The Golden Rules of Freedom – No. 1
A series of memes which encapsulate the golden rules that you MUST apply to enable you to build your Logic Defences, overcome the power of your emotional thinking and enable you to achieve freedom.
By accepting these golden rules and repeatedly reading them out loud and writing them down, ensuring you do so frequently, you will create one of the many Logic Defences which is necessary to bring your emotional thinking under control. Learn the golden rules, apply the golden rules and remind yourself of the golden rules. These golden rules will lead you to freedom.
When you know, you go. When you know you are entangled with a narcissist – you go. You do not wait around seeking answers from that person (seek them from me instead). You do not try to heal them, you do not remain trying to decipher their behaviour (I will do that for you). When you know that a fresh narcissist is trying to seduce you – you go. When you know that a narcissist is hoovering you – you go. But most of all, when you are already entangled and you finally learn what it is you are entangled with – you go. You have to remove yourself from the toxic influence which is maintaining your emotional infection, feeding your addiction and keeping you stuck, all aided and abetted by your con-artist in residence,your emotional thinking.
Never breach this rule. If you do, you are preventing yourself from achieving freedom. Anything which contravenes this rule is emotional thinking which wants you to remain entangled, seduced or hoovered.
47 thoughts on “The Golden Rules of Freedom – No. 1”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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What are those strings that the Narcissists pulls when he discards. I have read they establish a neuro-biological bonds when they are stariing into your eyes; Is it true? After the discard, I could feel him all around me for months. Do they have extraordinary hearing? I’ve seen him trying to read my thoughts. And do some Narcissists have more abilities than others? Oh, so many questions.. I have learned so much, but there is so much more, still. I watched from a distance studied him, he knows I know; and only I know. He is polite now, most of the time. He keeps his distance. I wonder if when he sees me, I remind him of what happened. I am polite and keep my distance. There is no shouting, no hissing, no anger, now. I think he told me one, he can’t keep his mask on for long.
Your answers would be welcomed. Thank you so much.
Hello and welcome, if you read the material on this blog and my books, your questions will be answered.
I have to resorted to speaking to myself in third person using HG’s voice because mine is not to be trusted. My emotional thinking has resorted to trying to make me believe I’M a narcissist and unable to break the addiction so I might as well give in and engage. WTF?!? It’s like my brain has been overtaken by aliens!
There’s someone new I recently started talking to who seems to be raising flags. Then yesterday I noticed I’ve been over sharing. I also saw what I think was a mask slip. This rule reminded me I can’t go out there assuming that I’m not prey anymore just because I see the sharks a little better. I’m still susceptible to my emotional thinking in general. So I haven’t replied to him since.
My question though is that the best way to sever a fresh connection? Seems like that would just piss them off but I suck at talking my way out of stuff.
Yes, get out and stay out, you do not have to explain yourself, if you do, you risk ET taking over and sucking you back in.
Thank-you HG for your time and expertise. I greatly appreciate you making an efffort to address my concerns and provide your observations. I respect both your insights and your professionalism. With regard to my situation; you have helped to both allay my fears and provide me knowledge that gives me courage in moving forward. On top of that I simply enjoyed speaking with you.
P.S. The little hamster says “Whew!” and also sends his sincerest thanks.
Proven facts.
Excellent idea for a meme series! Thank you so much!
I’m sure these memes will be very helpful reminders for those of us who are still dealing with the HwH battle <3
Dear Mr Tudor,
That’s exactly what I did. I’m now stuck on thinking everyone is a narcissist
This meme is awesome … luv it, looking forward to more of these …. how about …” I was so spent, I went ” 😂
Like it.
looking for the next ones… 🙂
Hi H.G
You’ve given me such incredibly valuable help in the past, Thank You so much H.G.
I went Scorched Earth (above an beyond) on the ex Narc. I publicly outed him to everyone. He disappeared off social media 3 months ago and changed his phone number. I’ve left the country and will not be returning. He has information on me that could harm my reputation. Will he use it? Is it finally over??
Thank You so much H.G
I’m eternally grateful for your help as always x
You are most welcome.
Good timing at the down swing of a moment of thinking and sadness. I went, I stayed go’d. Thanks for the reminder.
Tough love is the only way to go. Well said, HG!
After surviving multiple truly energetic benign Hoover’s, a shit ton of future faking, some memorable golden times, plus the distinct probability he had set me up with a lieutenant BEFORE we commenced the initial relationship to ‘tenderise’ me (ever heard of THAT one HG? Span was about a week between one ending and the other beginning btw). I resumed comms.
Not that he hasn’t had a few mini ‘behind my back’ smears going on which I brush off. I tend to view them as attempt to get me to talk and/or isolate me – a few days ago I snapped.
For the first time I knew a corrective Hoover was being applied. And you know, in the six months I’ve known him, I knew I couldn’t take the deval which I sensed was imminent.
You see, we’ve barely had a cross word in that time. At all. I know he wants my fuel very much. And I was gaining residual benefits in kind. I was happy to proceed on that basis, knowing full well through your excellent work, what was going on. He knows too.
I pulled a very fast NC right in the middle of a text convo.
I can’t help feeling sad though. A waste. I knew exactly what he was. It’s not abuse if both parties are in agreement. My energy for his clear thinking. Until I realised I couldn’t take even the very mild way he was chiding me back into place.
Guess I’m in for it now? Right? This was an SE GE relationship.
You see HG, your ‘weaponisation’ is working. After realising that I had entangled with approx 10 or so of them, from all schools and all cadres (from even before my birth), I finally met one who was the closest in approach to me. Moreover, I have learned to pinpoint the times in my life where I was especially vulnerable to the vile Neanderthals called the Lessers. I now now I always have to be ‘battle ready’. I suspect there is something very strange about me or possibly my energy. I always need to be vigilant.
Which brings me to another point. Whatever this GE believes is inside himself, it isn’t a monster but a very frightened little boy of about 7. As an empath, that touches me. But I do not believe I can change him nor do I feel empathy for the man. I can sit in both of those states simultaneously. Yup, I’ve faced down the battle of cognitive dissonance. And won.
I can even stretch to saying that yes, Ns are in some ways Superior if we approach it on a purely intellectual level. Emotions do frequently get in the way. Conscience gets in the way. Would I change myself? Absolutely not nor would I say I’m either superior or inferior. Im just me.
Knowledge is power. And in a closed knit community he will soon run out of spaces to hide. I cannot and will not allow him to shield behind me.
Until serious, hard evidence of an infringement into my sphere 1 happens, I will choose not to alter my view. In that case, I will need to judge my hand and deploy the correct counter measure. Once you remove emotion from the equation, dealings become straightforward. Got you to thank for that.
However, I can only push down my emotions for so long and I am very very wary of that. If he had chosen not to manipulate, not to deceive his entire life then what a man he could have been. Or maybe, it is precisely what he became that made him so attractive in the first place.
I put it as a question HG, that the Ns and the Es are locked together in something quite extraordinary. But only when we are fully cogniscent of each other.
What are your thoughts?
Which reminds me of something Patrinarc would often say (he would trot this out repeatedly. I do find the middles incredibly tedious with their repitition, don’t you? It’s almost like they never have an original thought.). Anyway…
“Give me the child at 7 and I will give you the man”.
The Chinese talk about the child being ‘linked’ to the mother until 7.
Advances in Biology may pinpoint that humans undergo an entire cellular regeneration every 7 years.
But that’s what I saw. In him. Not based on the above which are afterthoughts. Just my sensing as an empath. And reading of his body language. And afterwards realising he had undergone the full horror of prep then public school education. Boarding. Back in the 70s.
One needs to be able to separate the actions from the person.
But one never needs to be a pushover. No matter how much you care.
My spirit craves freedom + gets “storm the castle” angry when anyone tries to clip it, so this is my kind of series! How very like your active mind to come up with it, HG. I eagerly anticipate more.
Also wanted to quickly say that when you KNOW… don’t try to maintain a friendship with them. If they really want more than that, it gets much messier + harder to brain-power your way out, without greater consequences.
Not that I did that or anything.*_* < She so did.
OMG HG, I feel like you wrote this article just for me, especially after our consultation Sunday. Your gift for writing put this Golden Rule so clear and simple to follow. I realize that when you say, “do not try and heal them” is for me as difficult as avoiding a glass of water when in dire thirst. For me, a Super Empath, helping others is irresistible and part of my DNA; more than anything I wish I did not have this character flaw and could be more or a “normal” than an empathy. For me it is a curse and now after my 3rd narcissist my defenses are really low. I find it hard to get up in the morning and function, but one day at a time. I will come to this blog every day and continue my work-staying away from me made me forget the golden rule. I want to be free and happy and I never will be if I don’t read your work every day.
Thank you so much for this article! You are a blessing to us all!
I unwittingly & unknowing ignored .
Now I am seriously entangled with my narcissist , & Im in deep .
He’s said & done everything you’ve described , all the way down the line here .
I am grateful & appreciative for any little bit of assistance I can attain , in helping me learn how to deal with him. .
To find out his sneaky , devious , deceptive tactics { so that I am able to counter act } .
I am a devoted member of your page .
I am so incredibly thankful this is available to me
Your advice & the sharing of your inside knowledge is very much appreciated.
💖💜💖💜💖💜💖💙💖💜💖💜💖💜💖
You are welcome Monet and also welcome here.
Good morning HG!
You continue to be the only person I trust. Everything you have written has been absolutely correct. My emotional thinking still is a problem and I’m looking forward to this series.
Every single day I’m analyzing my conversations with who I interact with. It’s still draining. You were correct when you said my core personality would return and I do attract the other side of the spectrum. I am concentrating on boundaries. Time, mental, and sexual ones to be exact.
I am reading this blog now with a different perspective. It’s all about new relationships and figuring out if they r toxic to me.
My counselor told me to think about autonomy. Just like boundaries I didn’t know what this meant either.
I wanted going out and socializing to be easy and normal but I’m nit finding that. Why can’t people be normal and not have an agenda?
Two questions.
Have u ever made a framed photo of yourself and one of your victims for a gift? Mine was a birthday gift.
Is the main reason for inappropriate sexual questions and talk for a he purpose of provocation and gaining knowledge about me? And then in the same conversation telling me how hot I am and that my husband is a lucky man. This did make me uncomfortable and I ended the evening early.
Hope counseling for u is still progressing and thank you for everything as always.
I enjoy how you continue to branch out and educate us.
You are welcome SW.
1. Once, perhaps twice.
2. Yes but also evidences a clumsy approach.
Nice to hear from you HG!
I wanted to give you an update.
I am still not clear if my friend in the second question is a narcissist but because of this article I ended the relationship. I actually thought she might be one of my kind but then it all changed. I heard fabricated stories, stories about her crazy ex, inappropriate conversations and constant texts. I would have never done this before reading any of your articles. I felt uneasy that night and you taught me to trust that feeling. My emotional thinking and natural nature would have given her multiple chances and it would have gotten out of hand before I was aware of what was happening.
I have never in my life had to tell someone that I was ending the friendship. It was difficult but thanks to you I know it was the right thing to do.
You are still the number one person for me to go for information and the truth.
Thank you for everything.
I enjoy seeing all of your growth. I even saw you on Pinterest.
Best advice ever
Thank you
You are welcome.
“When you know you are entangled with a narcissist – you go. You do not wait around seeking answers from that person (seek them from me instead). You do not try to heal them, you do not remain trying to decipher their behaviour (I will do that for you).”
You shouldn’t call that the way to logical thinking as it is a paradoxon. Nice to know though that there is another narcissist out there who tries to compete with the ones I got in overwriting my brain.
I admire your persistence in developing an almost diagnostical language that victims can use to make sense of their experience. Words are power and you certainly have given your words to some hundreds of confused and vulnerable women. Hats off to extending your reach from the analogue to the virtual.
You can’t always go … sometimes you’re just stuck ….
I have gone and am not able to obtain the legal relief needed to recover. The just us system protects the abuser and looks at me as a pity project that should just vanish. The narcs are everywhere.
Oh! This series is the greatest empowering! Thanks a million!
The moment you know you know you know (David Bowie)
At that moment my love started to erode.
Every day I chose to stay after that moment (there were many, badly enough) was wasted. Because I knew. I stayed against my better judgement.
So, my personal version of this powerful meme would be (the second step being the bridge between knowing and acting accordingly):
When you know
Acknowledge you know
And go
“You do not wait around seeking answers from that person (seek them from me instead). You do not try to heal them, you do not remain trying to decipher their behaviour (I will do that for you).”
Yes…I am waiting. For answers.
Patiently. Up here, in Canada, where it is vast and frozen.
The little hamster upstairs is a wicked taskmaster – almost worse than you, HG – but, I grow weary…
H.G., as usual, I remain ever grateful for your articles. I do have a question that I did ask the Narc, but he refused to answer, opting instead to tell me he’s sorry (a total of 4 times in the same brief email).
This past summer I was being ignored (more than usual), so I asked him if he didn’t want to hear from me or have me in his life, just say so, and I’d oblige (this was before I knew anything about the machinations of the Narc, so couldn’t see this coming). He replied that if that was what he wanted, he’d say so. He had impending male related surgery, so asked me if I wouldn’t mind waiting for him until surgery and recovery to discuss how we might be able to have a fresh start and put all of the old crap behind us. But not to contact him. He’d let me know when he was ready. Needless to say I was estatic! That was the longest 8 weeks of my life! When he did contact me, we set up a tentative plan to Skype. He offered to continue to play Yahtzee with me occasionally. I agreed. After about the 3rd or 4th session, he made a crazy statement that had nothing to do with the conversation we were having; he picked a nasty fight, the worst ever!. I asked him to please stop, but he wouldn’t; which got his negative interaction granted. I retaliated in the same nasty fashion, so we were again not speaking to each other. About 4 months later, I apologized for the hurtful things I said, and wished him well. He responded right away, saying he was intending to contact me to apologise, but he was ashamed of himself. I accepted his apology; but noticed he hadn’t accepted mine. He wrote back that he forgave me, but to not contact him anymore. Then I asked him why he caused all of the commotion; that all he had to do was tell me to “f**k” off and I’d disappear for good. He wouldn’t answer the questions, but said he didn’t want to re-establish contact, nor talk about the past. I told him that wasn’t my intention at all. I just wanted closure. He hadn’t respond after a few days, so I wrote him telling him we could finally be finished with each other for good, or I could continue to harrass him. This is where the “I’m sorries” came. But he said even when I was trying to be nice, I still managed to throw digs and barbs at him (this was a VERY frequent comment, no matter what I’d say to him) so he didn’t want to hear from me again. I thanked him for his apology, and signed off. That was 2weeks ago.
Now that I understand more about his NPD, I realized he’d orchestrated the grand finale when he picked the last nasty fight. I also figured he had another girl (which he told me about, and how much better than me). But my question now is; is there a possibility of being hoovered again? In view of this ending, I really don’t think he will. I guess that’s probably always a remote possibly; as he was already gearing up for another fight (digs and barbs), when I essentially ignored; but thanked him for the apology. What do you think? Does it seem like I may be on the right track? What are my chances???
I did it! I’m out!
Looking fwd to the other golden rules
What a RELIEF
I truly look forward to this series! I’m gritting my teeth knowing much of it will seem a bitter pill. But forward we must go. I never thought I would trust a narcissist but I do trust You HG, and am again grateful for the path you pave and point us down.
I’m still so attracted to narcissists! It’s insane. I pick them and they pick me. Can I ever be attracted to a normal again?
I wish I had a million Dollars to hire u to go verbally beat the Shit out of my Ex Greater Narc,
whom i have been no contact now for 8 months.
Bravo!
Thank you HG. I like this new meme series. It is so hard to fathom. You are helping exponentially more people than you’ve hurt. Life is interesting.
HG, maybe your heart will grow like the Grinch in Dr. Suess’ book, as a result. Stranger things have happened.
Indeed I am, because it suits me to do so.
Brilliant, as always! Succinct, empowering, liberating! HG, I was wondering whether you may consider grouping these and others by category at the top of the page where you have prime articles as follows: Golden Rules, No Contact Mistakes, etc., for easy reference?
When I have chance to do so IL, I shall.
Thank you for kindly considering my suggestion!
HG, you might want to consider getting an assistant to do those sorts of tasks for you. That way you can concentrate more on your writing.
Thank you
You are welcome.
7 weeks no contact….and my devil that sits on my shoulder still talks to me everyday. It has been a study in discipline. Everyday is as hard as the last, but another step forward. I need to detach my brain.