my life, I will be much better armed to ask more questions and listen to what is both said and not said. Again. Thank you for this blog. I have shared it with a friend of mine who is still reeling from her divorce after 20 years with a Malignant Narcissist. I hope your writings will truly help her.
All the best,
Ms M.
Welcome Mrs M and thank you for sharing your experience and also for your praise and sharing my work. You are making good progress. Your sadness for him is understandable as a consequence of your emotional empathy, compassion and decency but ensure you do not allow your emotional thinking to hijack it to cause you to engage further with him. Maintain no contact and that sadness will give way to feeling nothing which is zero impact and is the holy grail of freedom.
Good evening HG, and thank you for your response.
I am corresponding once again as I have several questions for you. I’m certain your readers may be curious about learning your answers as well, so thank you in advance, if you choose to provide a response.
Reflecting back (on occasion) over the past three months with the Narc and our in-person experiences, telephonic conversations and text “conversations,” I thought it prudent to inquire if it is typical behavior for a Narc to re-read text conversations in order to comment back at a different moment in time to reaffirm something that may have angered and/or pleased him or, as a way of re-experiencing the moment with that individual when fuel is in short supply?
Or, is it possible that a Narc may even simply choose to keep those texts as “souvenirs” much in the way some serial killers “collect” trinkets from their victims?
Additionally, I was curious what a Narcissist does with photographs collected from fuel sources? Are they typically hoarded (again), as possible “fuel souvenirs” or are pictures shared during the “relationship,” deleted during or even after Devaluation/Discard?
Granted, I am certain you can only speak for yourself and what you are most inclined to do, but I am curious to hear your comments on this.
I enjoy your blogs and look forward to reading your latest additions.
Regards,
Ms M
Happy New Year’s H.G. may you prosper in your endeavors to empower empaths. Wishing you crop failures in developing new prey.
After being placed on the shelf and then pulled in two weeks before Christmas mine willingly accepted money and Christmas presents only to tell me new years eve that he gave them away and I was a nag and that he wanted s new year new everything and all I think is new prey … perfect words
So much for any good the good Doctors or therapy are doing for you, Sir Tudor. Oh well.
Happy new year HG and everyone:)
Hi HG…..Happy New Year to You…….I am just loving your snow…..”Do ya wanna build a snowman????”……..yes I know yours will be a black one……..but I have heard that they say, that once you go black, you never go back….there could be some truth in that, in more ways than one….anyways….MY snowman was white….well the front of it was…….the back of it was blacker than a chimney sweeps brush!!!!……no ones perfect I guess???…….INXS
Have a happy new year, It seems like you have been gathering a lot of fuel over the last few days.
Don’t be the first narcissist in history to suffer a fuel overload..?…
Dearest Mr Tudor, thank you for the key role you played in my awakening and recovery. I wish you can gather all fuel you need causing the smallest damage possible…or may the good doctors find a way to cure Narcissism (if only). A cheerful 2018 to all of us.
I remember, that all my childhood New Years’ gifts were the same. It always were the wollen pantyhoses (every year they had a different size, because, naturally, I became taller every year; the color of my “gifts” was different sometimes though). When I unpacked the gift box, I always knew what I would find there.
It was unpleasant, of course, but I never took any offense no matter what I met in my life. I learned instead.
Those wollen pantyhoses gave me a knowledge what the predictable routine means. I learned how to make decisions to get something new, to get a difference.
I’ve never accomodated my decisions to any dates (my birthday, New Year, etc.). My decisions always were a natural process of learning and I gave a life to them anytime when I felt “it is time”. Moreover, I lived (and continue to live lol) in the country when the single rule was an absence of any rules, so it wasn’t wise to make any vows, because everything could change dramatically in a blink. It is the real art to cope with a chaos and our people are pretty skilled to live with it. Lol.
When I was 14, my “it is time” came. When I unpacked my gift box, my family was watching me with an “excitement”. My gift box was full of small things – two books, rock music album, bracelet, ring, earings and lipstick. My Mother of Hell and Patrinarc looked puzzled. And then they realized, that I had substituted their gift with my own gift. It was an open and outrageous rebellion. Moreover, I looked at them and said arrogantly “From now, all my gifts would be different and you can do nothing to change that order of things”…
Of course, they expropriated my gift immediately and locked me in my room for whole night. They told to other parents and kids that I “feel unwell”.
I had foreseen that outcome, so I when I was buying my own gift, I doubled it. I bought 4 books, 2 rock music albums, 2 bracelets, 2 rings and 2 lipsticks. Identical. Then I hid the “copy” of my gift in my own room…
The whole night I enjoyed reading my new books and wearing my jewellery, and as it was revealed, the red lipstick didn’t suit me at all. Lol.
“New Year, new prey” sounds very familiar to me, Tudor. You are going to get the same gift again – “wollen pantyhose”. Perhaps, it would be a different size or different color, but it would be the same. It is sad.
I wish you to find the way to change your “order of things”. I wish you to get a new gift. I wish you to get a difference. Happy New Year, Tudor.
Happy New Year, dear girls. Don’t give up and always remember, that life is good no matter what!
Big big hug to all of you.
P.S. You are absolutely right about heavy hangover, Tudor. But I have no regrets. Lol.
I am struck by the familiarity of parts of your story. First, I do generally find Ns to be SUCH creatures of habit. There might be multiple permutations of behavior X, but when your get down to it, it is still X. Also, as you point out, the ability to see their pattern and predict it is, in my view, a MAJOR part of surviving a relationship with them. (I might even go so far as to say this need to predict can become an unhealthy obsession.) Though, stay sharp! There will always be a wrench thrown in from time to time. Third, the notion that caring for and cherishing yourself must be done behind the Ns back is also so familiar. Never let them see you smile or laugh. Depriving them of that knowledge essentially forces them to try to the same tricks over and over and over.
You are one smart cookie, Noname!
Your tale was amazing! I loved you had the insight to double the gifts knowing your parents would confiscate them lol. Cheers to you!
You have described my morning/mourning. I found this blog yesterday and spent least three hours reading the eloquent expression of narcissistic talents which have infact been my mystery for 2017. I didn’t know what it was, I knew it was an illogical cycle of actions which had come to be exhausting, emotionally, physically. Reading last night gave me answers that I had been searching for to explain all of the odd behaviors, outbursts, make up break up cycling that took place this year. My golden period lasted for one year, and I know exactly when the second phase began. I could feel it and experiences the stage, wondering what happened, why the sudden/sullen change. The year was filled with what I believe to be shelving, devaluing, hoovering ( I just didn’t know it until I read your words) My third phase was declared the day after Christmas during a rage blaming me for continued behavior. My narc proclaimed that he would be rid of the negative energy (me) in 2018. “Have a good year” he said. We have not contacted since. After reading yiur blog so many things are now clear. My narc has used this holiday season, and recent events ( health scare , loss of job, loss of hair ) to have amplified his narcissism, as he seems to have no feeling, empathy or sympathy for my period of crisis. IT ALL MAKES PERFECT SENSE.
Thank God you found HG, Doubleu! It all makes perfect sense now and if you can, please stay no contact with your narcissist.
Welcome Doubleu,
You have landed in the right place. Its key that we pass this information on to friends, family, and colleagues. The lack of awareness is devastating and we are losing generations of good men and women that have experienced relationships with NPD. Continue reading you will learn how to identify others with this disorder within family, friends, and co workers.
Narcissists do have a choice to stop doing what theyre doing. If an empath can go no contact despite how hard it may be and the heartbreak that follows so can a narcissist break their ties of codependancy to fuel. It may “feel” like it cant be done but a narcissist is no different than a drug junkie and there are many addicts that have gone clean. The difference is they got help(detox and therapy) and a narcissist can get therapy and if they want to they can change or improve their disorder. The key is they have to want to and sadly that only comes about by hitting rock bottom much like a drug addict and realising their addiction is not the way to live.
If youre no contact with new goals its definitely wise to realise that the narcs out there also have goals and to never let your guard down or underestimate their strengths. You have to stay vigilent in your no contact and knowing what youre dealing with bc those cloaved narcs deal in evil ways that are so very deceptive.
No contact means different things to different people depending on their situation. If you can go full no contact it means not one way to access you no email, no text, no phone call, no physical contact …nothing and that means you dont look for them either. No snooping. You are dead to them and they are dead to you. Thats full no contact. You also dont talk about them except in a therapy type setting and you limit the time you talk and think about them each day.
Limited contact if you are seperated with kids and get a mediator to help be a go between if you have to have contact. Grey rock when you have to have one on one with your exnarc and no looking for them on any social media or talking to flying monkeys.
The narcs are just as vigilent to break your no contact and ruin your plans for a healthier happier new yr make no mistake about that! If you allow them they will interfer in your future dreams.
Wishing everyone the best in 2018! You can do it! You have the power over you and can achieve your dreams! These narcs are only as powerful as we make them by giving up our power. We have the tools and the inside knowledge to conquer and distinguish their control in our lives forever! Reach and you will find what you need to move forward and find happiness and never be a victim again 🤗❤ Heres to a narcfree 2018!
Happy New Year HG! I would say Happy Hunting as well, but I guess that would be self destructive to say the least since my kind would do well to avoid all encounters with your kind in the future. May all your dark resolutions not come true then; but I honestly wish you well; you’re a fantastic writer and you do immense good work here.
Also a Happy New Year to all of you here. Of course HG is as usual right about the fact that I’m now determined to leave the past behind and shine again filled with new hope and a strong light from within. Last week I visited my past and fell all the way to the bottom of weakness when I broke my otherwise strict NC regime and was flooded with the all too familiar pain of the past. Today I feel like I have moved a huge step forward instead; that my breach was in fact part of the healing process when I had to encounter that suffering, devastated, anxious, dramatic and hysterical woman in love that was me just a short while ago. She now made me feel sad and exhausted. I don’t want to be what he made me into anymore. So cheers to new beginnings, new self discovery and new awareness. We all deserve it.
I tried to submit this comment with a song from Youtube before; but it didn’t work. Anyway it’s from Swedish Kristian Matsson/Tallest Man on Earth and it’s called “Rivers”. To me it speaks volumes of the pain of having to let love finally go. I find it to be hauntingly beautiful and poetic in it’s simplicity, speaking about leaving pain behind and about the fleeting existence of human construct and human emotions against the ever lasting backdrop of nature and of the world at large. Let’s all be the Tallest Women/Men on Earth in 2018. I will surely give it my best;)
I can’t seem to submit my comment here; HG you’re needed back. But I’ll try again.
Uh-oh, I think we are experiencing the Dis -Engagement Devaluation, this will go on for longer (although nowhere near the devaluation of the IPPS) and then dis-engagement will follow which will include blocking the NITSs* rather than leaving any channels open.
Well, the seduction was fun while it lasted. Perhaps we are being punished for being disobedient and stale. Maybe HG will deploy some benign F.U.H.s* when he is hankering for some low-grade tertiary fuel and hoover us all in again. After all, the narcissistic relationship is forever.
*non-intimate tertiary sources
*follow up hoovers
Happy New Year HG! I would say Happy Hunting as well, but I guess that would be self destructive to say the least since my kind would do well to avoid encounters with your kind in the future. May all your dark resolutions not come true then; but I honestly wish you well; you’re a fantastic writer and you do immense good work here.
Also a Happy New Year to all of you here. Of course HG is as usual right about the fact that I’m now determined to leave the past behind and shine again filled with hope. Last week I visited my past and fell all the way to the bottom of weakness when I broke my otherwise strict NC regime and was flooded with the all too familiar pain of the past. Today I feel like I’ve moved a huge step forward instead; that my breach was in fact a part of the healing process when I had to encounter that suffering, devastated, anxious, dramatic and hysterical woman in love that was me. She now made me feel sad and exhausted. I don’t want to be what he made me into anymore. So cheers to new beginnings, new self discovery and new awareness. We all deserve it.
I’m wishing you all well with a song from Swedish Kristian Matsson/Tallest Man on Earth that speaks volumes to me about the pain of letting love finally go. “Rivers” is to me haunting beauty put into words about leaving pain behind and about the fleeting existence of human construct and human emotions against the ever lasting backdrop of nature and the world at large. Let’s all be the Tallest Women/Men on Earth in 2018. I know I will give it my best;)
https://youtu.be/Uh1uQoLLFyw
Happy New Year, Catherine! And don’t feel too bad about breaking no contact because you are correct: sometimes we take steps backward in order to move forward. Cheers to a new beginning!
Thanks K, I believe so too. A Happy New Year to you too and cheers to those beginnings!
Dear Catherine, I can relate so much to what you just described! Last week I was on vacations wandering through the city and I walked by a restaurant the Nex and I once had lunch together. All the feelings I experienced left me overwhelmed to the point my limbs froze and my head weighed a ton – the rush to get his order firstly, the despair not to allow a piece of non vegan ingredient to contaminate his dish, the burden of always having to pay for his meals. I also remembered the hope and enchantment during the Golden Period, the joy of buying new clothing for him to see me wearing, trying new perfums and making plans for our next date…It all exploded like a turmoil of memories inside of me. I guess we must emerge from this sad recollections renewed. We must apologise for the old version of ourselves for allowing the abuse to happen and then move forward towards our brighter future! A song about resilience and recovery from narcissists here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM
Thank you so much for sharing dear Carol M; that’s exactly what I’m talking about; I’m suddenly feeling almost relief at the outcome of my relationship; and it couldn’t end any other way. I don’t want to be that person anymore. He made me into someone I’m not; like you describe everything evolved around him and I always had to cater to his needs. He was suffocating me with his demands for me to rearrange my whole life on his terms and I feel anxious and stressed out just thinking about it now. Even the exciting times were filled with stress; trying out that new dress I knew he would love, knowing that the peace could be broken in an instant again; hoping against hope that this time, this time, with this new dress, it would all change and we would be walking into that sunset happily together. How do we even manage to live like that?
Yes, we have to forgive ourselves and move on wiser with more knowledge. A Happy New Your to you! xx
You all think so much alike … after ignoring him for a day he told me gave all my Christmas gifts I gave him …then told me he wasn’t dealing with me any more … New Year new everything … guess that means new prey … Happy NY All
Dear H.G. Happy New Year… and I hope for you that you can feel the real love
You sound as though your own readers are your prime buffet of prey to choose from.
You always have a choice. More so even for you because of your gift of awareness.
Happy New Year HG
I wish you all the success in completing the Grand Design Mr Tudor..
…and a happy New Year everyone!
You all think alike ..he just told