Facebook Predator

facebookWhat causes the narcissist to use Facebook so much? Firstly, it is the online success story of recent times. Originating in 2004 it has seen off its rivals, such as Bebo and Myspace and has dominated the market. Over a billion people have Facebook profiles. That is a lot of potential targets for us. Secondly, it provides us with an extensive net to cast through whichever device we happen to have to hand. It is accessible and effective. Thirdly, the presentation of information on Facebook in particular tells our kind plenty of things which allow us to ascertain whether there is a viable target in our sights.

I am not referring to this in terms of the class traits that we look for, for instance, a somatic narcissist would seek out those who post plenty of pictures of how physically attractive they are, their ongoing diet and exercise regime, which would of course appeal to the somatic. Instead, I am going to highlight for you a number of instances on Facebook which tell our kind that this is a person who has a higher susceptibility to being seduced. Thus, if we then determine thereafter that this person has the relevant empathic, class and hopefully special traits then we know that a play should be made to ensnare them.

Accordingly, what is it that you might post on Facebook that signal to my kind that you are susceptible to being seduced and drawn into our false reality?

  1. You include a detailed list of your favourite books, television programmes and films

I do not mean three or four of your favourites but fifteen or more in one or more of the above categories. This signals to us that you have not only time to watch and detail these books and movies, but you are content for people to know that you do. This tells us that you are lonely and therefore apt for some attention.

  1. You detail your relationship status

It does not matter what the status reads incidentally because even if you stated that you are married, engaged or in a relationship, we do not recognise any such boundary as being a hindrance to our advances. Indeed, we take the view that you are probably short of attention in that relationship. By declaring what your relationship status is, you are wanting to initiate contact and you are providing us with material to do so. If you do not feel the need to tell anybody your relationship status, that signals to us that you have sufficient self-esteem not to need to herald it and therefore you are probably harder to ensnare.

  1. Ask me, ask me ask me

You know those statuses which read

‘So angry right now’, ‘I am fuming’ or ‘Totally heartbroken’

Such statuses are just a fishing hook for nosey and supposedly supportive friends, who are actually far more interested in showing concern and mock horror through some bad acting, to then as the writer what is ‘up’, what has happened and what is going on? The mysterious injunction will then be issued for the apparently caring friend to ‘inbox me’ or ‘I will inbox you’ as yet another noun suddenly finds that it has become a verb.

These attention seekers are also avoided by our kind. They are unlikely to be of our brethren but they are certainly self-centred and not going to provide us with what we need. Thus they go down as an avoid.

  1. I miss you

Anybody who posts about missing a relative or partner who has passed away, either directly by stating ‘I miss you Dad, you were my best friend’ or posts memes appertaining to people watching down from above. This lingering grief acts a beacon to us and tells us this person is susceptible to being ensnared far more readily because of their ongoing emotional state and their propensity to become emotional if the matter of the deceased individual is raised.

  1. Frequent comment about events

You are interested in the world and other people. You are not there to keep showing us what you had to eat for dinner or your latest car. You give attention and do not get much in return. This tells us that you will be highly amenable to receiving our attention.

  1. More pictures of animals than people

This is not so much about you being an animal-lover, which of course tells us that you have empathic traits, but is more about the fact that once again you are a giver of attention to this lower life form and you tend to get your attention back from the animal rather than people. It might be that you would rather keep the company of animals than people, although this is rarer than someone who likes animals and for once would enjoy the attention of another person, namely us.

  1. Frequent comments about your achievements and what you have been doing

You may not be one of us but you are certainly exhibiting narcissistic traits and therefore caution will be exercised before we proceed. These may be healthy narcissistic traits and we unearth additional information about you which encourages out targeting of you, but seeing this turns on an amber light.

  1. Sharing charity appeals

Yet another indicator that you are more about giving time and attention to others as opposed to receiving it. A most encouraging item to see on someone’s wall.

  1. Pictures of family and friends. Few selfies.

It may be the case that everything in your photo album is animal-based and see the point above. If there are pictures of people as well, we like to ascertain who these people are. If they are family and friends, rather than random people from nights out, this again provides us with a positive indicator. If your photo album is you and nothing else then another amber light will come on.

  1. You profile picture is a scene, an object but not you

This suggests again that your self-esteem is not what it might be, that you are not keen to be the centre of attention and as a consequence this acts as a beacon to our kind. It may also of course mean that you are unfortunately-faced, although is not always a concern if it is Cerebral or Victim Narcissist scouring your profile.

  1. Children are the future

A few proud parent pictures actually prove encouraging. The existence of children provides additional fuel sources and evidence that you are a caring and giving person, something which we like to see. If, however your timeline and photo album are plastered with your offspring then this puts us off. You might think that someone who is busy with a child or children would be in need of attention. They are not. They get plenty from their children and more to the point this tells us that your own attention will be on someone else and not us, therefore our efforts are more than likely to be wasted.

  1. You don’t get many likes or comments

Whatever you happen to post may be interesting, amusing and thoughtful but you rarely get many comments or likes as we scroll through your timeline. There is an attention deficit waiting to be filled.

  1. Posts about your romantic partner

If you are always talking about your romantic partner, how much you love them, how much you miss them and such like, you are going overboard and this to us is a further indicator of low self-esteem which we can readily exploit. This gets even better if we see no evidence of reciprocation. We can ready the Love Bombers.

  1. Poetry

If you post poetry, whether your own or somebody else’s, this tell us that you are lonely and therefore you will be most susceptible to our attention.

  1. Membership of support groups

Naturally this will tell us that you are likely to be empathic and/or have special traits which is most encouraging, but at this early stage we regard the evidence of this on your Facebook wall that you are again providing attention to others which means there is likely to be a deficit which we can exploit with regards to you.

The more of these indicators we see, naturally the more encouraging it is which tells us that you will be susceptible to an approach by us and our charm. Other indicators cause us to exercise caution and may well result in us moving onto a different target if these warning signs are not heavily offset by positive indicators. The friend request and/or message will be readied in anticipation of making a move.

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53 thoughts on “Facebook Predator”

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  4. That was an eye opener! All my training/kid/animal/food posts ended up being a neon flashing sign. Lovely. FaceBook is deactivated and staying down. Interestingly enough his co dependent IPPS absolutely does the duck face selfies and constant emotion check-in. Slowly becoming wiser.

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  6. This list has helped me a whole lot, in understanding how i made myself vulnerable.
    I noticed one typical FB feature of narcissists/casanovas/sociopaths, and that is: Only only liking our very latest newest post/photo.

    I guess you do this to speed us up, to encourage us to post more and more frequently, to be spontaneous, to not think before we post.
    (Which after a while becomes exhausting for the target, a lot of emotional work)

    I have a rule these days. I only post once a fortnight or maybe three times a month. Always at least ten days in between. Makes me slow and inert in the eyes of drama addicted readers.
    In the beginning it was extremely hard to keep this rule. I had clear withdrawal symptoms. But it is so worth it and i get a wider IRL social life.

  7. Few weeks ago I was subject to intense hoovering through social media after courteously replying to Merry Xmas wishes.It was probably harmless… I mean he lives in Australia so his options are very limited but he was just doing my head in . So I ignored and ignored until it finally stopped.
    Must have been very low on fuel.

      1. I’m not sure what you mean Restored Heart …?
        I live in the UK but all the Australians i’ve met so far were lovely. I also visited Australia for a holiday and had a great time.

      2. Don’t forget ABW, if you encounter any narcissists, they have a facade to maintain and you would be considered an NITS or NISS, you are painted white, you are providing positive fuel and fury is capped, so will only experience the golden period. And don’t forget all those Dirty Angels out there.

      3. Restored Heart
        So true. I just started to Skype with a cousin in Australia and I have a feeing her girlfriend is a narc and I am trying to figure out if my cousin is one too. I am hoping she is an empath. Fingers crossed; they are everywhere.

      4. Oh now I realized what Restored Heart meant.

        K ,

        There is so much more to learn but with what you already know you may become a real life ‘ Narcbuster ‘ 😄

        If there’s something strange in you neighborhood
        Who you gonna call? (narcbusters)
        If there’s something weird
        And it don’t look good
        Who you gonna call? (narcbusters)

        If you’re seeing things running through your head
        Who you gonna call? (narcbusters)
        An invisible man
        Sleeping in your bed
        Who you gonna call? (narcbusters)
        I ain’t afraid of no narcs
        I ain’t afraid of no narcs

        Don’t get caught alone no no
        Narcbusters
        When it comes through your door
        Unless you just want some more
        I think you better call (narcbusters)
        Who ya gonna call? (narcbusters )
        Who ya gonna call? (narcbusters )

        0800 666 666 👹🚫 👹🚫

      5. ABW
        Ha ha ha, I love the song and, especially, the phone # 0800 666 666 👹🚫 👹! Right now I am doing post grad work and I am learning how to think like a narcissist, then maybe I can become an official narcbuster.

    1. Hi ABW,

      Yes, I did just mean there are already heaps here in Australia from our politicians, entertainers, media personnel to atleast 3 of my own neighbours not to mention some of my family & exes. (Funny, an ex Neighbours star has just been named as a bit of a predator) Don’t forget Rolf Harris was one of us too.
      I enjoyed your song. 👍🏼

      K,

      Good lock with the cousin & their friend. We may have a smaller population than other places but they are everywhere here. My daughter’s vacation care leader is a dirty angel. The way she belittles vulnerable kids when she thinks no one is watching is heartbreaking all while playing the esteemed leader. My daughter is old enough to recognise it & tell me. It is a matter I am currently working on before she damages too many little souls.

  8. Oh my God, I just had to think of a guy I had a date with and who kept trying on and on with that pouted ducky facial expression to beg me for doing some uhm adult stuff to him. Like he was a little boy. Ugh! That was so horrible that I got seriously drunk that night. So, was wrong about the cucumber wodka, THAT evening was the last time I really got drunk. *lol* thank you for awakening supressed memories. 😉

  9. Ditched Facebook due to narc mother. It came in handy that my acct was closed after being disengaged with. I do have a fake acct for HG because I like reading others replies to his posts. It’s closed to all others though.

  10. HG, you say that somatic narcissists look for people with many pics of themselfs, they are fishing for beautiful people who like when others give them a lot of attention. Does it mean that somatic narcissist look for other narcissists? So how can expoit them and how can draw fuel from them if the victim is so self centered?

    1. It does mean that narcissists may well ensnare another narcissist which results in the outcomes explained in the ‘When Narcissists Collide’ articles. However, you can have an empathic person who has a pride streak in them (like the Dirty Empath has the infidelity streak). Thus this person is narcissistic about their appearance (they are good looking and they know it and they like to show that off) but alongside that this person is empathic and thus remains an excellent target.

      The Somatic would also look for someone who posts lots of pictures of themselves but, for example, in these ways
      (a) Doing activities, such as rock climbing, running, playing sport etc
      (b) Attending a party, dining out, seeing friends,
      (c) Showing their new car, new pair of shoes, new hair style etc
      and so forth

      Thus you may have somebody who does not have hundreds of duck-faced selfies but has a lot of photographs of themselves doing a wide variety of things, thus in isolation the one or two photos of that person canoeing is not narcissistic at all, there is an aggregate of lots of photos, over time, showing this person doing various things in their life and all of these things accord with things a Somatic would target. The fact there are a lot of pictures over a period of time may be moderately narcissistic (this person feels a need to post their life online) however, let’s say this person has moved to Australia and has family and friends in the US so this is a way for them to reach their family and friend groups easily – that is a considerate and empathic thing to do and not narcissistic. In such an instance the Somatic sees someone who is good-looking, enjoys outdoor pursuits, keeps fit, socialises, likes ‘nice’ things in life but moreover is caring enough to keep in contact with family and friends and likes to connect with them, not to show off but merely to inform and engage – thus the Somatic is seeing many boxes being ticked.

      1. I have wondered about this bc i have a few fb friends who are definitely empaths yet flaunt their looks. Ive questioned are they somatic but no they cant be bc….they do this this and this and are empathetic. Then i have to remind myself that everyone has varying levels of narcissism. Having healthy narcissism doesnt make you a narcissist. I think thats where the streaks can come in. Lacking empathy is a signature trait of a narcissist.

      2. Lmaooo i love the pout! Pucker up 💋💋 i actually laugh at some of the poses they look so serious and so deliberate 😂

  11. I never started a Facebook nor Instagram account despite the peer pressure of being told I should attempt to live in the current century. I was suckered the old-fashioned way.

    The narcissist doesn’t have those accounts either. (Or at least he proclaimed not to be on social media.) I suspected that was more for his benefit.

    I mean, he had no trouble exploring the lonely ads on Craigslist, but I always wondered if he avoided Facebook as publicly displaying a relationship status would make deceiving more difficult. So how do the narcissists do it? How do they juggle several relationships and not give themselves away on social media as I assume all of the “girlfriends” expect to see themselves proudly displayed?

    1. 1. Separate accounts;
      2. Displaying one expecting the other not to notice and then if she does, using plausible deniability to avoid a repercussion (various ways of doing this); or
      3. No Facebook at all because different methods are used and the narcissist does not want to run the risk of appliances learning about one another.

      Keep in mind that owing to compartmentalisation the default position is that the narcissist does not regard the appliances as going to learn about one another.

      1. Crafty Little Bastards, they are!

        It still amazes me how they think we won’t find out about one another, especially those of us who live in smaller communities. Mine knows I have a friend-connection to one of his exes that he has contacted on/off throughout the years. I used to confront him when I’d hear of his texting interactions with her. He would then provide me with a hefty dose of that plausible deniability you spoke of… but I never could find it quite so plausible.

        He’d flat out deny any wrongdoings, proclaiming all of the reasons why he steers clear of her. He would swear, promise, profusely deny… even knowing that proof of his texting could be obtained. He’d say it so convincingly that I WANTED to believe him… just somehow always knew I could not.

        I have resisted seeing him for months, even as he proclaims he has not moved on to another. And in this moment, I don’t even desire to confront him with this latest reveal of his reaching out to an ex… even though a part of me wants to ask why he’s expending energy pursuing someone he profoundly proclaimed as beneath him?

        I think that might mean I’m making a bit of progress!? Thanks, HG… for helping me see it’s all about The Fuel.

      2. But Mr Tudor,
        As you have mentioned before, we make great detectives, we may not find out overnight, but in many cases it will happen. I guess it depends on the narc one is dealing with.
        I must admit and I say this with all the luv in the world, I find you quite scary, frightful, intimidating and unpredictable… and that’s your good side 😂😂
        Bit like those scam artists, especially those from Nigeria …. sadly, they suck people in as well, big time
        I get heaps of “people you may know” from far away places on Facebook…. I just laugh scroll or delete
        Personally I think Facebook is an extremely dangerous playing field and I can’t believe how much trolling goes on and private information people are willing to display (most people I know have been hacked on Facebook) …. that’s worrying !

        to quote Mark Twain ….
        “the more I learn about people, the more I like my dog ” 😂😂

      3. Those scam artists are amateur in their approach but their scattergun approach invariably finds someone to take in – not you though.

      4. Interesting HG. I now understand how the narc was so stupid in his compartmenlization that he didn’t realize there was a button on Messenger that allowed you to view his Facebook profile while chatting via Facebook Messenger. We weren’t Facebook friends, but his default Facebook setting was public. So, in Messenger, he went on and on how he’s ugly, how I wouldn’t like the real him. I foolishly (pre HG) assured him I liked what I’d observed, his pictures with his dog, how ‘earnest’ he was in his interactions with family and friends and the causes he supported. I thought everyone knew this feature about Facebook and Facebook Messenger. As soon as I erroneously tipped him off to this feature, he locked everything on Facebook down. That clearly should have made me run. knowing what I do now. I wish now I’d not said anything. so I could continue to see the lies and contradictions play out, He’s in the ‘special intel’ business. so I’m still amazed he could be that stupid. Sad for the people who pay him to safeguard data, I felt lthe way you feel when watching true crime documentaries, e.g., that you wouldn’t commit such a crime, but if you did, you wouldn’t be so careless and stupid. Most of the time that type of narc arrogance is a curse! Also, I should note we met in a chat room many years ago. He was the only one using his real name as a screen name. I saw that as confidence. Now I see the stupidity, especially when your sending compromising ‘d’ pics under your real name, when you have so much at stake to lose. The temptation to out him is great. as it’d be so easy as he keeps rising and rising in his ‘noble’ profession. I post here instead, knowing someone won’t be as forgiving as me someday. Which reminds me, I lay very low, but should I ever get the call to testify on behalf of another victim, I’m an extremely solid witness. I hope to have the opportunity to do that in my lifetime. The dreamer in me imagines what a credible witness I’d make in front of a jury, in news print, for ‘Dateline’ or ‘48 Hours’.

  12. Haha my last narc (a full grown sociopath) spot me on Facebook. But because I’m now very educated (finally) and I know I’m a narc magnet, I did use a lot of care in this “relation” and note every single red flag without saying a word. Barely 2 months in the “honeymoon”, I suddenly became distant, saying boring stuff. The “man of my life” didn’t understand why I was doing that (after he lied a lot and I figured out by matching different conversations together), telling me I was the only one with whom he was 100% honest (sure!). He tried different kind of baiting technics, trying to find my weak point, but he still got my boring “it’s not you, it’s me”, or “good for you” responses to his claims. He even tried the “we should meet together so we can talk about it and learn from it”. How tempting.

    The fun part was that I labeled him as a sociopath from the start, having him to read about it. He told me that it totally represent himself, and that he was shock to understand that he will never be able to love. I was telling him everything about my readings. But he still tried to get me to believe that I was the special one, different from the others, that he would be able to fall in love with me, bring me gifts and tried to move in to my house after only 1 month. Wow. How pathetic. But funny at the same time since I was totally aware of it. I was telling him that he was so predictable that I could open a book a tell him what would be his next move.

    Yes, it’s just too bad, he was very intense, very funny, and sooooo good looking. But still a bullshitter.

  13. I locked up my facebook after hearing this YouTube video at Knowing the Narcissist. Most excellent information. I shared the video a few times.

  14. Dear Mr Tudor,
    I have no friends on Facebook. I unfriended everyone! I use it strictly to keep in touch with my kiddlies and hubby only. I dont have a piccie of my face as a profile, as my kiddlies and hubby know what I look like, haha… I use funny piccies. I don’t use my real name or real date of birth, or status …… zero, nothing. If something random pops up, it gets deleted. I don’t give a toss about likes and dislikes, means nothing to me. One could say I don’t use Facebook as intended, but I don’t care … nobody bothers me and that’s they way,ahah ahah I like it.
    I do however use it for Knowing the Narcissist …. haha

    I have also noticed your descriptions when I come across peoples profile pages, so easy to spot and pick em. This article is very stranger danger, more people should take heed of your warnings.
    Excellent advice.

    Ps …. I’m sloooooowly ploughing through your books, they are seriously good and your indepth knowledge of people is off the Richter scale . Its riveting.

    1. Thank you Bubbles, I am pleased you are finding my work useful and you are applying it through spotting my kind.

      1. Abso-bloody-lootly, Mr Tudor.
        My girlfriend and I decided to text each other whilst watching these new couple dating shows on tv and look for all the red flags as a test.. we’re doing pretty damn good! I am now very reserved with people, I sit back and observe, rather than jumping in first without a life jacket. Your repeated persistence in your articles regarding our emotions, hit a very raw nerve, that I desperately needed to address. I’ve now learnt to say no and walk away without feeling any guilt, something I couldn’t do before coming here. I’m still sweet lovable me, (haha) but a new improved me!

        All thanks to you
        (Your books are also fabulous reference books)

        Ps … I’m missing our Mother Earth Windstorm2 … I hope she’s ok

      2. That is a good exercise to undertake, with no risk to you and aids you in building the Logic Defence of recognising red flags. Good work.

        My books are indeed.

        WS2 is well, She has been in contact with me. She has some matters in her personal life which are time consuming and she should be back around March time.

      1. Dear K,
        Ooooooo, I don’t think so sweet pea … mine looks more like a cats bum 😂🐾

      2. Thanks for the laugh, Bubbles! There’s nothing like getting a little ass(es) on a Friday night, ha ha ha….

      3. Dear K,
        I chose one with bows and baubles, as one must maintain class at all times, most imperative, felines are we not… why would one want to look like a baboons derrière 🙈😂
        That gif was me walking away from my narc friend .🐾😻😂

        Hmmmm … think I’ll change my profile pic 😝

      4. Bubbles
        Indeed, maintaining class at all times is imperative. Maybe that woman thought she looked hot, however, if my lips looked like a baboon’s derrière, I would go into hiding immediately, until they deflated and I looked less freakish. I think that gif would make a great profile pic BTW.

  15. Hey bitch in the hotel room next door with the baby.

    I hear you attaching and rearranging your recording devices.

    CALL THE POLICE BITCH CALL THE POLICE!!

    IM ON THE TOILET!

      1. Very good.

        Old school narcissists – not a problem.
        Milennial narcissists – problem.

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