Understanding the Fuel Matrix
*** EXPANDED AND UPDATED INFORMATION ***
All narcissists have fuel matrices and you need to understand where you fit into that fuel matrix and how that particular matrix functions as part of protecting yourself.
This Logic Bulletin takes you through :-
1. The Fuel Matrices of all sub schools of narcissist. This includes updated and expanded information about the Upper Lesser Type A and Upper Lesser Type B Narcissists, plus the Middle Mid Range Type A and Type B Narcissists.
2. What the Fuel Matrices look like, their size, the nature of the matrices and who sits in them.
3. How the relevant narcissist of each sub school relies on the individuals in the Fuel Matrix
4. What the Virtual Fuel Matrix is and how it operates.
5. How a Long Distance Appliance fits into it the narcissist fuel matrix and how that functions.
6. Detailed descriptions of each sub-school of narcissist, their behaviours and actions to increase your understanding of the different types of narcissist. This is a comprehensive expansion which will help you understand a lot more about the way different sub schools of narcissist operate.
A fascinating and educational exploration of the fuel matrix and the interaction between you and the narcissist, this is essential to know how the narcissist behaves so you can ensure your No Contact Regime is as effective as possible. It is also advanced reading for those who feel they are well-acquainted with the narcissistic dynamic from their existing reading and consultations.
This extensive Logic Bulletin is available at just US $ 10 and is a bulletin you will read several times and refer to often and can be obtained here
40 thoughts on “Understanding the Fuel Matrix”
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HG What is the reason somatic MRN would be steadfast not to meet in person? Wouldn’t the fuel be more potent in person? My impression is that middle rangers can be extremely focused on facade…would that be the reason? Or is it fear of rejection?
Not more potent, but there would be a far greater quantity in person. If he did not wish to meet it might be because this would affect the facade he had created or possibly require too much effort on his part, or because it would be problematic because he was already in a relationship with someone.
Would devaluation of these virtual IPSS be common? What would be the trigger to do so?
It depends on whether the narcissist feels instinctively that a Corrective Devaluation is required. The CDs for a virtual IPSS would be less common than those for one who is physically proximate.
I’m still confused about corrective devaluations vs. the typical mindfuckery that occurs in the golden period.
As always HG thank you for your insights, I’m trying to read and gather information so that when I consult with you I am better able to frame my questions intelligently!!
I’m looking forward to ‘The Loneliness of the Long Distance Empath’ as that is my plight. Even though not proximate, there are serious emotional repercussions for the empath.
HG: Mine used to work out at gym and home and used to go to pubs and see live bands to meet women (Somatic traits). He hasn’t worked out or gone out to pubs in years. In fact, he doesn’t venture out to see friends except every 1.5 years. He is now a virtual hermit. I have two questions:
1. Can a Somatic age into a Victim Narc?
2. As he no longer goes out…can a Middle Lesser Victim who interacts with NISSs at work all day be content with NISSs on FB at night and on weekends? i.e. is that enough fuel for someone with low energy?
Any insight is appreciated!
1. See the articles Time and the Narcissist.
2. You will not know the full extent of his fuel matrix and therefore there is likely to be fuel being provided from appliances you do not know about.
Thank you so much, once again, HG!
Oh Gee, I have been confined on an island with no internet for 10 days! I missed this site so much! How could they have no wi fi! The horror!
A lot of catching up to do.
HG, a quick question as a follow-up to what you wrote:”If you were an intimate source in some way, you can never be regarded as non-intimate and therein lies the issue.” So this is true even if when an interaction takes place, the narc refers to you as a friend and talks to you as a friend , so in form it looks like you are treated as a friend on that occasion, but in reality you are still regarded as intimate? Seems the narc tries to have both ways. Contradiction!
This is why when you have had an intimate relationship with a narcissist, even though there is no intimacy for a period thereafter and you are treated as a friend, it will not work because you are still viewed as an intimate partner, you are more than likely to be treated like that again (if the need requires it). We allocate you, in effect, a label and we may treat you differently to that label some time later, but you still keep that label. Thus a Former IPPS is always that.
Thanks so much, HG! I really appreciate you taking the time to clear my confusion.
This is spot on. Despite no intimacy for some time, our interactions are always more than friends. Although I keep trying, and asking to be friends.
HG
Have you been made aware by the Good Doctors, or another source, of two types of compartmentalization?
1. A healthy type
2. An unhealthy type that narcissists use
No. The compartmentalisation that we use comes in two forms. It is effective and thus “healthy” for us.
Ok, from what I have read, normal people can compartmentalize. do normal people use the same two that you utilize?
Also, you have amazing insight; is it because of your intelligence, or are there other factors involved?
They can and one form of compartmentalisation originates from a similar psychological response but its manifestation is different. The other is unrelated.
HG, why does the narcissist shelve DLS instead of interacting with her just like he would with friends (non-intimate) if it has been a very long time since they had any intimacy anyway and the DLS never asked for anything but rather continued to provide abundant positive fuel? Does he see even talking to her as some sort of disloyalty to the IPPS who may be in the golden or respite period? If the narcissist ever hoovers her, is it possible to just continue as friends (non-intimate)? Would appreciate your insight. Thank you!
There may be a number of reasons. Specific information about the situation and context is necessary – this is a matter for consultation.
Ok. I will be setting one up then. I think I am overdue for another one with you, HG.
Jolly good.
I wonder the same thing … why can’t they just treat you as a friend … life would be so much easier ….
Because when there has been an intimate engagement between you and a narcissist, that is how you are regarded thereafter. You may not engage in further intimacy but you are regarded in a way that means that is always remain a possibility.
If you have become friends with a narcissist and always remain a friend, thus always a NISS, that relationship can last a long time and in the golden period.
If you were an intimate source in some way, you can never be regarded as non-intimate and therein lies the issue.
Thanks HG … lesson learned … should have stuck to my guns and kept it as friends…. he treats them way better… they even get hugs and joys of happiness when he sees them
Bumping uglies changes everything.
It most certainly does MLA! Narcissists are nothing but trouble.
Insatiable Learner and Pbw – thank you for asking this question as I have wondered for some time why I can’t just be friends with him instead of a shelved IPSS.
HG…once again, you have brilliantly and succinctly explained everything. I just think you are the bomb!
You are welcome.
but Hg, we’re not allowed to determine our category, correct?
– I want to be a friend,
but if the narc wants me as IP.. something (or DLS), not only can I NOT choose to *just be a friend,
but to attempt to do so will wound the narc…? (daring suggest I have a right to choose how I want the relationship to go)
..so is it dangerous to be told by a narc, that I am attractive?
You can choose but as you know, we must control and if we deem an alternative we want that alternative and if you deny us that, there may well be consequences that flow from that.
So what makes the determination ? Looks … money … ?
HGT, that is such an important point you made and true. Worthy of remembering. Would just one French kiss change the status of the friendship from intimate to non-intimate – IPSS -> NISS in the Narcissist’s mind?
Yes it would Sniglet.
“but Hg, we’re not allowed to determine our category, correct?
– I want to be a friend,
but if the narc wants me as IP.. something (or DLS), not only can I NOT choose to *just be a friend,
but to attempt to do so will wound the narc…? (daring suggest I have a right to choose how I want the relationship to go)”
Nuit….
Interesting question….
My narc claims he wants friendship but he ignores and shelves me. He tends to be there for me when I need him during difficult times but then will forget my birthday and say he is “bad at remembering” when that was never the case before.
He says he no longer wants intimacy with me but he contradicts himself. If I initiate it, he always allows my initiation (he denied my initiation once but still engaged in a passionate kissing/make out session with everything but the main event). Or he will initiate it.
I think it’s just all on their terms. What they want or don’t want, when they want it or don’t want it, regardless of what they say or don’t say, do or don’t do.
When I point this out to him he either says shit like “I know I am contradictory and engage in intimacy with you sometimes but it is wrong of me” or “I am always at a war within myself to do what I want vs. what is right” or “the pursuit of righteousness is more important that attainment” (is that a fancy way of saying as long as he “tries” to be good it makes it okay that he be a bad boy and do as he wishes?)
If he is not spouting off some excuse he usually just ignores me when I point out his trajectory of bullshittery.
Insatiable….your posts often make me wonder if we have the same MRN because our situations seem eerily similar. You are asking many of the questions that swirl around in my mind like the one above about shelving and the one prior about intimacy vs periods of non intimacy (with contraction) yet remaining with the same original “intimate” label.
Contradiction*
Insatiable…
“Does he see even talking to her as some sort of disloyalty to the IPPS who may be in the golden or respite period?”
Reading this question resonates with me and I could have asked the same thing. It is one of my theories surrounding my narc’s recent actions and things he has said to me regarding our lack of communication lately.
Wow very interesting concept. I would have to really evaluate which I fall into. I don’t have a spouse (twice divorced), I have children. Im trying my best to become more engage in social sites. I may need to retouch of this later.
Great read
Thank you.