Love Me, Hate Me, But Never Ignore Me
I want your love. I want your hate. I want your joy. I want your tears. I want every single emotional ounce that you possess and I want it directed at me. It is easy to understand why anybody would want to be loved because isn’t that what everybody only ever wants to have? To love and be loved. Of course it is. I only ever wanted to be loved and no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried it was denied to me. Push yourself harder, go further, work harder and you can have it. I was promised that gain repeatedly and I complied. I strove and I toiled and I grafted. I studied, I obeyed, I trained, I ran and I ran fast, I jumped and I jumped higher than anyone else. I tackled, I shot, I pushed, I swam, I wrote, I complied, I answered, I read and I read. I did everything that was ever demanded of me. Does that sound familiar to you? Of course it is. You know what it is like to give your all and it still not be enough. You know what it feels like to keep trying until you feel like you have nothing left to give anymore. Why do you think that we are so effective in extracting that sensation from you? It is because my kind has been schooled in such a technique for so long that it becomes second nature.
Of course I was praised. I was encouraged. I was supported. I was pushed. I was told and instructed and ordered. The plaudits came but there was always the caveat.
“That is an excellent result, next time try for one hundred per cent.”
“Brilliant time but I know you can do it faster. You just need to try harder.”
“It is good but not as good as you can do. You are better than that.”
“Not bad but you will let me down if you do not get to the top of the class.”
Still, although it was conditional praise it was still praise nonetheless and this combined with my endeavours meant that I was never ignored. The achievements accumulated, the prizes were gathered and the accolades were acquired. Upwards, always upwards. Accordingly, your praise and admiration means so much to me. It was always the standard by which I was judged and so it is the same now. I crave the adulation and the passion, that is why I work so hard to cause you to give it to me. I want it, I want to be seen, I want to be recognised and that means I must receive your emotion sodden attention. It does not matter if you are shouting at me or beggin me to stop, so long as it id directed towards me. This is why everything I do is calculated to provide a reaction.
When I am seducing you, you must never ignore me. I have too much invested in your acquisition to lose you to someone of something else. My bombardment of you with messages and attention is to draw you to me, but it is also to ensure that you do not venture somewhere else and I am denied your attention. This is why I will text you and if there is not a prompt response I will text you again, then again, then call you and then turn up at your house. I need to know you are responding to my seduction. I need to control you. There is too much at stake to allow you to ignore me.
Once devaluation begins then I need once more the emotionally charged attention that comes from you weeping, shouting and screaming. It never troubles me in the same way that it troubles you to be shouted at. I require it and all it does is make me feel powerful because I know that I can prompt these responses from you by virtue of my manipulations. I know by saying nothing that you will beg and plead with me to explain what is wrong, hang around me, eyes wide in confusion as you beseech me to tell you what you have done wrong.
I am not fussy about the emotions which you pour my way. Good or bad I will take them all. The bad do admittedly make me feel more powerful but the sweet potency of favourable responses and eyes glowing with admiration are most welcome too. That is one of the reasons I alternate back and forth, making you happy and joyful towards me and then full or woe and anger. The contrast reinforces my omnipotence because I am the puppetmaster. One moment I can make you laugh and then with a flick of the switch I have you in tears. That is power. That is control and this is what emphasises my greatness. Yes, I know you consider such behaviour wrong. I am well aware of that and do not be fooled by any pretence to the contrary. I am fully aware that such behaviour is considered, bad, wrong and evil, according to your values but you ought to know that this game is not being played according to your rules. It is played with mine and I always have to win.
Should you be treacherous and be the bad person that I always suspected you to be and ignore me, then I will provoke you all the more in order to gain my reaction. Few of you realise that this is the aim, at least, not until much later. You are unable to understand this sudden escalation, this switching because of the confusion that you are mired in. I am grateful that this is the case for when you ignore me I begin to crumble. The edifice that I have built up begins to crack, splinter and fracture and I must escape your betrayal and seek out the emotions of others in order to compensate for your seditious behaviour. If I cannot bring your love or hate to the fore, I cannot remain to be ignored, for that is my death sentence and I am not allowing you to sign that warrant. I must be loved for I am worthy of the most perfect love, I must be hated because my works are that of the devil and attract your furious ire. Always look my way, always give me your emotions and never turn your back on me. Do that and all will be well. At least, for me, but then, isn’t this all about me anyway?
46 thoughts on “Love Me, Hate Me, But Never Ignore Me”
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Hello hg,
He knows very well that blocking me induces my panic attack. So, he stopped blocking me for 2 yrs no matter how frustrated he became. I thought it was quite cooperative of him.
Suddenly, he blocked me. I am low contact and soon on my way towards no contact after a few more consultations with u, which for me is the only way i can achieve full no contact.
In the past, if he blocked me, i wud email him (this was b4 i told him that blocking gives me panic attacks). This time, due to being low contact, i did not email him. I am ignoring it. Will this wound him? He has a new ipps, first one after me, after abt 2 yrs. She is long distance tho. Otherwise, he only had remote tertiary sources after me. Ty.
HG, Thank you again for more “fuel’ for my SuperNova implosion. Strange though- he is miserable and of course blowing my phone up (Still has no idea of what is coming)….. I am only grateful I have to ignore him for only a few more days (ignoring is hard work!) as he is on his way back to the states to his OW…… Then things will be quiet and peaceful here while I am being shelved and given a silent treatment– cannot wait! Especially since I now know the game! Thankyou!!!!
Dear HG, I am struggling to understand the difference between negative fuel & wounding. For example if you ignore me, I confront you & it becomes heated, that is negative fuel, which is desirable; if during the confrontation I also insult you, then that is wounding – which is not desirable? Thankyou
If you ignore the narcissist, that will wound. This ignites our fury. Dependent on the school of narcissist, this ignited fury may be kept under control, but more usually it will not. This will manifest as either heated fury (shouting, hitting you, calling you names etc) or old fury (glaring, sulking, silent treatment). The heated fury is released to provoke you in some manner to provide us with fuel. It might be your anger in shouting back, it might be saying sorry, it might be crying, it might be mollycoddling, it might be saying good things to us to try to placate us – positive or negative (maybe both) fuel. The fuel addresses the wound. If you read the book ‘Fury’ this will expand on this in detail for you.
If you shout in anger at the narcissist and call him a no good cheater and an arsehole, although that is a criticism, it does not cause wounding because the insult is combined with fuel. It is then Challenge Fuel (see the blog article ‘Fuel, Fight or Flight’) . Your anger is the negative fuel, the insult is the challenge.
If you said neutrally to the narcissist “You are useless and are nothing to me.” That will wound us. There is no fuel involved in the criticism.
So, using your example –
You confront us – Challenge Fuel because you will ask “Why are you ignoring me?” and so either in an irritated, angry, frustrated or hurt manner thus that emotion/expression provides fuel.
It becomes heated – this may be Pure Negative Fuel (dependent on what you are saying/doing) or Challenge Fuel.
You insult us – Challenge Fuel because your insult will be said in anger or irritation, thus again there is fuel but combined with the insult it is not Pure Fuel but Challenge Fuel because you are challenging our superiority/sense of entitlement/lack of accountability with your insult.
Thankyou for the detailed response. Negative fuel + challenge fuel makes an excellent punching bag!
You are welcome.
Wow…. my days to a tee … lately …. mostly old fury tho… thanks HG
Golden socks for The Golden Period. Black socks for when you’re painted black. White socks when painted white. Socks with holes and prickers for the devaluation. Non-existent socks to represent ghosting. (That would be tricky to sell an item one could not see nor feel but a skilled narcissist could pull it off.)
Also a nice shelf set for when you are shelved. Maybe a small broom to mop up any crumbs?
A CD with no sound will be your silent treatment.
This is great merch. All proceeds go to empaths for their future supernova.
You were doing so well until the final sentence!
Hence why I said it. Proceeds can’t go to narcissists. They don’t need anymore advantages.
Not to forget the hoover robot.
And a Hoover HG. You certainly need to add that to your growing collection. It could be a black one for malignant and a white one for benign and the text on it should be loud and clear « Raising the Hoover Bar ».
You could then even custom make it to fit the different schools. A loud, noisy and dysfunctionally aggressive sound from the Lesser Hoover; more noise than function really. You could throw in a violent jerky way of operating as well; bumping savagely against thresholds and against anyone in the vicinity.
Complete and utter silence from the Mid Ranger Hoover on the other hand. Not a sound from it. No way to even turn it on I guess because of its victim status; it’s just there; in the way; makes you feel guilty all the time.
And then the smooth purring sound that eventually becomes a hiss from the Greater Hoover that will target you visciously and sadistically; following you around the house like the beast it is; inflicting pain when it runs over your toes. The off button will not work on this one I’m sure.
HG approves, I will give Techtronic and Candy a call later!
I can’t believe I forgot the Hoover! But we discussed this elsewhere…I like my Shark vacuum. It really SUCKS!
PS- narc couture? I am in!
I just went to ‘his’ town- stayed at ‘his’ house– after I found out he has another lady (one I think he married at Christmas -that is another story) However- I went to gather evidence- take pics etc….. I was a great actress– While out having dinner I asked the server, ” Miss, sorry to bother you but can I have a glass of ice and a spoon?’ He glared at me and said, “You do not apologize to a waitress for asking for something it makes you look lower class.” I was stunned– plus this was one of HIS properties— and I wanted to make sure I was the ‘perfect’ girlfriend!
However, now with my evidence firmly in place— Iand bombs placed— I will move to the ignore stage! I wish I could be around when everything starts to implode on him.
Thank you.
I can do that.
Just to be perfectly clear,
‘I can do that’ is not a response to electric panties!
It hurts to think of any little boy being held to such standards… for his positive interactions to hold such stipulations. I can see similar traits in the rearing of two challenging females that I know, and from what I can ascertain, the man with whom I was involved was held to similar strict standards, although I dont think they were as intense as yours.
Though he certainly was “golden”… placed high upon the pedestal yet knocked off at any given instance as criticism was doled out as often as praise. He will tell you though, that his stern upbringing is where he obtained his strength and strong work ethic. I assume you also see the same positives from your own upbringing?
This man has only missed six days of work in a 30-plus year career. (I actually received confirmation on that one from an additional source besides his own bragging, and I personally witnessed him spring out of bed, many times bone-tired on only a few hours rest, as he made his way into work.) I always chuckle at the sites that say narcissists can’t hold the same job for very long. Huh?
While the discipline makes the man, this extreme treatment from parents makes for too vicious of a cycle for any innocent child to have to bear. This is the shit that breaks my heart. This is also the area that I want to learn more about as it is from this place where any healing will arise… and certainly where any possible prevention needs to occur.
Have you written more extensively on your childhood elsewhere? I assume this might be a difficult area for you to revisit and explore. In other words, are you reasonably comfortable talking about your youth, and where can I find more information?
HG,
May i use the title of this post, as a quote, on a garment for personal use?
I would, of course, credit you and the site.
Perse
By all means, on those terms. I expect a picture e-mailed to me though of said garment.
Haha, you could have made a lot of money by now, if you had taken NarcAngels suggestion seriously a while back, to sell T-Shirts with your best bon mots …
Have you not seen the catalogue of Tudor Couture, ava101?
Sure I have, especially the stylish socks. One golden, one black. One saying fuel, the other control.
Ha ha very good.
HG,
Perse and Narc Angel raise a good idea! I’d buy and wear Narc Tudor Couture, inquiries would occur and your legacy would spread! Unless a t-shirt and socks are not part of your vision… stilll, I love it!❤️
Something to think about.
Id like underwear for each day of the week with HG quotes like…seize the power, fkn A, fuel, no contact, goso! 😄 but ill settle for a solar HG bobblehead.
“No contact” on your panties in case the narc got that far?
If you wear panties….
But if you do..something in barbed wire maybe??!
Or electric fencing wire, with a little yellow warning notice 🤔
How about in barbed comments?!
Not as fun!
Did you go “commando” today Mr. Tudor?
No.
Spoilsport 😂
Maybe an electric charged HG chastity belt that says in a deep ominous voice g.o.s.o…😂…
Damn these electric sex pants!
Ha ha, a threesome with a twist’
Mine used to tell me don’t ever ignore me I hate that … never fully understood until disengagement … if I ignore he does something negative to get my attention or something positive or show off … funny thing is I feel bad for him when I do ignore him because he looks so hurt
Wow. The most illuminating of all of your postseason thus far. <3
This one really hits home. Twice I escaped and his final question both times was “so do you hate me?” I thought it odd but now (thanks HG) know it was him flipping the switch to feed off my hate when my love had dried up.
Sick mfs indeed!….Run Fast & Never Look Back
The accuracy of how to explain this stuff never ceases to amaze me.
“The contrast reinforces my omnipotence because I am the puppetmaster. One moment I can make you laugh and then with a flick of the switch I have you in tears. That is power.”
Yep, yep and yep again! He used to frequently say to me, “I either make you deliriously happy or utterly insane”.
Sounds about accurate to your summary.
Nice of him to admit it at least.
That’s so moving …. beautiful.