The Virtual Fuel Matrix


I have stated on many occasions that technology not only extends our reach but enables us to identify a multiplicity of targets. This enables us to home in on potential targets with greater ease, gather intelligence about them for the purposes of aiding our ensnarement of the target, maintain our grip even when we are not physically proximate and gather fuel when not in the same room as the relevant appliance.

Yet, is technology merely an extension to our existing needs and manipulations, as opposed to a substitute? Might we ensnare somebody who lives thousands of miles from us, on the other side of the planet? If we do so, how does that fit into our fuel matrix? What is that person to us? How does the dynamic play out and what does this mean for the empath?

Naturally, the increase in technological reach, its ease and frequency of availability means that we are going to avail ourselves of this development in attending to our needs. We will use this technology in three main ways.

Firstly, where we have ensnared individuals who we interact with in a physical proximate fashion, we use technology to maintain our hold and to manipulate. Thus, we have an Intimate Partner Primary Source (“IPPS”) who we see most days in the flesh, but we send text messages, speak by telephone, engage in FaceTime conversations and use e-mail to draw fuel, manipulate and exert control. We see our friends (Non Intimate Secondary Sources (“NISSs”) every so often, meeting to have a drink, play sport, see a film or just catch up, yet again we will engage with them through technology.

Secondly, we use technology to find those who we will ultimately meet in person. Technology allows us to cast our net wide, weed out those who are unsuitable, select several prospects at once and use minimal effort to seduce them and gather information about them to use to further our needs.

Thirdly, we will use this technology to cultivate and maintain a stable of appliances for the purposes of bolstering our fuel matrices.  This is the Virtual Fuel Matrix. All of our kind have them – some maybe minor in nature, not often used (although this is rare) whilst others are extensive and relied on significantly by the narcissist. Others alternate through relying on the physical fuel matrix for the most part and periodically turning to the virtual fuel matrix in certain instances.

This third use is the focus of this article. This particular use has many variations with regard to the narcissistic dynamic. There are countless variations which will arise with regard to the composition of the Virtual Fuel Matrix, the use that is made of it, the fuel gathered and how it fits into the narcissist’s overall fuel matrix, but consider these scenarios for example :-

  1. A Lesser Victim Narcissist who as a consequence of health issues is confined to home. He has a dutiful Carrier Empath as the IPPS, there are a handful of family members and friends (NISSs) who call round every so often, but the LVN interacts not only with these appliances through technology, he goes online repeatedly to interact with a stable of tertiary sources , some of whom becomes NISSs owing to the frequency of interaction, through messaging, chat rooms and the like, but he does not speak to them or see them, other than pictures on profiles. He never physically meets any of them. He has no interest in any sexual intimate interaction with them.

2. A Mid-Range Somatic Narcissist. She has an IPPS in her husband and has two Shelf IPSSs on the side. She has a number of NISSs in her fuel matrix, through friends, family, colleagues and neighbours and therefore has a solid physical fuel matrix. She however likes to head to her bolthole and comb through dating sites and chat rooms, connecting with a myriad of tertiary sources. Some she will flirt with, sending pictures and so forth on just the one occasion. Some are Non Intimate Tertiary Sources (“NITS”) but those she interacts with as a one-off and engages sexual content with are Intimate Partner Tertiary Sources (“IPTS”). Others she engages with repeatedly and not only sexts with those individuals, talks ‘dirty’ down the telephone but sends naked pictures (and receives them) from a steady stable of half a dozen men. She will not send videos but will accept them. This group is made up of Intimate Partner Secondary Sources (“IPSSs”). She has  no intention of meeting any of them but gathers fuel from these nightly forays through various methods of communication.

3. A Mid-Range Cerebral Narcissist. He has an IPPS in his wife. He naturally draws Proximate Fuel from her because they live together and see each other every day. Her fundamental role however is provider of residual benefits as she runs the home and runs around after the MRCN. Something of a loner he does not really have any friends and prefers not to engage much with colleagues (other than when he has to for reasons of work) and family members. He looks down on them, seeing them as inferior to his intellect and not worthy of his interaction. He prefers to sit in  The Relational Tower and lock himself each night in his Bolthole and from there he spends his time Skyping people who share an interest in his academic interests, debating with them and rubbishing their theories. These people are NITS and NISSs. He also delights in going to particular websites and blogs where he engages in trolling (although from his perspective he merely sees it as him putting the morons straight on their lack of intellect and understanding). The indignant responses from NITS provides him with fuel, albeit of low potency and in small amounts. Nevertheless, he experiences little risk of being wounded as there is no actual physical interaction with these people, they will not reject him by turning away or failing to acknowledge him across a crowded bar. Instead, when they fall silent after he has trounced them in a Skype conversation or through the written word, he savours that as evidence of his victory. He either sees their angry or irritated expression and gains fuel or derives Thought Fuel from imagining their wailing and gnashing of teeth at having been defeated by his superior intellect.

4. A Greater Somatic.  Away on business and in a hotel room he has a ready-made stable of individuals with whom he engages in sexting, the acquisition of naked pictures and videos and who are IPSSs. He goes further and engages in mutual masturbation sessions with these IPSSs through FaceTime, Skype or (occasionally if seeing is not an option) on the telephone. He will however to cause worlds to collide by coercing these IPSSs to visit him when he travels so that his virtual stable of IPSSs will provide even more fuel and residual benefits by being commanded to meet him in hotel rooms across the globe. His sexual imagination, prowess and ability to configure IPSS connections in different continents means that whilst he will use this stable to draw fuel virtually, he also uses it to occasion the physical connection too.

5. A Mid-Range Elite. He lives alone. He has family in the city where he lives who he sees intermittently and various friends and colleagues who he sees quite often and therefore has a large bank of NISSs to draw on. He however interacts with one source every single day. He is in Europe and she is in the Middle East. They speak on the telephone frequently through the day. They Skype often and for hours at a time, watching the same films although in different continents, effectively going on virtual dates. They have never met. They see one another through Skype and FaceTime, they swap nude pictures, they engage in mutual masturbation, they even have Skype still going in the background when they fall asleep, one watching the other sleep often owing to the difference in time zones. They have never touched one another, never smelt one another, never felt skin on skin, yet spend hours with one another through the power of technology.

What is the status of these appliances which connect with the narcissist through technology? Are they empaths or normals who are just sucked in through the lure of the internet? Let us take each scenario in turn.

Scenario One. The Lesser Victim Narcissist is likely to engage with normal NITS and a mixture of normal and empathic NISSs. He will home in on the empathic NISSs with a greater intensity. The fuel provided will be of low to moderate potency. The quantity provided will be low to moderate because although he may spend hours each day engaging with them, it is through the written word only and this is the poorest form of conveying fuel. The frequency is high.

The appliances will be content to engage in this manner and are unlikely to want more interaction or push for any physical meeting.

Scenario Two. The NITS and ITPS will largely be normals and those with higher narcissistic traits (but not narcissists). The IPSSs are likely to be a mixture of narcissists and empaths. The former looking to ensnare her, unaware of what she is and the latter bewitched by this attractive lady paying them such attention and hoping to meet her in due course. The fuel provided will be of low to quite high potency because of the intimacy which is injected. The quantity will be from low to quite high because whilst some will just be sexting, there are telephone conversations and videos which increase the quantity. The frequency is high during the hour or two she engages in this and then of course drops off when she no longer engages with these individuals.

The appliances who are NITS and ITPS are likely to remain content, for the most part, with the one-off interaction. The IPSSs will want more and will experience frustration at not being able to gain admittance to the narcissist physically.

Scenario Three. The NITS and NISS will be a mixture of normals and empaths, with the occasional inadvertent narcissist too. The fuel provided will be of low to moderate potency as there is no intimacy involved, however the quantity will range from low to quite high because the MRCN sees the reaction of the appliances and hears it when he Skypes and uses FaceTime. The frequency is high because the MRCN prefers to operate from the Bolthole in this manner to keep drawing on this extensive virtual fuel matrix.

The appliances will be content to keep the interaction as it is. One or two NISSs may prefer to meet but will not press hard for this to happen.

Scenario Four. Leaving aside the physical interaction that the narcissist brings about (that is the Physical Fuel Matrix) with regard to the virtual element, the potency will be quite high because these are all IPSSs. The Greater will have chosen empaths for the most part, although may also draw a Lesser or Mid Range Narcissist into the matrix. The quantity will range from medium to quite high because he can see and hear the responses of the appliances. The frequency will be low to moderate as the Greater will use the physical interaction far more extensively than the virtual. He turns to the Virtual Fuel Matrix when travelling between places or in a place where he is limited in time and opportunity to hunt down suitable appliances and therefore prefers to “bolt on” the ready-made one which is always there when he chooses to engage with it.

The appliances here will want more. They will press for greater engagement with the narcissist (and may well be granted it as Shelf IPSSs or DLSs arising from the virtual matrix to begin with). Many will want the formality of a proper relationship with the Greater but will not be granted it.

Scenario Five. This scenario is one which requires a more detailed examination and this will arise in the forthcoming article ‘The Loneliness of the Long Distance Empath.’


40 thoughts on “The Virtual Fuel Matrix”

  1. HG What is the reason somatic MRN would be steadfast not to meet in person? Wouldn’t the fuel be more potent in person? My impression is that middle rangers can be extremely focused on facade…would that be the reason? Or is it fear of rejection?

    1. Not more potent, but there would be a far greater quantity in person. If he did not wish to meet it might be because this would affect the facade he had created or possibly require too much effort on his part, or because it would be problematic because he was already in a relationship with someone.

  2. Would devaluation of these virtual IPSS be common? What would be the trigger to do so?

    1. It depends on whether the narcissist feels instinctively that a Corrective Devaluation is required. The CDs for a virtual IPSS would be less common than those for one who is physically proximate.

      1. I’m still confused about corrective devaluations vs. the typical mindfuckery that occurs in the golden period.
        As always HG thank you for your insights, I’m trying to read and gather information so that when I consult with you I am better able to frame my questions intelligently!!

  3. I’m looking forward to ‘The Loneliness of the Long Distance Empath’ as that is my plight. Even though not proximate, there are serious emotional repercussions for the empath.

  4. HG: Mine used to work out at gym and home and used to go to pubs and see live bands to meet women (Somatic traits). He hasn’t worked out or gone out to pubs in years. In fact, he doesn’t venture out to see friends except every 1.5 years. He is now a virtual hermit. I have two questions:
    1. Can a Somatic age into a Victim Narc?
    2. As he no longer goes out…can a Middle Lesser Victim who interacts with NISSs at work all day be content with NISSs on FB at night and on weekends? i.e. is that enough fuel for someone with low energy?
    Any insight is appreciated!

    1. 1. See the articles Time and the Narcissist.
      2. You will not know the full extent of his fuel matrix and therefore there is likely to be fuel being provided from appliances you do not know about.

  5. Oh Gee, I have been confined on an island with no internet for 10 days! I missed this site so much! How could they have no wi fi! The horror!
    A lot of catching up to do.

  6. HG, a quick question as a follow-up to what you wrote:”If you were an intimate source in some way, you can never be regarded as non-intimate and therein lies the issue.” So this is true even if when an interaction takes place, the narc refers to you as a friend and talks to you as a friend , so in form it looks like you are treated as a friend on that occasion, but in reality you are still regarded as intimate? Seems the narc tries to have both ways. Contradiction!

    1. This is why when you have had an intimate relationship with a narcissist, even though there is no intimacy for a period thereafter and you are treated as a friend, it will not work because you are still viewed as an intimate partner, you are more than likely to be treated like that again (if the need requires it). We allocate you, in effect, a label and we may treat you differently to that label some time later, but you still keep that label. Thus a Former IPPS is always that.

      1. Thanks so much, HG! I really appreciate you taking the time to clear my confusion.

      2. This is spot on. Despite no intimacy for some time, our interactions are always more than friends. Although I keep trying, and asking to be friends.

  7. HG
    Have you been made aware by the Good Doctors, or another source, of two types of compartmentalization?

    1. A healthy type
    2. An unhealthy type that narcissists use

    1. No. The compartmentalisation that we use comes in two forms. It is effective and thus “healthy” for us.

      1. Ok, from what I have read, normal people can compartmentalize. do normal people use the same two that you utilize?

        Also, you have amazing insight; is it because of your intelligence, or are there other factors involved?

      2. They can and one form of compartmentalisation originates from a similar psychological response but its manifestation is different. The other is unrelated.

  8. HG, why does the narcissist shelve DLS instead of interacting with her just like he would with friends (non-intimate) if it has been a very long time since they had any intimacy anyway and the DLS never asked for anything but rather continued to provide abundant positive fuel? Does he see even talking to her as some sort of disloyalty to the IPPS who may be in the golden or respite period? If the narcissist ever hoovers her, is it possible to just continue as friends (non-intimate)? Would appreciate your insight. Thank you!

    1. There may be a number of reasons. Specific information about the situation and context is necessary – this is a matter for consultation.

      1. Ok. I will be setting one up then. I think I am overdue for another one with you, HG.

    2. I wonder the same thing … why can’t they just treat you as a friend … life would be so much easier ….

      1. Because when there has been an intimate engagement between you and a narcissist, that is how you are regarded thereafter. You may not engage in further intimacy but you are regarded in a way that means that is always remain a possibility.

        If you have become friends with a narcissist and always remain a friend, thus always a NISS, that relationship can last a long time and in the golden period.
        If you were an intimate source in some way, you can never be regarded as non-intimate and therein lies the issue.

      2. Thanks HG … lesson learned … should have stuck to my guns and kept it as friends…. he treats them way better… they even get hugs and joys of happiness when he sees them

      3. Insatiable Learner and Pbw – thank you for asking this question as I have wondered for some time why I can’t just be friends with him instead of a shelved IPSS.

        HG…once again, you have brilliantly and succinctly explained everything. I just think you are the bomb!

      4. but Hg, we’re not allowed to determine our category, correct?

        – I want to be a friend,
        but if the narc wants me as IP.. something (or DLS), not only can I NOT choose to *just be a friend,

        but to attempt to do so will wound the narc…? (daring suggest I have a right to choose how I want the relationship to go) is it dangerous to be told by a narc, that I am attractive?

      5. You can choose but as you know, we must control and if we deem an alternative we want that alternative and if you deny us that, there may well be consequences that flow from that.

      6. HGT, that is such an important point you made and true. Worthy of remembering. Would just one French kiss change the status of the friendship from intimate to non-intimate – IPSS -> NISS in the Narcissist’s mind?

      7. “but Hg, we’re not allowed to determine our category, correct?

        – I want to be a friend,
        but if the narc wants me as IP.. something (or DLS), not only can I NOT choose to *just be a friend,

        but to attempt to do so will wound the narc…? (daring suggest I have a right to choose how I want the relationship to go)”

        Interesting question….

        My narc claims he wants friendship but he ignores and shelves me. He tends to be there for me when I need him during difficult times but then will forget my birthday and say he is “bad at remembering” when that was never the case before.

        He says he no longer wants intimacy with me but he contradicts himself. If I initiate it, he always allows my initiation (he denied my initiation once but still engaged in a passionate kissing/make out session with everything but the main event). Or he will initiate it.

        I think it’s just all on their terms. What they want or don’t want, when they want it or don’t want it, regardless of what they say or don’t say, do or don’t do.

        When I point this out to him he either says shit like “I know I am contradictory and engage in intimacy with you sometimes but it is wrong of me” or “I am always at a war within myself to do what I want vs. what is right” or “the pursuit of righteousness is more important that attainment” (is that a fancy way of saying as long as he “tries” to be good it makes it okay that he be a bad boy and do as he wishes?)

        If he is not spouting off some excuse he usually just ignores me when I point out his trajectory of bullshittery.

    3. Insatiable….your posts often make me wonder if we have the same MRN because our situations seem eerily similar. You are asking many of the questions that swirl around in my mind like the one above about shelving and the one prior about intimacy vs periods of non intimacy (with contraction) yet remaining with the same original “intimate” label.

    4. Insatiable…

      “Does he see even talking to her as some sort of disloyalty to the IPPS who may be in the golden or respite period?”

      Reading this question resonates with me and I could have asked the same thing. It is one of my theories surrounding my narc’s recent actions and things he has said to me regarding our lack of communication lately.

  9. Wow very interesting concept. I would have to really evaluate which I fall into. I don’t have a spouse (twice divorced), I have children. Im trying my best to become more engage in social sites. I may need to retouch of this later.
    Great read

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.