The Married Target

THE MARRIEDTARGET

“Nuns and married women are equally unhappy,” so said Queen Christina of Sweden.

I have not (yet) targeted a nun although I would readily claim to have done so, since an entertaining tale would surely be attached to such an endeavour. It is a different story with regards to married women.

Our kind often target married women and men for the purposes of seducing them, causing them to engage in an affair with us and cause us to put asunder that matrimonial union.

Why do we target those who are married? Given that our kind generally prefer to be pushing on an open door when it comes to the question of seduction and the fact that we like to conserve energy, why we would pick a target which is already with somebody else? Not only are they with someone else but they are married, joined together by ceremony and therefore this coupling has become elevated to the ultimate statement of commitment and therefore ought to be regarded as unassailable.

  1. Entitlement. The world is ours and that includes all those within it. We want therefore we should get.
  2. Lack of boundary recognition Nothing is off limits to us. The institution of marriage is one we respect for the purpose of the facade but otherwise it means nothing to us ( The Narcissist and Marriage ).
  3. Lack of accountability. We might be labelled as a marriage spoiler and home wrecker but what do we care? It won’t be our fault because our narcissistic perspective automatically causes us to advance reasons as to why we have done nothing wrong – “He obviously wasn’t happy otherwise why he did he leave?”
  4. Triangulation. A favoured manipulation of ours which allows for contrast, the creation of drama, pitting parties against one another and of course two fuel streams.
  5. Magical thinking. This includes the triangulation and lack of accountability as we regard ourselves as actually doing a good thing. We are the White Knight riding in to rescue the damsel in distress or the Angelic Soul tending to the downtrodden man. As is often the case we will portray ourselves as the rescuer – at least to begin with.
  6. Omnipotence. Seducing someone single, anybody we choose and of course succeeding, shows how effective we are. Steal that person away from a partner, our power is even greater. Pluck them from a marriage? How mighty are we to be able to do that?
  7. Malice. The cuckolded individual might be someone who has mortally offended us and by stealing something so precious as their spouse, then that allows the delivery of sweet revenge on this transgressor.
  8. Confirmation of empathic traits. A married person is clearly a love devotee. They will be honest and decent because they agreed to this statement of commitment. They subscribe to the institution of marriage which will indicate a good moral compass. They will be caring since they have agreed to be with another in this environment and that means they will share resources, tend for that person when upset or ill and so forth.
  9. Confirmation of residual benefits. It is highly likely that this individual, being part of a domestic set-up will engage in earning a wage, DIY, cooking, cleaning, tending for the other person and similar tasks which tells those of our kind who prioritise those matters that these are residual benefits which are ready to be conveyed on us. There may even be property and financial advantages to sequestrate post divorce.
  10. Fuel. By turning the head of this dazzling exotic creature which is locked in a gilded cage, he or she will be grateful, joyous and ecstatic to be freed and of course the recipient of all this positive fuel will be us, the glorious rescuer. Throw in the negative fuel of the bested spurned spouse and it is a fuel frenzy.

Accordingly, the fact that somebody is married signals to us that there are many benefits and our mind set sees this individual as an entirely viable target.

However, might there be concerns also? I am sure various questions have already formed in your mind as to why we might not regard a married person as a viable target. This may include.

  1. Why choose someone who is already with somebody else? Surely that requires more effort to lure them away?
  2. Is it not the case that Lesser and Mid-Ranger Narcissists are more likely to be deterred from hoovering when their former Intimate Partner Primary Source (“IPPS”) have a new parter post escape/dis-engagement? Does this not apply when seeking a target?
  3. Are we not concerned about reprisals from the target’s spouse, family and friends?
  4. Are we not concerned our facade may be damaged by such behaviour which society generally frowns on?
  5. Would we not be perturbed that if this person can be stolen away from another that that means they will do the same to us at some point?
  6. If someone is willing to cheat on their partner, are they as empathic as we want them to be?

Fair questions. Taking them in turn.

  1. Yes, it will require more effort but our sense of entitlement, unshakeable belief in our brilliance and moreover the rewards that await us mean this effort is worthwhile. Keep in mind that as we are targeting this person we will usually be devaluing our own IPPS an therefore there is plenty of negative fuel to hand to power the seduction of this newly acquired target. We are not in any rush to secure them (our IPPS is not looking to escape and the conditions for dis-engagement have not yet been met).
  2. That consideration is certainly applicable when applied to the Follow-Up Hoover but this is a Seduction Hoover and therefore the condition and context are entirely different. The fear of rejection is not one which is looming large.
  3. No. Our belief in our superiority pushes such a concern to one side. The Lesser will resort to physical violence if necessary. The Mid-Ranger will use this unwarranted (in his or her mind) attack to prove that he or she deserves pity and praise for doing the right thing in trying to set the poor spouse free from their “abusive tyrant”. The Greater will charm his way out of trouble or threaten his own far worse repercussions if anybody tries to get clever.
  4. This is a concern however it is overridden because whatever (unmerited) criticism may come our way for interfering in a marriage, we convince ourselves that it is justified and for the ‘greater good’. This person is unhappy, bored, abused and we are getting them out of there and if you were a real friend you would understand that and help me! (May as well manipulate the disapproving secondary source as well).
  5. Ha ha! Of course not, why on earth would they ever leave us after everything we have done for them? Don’t be stupid.
  6. This is an interesting question and one which merits its own article as to why do empathic people cheat? Suffice to state for the purposes of this piece, we regard their desire to cheat as a necessary ‘evil’ to escape the situation they are in/get to a better place with us and this is a temporary behaviour which will not affect their overall empathic nature.

Accordingly, with motivating factors in place and any potential concerns either not applicable or easily addressed, we commence our pursuit.

Why do we consider that this married target will succumb to our seduction? Leaving aside our belief in our irresistible qualities, our brilliance and magnetism there are a number of reasons why we see it as likely that these people will fall under our spell.

  1. The married targets we lock on to are of course of similar make-up to our targets who are single. Namely they have the relevant empathic, class and special traits as explained in  Sitting Target: How and Why the Narcissist Chooses You . Moreover the people we target are susceptible to being drawn to our kind. They have an inherent vulnerability to our kind and being married does not mean this vulnerability has vanished.
  2. The married target may already be with one of our kind. Thus, whilst the Lesser and Mid-Range will not recognise this, they will instinctively have identified a person who is susceptible to them also AND will invariably be devalued (or is being devalued) and therefore allows the incoming narcissist to play the role of rescuer. It is the case that our kind will steal empaths from one another. The Greater Narcissist will of course recognise one of the brethren and use this to his advantage in spiriting away the empathic married target.
  3. The married target might actually be one of our kind and the Lesser and Mid-Range have not spotted one another. The married target is of course absolutely game for infidelity and whilst the outcome will be the relevant conclusion of a romantic collision between the relevant school of narcissist, the fact that the married target is a narcissist means that the coupling is going to occur.
  4. We see how people’s lives become humdrum and monotonous. We do not recognise the deep-seated bond between two people because we are incapable of attachment ourselves. We do not pay heed to  the stability that some relationships acquire through the passage of time. What we see instead is someone who must be bored with the same routine (because of course we become bored easily and therefore judge others in a similar vein) but our magical thinking means they cannot possibly become bored with us. Whilst we may not play the abuse card, we still see this person as stuck in a rut, fed-up, in need of spice and adventure and of course as the dazzling whirlwind that we are, we arrive and provide that all. Who could fail to be excited by such a marvellous array of glitter, gold and garnish?
  5. People always have something to complain about with regard to their spouse. He isn’t romantic any more, she has let herself go, we never do anything together, she just wants to watch television, he won’t show any interest in what I do, he insists on going fishing every weekend, he snores and it drives me nuts and so on. Whether it is significant or trivial, we will count on these facts and uncover them and use them to our advantage. We will heighten our attractiveness based on this (for instance asking you all about your interest in 18th century literature) and denigrate the spouse’s unattractive trait (i wouldn’t go fishing if I could go to the theatre with you instead). Of course this is just part of the lying and mirroring that we do.
  6. Our split thinking will automatically paint your spouse as the villain of the piece. His concern about where you are is painted as him trying to control you. His friendly demeanour with other women is evidence of his flirtatious nature. Our insidious techniques drip feed dissent and play with your mind. We dangle the golden carrot in one hand and pump toxic lies over your spouse with the other, looking to steadily tip the scales in our favour.
  7. We will readily invent tales of your spouse’s supposed misdemeanours and/or manufacture them. A Lieutenant will be sent to flirt with your husband and we will provide you with footage to show their entanglement (of course we remove the part where your husband actually shows he is faithful and he tells her to leave him alone). Another Lieutenant will be sent to get your wife drunk or slip drugs into her handbag for you to find later, ramping up our suggestions that she is selfish and tripping the light fantastic whilst you stay at home looking after the children. Why are you putting up with that when you could leave and be with someone who really appreciates you?
  8. Everybody has their price. Nobody is immune and above being manipulated into a position whereby they are seduced by us. Yes, some may take longer than others, but combine the target’s susceptibility, the fact they may be in a difficult relationship, the fact they may be bored or lonely, the fact we are exciting and invigorating, the fact we will manipulate the battlefield so it is always in our favour and you have a situation where it is impossible for someone to resist us. We will secure our married target. Ultimately, if there are those who are impervious to our overtures, we won’t target them to begin with.

The dynamic of the married target and the narcissist also has to be addressed. We may see a ring on a finger of a person in a bar and opt to make them an Intimate Partner Tertiary Source by sleeping with them that night before they slink away to their spouse. We may never bother with them again, but fuel has been obtained, Thought Fuel gained thinking of the unseen spouse wondering where their wife or husband is and the ratification of our power achieved.

More often the married target becomes a Non Intimate Secondary Source. We worm our way in as a wonderful friend, but this is a mere staging post as we hurtle towards bedding them and making them an Intimate Partner Secondary Source. They may be a Dirty Little Secret, a colleague who we rut in the empty offices at work or who scurries away from their spouse under the pretence of attending the gym before meeting is in the back of our car in a shadowy car park. We may have no pressing need to make them our IPPS and therefore we are content to utilise that person as a Shelf IPSS, organising a night away together when he pretends he is on a business trip, or calling in to work on the basis of being unwell, to spend an afternoon together. We may bring you into our world, letting you meet friends and family, seeing you intermittently, content to show you our enticing world and then place you on the shelf, leaving you longing for more, pining for us at weekends when you must be with your family and we are engaging with our own IPPS or a different IPSS.

We may hit the motherlode and realise you ought to be our IPPS and as our Candidate IPSS we go all out to smear your spouse, entice you and roll out all our dazzling illusions to show you that you need to leave him, be free and be yourself but with us. We will coax, cajole and entice, showing you the forbidden fruits and the liberation that awaits you at our supposedly benevolent rescuing hand. The more we smear your innocent spouse and the more we shower you with the love-bombing, your resistance will erode. Your emotional thinking will subsume your cool, hard logic as you become swept up in the moment and your emotional thinking cons you as it whispers to you

“You have been a wife and a mother for twenty years, never complaining, it is time you started living.”

“She just isn’t interested in sex anymore and you have needs, here is someone who makes you feel alive again.”

“She just takes you for granted. Here is someone who values you.”

“Yes he will be hurt if you leave but he will get over it. You deserve to be happy don’t you?”

Oh the excuses will come pouring and of course we will not dissuade you from thinking in this way. We will say and do whatever is needed to get what we want. Charming you and painting your spouse as evil, awful and selfish.

The simple fact is that all people are targets. Married targets are often even better targets.

 

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16 thoughts on “The Married Target”

  1. My depressed husband has been having an affair with a friend of 20 years, who I have come to learn is a narcissist. She has poisoned him against me, utterly. My question is…. is there anything I can do to end the affair? Anything I can do to get through to him and get him away from her?

    1. You ought to arrange a consultation to address this situation as there is a multiplicity of issues.

  2. This nailed it for me. It is redeeming because I am now sure I fell into The Narc’s trap in my kost vulnerable state. Friends know me as unwaivering and principled and were shocked at my self sabotage of my own marriage. One would never seen this whole Narc affair and tornado coming, only in retrospect after the full blown damage is done. The Narc waited and plotted, 12 years, for the ripe time when i was going through marital problems. He posed as a good friend who was always there for me in the sidelines catching me when I fell and dispensing “sound”, credible, knowing advice. He even pointed out my depression which my husband and friends did not see, and which I later tested for severe. I think at that point I was ready to die and crash my car into walls. He acted the saviour saving me the damsel in distress. He asked me to take time out for myself and he also said to try and work it out with my partner. Talk about being a voice of reason and support – all this now I see was to gain my trust and lure me into his evil web deeper. Later the tact started changing and he told me divorce was not a bad idea, that it is all too common with couples, that people and children survive, that it is a better future for all not to suffer, that marriage is really rubbish and just a legal piece of paper, that all married people are stupid to sign their lives away to one person and that they are all suffering blindly. At the point my usual red flags should have been raised but no alarm bells rang in my usually sound head, because I was not sound of mind by then. He encouraged me to go on a trip to clear my head. I did so and he sprang a surprise on me there, from my social media posts. He said he was there, true to his word to be there for me all the way. Imagine how I felt – someone loved me enough to go to this extent of showing the fortitude and company I needed. True I went into it readily on my own. True I could have still divorced before I embarked on a shortlived affair. I had no idea I was being raped in every sense. I said no many times but somehow, each time, for one reason or another he pushed my boundaries – “Let me stay with you. Just one drink. You cannot sleep anyway. At least you have me. We don’t have to do anything, we can talk all night like we always do so well all these years.” Fast forward to present day – 3.5 years after the most horrible episode of my life, my life robbed of me, my depression guilt and shame still all too real, my no contact solid from my end, and with several faked social media accounts slandering me, threatening me and my family, my stolen photos plastered all over Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and who knows what else, my emails flooded with daily shit (yes he has been a restless angry keyboard warrior for the last 3.5 years of his sorry sad useless life). He even emailed my work place after stalking and finding me out on LinkedIn. Screen shot all my data including my entire network of Friends and Acquaintances and began his devaluation charade. Everyone on my list was contacted, lied to for most parts, my lewd pictures sent (ones I did not know he took) and selfies I had sent him before during cross boarder communications. All of it were used against me. I am lucky to still have my job as he continues to spam me and colleagues to this day, find out my new phone number despite repeated changes, which is why I say solid on my end but finding me knows no end. I suspected he was spending money on a PI but then again he is such a cheap fuck that I highly doubt that as well. He is one real low-life bully because he is now targetting to tell my kids when they grow up of our affair and how slutty their sick mother was. Talk about ultimate evil. He cannot hold on to any job for long no matter how good it paid. He calls working people corporate suckers who kiss ass all too well and he will have none of that – narc true and true, cannot be controlled by any structure, law, rules, institution or authority. And here is another startling revellation on hindsight, he was badly abused by his mother in his childhood and is transparent about that. I am not the only victim as he talks about his exes and the ones who are still hanging on him in his life like leeches he needs – they are soldiers ready to die for him, who have had his children or aborted them and are still sticking around feeding him and for companionship I suppose. He has had criminal records around the world for an assortment of usually petty crimes but his anger issues saw him land in jail before for domestic violence, assault and battery. I knew all this only towards the end. Yet now he spins lies that I am a victim of domestic abuse and he keeps hoovering over all forms of electronic mediums to illicit any kind of response from me. He has elevated me in some occasions trying to resume our deep friendship like before (the Golden Period), and then proceeded to slam me and run me over ten thousand times with more harassing floods of emails and messages. I have since stopped using my email account but I am collecting all this evidence in order to prosecute one day. He has said he is not scared of the law but that he also cannot bear being trapped in a cell for just a few lock in nights. I just dont know if getting a PO is the way to go and if suing him for damages (civil) and stalking, threatening and harrassment (criminal) are the way to go. It would restart my No Contact for 3.5 years, and I really do not want to see him at all but I might have to appear in court and make this even more long drawn out. The thing is he has not stopped and he keeps repeating all his ammo. So I am at a loss. Getting a protection order tells him I am scared and need protection and in an emotional state of distress that is exactly where he wants me but I am hesitating to give him any of that. I always think if I stand still, I am still alive, he has not killed me yet, i am still here unshakable and untaunted and undaunted. But he does not know that so what’s the use. I am the only one paying for this. I am the prey.

    1. Prey
      If I were you I would consult with one who knows his own kind and what works against them and for you. No one knows that better than HG as you have witnessed in his writing and confirmation from those here that have been assisted. It doesnt appear you have anything to lose but much to gain by doing so. Good luck with whatever course of action you decide.

  3. Pretty sure I was a targeted as neglected woman in a 20 year marriage., definitely love bombed on first meeting, begging to sleep with me, i refused. Then three weeks later agreed to an affair, and he turned me down stating it wouldn’t be good for either of our well being. I’ve stopped contact. Is it over?

  4. Narc decides to leave his wife for his mistress. His mistress promise him to be with him after his divorce. But 6 months before the divorce she escapes leaving narc depressed and miserable. He begs her not to leave him. But she goes no contact. He finds out she has been cheating on him for 6 months and obviously she left him for this guy and now they live together. What this narc think about this situation? What does he feel? I thought that such dissapointment would lead to massive fury, rage and need to punish her, destroy her. But I see no fury but desperate hoovers – begging for love, wanting her to come back and so on. Isnt it weird? She made him look like a fool, a total loser. Why he doesnt act angry, instead he hoovers her in such pathetic manner?

  5. “I have not (yet) targeted a nun although I would readily claim to have done so…”
    This is really amusing 🙂 You know how to entertain your guests.

    1. It depends form which viewpoint you are judging the narcissist. If it is from the viewpoint of empathic people and normal people, the answer is yes, all narcissists are immoral.
      With regard to your second question it would be more accurate to state that people with NPD can do good acts, alongside the bad ones.

  6. I was just discarded 3 weeks ago by my Narc fiancé when I caught him in a web I’d undeniable lies. He denied anyway. Best thing that ever happened to me. I never knew him. Long story short, I have since found out, 100% solid proof, that the woman he has labelled his “BFF” for the last 13 yrs … whose home he frequents for weekly visits on at least a yearly basis…whose husband respects and welcomes into the home…,hose kids call him Uncle…is actually an old high school crush he found 10yrs later (she was married), plotted, gained the husbands trust and has been sleeping with her under the husbands nose for YEARS. He has zero idea that I know. He is more repulsive than I ever imagined. This is his M.O.
    I always suspected, about the friend. I want to send the husband everything I have, in about a year, when he least expects it…he continues with his haughty, condescending, pretentious attitude. I think the friend is a narc as well. He thought the husband being so close was HYSTERICAL. HIS WORDS…Will exposing him cause him any shame?? He deliberately spread an STD as well. Also love to shane him about that and inform his married partners spouses.
    Thank you for this write up. It confirms everything Inever thought, it was very validating.

  7. Hey! I’m probably considered normal but because some narcissists do not know what they are, you never know 😉. I wonder if you feel something for a suffering animal? I do not have such empathy for people, but I feel compassionate to animals.

    Then to something completely different. How old are you and what are you working with?

    Have a nice evening HG!

    1. No I do not. One might create the appearance of caring in order to draw fuel from somebody else and as part of facade management but there is no feeling for a suffering animal.

  8. Greetings HG ,
    I hope you are well . I have not been reading as much of your writings anymore as I am done for good but every now and again I like to take a look at what you have posted.
    I just found out that Pure Evil has been working hard on his primary source for more than a year and as I mentioned she is married. I may have thought she had a live in partner but nope. They were actually married. They spend a lot of time together as he has alienated everyone in his life and even managed to go away on vacation. People tell me things even if I never ask.
    Anyway I just found out she left her husband for him. My friends thought I had a bizarre reaction which was maniacal laughter. But I am sure you understand…don’t you ?

  9. Is unblocking you on social media but saying nothing a form of a Hoover something akin to walking by your work but saying nothing but making sure your seen?

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