The Narcissistic Icicles – No. 1

THE NARCISSISTIC ICICLES-1

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23 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Icicles – No. 1”

  1. Yes, mine just got married at Christmas after being with me for the two months before — and yes now he is already blowing up my phones! I can’t block my land-line and on Apple he can leave a message even if I block him… Can’t change phones had them for years and one is my business line! He actually wants to see me and ‘explain’– it is not what I think– he is not ‘really’ married…….OMG!!!!!

  2. Just wait, kimmom546, the narcissist will be back before you know it looking for hoover fuel. And don’t forget; the narcissistic relationship is forever.

  3. This is what the narcissist wants but is not the case with survivors that have healed and moved on.

  4. So, you may know this from experience and your understanding of what you are. But would non-greaters know this? I ask because as I come up on my one year anniversary in the coming months, I want him to wonder at some point if I really did cut him out of my heart and finally moved on. Whether I did or not isn’t relevant. I want him to wonder. I know he was irritated in a bizarre way that my chat was off for 3 years before we ‘connected’, (I understand now his bizarre reaction) so following along that line, how would you be sure that we would never leave or are you ever in doubt about some people at some point? If you are so cocksure, your answer would apply maybe more to you, but what if you weren’t a greater, would they ever slide into doubt? I think he is somewhere between upper mid and gerater. He knows enough of what he does to not be unaware. But I wonder if he has ever really connected his manipulative behaviors to what he is. I just want to know that in his head, as time moves on, that some part of him will go, “Wow, she did it, she got away” and be slightly irritated. I wish I know if there was a way to tell.

  5. True and not true. I will escape you; you are the one with no escape from the bars that limit your connection to the human experience. You’ll stay on my mind though; I will remember us; but not in any favourable light I’m sorry to say. I think I’ll be grateful for you pushing me towards the abyss where I need to confront myself; but that’s all.

  6. Hi HG,

    There are a couple of focus articles that would be really interesting, if you know about these tactics and are able to elaborate in another devil’s toolkit.

    The first is that the parent uses a series of psychological tricks to cause brain damage. I recently went to a meet up and an older narc woman was there, and it wasn’t until she was staring at me and started doing it that I had the flashbacks. My mother would stare and create this lonely and sad face, hold the gaze for a very, very long time until she could see that pierce my sense of self and then become incorporated into my sense of self. Boom! Personality creation. Then, she’d give me an absolutely acetic look of hatred. The game would persist like this, dosing me with joy and ecstasy, the lonely sadness, then the hit with the eyes and critique. Another parental tactic is staring and speaking very very slowly to the child, as if they have a disability. When this is done and the attachment isn’t broken, it is true that the child then permanently adopts this disability. I know from several tricks of my parents that I became slow, sad and anxious.

    The second focus article that would be great is tactics of competitive colleagues. You mentioned once discouraging a competitor through appealing to morbidity. I never saw that as a game, I thought the guy was simply depressed himself. I was in a stressful job anyway and didn’t think he was too far off the mark. But upon reflection, all competitive colleagues seem to speak to me as if I’m lonely, sad and failing when it was the opposite.

    Certainly after learning these, I don’t think kindness is really worth it. And instructions to kids- never make eye contact with a narcissistic parent! They are in the process of transforming you for the worst.

  7. Possibly in my head, but definitely not my heart. Nothing but pure disgust at what a loser and weak man he really is. Real men dont act like that, and if i had no children with him, and didnt see him constantly, he would def be out of my head too. Once you get over the initial break up chaos ( i finally got rid of him after 7 years of hell and confusion) you realise what sad, pathetic people they really are. It actually makes it easier to get them out of your heart. Thank god i discovered HG. You really helped me realise he is pure garbage and i deserve better than that.

  8. HG

    Also, when you can, it would be great if you could write a blog about what happens when 2 mid-range narcissists get together.

    Thank you

  9. Midrangers systematically fail to do so… (in my life) Hoover back to see they are empty place for the victim already: very wounding must be.

    The Greater is another story: successful in this. Totally Unforgettable. Beautiful demon.

  10. HG,

    May I ask a couple of general questions?:

    1. How would you define a narcissist’s Lieutenant; specifically, what distinguishes them from the coterie?

    2. Starting at what time frame would you regard a golden period as elongated? In your experience, up to how long can elongated periods last?

    Thank you

      1. HG, would you say Greaters do a better job at keeping up the facade with secondary sources by curbing odd behaviors? I noticed the mid ranger I was entangled with as a secondary source constantly displayed odd behaviors that made me wonder something was off about him.

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