You? Me? Them?

youmethem

 

Once upon a time. The Princess and the Pea. Prince Charming. Snow White. Pretty Woman. Barbie and Ken. The Waltons. Hug you from behind. Breakfast in bed. Picking you up in the rain. Glimpsing you from a train and running after you. The Fabulous Baker Boys. Roman Holiday. Bouquets. Surrounded by your loving family as you pass away. Snow at Christmas. Remembered birthdays. The Little House on the Prairie. Beauty and the Beast. A Room With a View. City breaks. Walking in the foam. Holding hands. Growing old together. Gone With the Wind. The white knight. Crazy For You. The Passion. Spooning in bed. Monogamy. Rosanna. Love Me Tender. Truly Madly Deeply. A candlelit bath. The Best. Gift on the pillow. Save the Best For Last. Impromptu lunch. Dancing cheek to cheek. Someday my prince will come. Red roses. White roses. Opening doors. Up Where We Belong. Romeo and Juliet. Holding your hair. You’re the First, My Last, My Everything. Writing ‘I Love You’ in the steamed up mirror. Endless Love. I Think I Love You. Dedicating a song on the radio. Father Figure. The Power of Love. Fairytale wedding. Carved initials on a tree inside a heart. Giving you the last Rolo. Love conquers all. Love will save the day. Love’s young dream. Love is a many splendored thing. Writing poems. Love notes in a lunch box. A message in the sand. Till death do us part. Together forever. Bright young things. Never Tear Us Apart. Soulmate. Other half. My Heart Will Go On. Bridget Jones’ Diary. I’ll Stand By You. Children. A Whole New World. Paris in the spring time. Lazing in a hammock together. A log cabin by the lake. The Notebook. The Spider man kiss. Notting Hill. Rose and Jack. Letting you sleep in. Bella and Edward. Latika and Jamal. Dirty Dancing. Leading the dancing. Remembering anniversaries. In sickness and in health. When Harry Met Sally. Synchronised orgasms. Sex in the morning. Sex in the evening. Still having sex after all these years. Fidelity. Eyes only for you. An Officer and a Gentleman. Isla and Rick. Letting you first. Knowing you hate spiders. Viola and William. Stardust. Walking in the snow together. Walking through leaves together. Edward Scissorhands. Just the Way You Are. My Girl. Annie’s Song. Matching tattoos. Wearing a wedding band. I Will Always Love You. When a Man Loves a Woman. I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing. Love is blind. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The perfect match. Our love is predestined. It was written in the stars above. Love at first sight. Mr/Mrs Right, “My one and only,” “man/woman of my dreams,” “match made in heaven,” “love of my life,” “my true love,” “made for each,” “my perfect match,” “I met the love of my life,” “I knew this was the one.”  “We were meant for each other.” “instant connection,” “clicked right away,” “chemistry at first sight,” “hit it off right away,” “experienced immediate attraction,” “instant rapport,” “completely hit it off,” “it was magical,” “you put a spell on me” . Love is a river that drowns the tender reed. The perfect house. The country idyll. Home is where the heart is. Wuthering Heights. Jayne Eyre. Twilight. The Hunger Games. Gabriel’s Inferno. Water for Elephants. Warming the bed first. Investigating a bump in the night. Holding you during a storm. Never being taken for granted. Perfection. Having it all. The Happy Ever After.

False promises and unrealistic ideals created by them.

A gateway to the false promised land, to the unrealistic ideal life offered and exploited by us.

Resorting to self-destructive and addictive behaviours in order to compensate for these failings and disappointments by becoming entangled with us again and again and again. That’s you.

Who is to blame?

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31 thoughts on “You? Me? Them?”

  1. I thought we were all getting seduced by a Greater until you threw in those three little paragraphs.
    I was rather enjoying the read until then.

    (Sigh) But I guess you had a valid point to make.

    Q. Who is to blame?

    Just as the narcissist requires fuel, the empath craves love. So we’re both addicted.

    A. May I answer: Both… or is that like saying the baby will either be a boy or a girl?

    1. The Narcissist Wants an Ideal But So does the Empath Both want a perfect Love Both are Disappointed both repeat Scenario with individualized Pattern , both are formed in early childhood, Built . to display certain behaviors of the parents choosing consciously or unconsciously both have perfectionistic traits both have emotions that are tipped to extreme from the Empath they are Keen and in the Narcissist Blunt both finds in each other the opposite effect They both seek Ideals which are unattainable for the most part,both find Temporarily in each other before the disimilarities surface_Then is the reality clashing of means and ways thrust wide open the empath despises the Lies/Triangulation/ Deception/false promises of the Narcissist on the Other end the Narcissist Despises the Truthseeking investigative /questioning of the empath Once the Narcissist experiences this the Narcissistic threat of exposure this infuriates and threatens the Dillusional ideal of the Narcissist similarly the Narcissists Lies/Deceptions etc. have as well theatened the Empaths Dillusional ideal prompting disintegration .Both have hardwired faulty behaviors programmed into them that are programmed in by another or other faulty programmers to accomplish ideals that are unattainable/perfectionistic attempts to attain the programmers ideals in the childs mind training them to become an ideal of the parent or extention of the parent absent of the undesirable normal outplay of the childs individual expressions as a separate person these will have no validation nor be given freedom to express and the child will be treated in manners that humiliate or devalue those expessions to discourage their formation one likely means is witholding affection or projecting praise and superiority to another person or child within the environment this in my opinion would not be events but a regimen adhered to through the early formative years being punished by silent treatments denial to recognise and social shunning,isolation rejecting of attempts to reconciliate or pleas of reinstatement into the established familial environment extended and harsh punishment with verbal devaluation of the violator to other family members and relations in a exposing of the undesired trait with its embarrassments and humiliations openly operating for all present to see !

  2. Him: “I knew I loved you before I met you”
    Me: “Inconceivable!”

    Romance for me ends up more like “I don’t miss you, I miss the misery”

    And that’s why I no longer want the unattainable. …

    1. Oh Bobbi, The Beauty Of the True Empath! Your Heart has been broken And now you feel Love is Unattainable in the extent that you Want it to be ! This Dear Bobbi is great post it reveals to others who may be unaware of the Narc/Empath bond the Empaths of us are quite intent and content to believe the Narcissist All Evil Us the empaths All Good,such is not the case,Yes True it is the Narcissist who wrongfully Exploits what is truly precious about the Empath person, the Qualities so to speak,however there is where I inject this concept .We know that Empathy Is Noble the empath also Honest quite open and seemingly naive in some ways exuding a kind sensitivity to the needs of others, but in perhaps a Mal- functioning way maybe automatic way on some levels.while it is good to be capable of great empathy the Sensitive Empath wanders about feeling its way through the Jungle The Narcissist is lying poised hidden amongst like the wolf of lil red riding hood of fairytale classics right there is my point, perhaps just perhaps this is not altogether good as it seems ,but rather a dysfuntion in caution and a empathy thrown to the wind does not always alight in a bed of wilted posies where the empath brings them all a cup of refreshment and gently lifts them to greet the sun but will just as likely land amonst the Vipers lair where in the cool of the season moves slowly burmeates or as in molting as it is used in an analogy of the Narcissistic wound/injury if without good primary source fuel. here too the empath warms the cold blooded reptilian natured persons of the world and helps the thing molt What happens next Bobbi? Do the instincts of a Vipers reflexes and a need to fill its empty void after molting suddenly defy its species by design and it remains hungry empty recognizing it is you who cared for it helped it recover its norm? People who handle reptiles may be recognized by habit that their presence is associated with supply forthcoming and so allows the handler consent to move it about without retaliation but I think you will find Most Handlers doing do after the reptile is supplied its basic needs, many a handler has been biten has been constricted by the reptile whom they cared for a very solid length of time and will tell you it is unpredictable in Truth, yet certain rules can be applied to make handling if necessary a lot more safer,Empaths Do not Govern their Lives by rules like the Narc the rules can change for empaths like caution being thrown to the wind They are honest and are TRUTH SEEKERS but will break rules if they believe these to be of good motive Any Empath will Know to be empathic is to be abused SO IS IT PART of The PROBLEM -I have come to see it is perhaps you may not_?

    1. gabbanzobean have you been targeted by a Narcissist in your past or are you making faces at them behind thick Glass? Just a thought

  3. You’ve missed Pride and Prejudice the #1 love story of all time! So disappointed in you! Maybe you haven’t seen it, if thats the case I’ll forgive you.

    1. I have read it Christine and that was enough for me, I detest it, thus whilst you are correct it could be included in the list, I chose not to.

      1. I remember, before I knew he was a greater, sharing this movie with him to connect in some way. He fell asleep five minutes into the movie and began snoring. Thank you for sharing your thoughts so I now know why. -Christine

      1. hysterical, obviously Amy would be be more comfortable going about her business wearing only under panties then she would be fully dressed in empathy,Meredith is apparently sobbing into a hanky while Amy bats her tail and pins her ears back a classic hissy fit! K watch out for the signs of a low gutteral growl it may be wise to keep the cat box close at hand! Forgive My remarks in your Conversation with H.G obviously on a personal event .I simply could not resist K ! Best of the day to you !

    1. On my Journey

      Hello, two advice columnists that I have communicated with regarding their “not-so-great-relationship-advice”. Most of the people that write to them are involved with pathological narcissists and the signs are there but the columnists seem hostile towards my helpful insights and have let me know it in no uncertain terms.

      Thank you HG! M sucks and A needs to learn some damn empathy! Calling me a narcissist, indeed!

      1. K Better get a Chair and a Whip for Amy the hard shelled clinician on relalationship,I bet she is a doosy in her own personal relationships!

  4. HG
    Well, I have officially pissed of both Meredith and Amy. They were not
    very receptive to the idea of me writing to them about the signs of NPD in their advice letters.

    Meredith has gone N/C and Amy accused me of being a narcissist!

    I told Meredith her advice sucked and I told Amy she needed to learn empathy.

    People are so testy.

      1. Thank you HG! I was having a cranky moment when I read your comment so I am laughing now. It most certainly does underline their incompetence and their hostility evinces this.

        P.S.
        I am happy that I can make make you laugh. At least some good has come out it.

      2. Ah-oh, HG

        Things are heating up. Amy has sent me 3 not-very-friendly e-mails since I wrote my comment.

        I think she got mad because I told her to google cognitive empathy since she has none at all. And I only wrote that because she called me a narc.

        She is a bit hostile so I suspect she may be a narcissist.

      3. Demonstrates how little she knows. If you believe (rightly or wrongly) someone is a narcissist, there is nothing to be gained by telling them that.

      1. Gross. I couldn’t stomach that movie. Now the Secretary is a real love story. Where’s that man?

      1. The little things done with Great Love! That are sickenung to the normal onlookers by way of their minacious extravagance in respect to the typical and ordinary endearments!

      1. Nightmare before Christmas much the same howbeit I am a Vincent Price/Johnny Depp/Winona Ryder fan in preference to memes which take the raw feeling from the content the Fuel and replace animation which is the sythetic blend acceptable to ordinary society that tends to have the sensitivity of nuts and bolts! My favorite of the scenes is Jack Skellington looking down upon the village below lit by the full moon backdrop feeling alone /isolated he longs to be part of this hustling bustling frenetic organized Chaos, but is invisible so to speak by the world at large His Altruistic Virtue is Ghosted it moves about un-noticed by the crowds in this portrait !

  5. Hi HG.

    First of all, I just want to thank you for opening my eyes. I’ve been stuck in a terrible vortex of emotion since my relationship ended with my narcissistic girlfriend. I’m only 23, and this was my first serious relationship. I don’t know if I’m an empath, but I was always very giving to her. She said she was doing a Master’s Degree and did often ask me for financial help. Like a fool, I gave without question (she knew I had a fair amount of money in the bank because of an inheritance I received last year). What I don’t understand, though (given how you describe how narcissistic people tick), is why she changed towards me only 2 months into the relationship. I was still giving her money, and yet she started doing weird things. Refusing to spend much time with me, and cutting down the amounts of times we had sex, blaming me for everything I did (even suggesting me buying her gifts and stuff was bad). She even started gas lighting me, and tried to alienate me from my family (saying I was too close to my mother and my cousins). Basically, this made me suspicious. I ended up checking her phone, discovering details and passwords to accounts…and discovered she was a prostitute, and that she’d passed her Master’s 2 years before we met.

    So, what I’m wondering is…why did she begin to act differently? Was it just mind games or did she want to cut me off as one of her resources? It doesn’t add up, really. Ultimately, it was her behaviour that led to me seeking the truth and finding it. This is also what leads me to wonder if I truly am an empath. From what I’ve read recently, empaths would never become so suspicious that they’d partake in underhanded behaviour like I did.

    I’m interested in any thoughts you have to offer, HG.

    Thanks for your time.

  6. I think we are to blame if we look outside to fill the void. The big future fakes are easy to fall in – instead of creating our futur real, that might be less grandiose but could bring more lasting contentment. We are not meant to be alone but we confuse being alone and being lonely. I noticed that my loneliness increased as I spent more time with the Narc giving him power to fill my void and believing in his fairy tale because it is so much more easier than creating mine, inside of me.

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