How The Narcissist Evades When Questioned
You will have questions for the narcissist. Lots of questions.
They never get answered.
Why?
Why is the narcissist so evasive?
Why do simple questions receive a response as if you have commenced an interrogation?
Why won’t the narcissist give you the answer to a straight forward question?
Why won’t the narcissist answer even when it would be in his best interests to do so?
Why must you get answers from the narcissist?
What happens when you ask a question when painted white?
What happens when you ask a question when painted black?
What happens when you ask a question when you enter Challenge Mode?
What are the ways in which the narcissist evades your questions?
What steps can you take to prevent this problem caused by the narcissists evasiveness?
Sick of the anger, frustration and hurt caused by the evasiveness of the narcissist? Then it is time to get some answers and gain those answers which will actually help you and ensure you move forward, rather than remain stuck.
Avoid the evasion and get THE answers.
22 thoughts on “How The Narcissist Evades When Questioned”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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I’ve spent 20 years a whole lot of trouble and my children still don’t believe me . It’s ebougj to really make you sick but I’m now free ( too late ? No never !)
Dear S and Sarcnarc (and H. G.),
Apologetic? LOL, on the contrary, I take it as a feather in my cap that I can placate a psychopath in one fell swoop – so who is manipulating whom?
First of all, I hope you will allow me to say THANK YOU for sticking up for me on H. G.’s forum. That shows grit. So brava for that! You are both clearly intelligent people with your own strong ideas of what’s right and wrong, and not only that, but you have the nerve to speak out about it – I applaud you for that. I wasn’t expecting that. I was expecting flying monkeys. Actually I am also impressed with H. G. that he can “take it” without unleashing any flying monkeys. So bravo to everyone! Lol
However, I never apologized to H. G. True, I was tolerant and forbearing in responding to his phantom fallacy bait and histrionics, but these are characteristics I happen to be working on improving for myself at the moment, regardless of H. G. (whoever you even are) or any other narc. I decided at some point last year, long before I ever found H. G.’s blog, or even knew what narcissism was, to endeavour to become more even tempered, and “gentlemanly” in my conflicts. Partly this is in revolt against our ever barbaric society, and partly it’s just my personal journey, which has its starting point internally, to see how high above it all I can rise, and has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with whomsoever my fencing partner happens to be on any given day. It’s a growth process I challenge my own self to. So, THANK YOU for having the intelligence, savoir faire, and guts to stand up for me here in what was clearly an abuse attempt (in my opinion). I applaud your wonderful, knowing, very REAL power. You must be amazing people in real life. But the fact remains I never apologized to H. G. simply because there was nothing to apologize for. Actually I could have “torn him a new asshole”, had I been interrelating in my old way (there are several fundamental things wrong with his comment). But that is tiresome and boorish. From my perspective this is what happened:
🙂
I have been insulting H. G. over the course of the past few weeks. Not actually insulting him, mind you. But stating my opinion about narcs in a pretty glaring and (perhaps to a narc) wounding way. I was actually waiting to see when H. G. would have enough of it. Even though I do stand by all my comments here, except maybe the one where I was drunk and pondered upon an alternate reality where narcs could change (lol! Full disclosure, I am also drunk right now XD (hey, it’s been a long day, don’t judge – pervert that I am, this is how I choose to relax XD), based on my own experiences with (at least but probably more than) two narcs, knowing what I now know about them, I can totally see how H. G. may take some of my comments as narcissistic injuries. Perhaps it is true that I was testing his mettle to some extent. . . There are some people (I am not one of them btw) who believe H. G. is not really a narc, but is some kind of specialized narc expert (their reasoning is that a narc would never have such astute self-awareness, and then, if he did, would never share that with others; I on the other hand just think he is exceptional ;)). In any case, the other day, he cracked and lashed out at me (with a false equivalency fallacy, based on a typical narc misunderstanding). I then proceeded to placate him through gentlemanly tactics, whilst at the same time (note!) making it clear that he was the mistaken party. And it never hurts to stroke a narc when you want him to calm down, because he is already a narc, you can’t make him more narc than he is. And frankly I stand by everything I said – H. G, I do think you are highly intelligent and self-aware, that wasn’t mere flattery (I would never flatter someone). The fact is, this is H. G.s forum. I am a guest. Therefore, even if I have done nothing that warrants his offence, if I do find myself in the position of having caused it, I will offer an explanation and some sort of amelioration. This is what I imagine a “gentleman” at a party would do. So that’s what I did. Also, I wondered just how unstable he is, and didn’t want to get banned. LOL! XD (H. G. – you know I adore you, don’t get mad)
The truth is, I come here mainly to learn about my experience with my ex-narc. I write so much here because it helps me learn – through positing random ideas or thoughts on the subject. And I indeed do appreciate having this forum for that. Hence, my gentlemanly response to H. G.’s comment. The only question I am left with now is, was this just self-aware crazy making on his part, or did he really take offence at what I had said? I have no idea and he will probably never let me know (for superiority’s sake). In any case, let’s see if he allows this post. BTW, H. G. (and this is true) – I only knock hard against those for whom I have respect; otherwise they wouldn’t be worth the bother. So again – I hope you will be strong enough to take my comment for what it is – an above all honest, mixed bag of praise and critique. That is what I wish an intelligent narc could understand – that critique *is* praise. 😉
Hope everyone is having a lovely evening. Thank you for reading my evening’s blather. 😉
responses, complaints, etc. to be filed below. XD
SarcNarc, Not sure to what you refer. Was it my unprovokability? The fact that I am polite? Gracious? Equitble? When I am a guest on someone else’s blog, I do try to be civil.
It is stated elsewhere here that he wants to, quote, “weaponize empaths” against his own kind. This is a deliberate attempt to help others, regardless of his other motives (i.e., grandiosity). The point is that it is a conscious choice, with helping others as the desired outcome (as opposed to, say, a scientific discovery that ends up helping people). Am I saying he does it out of loving kindness? Hell no, lol. My point was merely that it was a conscious choice.
I don’t see narcs as Faust, the Devil or anything like that, I don’t see them as being super human or having super powers. They don’t. I see them as people with mental illness that makes them abusive. And yes, I am fascinated by it. I have always been fascinated by the abnormal . . . especially when I am procrastinating, like today. 😉
Demoneater,
I allowed myself this comment about your comments because I liked the first one you wrote. It felt fresh and to the point.
The latter two comments felt very apologetic, though. And I know this process – when it turns out that whole books could be written about one sentence.
When I (jokingly) mentioned Faust I was referring specifically to the quote, “I am part of that power which eternally wills evil and eternally works good.” (And Mefistofele would be a better choice here;).
So I also don’t think that anybody is the real devil – same as empaths are no angels and can get pretty mean when they’ve had enough.
Like me this morning. “You are allowed to have your own faulty opinion of me. Last time I checked, it wasn’t going to bring about the end of the world for anybody.”
“So if my words hurt so much then maybe you could draw some analogies the other way around. Or did you think you lived on a one way street?”
This is a misunderstanding. I have never doubted your success. I am sure you are, perhaps even wildly successful in your field. That would not surprise me at all, considering your obvious intelligence and self awareness. But you see – this was never the question in the first place. You just took it that way. It was actually a compliment.
But the blame does lie half with me. I wasn’t articulate enough and it could be interpreted as patronizing, now you mention it, though I hope you will come to see that this wasn’t the intent. So thanks for bringing it to my attention. You help me become a better writer and what can I do but thank you for that?
We probably have different ways of measuring success and achievement. In this instance, I was using the measurement of number of people served, with the added quality of your intent (you may put no value in intent, but I deem it very meaningful). My statement in no way presupposes you have not achieved other, different, outstanding achievements – I think this is where the misunderstanding and percieved slight lies.
Aside from this blog, have you ever done anything else to help millions of people? And I mean with the intention to help them; not as a result of something else. Most people haven’t, and never will – thus my quite reasonable assumption. Is there anything patronizing in assuming that someone has not done more than one thing to deliberately help millions of people? Of course not. It’s ludicrous, lol.
I hope this has clarified.
PS: I hope you will now also see the compliment in what I said.
Everyone who has helped millions of people, raise your hand.
. . . . Looks like it’s only you, H. G. ! 😉 <3
Thank you for the compliment.
Looks like your ex-narc trained you quite well…;)
I salute H.G. for his writing style and this blog but I don’t think, based on what I’ve read here, that helping anybody (besides the author himself in some way) was high on the list of reasons for creating this site.
H.G. as Faust incarnate;)
Correct me if I’m wrong though.
Demoneater. Don’t apologize. Don’t back down from a point of view. My experience with narcissists is they pinpoint the one thing they can one up you on and make you appear like a bad person. And then the topic becomes just about them. You’re not a bad person nor should you put so much need in their approval. You are allowed your point of view on what you think is the best things people contribute to our world. You are entitled to your own value system. You don’t need others approval to be a good person.
Ordinarily that would be accurate but not in this forum.
I acknowledge your clarification, thank you. I have done other things which have assisted millions of people albeit indirectly.
1. Memory Loss. He would say he didn’t know what I’m talking about.
Then when I persisted
2. Gaslighting. Telling with a truth which paints a different story and doesn’t address the issue and most importantly avoids his actions – “oh so and so was doing something…” or confusing and muddling things.
Then when I persisted again
3. Shaming me
Then when I persisted again
4. Rage in the form of complete disdain. Much meaner than the shame that preceded it.
I think he must have lied 100 times a day at least. I don’t know why he felt like he was so superior – the superior person doesn’t need people like he needs people. The superior person could succeed in life without deceiving people.
Exactly – their very behaviour and thinking shows everyone just how inferior they are, but they just can’t see it. They think that they are showing people how superior they are. Trump is a perfect example, he is nothing but a pure embarrassment and nobody respects him – because of his very thinking and behaviour which he believes is proving his superiority! lol
I do respect what H. G. is doing here though, even if he sometimes doesn’t recognize his own fantasy interpretation of the world. This is probably the best thing he will have ever done in his life. For instance, my narc throught he knew me so well. But the reality was that he had only just scratched the surface. He’d often say things about me and I’d think, actually, no, you’re way off about that. Likewise, he’d often think he had way more power over me than he in fact did have, or that he had wounded me when he hardly did. The narc lives in a fantasy world and we don’t truly exist for them, we are like characters in their video game. They often don’t realize just how low others’ estimations of them are.
The main reason they are so successful in their manipulations is down to traditional emotional abuse tactics – and *not*, as the narcs themselves believe, superhuman capacities of intelligence, etc. Anyone who used traditional emotional abuse tactics, narc or not, intelligent or not, would get the same results due to things like trauma bonding – this is why so many victims stay with their abusers. Look up “abuse” and you can read and learn all about it.
Narcs have no super powers. Due to the nature of their mental illness (lack of empathy, endless need for fuel “to survive”, etc.), they are merely good at abusing. If you poured a narc out, the ingredients of his illness are such that the only mould he could fall and fit into would be the mould of the abuser. So in a way, even the “triumphs” of his abuse cannot fully be credited to him – he has to abuse; what ever “he” is, that black hole of a soul reduced to a pinprick, is just strapped along for the ride. They think of us like puppets, but they are the real puppets. That’s not to say they shouldn’t be held responsible for their abuse; of course they definitely should.
I find your assumption that this is the best thing I have ever done in my life to be rather patronising. You do not know my other achievements and successes – indeed you have not even scratched the surface, you are way off – sound familiar?
I think we all have our definitions of “best.” The narcissist I was referring to is famous and rich and admired by many, many people and has tons of career achievements that most people will never achieve and if you asked him the best thing he did it would be about those career achievements. His achievements are solely about himself and the idea that something helps people makes so difference to him because he has no empathy.
They are so fucking crazy.
I remember once, I was trying to get acknowledgement/ resolution from him about his behaviour and he said, “What about you? You screamed at me outside so-and-so’s house.” This was in reference to a meltdown I had after finding him attempting to cheat on me and then him locking me out of his friend’s flat (where he had bolted) so that he wouldn’t have to discuss it – an incident TWO YEARS PREVIOUS to the current argument!
He brought it up as “evidence” of my “unrasonableness” to distract me from his *actual, current unfair actions*!!!!
LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! XD
I guess this explains why my mid range often would end discussions. Saying things like “I’ve had enough of this, no more of this today, please leave me alone”
And of course the infamous threatening to block me if I didn’t leave them alone. But he never blocked me.
And then the next time we talked it was as if a button was reset and nothing happened.
Perfect summary, HG.
I’ve read a lot on this but your take is one of my favorites and I often get my “A-ha!” moments when reading your posts.
And I have my sarcastic templates at the ready to most of those. Your kind might not think much of the truth, but I gladly give her a kick in the right direction – which is “in your face” and when the truth of what it arrives, it makes itself very comfortable while leaving the listener unsure of my own attitude towards them at the moment.
Just?
Do my eyes deceive or is that pic of Mitt Romney??
It does look like him, J.
OMG J, you are so right! When he ran for Pres I called him R-Money. I’d take him in a heartbeat, however, over the Orange Orangutan.
HG, aren’t you glad not to live in a ‘shithole’ country? God, what an asshole.
Your Fault: Blame and The Narcissist & a song that captures the very essence of narcissism.
The narcissist’s sense of entitlement, superiority, lack of accountability and the need to maintain an “Eminence Front”* to the outside world are all drivers in rejecting your attempt to apportion blame.
*Eminence Front, by The Who