Little Acons – No. 19
You must not tell.
They said this time and time again. And I did not.
Yet the expectation that such obedience would result in some kind of favour, some kind of leniency did not manifest.
Thus the expectation became hope instead but it became apparent that hope was yet another liar who appears bearing promise and salvation only to snatch them away and sneer. There is no such thing as hope, she wears a mask to hide that which she really is ; torment.
I recognise the imposter that hope is (you would do well to do the same) and thus I placed no faith in her.
I did not tell. It did not stop.
I did not tell. I found another way – or perhaps it found me – I have yet to fathom that out.
I did not tell. It did not stop, but it no longer affected me.
And so, I did not tell.
I did not tell for a considerable time.
But I will.
And it will not hurt me when those sticking plasters are ripped away from mouth, eye, ear and nose, because you cannot hurt me any longer.
I am the hurt.
And I am coming and you can tell all you like because nobody is going to listen to you.
6 thoughts on “Little Acons – No. 19”
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But one can have hope and also the understanding that hope is not the answer.
For example. One can hope their accepted into the university of their choice, with the realization that in order to achieve that certain criteria will have to be met. And as a result put their best effort in to achieve it.
It’s not as though people who have hope sit around “hoping” all day long and do not do practical work.
It depends on whether you see the word as a noun or a verb.
Sometimes hope is a liar, but sometimes it’s not. There isn’t an absence of hope. It exists it’s just not reliable.
I am so sorry that this happened to you. That doing as you were told, and having the hope that your obedience would earn you rewards that never came has caused you to see ‘hope’ as an imposter. So very sad 😢
H.G. Who are you referring to when you say “And I am coming and you can tell all you like because nobody is going to listen to you.” The parent that caused this in you, or the one you are projecting it on?
You will see in due course.
Somebody will always be there to listen.
And telling allows the most cathartic way, a beginning to release the pain.
Finding a safe place, telling it in your own words, in your own time, to the audience you choose… always helps more than one.
Everybody has a story and everyone has something to say. Knowing you are never alone in your pain can bring about the courage to release it.
You must have felt very alone. I can understand how you would never want to let anyone in. Ever.