No Contact No Nos
No Contact is THE key to beating the narcissist.
Most people get it wrong. There are two reasons for this.
1. Not understanding the requirements of a Total No Contact Regime , and
2. The misleading effect of Emotional Thinking.
As part of the first element, the establishment and maintenance of a Total No Contact Regime means not only knowing what you MUST do for your Total No Contact Regime, but also what you MUST NOT do.
No Contact No Nos provides comprehensive information about the fundamental errors and primary risks which exist to your Total No Contact Regime so that you know what they are, how they threaten your regime and what you can do to make sure your Total No Contact Regime is properly implemented and also securely maintained.
This extremely useful and eye-opening guide tackles the weaknesses to your no contact regime in an effective and straightforward manner and is available for just US $ 5.
22 thoughts on “No Contact No Nos”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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The sign off ..it was cool, without emotion, with few words… followed by no contact for six months.. I was finally safe. Then a huge snowstorm the other day, and we were let out early from work. There is a large dark Ram truck I don’t recognize in front of my house with a trailor, but assume it is some guy clearing driveways. Then I hear, “Hey..hi” behind me as I walk to my garage. It is my ex…explaining how he happened to be in the neighborhood, clearing the older folks driveways, saw mine hadn’t been done, and he was just being “nice”. Then procceds to tell me all about his new beautiful truck, which he needed to haul his new 5 wheeler RV, which he then shows me pictures of proudly. I ask why the hell is he here and not down south traveling in his new RV. Oh, he says with a smug smile, “we” will be next winter. Meaning, of course, he and the new primary. I turn, I walk, I enter my house, I close the door. Was that a benign hoover, malign hoover, triangulation, or a combo of all three?
HG- is it possible to hurt your feelings? Or is everything we do or say fuel? And, you are in treatment, correct? Is that just time spent manipulating your therapist? Can u learn to have empathy?
You can wound us. Please read the books Fury and Fuel and see the article ‘Fight, Flight or Fuel’.
I am yes. It is about increasing my awareness and achieving certain aims of mine.
No.
I’ve done all 5 . I think he is in a formal relationship with someone else and never cared much to talk to me . I kept contacting him . When I didn’t knew for sure what he was. Now I do but I think I did the sign off yesterday . When he disappointed me again with returning his possessions by ignoring and disappearing. Now they outside in my hall . Did send a short explanation and a goodbye before blocking him. I hope my no contact will stay intact . This all so confusing I don’t understand what he wants.
What he wants? Whatever he decides he wants (and that will be unpredictable + selfish… you cannot anticipate it).
What you want? To get away from him, because he *will* continue to hurt + harm you. Take care of YOU.
Hug of understanding,
Caroline
P.S. Let this be your motto: “GOSO” < ("Get Out, Stay Out"…I know of what I speak…I engaged with my narcissistic former boyfriend, and he will *not* leave me alone now… it is NOT fun).
You are my sign off, HG….I don’t need anything from him anymore. You’ve told me everything I need to know!! Thank you for saving me from wasting my time and effort, and from the humiliation of trying to seek answers from him.
You are welcome.
Aw, so sweet + strong. Nicely done!
P.S. This is for “blackunicorn.” BTW, LOVE your screen name.
Thanks Caroline 🤗
After a 1 whole year of breaking No Contact, with the exception of minor stalking of his social media. I broke my No Contact and failed once again to this lying, manipulative, comelian of a man. I finally came to the realization; I am powerless over my emotional thinking, HG. I am now full of regret and really embaressed of my actions.
HG,
1. My question to you is, how do I get my emotional thinking under
controll
2. How do I controll my emotional thinking?
– xoxo
You impose no contact again. You learn to recognise emotional thinking, build Logic Defences and reset your reactive thinking – I can explain through consultation (as it is detailed) how this is done.
No Contact is done. I will be talking to you soon.
Dear HG Tudors #1fan,
Hi my lovely,
No way did you fail.
You should be soooo proud of yourself …… ONE YEAR of no contact…. that’s cause for celebration🍾
Well done.
You had one step backwards… now you go for the “two year” steps forward!
We are all behind you!
You did bloody good! Never forget, no female if powerless!
💜
Bubbles,
Thank you for your kind words sweet heart, you are amazing.
I believe with the the service, HG provides all of us empaths, we will all seize the power, if we learn to control our emotional thinking, which is my next step to my journey of being free, and staying free.
We as females hold all of the power.
Dear HG Tudors #1fan,
May I please ask you how no contact was broken, sweet pea?
💜
It’s not going to happen ! ….This time
Woooooo……So accurate and on point, appreciate the Hell out of Every informing article 👌👌👌🙌
HG, Luckily I discovered you within a month of my ex’s discard so I only texted him twice before I knew better and went NC. If he is midrange why would he not be malignant? Both times I texted him he was charming and casual. He has never admitted to there being anyone else and one of my friends told me there’s no signs of a new girlfriend on his or his family’s facebook pages even though me and him have been broken up for a year. Does this mean he is likely to try to reinstate the formal relationship? I almost wish he would have posted lots of pictures with another girl just so it would further confirm for me he is off his rocker.
It depends on the nature of the narcissist. If he is a Nomad, he will not look for the establishment of the Formal Relationship again but he may well return purely for fuel, subject to the Hoover Trigger and Hoover Execution Criteria. If he is a Ping Pong, he is more likely to look to seek fuel and establish the Formal Relationship again.
HG How would I know which one he is? I don’t know much about his past and I am NC. I am not sure but he appears to be ping pong based on your post about the different classes. He claims he was on and off again with the ex before me but who knows if that’s true. I know he triangulated me with her the entire time we dated and one of my friends said she saw him in a pic with that ex about 4 months after our breakup. I guess it doesn’t matter which one he is but I would like to know because a) I am an empath and have the need to know
b) so I can prepare myself for combat if he is pingpong
Consult with me and I will provide you with the answer Hannah.