Decipher
Want to know what he really means?
This is the answer.
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6 thoughts on “Decipher”
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HG, This is an excellent book that enabled me to understand the meaning of some of the statements made by the narc. Would you be so kind as to interpret this one for me? Why would the narc (middle mid-ranger) share with what you designated as the shelf DLS that some woman was flirting with him, in fact in front of the IPPS , the IPPS was telling him that this woman was into him, and how if he had wanted something, he could have gotten it from her. Thank you!
1. He is most likely lying.
2. This is said to triangulate, provoke and draw fuel.
3. This is said to reinforce grandiosity, superiority and a sense of omnipotence.
Thanks so much, HG! I really appreciate your response! Much obliged!
do you believe in signs? Not in the spiritual sense (like I do) but in leaving little clues. This was a big component in the golden period.. I was taught to look for signs that were left for me. After a while, some were easy to spot.. others I missed. How common is this? Do you play those games too? I saw a few of the signs during the devalue too. Those were glaringly obvious, by comparison
And may I ask you, Tudor…
If you had got the proper nurture during your own childhod, would it have made any difference to you? Would you be more calm, patient, tolerant, kind and less abusive in that case? What your life would be like?
I apologize commenting on irrelevant topic, I just can’t find that discussion, where girls talked about Narc parents and the probability to “transfer” their Narcy genes to their children. I didn’t have enough time to participate in that discussion, so I’m doing it now, at a wrong place. Lol.
Yes, the Narcy genes are crucial in the Narcy personality formation – nature. If the child has a family history of ASPD, the risk to inherit that disorder is pretty high. But, I want to talk about another, no less crucial, point – nurture.
The ASPD could be officially diagnosed after 21 years old. Yes. But, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t there earlier.
Any child (especially till 12), naturally, isn’t capable to see the “whole picture”, analyze it properly and make the right conclusions and decisions. We, their parents, do that for them instead. The Normal parents give the normal perspective. The Narcy parents give the narcy one (distorted, of course).
The Narcy children have THE SAME problems and the same behavioral pattern as their adult fellows have. But, it seems, no one recognizes it for sure until it is too late.
The Narcy children could be described as an extremely sensitive. They “fall in love” easily (idealization), they take any offense hard (intolerance to a criticism), they express their frustration (anger and fury) doing “bad deals” (break toys, beat other kids, arsonism, zoosadism, etc.).
They, like their adult fellows, want fuel (!) – attention, admiration, appreciation, recognition, love. They want to look tough and impress other kids, so they start to make various achievements (good or bad, like a stealing things, arrogant behavior, fights, etc.).
Pursuing their fuel gain, they look importunate and obsessive and that repels other kids. The other kids have their own problems, because they, like the Narcy ones, are busy exploring this imperfect world also! Plus, all kids have a natural narcissism and a general insensitivity, so they naturally don’t care about anyone aside of themselves. But, the Narcy children don’t understand it and no one explains that it is, unfortunately, a normal way we all have to live during our own childhood.
The Narcy child thinks that no one likes him/her, that no one wants him/her, that no one cares about him/her and makes his/her own final conclusion, that the love is a bitch, the friendship is a bullshit, and the world is full of the malicious and treacherous people.
Plus, when the Narcy child comes to home, his/her Narc’s parent confirms his/her own suspicions. “You are a loser. No one loves you. You are not good enough for anything. You are insignificant. You are nothing”. Plus, the physical violence…
And the Narcy child becomes a “mature” Narc – distrustful, unloving, suspicious, paranoid, cruel… But, the constant need for fuel dictates its rules. To gain it, the young Narc has to hide his real opinion about this world and do what “has to be done” – to smile, to mimic, to charm, to seduce, to lie…
Of course, they can’t hide their real opinion about this world from people completely. The cynical remarks, general insensitivity, lack of genuine sympathy, abusive and cruel behavior (“red flags” as we call them) are the signs of their real point of view.
They hate and betray people in the same way they thought the people had hated and betrayed them in their own childhood.
But, unfortunately, it was their genetic hypersensitivity and genetic psychological vulnerability (NATURE) to the NORMAL life’s challenges (NURTURE). They just couldn’t cope with it in a right way and no one explained to them how to do it properly, because, even now, the ASPD is an enigma even for professionals, not saying about other people and, especially, Narcy parents, who, on the contrary, do everything to make it worse for their children.
I guess, that the proper nurture could play a crucial role in the Narcy children’ future. As I once said, the lack of empathy is not a sin, but the abusive behavior and the malice are.
Explaining to a Narcy child how this life really goes, teaching him/her how to perceive, take and react to the life’s challenges in a normal way, how to accept him/herself and others, how to respect him/herself and others, I guess, could give a pretty positive end result.
The normal and stable self-esteem and the calm attitude to the criticism and various life “failures”, would prevent the adult Narcs from wounding, general disappointment, resentment and abusive behavior. And their natural good qualities (sensitivity (!), creativity, courage, leadership) would make them really famous, not infamous.
Am I an optimist? Lol.
Should we save the Narcy children?