The Love Triangle
Triangulation is a devastating weapon in our arsenal. Whether we are triangulating you as our primary source with another potential love interest (real or imagined), you with family and friends in terms of loyalties and spending time together or even triangulating you with an object (our mobile ‘phone or our flash new car) you will always be triangulated when you entangle with our kind. Triangulation comes in many guises but has two broad categories. Firstly, there is the triangulation which is taking place but you do not even witness it. This is where we may be conducting an affair behind your back and you have no knowledge of it at all. This is still triangulation because we are involving three people in our intimate relationship but you do not witness it and the third party may not know about you either. The second category is where you witness the behaviour. For instance, we spend more time jabbing our mobile ‘phone and talking on it than spending time with you. We may make mention of a particular person (usually of the opposite sex) a lot of the time. We may even tell you that we have been carrying on with someone else because you do not show us enough admiration and appreciation. In such instances, you witness the triangulating behaviour but often you will not actually realise that it is taking place. This is hiding in plain sight. You dismiss it by trying to convince yourself that there is nothing to be concerned about or we may assuage your fears through our usual charm and persuasion. One thing that you can be assured of however is that you will be triangulated during your entanglement with us and it will not just happen the once.
This reliance on triangulation as part of our manipulations is because it is so effective at achieving many things for us. What then, does triangulation achieve?
– It is often easy to implement, e.g. making mention of someone, spending our time playing video games, meeting someone frequently, perking up when a certain person calls round or telephones;
– We gain fuel from two sources out of the same circumstances;
– It underlines our notion of omnipotence since we are able to orchestrate the actions of two people so they compete with one another over us, we are the puppet master jerking the strings of two love rivals;
– It creates uncertainty in one or more of the parties which makes it easier for us to exert control and harder for the party or parties to see clearly;
– It causes the participants to focus on defeating one another in order to win us as the prize and thus they do not realise that we are really the problem;
– It allows a discarded primary source to be smeared with ease;
– It assists the maintenance of our façade.
Accordingly, the act of triangulation serves many purposes which accord with our malevolent agenda.
Why then is it so effective? Again, there are several reasons behind this.
– The addictive quality of our seduction and the golden period is so powerful that it is truly regarded as a prize worth winning;
– The fear of losing someone so (apparently) wonderful, loving and magnificent is too great to bear;
– The fear that someone else might actually succeed with the relationship when you are trying to reach that point. You do not want someone to reap the reward of your hard work and instead you want to win the day, continue to deal with the hardships in order to restore the golden period;
– You feel that you know us far better than the other person;
– You feel that it is your right. You have given everything to the relationship and therefore it is only just and fair that you get to have the relationship. You may have borne our children, helped us through difficulties, lent us money, housed us, dealt with problems for us and you are damned if some Jane-Come-Lately is going to profit from all your hard work.
These are all valid factors as to why the act of triangulation is so powerful and an effective. Yet, let me provide you with another reason, one which is possibly just as powerful as the addictive quality of the golden period. That reason is conditioning.
You are conditioned to think that love triangles are not only fairly common and something that is part of life, but you have been conditioned to think that they are actually rather wonderful and special. This may seem somewhat perverted thinking when you consider the agony and anxiety you experienced or you are experiencing when you are being triangulated, especially with a love rival, but it is a fact. Why is the love triangle scenario seen as something wonderful?
– It gives you the opportunity to prove you love us better and deeper than anybody else and with that comes a powerful sense of self and validation;
– It accords with your belief in the maxim that love can conquer all. You are a love devotee and therefore you believe in and want to see love triumph. When your love sees off a rival, that is the power of true love.
– The love rival is the enemy. This just isn’t you against her in order to win our hearts, it is light versus darkness, good against evil, love versus lust. You are a representative of the powers of light and goodness and you will overcome your dark nemesis. Of course, what you do not realise at the time is that the person you are fighting over is actually your nemesis and we are not going to remove that notion from you.
– It is actually pretty damn hot and exciting. Your senses are alive, you are going to keep our heart/win it back, the tug-of-love although worrying at times also provides you with high-octane excitement, the rush of adrenaline when you score a victory, the elation at seeing us choose to spend time with you and not the other person. This back and forth, push and pull, is regarded as thrilling.
Why then are you conditioned to think and feel in the ways that I have described? Simple. You are surrounded by love triangles. They are throughout history, they are in film, in literature, you see them in the celebrity gossip sections of newspapers, they are commented on in internet forums, they feature on the news, you watch them unfold in soap operas on television and you bought the t-shirt supporting Team Jacob or Team Edward. Or was it Peeta or Gale? You cannot get through the day without seeing or hearing about some kind of love triangle and it is always portrayed in a salacious, exciting, mesmerising and romantic way. Who will triumph? How noble to fight over one person’s heart? However much you may not want to admit it, you know that the concept of a love triangle is alluring and fascinating. You do not often hear somebody declare,
“All three people need to take a long look at themselves, stay away from another and evaluate what is really going on before they continue to hurt themselves and others.”
Of course you don’t. Where is the excitement in that?
You have been fed a daily diet of triangulation throughout your life so you actually regard it as something to be expected and something that excites. In order to prove this point, I have compiled, off the top of my head, as many love triangles as I could think of in literature, film and real-life in just five minutes. Consider the following: –
Literature
Twelfth Night, Dr Zhivago, Dangerous Liaisons, Tale of Two Cities, Lolita, The Great Gatsby, Atonement, The Talented Mr Ripley, Don Quixote, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Age of Innocence, The Phantom of the Opera, The Twilight Saga, The Hunger Games Trilogy, Harry Potter and my favourite Wuthering Heights
Film
Gone With the Wind, Casablanca, His Girl Friday, The Graduate, Oklahoma! Damage, Titanic, Bridget Jones, Closer, Vanilla Sky, Sabrina, Grifters, She’s The Man (Twelfth Night), Indecent Proposal, Being John Malkovich, Fight Club (imagine being triangulated by an imaginary person created by yourself!)
Real Life
Cleopatra, Mark Antony and Julius Caesar (which actually went further as Mark Antony had two wives already)
Helen of Sparta, Menelaus and Paris of Troy
Meg Ryan, Dennis Quaid and Russell Crowe
Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky
Liz Taylor, Richard Burton and Eddie Fisher (Taylor and Burton met whilst filming Cleopatra – triangles within triangles!)
Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattison and Rubert Sanders (not only did Sanders also have a wife and kids but Stewart seemingly though her fictional triangulation was not enough and wanted a real-life version too!)
I would be interested to know if you think that any of our kind exist in those love triangles and who it is.
I am sure you can think of many others and please do make those suggestions. This is what I came up with in a short time and it does not end there. You are triangulated by products and advertisers – are you an Xbox player or PlayStation, red or brown sauce on your bacon sandwich, Pepsi or Coca-Cola – on it goes. With such a backdrop of triangulation across society, thrust in your face every day you are consequently conditioned in the way that I have described. You have no chance but to be affected in this way. Accordingly, when our kind comes along, the master practitioners of triangulation, you do not stand a chance.
31 thoughts on “The Love Triangle”
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Do narcissists triangulate/flirt with others during the golden period? I can see my ex narcissist has a new victim, probably she is already seduced as his new IPPS but at the same time he compulsively comments and likes random hot girls on instagram. Does he want to make his new gierlfriend jealous and not too confident about his “love” for her?
She may still be a Candidate IPSS and she is being tested.
Keanu Reeves. 🙂
Michelle Pfeiffer, John Malkovich … they were all perfect for their roles.
I think I sent a link once to the exnarc to the scene were John Malkovich breaks up with Michelle Pfeiffer, and I had often wished I could also just lay down and die …
Also loved the book.
And the movie Cruel Intentions.
Don’t forget Glenn Close.
I don’t, she’s brilliant!! Especially the part with the fork.
“It’s beyond my control” …. Chilling.
“It’s beyond my control…”
Great line, classic rejection of culpability.
Not a line you can ever use since you are always in 100% control.
I can. I can lie and say it was out of my control, when it was not.
Of course you could. 🙂
Such a good movie…!
And I’ve received that line in real life.
Oh, I love John Malkovich in that movie. There’s something really sensual about him. Probably because he acts like the manipulative kind of man I seem to fall for;)
There are so many complications and facets of all of the Narc’s behaviours, motivations, and actions, but the two I have experienced and endured, that are intimately connected are the lies and triangulation.
They go hand in hand though out the entire time no matter your status, from first contact, entanglement, seduction, Golden Period, dis-engagement, to your apparent discard, to being Hoovered and seduced back for more. When I was the IPPS, it was done behind my back; skillfully, executed, and hidden, to keep me blind to the reality, of her lies and deceit. Even when her infidelities, and betrayals were discovered, she always managed to find a way to excuse, justify, and dismiss her behaviour, and elude responsibility, typically by going silent, and disappearing, until she felt she could Hoover me back in. The lies and triangulation, were always there.
In the past 8 months it all changed, as she ensnared a new IPPS, and I was led to believe it was finally over, and despite my attempts to escape, she once again Hoovered me in, for most of the reasons the “Back for More”, Blog described. At that time I still didn’t know or understand why she was back, using all her manipulation, and power she had over me, to position me as IPSS. Even now knowing everything that I’ve learned from HG, she has now ensnared me in her “new” triangulation which is completely in the open, and in my face. I’m somewhere between IPPS, and IPSS, but completely hidden to her social circle, save a small few, and completely unknown to her “new” Boyfriend! Her triangulation, and lies have now come full circle, with me being the other man. For 3 years I was in the dark about what and who she is; And now I’m choosing for myself, whether to be a part of who she is, and remain, or Get Out. I’ll figure it out sooner or later. She’s no longer making the rules or using my ignorance against me. Thanks HG, it’s such a different game now! We’ll see if I’m able to go head to head!!
You are welcome.
I blocked all my exes women.All the ones I know of at least. Does that make them angry? I love The Talented Mr Ripley.My fav movie. Also Mr Brook’s was also good.
It may irritate them if they are facilitating hoovers by proxy because they wish to curry favour with the narcissist and thus you are denying them that opportunity. Of course if they also happen to be a narcissist, this will wound them.
Choderlos de Laclos in Dangerous Liaisons showed the true nature of narcissism and the higher school- socjopathy. It is a very good book..
Indeed it is and the film is very good also.
Which version do you prefer? (there are French ones too)
Film – Uma Thurman.
The two latest laptop marketing triangulation MS Surface Book 2 and Apple MacBook. Get both, and all is settled!
Ha ha, are you on commission Sniglet?
No, but the clarity of your latest video on Surface Book 2 15’’ ‘Why does she keep giving me the silent treatment?’ Is unbelievable. The video’s HD and sound is fantastic. Who created your video?
Anyway I’ve just created a link between laptops, marketing triangulation and narcissism. Key words should bring empathic geeks in. Hahaha
My comment wasn’t an ad for any company and I’m not affiliated with any brand. I understand if it may appear that way. Of course you don’t have to make the post public if you wish.
This is my upper mid ranger exs favorite way to get his fuel. He actually built his facade around triangulation. He is currently doing it to his new primary source. My ex definately inherited some genetic predisposition of antisocial personality disorder. But the triangulation, is definitely something that I believe he learned from his mother and family
HG,
The way you include social beliefs and the constant daily diet of what is widely accepted as “normal” behaviour is very interesting in this post.
Widely accepted social behaviours or stereotypes are yet another way the empath is at risk. Having a conscience and wanting to do the “right” thing as judged by society is something that empaths are prone to do. They care how their actions will affect other people and therefore they generally want or are motivated to behave in a way that helps others rather than harms them.
When social “norms” or ideals suggest that one should “turn the other cheek”, or “do unto others” or “be the bigger person” etc, it plays right into the narc’s hands. When “society” tells us to be more “positive” or to “respect your elders” or to “hope for the best”, these enduring notions are believed by empaths but exploited by narcs. The result is that narcs end up with more control while empaths are kept busy doing the “right” thing.
Having more insight into narc behaviours has made me more aware and much more discerning about my own automatic responses and beliefs when it comes to social “norms”.
Vile triangulation.
I hate it.
It does not entice me anymore.
Yes, i have run the race of triangulation, i fought in love to keep him … I have endured many daggers wounding me… i am bleeding raw… but i have come at the end of the race e victoriuosely…why?… because now my race for winning him and his validation it is not more appealing to me .. she or they can have him.
hurray !!!! Halleluja!!!
PureSoul – very eloquent. I endeavour to get to the place you are. I very much want the “winning him” and validation factors to be over.
geyserempath
It has taking me 3 years of being shelved ( before we had 7 years of golden period, although there was a lot od devaluations going on, and probabily cheating) 3 long years of hell to realise how vile it is to keep me in this potition… and still he has the guts to promise me a life of love together…
I went no contact many times and broken it after his grandiose hoovers…
but now his hoovers makes me feel disgusted.
He knows where i live, and today he turned up all contrite ( fake crying) declaring his unending love for me etc… etc..
I feel sick….
I always hated the love triangle trope. Still do.
Regarding the Clintons, I think they are both narcissistic. Lewinsky was 22(?) and he was 50 (?). She was an intern and he was the President. His actions seemed predatory to me.
My ex-husband formed a triangle with our adult son before he left me, resuming in the loss of both relationships. Devastating.
Having read Liz’ Taylor’s autobiography, which very much praises her double eyelashes and the breasts of a goddess, I dare say I have spotted the narc in that particular triangulation…