The Five Fears of the Narcissist
1. You will leave
You are our primary source of fuel, our life giver and without this precious fuel we are thrown into chaos, impending oblivion on the horizon. You signed an unwritten contract to supply us with potent and delicious fuel until we decide to the contrary. It is our decision. It is not yours. We know what we do to you, the repeated push and pull, the games, the abuse and whilst we rely on our significant powers of manipulation and your near indefatigable desire to heal, hang in there and make things work, there is always that slight doubt that perhaps this time we have gone too far? There is an iota of concern that this is the occasion where you put the pieces together and realise what you are dealing with and therefore you decide to escape us. Leaving us when we have not ensured your replacement is in place or that he or she is working to maximum efficiency places us in peril. If you leave our fuel supply has been fractured, maybe even cut off. If you leave you have wrested control away from us and this is not something that can ever countenance. If you leave you are telling us that we are not the superior being we maintain that we are, you are pouring scorn on our might and undermining our magnificence.
2. I am ignored
There are those for whom the spotlight of attention causes them to flush with embarrassment, that searing heat which makes them feel uncomfortable. That is not the case for us. Its light brings us warmth and power. We need the spotlight like plants need the sun. We bask in its brilliant blazing light and revel in the attention that comes with it as we drink deep of the fuel that is provided. Should you ever move that spotlight away from us, the icy chill of the cruel and desolate world we have been placed in becomes all too real and this wounds us. The removal of the light of attention criticises us and strikes at our core. All eyes should be directed on us, ears should be pinned back in appreciative listening of our oratory, attention should be focused on us. It is about us, not you. Whether it is just you or I, a group of friends in a bar,a family gathering or in a meeting, everyone should know that we are there and they should be reacting to our presence. We do not care how that reaction comes so long as it is laden with emotion. If you ignore us you are telling us that we are worthless and that takes us to a place that we have consigned in the depths of our minds. Never ignore us, we cannot stand for that to happen.
3. I am exposed
Whether it is the unmasking of me as a narcissist or the revelation of my abusive machinations when you do not know fully what you have become entangled with, the fear of exposure lurks within us. Of course we will react and fight against it, of course we will deny, deflect and withdraw from your treacherous behaviour in telling the world what we are. We will paint you as a liar, a crazy person and a fantasist even though, for those of us who are aware enough, the words you issue are arrows of truth that rain down upon us tearing and wounding. Whether it is exposure in terms of you, as a primary source, telling us what we are or the wider unmasking to our carefully constructed façade, we fear this happening because it hurts us, it burns and it wounds. We will fight back, we will seek our retribution against you for this most heinous act but this requires precious energy which we would much rather use in a more productive way. In the worst of cases, your revelations force us to new hunting grounds which means we must re-build our twisted empire afresh. It will rise again but we would rather not endure the agony that this entails or the effort required.
4. I grow weary
I come as a god to walk this earth, a colossus astride this planet, leading and forging ahead as my massed ranks of admirers watch on in awe and wonder. I am omnipotent, immortal and unstoppable, my power endless as I seduce, abuse and recycle. There is so much fuel to drink up and I will never stop. Yet, occasionally that scintilla of concern manifests. What if I were to lose my powers? What if the ability to seduce started to wane? What if I lost the appetite to abuse and slay? What if I said the unsayable and admitted that I am tired of this endless routine? What if I no longer had the hunger or desire to stalk my hunting grounds and wanted an end? What if I wanted to remove my demagogue’s crown and vacate the throne, my appetite diminished and senses dulled? What would I do then? I soon shake off these terrible considerations but they remain in the shadows, occasionally calling to me. I dispel them as quickly as the manifest but still they come every once in a while.
5. The creature escapes
What if as a consequence of all the above I can no longer keep the craven creature within the prison that I have constructed for it? What if one day it is able to breach the walls and emerge from the depths of is incarceration so that it surfaces, hissing and tormenting me, its once whispered threats becoming a reality. What if it takes me to the edge of the abyss and forces me to look into the great void, oblivion just a step away, the howling winds of desolation whipping around me. Sometimes and it is a rare occurrence, but when all is still and dark this thought forms in my vast mind, this awful, terrible thought as I feel the craven creature’s clawed hand against my back, ready to shove me over the edge……..
52 thoughts on “The Five Fears of the Narcissist”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
#3 Exposure. Exposing what we figured out, who we are entangled with. Does that mean all NPD person’s know who they are or just the Greaters and Elites have figured it out? I have a difficult time figuring out my motives, personality, etc. and Im so-called normal.
Just Greater.
Funny, it was thorough your videos that I learned what I am dealing with, and I’ll give fuel here and there, but it is on my terms now.
You are worth it too Lekshe’s Ghost.
I am sorry to read about your situation. I’m sorry that you find yourself in an abyss with no compassion or empathy from your community.
There is always hope though. You are in another community too, and it’s here in this blog. You are not alone while you read and reply here.
All the best to you. I hope you find an opportunity and a way out of the difficult situation you find yourself in.
I believe #1Fan is correct in seeing this ‘creature’ represents the abused child. Keeping in mind there is no familiarity between the narcissist and the child, although they are one in the same. THAT is a terrifying introduction, one we would all avoid if possible, in the name of survival
There IS an abyss, I have existed in one for 3 years in relation to an entire community and my loved ones. I didn’t trip over the edge, a mid-ranger shoved me full force with full approval from local officials.
Think homelessness. Think hit-and-run. It is a huge void of marginalization free of compassion, empathy, and human rights.
Nobody wants to jump, nor throw even the worst piece of themselves over the edge. In free fall, there is not much to do.
It is a nightmare of self implosion and introspection in an atmosphere of group adult bullying by self declared supreme beings.
My narcissistic abuse is not due to my belief in true love while being IPPS, IPSS, or shelved out dated banana number 46.
I did that then, and again, and again, and NEVER again.
Takes to long to figure out without HG.
Save yourselves and your kids and pets, be happy for your luck..
Your Narcissist was never really yours, find a partner that is well using the tools HG provides, your all worth it.
HG, Please comment on the post from WiserNow. Thank you.
What if I lost the appetite to abuse and slay? ….This would be good….
What if I no longer had the hunger or desire to stalk my hunting grounds and wanted an end? This would also be good as well.
I’d be curious as to what the creature whispers (referring to the post) and if he whispers “you don’t exist” ?
What for the book ‘The Creature’.
Do you have a rough estimated time of arrival on your book, The Creature?
The future.
18 months.
It’s strange how quickly the realization comes. Granted I’m a quick study.
I saw a glimpse of the creature only once. For one sentence.
I’ll never forget it.
I get it now. I didn’t realize , as I wasn’t IPPS , there was only the one reveal.
But now I get it. That one glimpse – THAT was the real him.
It’s *almost* inconceivable.
Exposure ?
He knows how my mind works and he will fear I’ve figured it out. He will fear I’ll expose him. He won’t be able to wrap his mind around how quickly I put it all together, he’ll tell himself I haven’t. He won’t be able to attribute me that much insight.
Good.
I have been told it is a very rare occasion that a narcissist commits suicide. My narcissist/husband did. Once I realized what he was, 28 years in, and would no longer provide him fuel I assume he saw me as that black creature’s claws. The words you have written at the end of the article, about being at the edge of the abyss struck a chord with me. I can only imagine that is exactly what he was feeling in those final moments. HG, Do you think there was anyway he could have been enlightened to the fact that there was more to life than all or literally nothing?
Drawing down on All out of Fuel’s comment……
On emotional thinking – in AA we call it “addictive thinking”. I know how to identify it, but it can get mashed up with “sober thinking” aka logic. Going no contact and getting space REALLY helps that get clarified.
I went a week and felt GREAT but “addictive/emotional thinking” got the best of me.
This site has helped IMMENSELY. But now armed with knowledge, it tempts the selfish addictive/emotional thinking into wanting to wound on the way out. But it’s not worth it, it won’t ultimately change him, help him, or most importantly, help US.
We are serving out best interests to put ourselves under the microscope now, as our inner environment was flawed somehow or else we wouldn’t have been a target.
Speaking from my perspective ,at least
Ah yes. It’s tempting to use the weapons we have been given here but it’s usually much better to focus our energies elsewhere. Just because we are able to do something doesn’t mean it’s worth doing.
One thing we could adopt from the narcissists is the concept of fuel, whereby of course empaths run on very different fuel than narcissists (think petrol vs. gas). Instead of poking at the narcissist, we can think about refuelling ourselves. What fuels us? Acceptance. Community. Sharing. Helping. Healing. Connection. What else?
I betrayed him terribly by leaving. He even said so. He honestly believes that he could behave any way he chose and not have me leave.
It was and wasn’t surprising at the same time.
Sometimes I think mine was a student of yours too, HG. Same ideas about the eternal bond, the need to test me, and the references to the pain he would put me through. Thank God I escaped that last one.
Do you actually know of collegue-narcs reading this blog as well?
No I don’t.
He lieterally said to me once: “I’m afraid that the creature inside me will escape”. That was during the time (days) he was securing his new victim and few days after his disengagement with me.
I don’t know if he is aware of what he is or not although i think he is a mid-range.
Few days before disengagement not after
I think they at least have a clue of their destructive nature and that is something they can’t control. Like on the Golden period when they tell you they are bad or that you don’t want to be with them
I read a book over the weekend called I Let You Go by Clare Mackintosh – there was a major narc in it – I wondered if the info had come from your site HG – it was very well written
Dearest Mr Tudor, my beloved sovereign, here’s a question:
Have you noticed any improvement on the ‘creature’ since you started working with the good doctors? Are they able to help keeping it within control?
I do that, not them.
Sure, sir, but do they provide you any help at all?
The creature is the broken child who was hurt and abused. The creature is the. Child who was taught to avoid all emotions, right HG.
You fight to keep the creature from ever escaping.
I’m convinced that one day you’ll confront the creature, if only to prove yourself you can do it and you truly fear nothing.
finding this very sad ! but then i would, wouldn’t i
Great post HG. Thank you for allowing us to see what your kind always keeps hidden.
The first words that sprung to mind as soon as I finished reading this were, “HG, you need to use logic!”
It seems the advice that you often give to empaths in terms of moving away from their emotional thinking and replacing it with cold hard logic could be used by you when you feel the “craven creature” threatening to push you into the abyss.
Logic would suggest there is no abyss. There is no oblivion. Can you tell yourself that your fears are illogical. Is there an inner voice that wills you to step away from the creature when there is no fuel in sight?
“Logic would suggest there is no abyss. There is no oblivion. Can you tell yourself that your fears are illogical. Is there an inner voice that wills you to step away from the creature when there is no fuel in sight?”
I really love this suggestion, WiserNow.. I’m going to give my opinion, though, that he cannot.. His awareness is superb and he recognizes there is something within that he does not wish to be released.. He may give logical advice to us deeply feeling people to overcome the interpersonal relationship with a narcissist that does not consider our true feelings on the inside, but this narcissist will not deny his OWN feelings on the inside.. Just as no human being should.. We should all embrace the feelings we have within us and accept they compel us to behave the way we do, whether it is negative or positive (depending on who you’re asking).. When it comes to interpersonal relationships, sometimes logic is best.. But I believe when it comes to the intra-personal relationship with ourselves, we should be one with our feelings and emotions, instead of trying to use logic to trump them.. We should acknowledge that they exist, allow them to process, use mindfulness to correct any negative emotions that may harm ourselves and/or others, and commit behaviors that are ultimately effective for us, as individuals..
Thank you for your reply Bekah B. While I appreciate your response, it leaves me with a few questions.
You say that HG “cannot” use logic to tell himself that his fears about the inner “craven creature” aren’t rational or real. Why do you simply say that he “cannot” and stop there? What is it that stops him?
Also, “his awareness is superb and he recognizes there is something within that he does not wish to be released..”. I agree with you here. HG has superb awareness and very perceptive insights. He can relay his awareness and insights to us readers in a clear and practical way with his writing. The clarity and logic he shows in his posts is obvious. Why is it then, that he simply “cannot” redirect this sharp & logical insight to his own inner self. I don’t really see that there is anything to stop him doing that.
I agree with you also, when you say..”We should acknowledge that they exist (i.e. emotions), allow them to process, use mindfulness to correct any negative emotions that may harm ourselves and/or others, and commit behaviors that are ultimately effective for us, as individuals..”.
Yes, this is what everyone ultimately would benefit from. You use the word “we” in a general sense. I am assuming that you include both empaths and narcissists in this general grouping you call “we”. If that’s the case and you believe that “we” all would benefit from using mindfulness to correct negative emotions, why would you exclude HG from doing this too? Why is he any different to any other person who is included in your statement?
Please don’t take my reply as an argument or confrontation, because that is not what I want to do. I am sincerely trying to understand what is different about narcissists when it comes to self-analysis and using “logic” to reduce their inner fears and their need for “fuel”.
Thanks again for your reply 🙂
I’d suggest that the abyss, that oblivion, is indeed annihilation…the same destination (nothingness) we all face, except HG could face it consciously, and while embodied in this incarnation…. and I’d wager he finds out its actually freedom FROM the creature. …Just reached from the opposite (perhaps.) end of the scale that one such as myself reaches it
Hi WiserNow,
Your questions are as follows:
• What is it that stops him?
• Why is it then, that he simply “cannot” redirect this sharp & logical insight to his own inner self?
• If that’s the case and you believe that “we” all would benefit from using mindfulness to correct negative emotions, why would you exclude HG from doing this too?
• Why is he any different to any other person who is included in your statement?
And I will answer them now, in the reverse order of how they are listed here:
When I say, “We should acknowledge that [our emotions] exist, allow them to process, etc. etc…”, I do mean “we” as a collective group of human beings.. Deeply feeling people, empaths, narcissists, or whomever, alike.. Therefore, HG is no different and is included in this group.. It is my opinion that acknowledging our emotions, allowing them to process, and using mindfulness to correct negative emotions we may have in order to put at bay harmful behaviors towards ourselves and others so we can be effective, as individuals is the best practice.. Again, HG is included in the group of people I referenced in my statement, so in turn, I truly do believe he, as well as all others, would benefit from this practice.. So why is it then that he “cannot” redirect his sharp & logical insight to his own inner self? It is my opinion that HG HAS redirected his sharp, logical insight to his own inner self.. He recognizes there is a creature that evokes certain feelings, or emotions within him.. He is being honest and in tune with himself admitting this, which has been a mindful, introspective process for him, I’m sure.. The fact that he writes about his feelings and the behaviors that stem from them is the tangible proof of his INSIGHT.. When I say he “cannot”, I mean he cannot tell himself his fears are illogical.. This would inherently deny the evidentiary insight.. So what is it that stops him? Absolutely nothing at all.. His logic has prevailed to overcome his “emotional thinking” (in reference to the creature).. And it manifests itself in form of a defense mechanism..
It’s called narcissism..
Thank you for your reply Bekah B, and I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to reply. I don’t always receive notifications from all the posts on this blog, so I haven’t seen your reply until now.
I understand your thoughts in general and I agree with you to an extent about the way narcissism prevents those who have it from using their own insight to change or correct their behaviours. I can see that this would be true for narcissists in the lesser and mid-range categories.
I believe that HG is capable of a higher level of self-awareness than that though. When you say “he cannot tell himself his fears are illogical”, I’m sorry if I’m not getting the gist of your argument, but I still don’t see why he can’t do this. I can understand that he may not want to, because as he has said numerous times, “why change something that works well” for him.
I don’t want to labour the issue, so I’ll just finish with this last point…You say “this would inherently deny (*his*) evidentiary insight”. Yes, I suppose that telling himself that his automatic instincts are illogical would deny his own evidentiary insight, but this doesn’t mean it’s impossible for him to do so. When HG tells empaths to restrict their emotional thinking in order to think logically, he is basically telling them to deny their own evidentiary insights.
Anyway, again, I’m sorry if I seem argumentative. That’s not my aim and I genuinely appreciate your thoughts. It helps a lot to contemplate the thoughts and views of everyone on this blog and thank you once again for your reply.
Hello Again, WiserNow, and thank you so much, as well, for your reply.. I had no idea you commented again.. I don’t receive the push notifications on my device either! Lol.. But yes, I guess what I’m trying to say is not in the literal sense of “cannot”, as in “is not at all capable of doing”.. More like he can’t, meaning he won’t.. His narcissism prevents him from doing that, regardless of the Greater Elite level he is on..
Hi HG,
Do all Narcissists crave attention? Do some shut down people’s attempts to have a conversation when that person asks a question, fawning over the Narcissist? Would a Narcissist be dismissive and cool to this person, not even giving them any eye contact?
Thank you!
1. We crave fuel (which is emotional attention).
2. Does who shut down the conversation when who asks the question fawning over the narcissist? Your question is unclear.
3. Which person are you referring to?
“1. We crave fuel (which is emotional attention).”
Ahhh yes, emotional attention.
My narc told me he never wanted to see me again but that he still wanted to “keep in touch” to be a “proper friend” to me.
Then out of nowhere, he invited me to the 2nd run of his show. When I questioned the prior (him not wanting to see me again) his excuse was “But I know how much you enjoyed the first run of the show so I wanted to invite you again”.
Know I know this is purely being done as an obvious ploy for emotional attention on his behalf. The last time I was at his show I was a technically a DLS but a “non intimate” DLS since that was the relationship became intimate.
I am a long distance DLS so in regard to the entire fuel matrix why bother extending the invite to me? I thought your kind preferred to keep the DLS(s) hidden and only that I am pretty sure I was correctively devalued and then shelved. I assume an invite to the show means it’s time to come off the shelf for playtime?
I did not give a yes nor did I give a no. I want to string him along and make him think I will go so I can then wound him.
Your last sentence is a product of emotional thinking and contrary to your best interests.
Are you still available for hire, HG? As in I hire you to set his piano ablaze so there will be no show? You should start a narc wounding service, just a business suggestion. 🤔
Sorry! If a Narcissist meets a new person and that new person asks the Narcissist a flattering, fawning question. I suppose it would not be unusual to be dismissive of someone. Or would he always relish the treatment and enjoy the opportunity to brag? Thank you!
Depends in fuel level and which response would be the most productive.
Thank you for your response, HG.
I have been struggling to determine if my ex-husband is a Narcissist ever since I started consuming your videos and writings, but ultimately had to seek the truth from him and I can now say with certainty that he is a Narcissist.
The situation that I asked about in a vague way is this – we were out, the two of us, at a bar. Another girl approached him, flirting and fawning, standing way too close. She asked him how tall he was and he curtly said, “I don’t know”, not even meeting her eyes, looking over and past her. I believe that he did this for my benefit because he knows that I have a zero tolerance for cheating, flirting, etc. I guess he preferred my fuel..
How utterly bleak.
With this level of self awareness? You might stumble upon the gate to your higher godliness and see what not many Greaters get to see probably.
The repair can be undone with one simple choice – what has been learned can’t be unlearned but can be disengaged or reapplied.
For reference, look at the Guy in the Bible, a Lesser who’d destroy a nice guy’s life, riches and family just to make sure he worships him in spite of it all. He wasn’t choosy about killing women, children, the weak, the ill etc. at mankind’s unpardonable offences. Little maggots even got too close to daddy’s office upstairs once, dangerously close to seeing where he plays his own computer games. “I can be your daddy, make everything ok, just shut the f*ck up and do what daddy says” goes a song, why not to an inferior God.
Then Jessy had a hard time covering for daddy’s messes.
Read “Small Gods” by Terry Pratchett if you appreciate his sense of humour. And enjoy your new adventures.
Oh! How obvious! It was in front of me all the time and I haven’t noticed.
That’s religious gaslighting in play.
I certainly will, thank you for the reference!
Credit needs to be given where credit is due. Satan is the gaslighter convincing people that God either doesn’t exist or that He is the tyrant. Don’t forget Satan was the first narcissist.
That’s funny… these are all of the things that the narcissist does to us. I’ve noticed they don’t like being treated the way they treat others. We are discarded, ignored, smeared, made utterly exhausted and then our worst personality comes forward.
Absolutelly. Criticise the handwritten letter of a narc and see what happens! They, on the other hand, may criticise your letter, your speech, your vocabulary, the size of your capital letters, etc….
When the creature escapes, you will have an advantage, because you actually know him far better than he knows you. It just seems the other way around. So you’ll face him, head on, in the warrior stance you’ve long ago perfected. The fight will be atrocious, but you will prevail. You will earn victory over this creature… because you have been in control of him all along.