The Golden Rules of Freedom – No. 4
You are never immune to our kind. You will ALWAYS be susceptible to us because of your innate addiction to our kind. You cannot remove it and thus you will not achieve immunity. You must therefore always be resisting.
You can don the armour to protect yourself as fashioned through my works, but that armour does not give you permanent invulnerability. All armour must be updated, maintained and checked otherwise the shield splits, the chainmail links weaken and the breastplate shatters more readily.
If you think that you are immune to us, you are succumbing to emotional thinking. It wants you to think that you are immune because if that is what you think, then guess what you will do? You will either want to test your immunity or you will believe that you can engage with us in some way and therefore you are doing precisely what your emotional thinking wants you to do. It wants you to engage with us and it will find whatever way it can to make you do that.
You are not immune. You may very well be able to take a telephone call from us and not react to what we say you may even feel nothing for us – no pity, no love or no hate. That time. You may be able to take that second telephone call from us and feel the same way, but because you are not immune, the more you engage with us – whether this is thinking about us, talking about us, spending time with us – you will eventually fall prey to your emotional thinking to a greater extent.
The very fact you are engaging with us when you think that you are immune, means that your emotional thinking is working, because of course logic would tell you that you have no need to engage with us. Why then are you doing it? Because I want to show myself I will not react, I will not get drawn back in. That is emotional thinking. You are engaging with us and several things arise from this which are problematic. They may not appear problematic to you, because during that telephone call you feel in control, you did not get upset, you do not feel anxious any more, you do not feel anything for us, but you are creating problems.
- You will be providing us with fuel. It may be minimal but it will be there because you will not be able to maintain a neutral and flat tone throughout a conversation. Yes, you may be able to achieve this for a very short time and yes, you may not be giving much fuel, but it is there all the same. Thus, we are getting something we want.
- You are not rejecting us. By speaking to us you have signalled that you will answer the phone and engage. You may not be enthusiastic but you answered nevertheless. This provides us with encouragement.
- You are feeding your addiction and therefore your emotional thinking will want more and in its insidious way it will con you by telling you that you handled the call without any difficulty (it feels like this of course but it is not the case) and thus it will encourage you to do so again or encourage you to attend that social event where you know we will be there because you remain confident of being able to handle the situation. All you are doing is allowing the addiction to be fed and for the emotional thinking to surge until it overwhelms you (and it will) at a future point.
- You may well be feeding us useful information in the course of the conversation which we can use to our advantage.
Accordingly, by thinking you are immune and therefore thinking you can engage safely with us, you are creating risks and problems.
You have no need to engage with us.
You have no need to test your immunity because you are not immune. Understand this.
Instead, you can build your resistance. You are resistant but not immune. Some of you have a very low resistance, others far higher, but whichever it is, this resistance, just like the functioning of your own resistance to disease, can erode and weaken. The easiest way for this to happen is by repeatedly exposing yourself to engaging with us. The more you do so, you do not build your resistance but you weaken it. Of course, as I have explained above, you think you are becoming more resistant because you have an encounter with us and you walk away head held high thinking you handled it well. Superficially, yes, but beneath the surface, the problems I have detailed above are forming, waiting and growing ready to ensnare you.
By obeying this golden rule, you will avoid the complacency and risk which comes with thinking you are immune. Instead you will recognise you have resistance, you will understand that his resistance can be made stronger and can also be made weaker, so that with that logic defence established in your mind, you will work harder to avoid complacency and the problems that come with that.
Some of your resistance will be innate, but the majority of resistance is that which is learned and applied. You increase your resistance through reading and understanding, through the imposition of a solid no contact regime, by applying a rigorous purging of the emotional infection so it is driven to the lowest level and by the building of Logic Defences. Combining all of those elements will heighten your resistance, minimise weakening it, reduce the risk of using your resistance unnecessarily (which is of course a consequence of the impact of emotional thinking) and means that when a hoover happens to get through unexpectedly, that when you have those ‘bad days’ when you pine for us, your resistance will not be found wanting and you will repel the hoover, you will reject the emotional thinking which is straining to make you contact us and you will ensure that your resistance remains intact. Do not voluntarily test it, that is giving in to emotional thinking and taking an unnecessary risk – save its strength for when it is really needed because those moments will indeed come.
By applying the cornerstone elements from the paragraph above, their maintenance becomes easier, more natural and more instinctive and thus less arduous for you. You do not need to maintain a state of heightened vigilance, for that becomes draining, you will create a more-readily maintained defensive regime. Doing so little and often becomes far easier than a sudden overhaul when it is too late, which is invariably when complacency has already become the traitor who is unlocking the castle gates.
You are not immune.
You are always resisting.
Remember this and that resistance will achieve freedom and maintain it.
158 thoughts on “The Golden Rules of Freedom – No. 4”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Let’s say super empath with obvious narcissistic traits. Very resiliant. Facing mid narcissist. Predictable enough.
I genuinely get the informations you are sharing and they make a lot of sens.
The only thing with no contact is that our personal integrity won’t let us stop all the things we would be doing in our life because a narcissist came through. That make no sens.
Meaning we do not want to be in contact. Because a narssicist is not what we want at the very end and we know this even when we accept a fight (that we know some fuel will be lost, but we create fuel so who cares).
HG why do you say playing will make us weaker? the day we get tired of the game (learned what was needed, or get what we wanted let’s say) that is it. We put our limits far because we know them. It lowers our energy tank for a minute but it also builds our tower which can only be done by experiences when you are pure from the heart like my kind. The ultimate fuel drop comes from the realization that we are facing one of your kind. When you pass that you only can take so much.
I get we cannot be immune but only resistant. I get that from your percpective we only can lose. If we dehumanize and use you the same way you’ve would do it for fuel, but for other purpose, providing you with just enough fuel until we have had what we needed. Also I would and could never apply that with some of my kind even I have powerful narcissistic traits myself.
This is me sharing my transpenrent thoughts. Where am I wrong from you perceptive? how could things really go wrong? Buildings wall is great, getting stronger is too. If my body talks, I listen. same for my god damn brain.
Take you, I am grateful for the informations you are sharing.
Spleen vented.
Elsa x
Believing that it is personal integrity which is preventing the implementation of no contact is emotional thinking on your part and your empathic trait of decency is being corrupted.
Not 100% sure I get this. So close and so far at the same time.
So you think that when an empath meets a narcissic, he or she should stop doing all the activities that could cause a contact?
I can’t take that, we have different point of view on this one.
Maybe is emotional thinking, yes agree with this. But I fonction like that and in many situation that requires to be connected deeply, you will fail. There is also a strong possibility that people will choose to stand next to me instead of you just because they felt that this was the right thing to do. You can not fully understand that as you have not experience it. You manipulate, but when you don’t have time to do so and people only rely on their guts, you are fucked.
this narc dude I’m playing with doesn’t feel super powerful atm let me tell you that! And I feel great. Doing all the thing an empath would do (lol) picking wild stuff, running free with animals, signing, dancing, loving people!!
Today I left because I feel like I could loose a bit of balance soon enough. But this is about me, not about the narc.
I give you no power, you have nothing and you will rotten if you don’t save yourself. I just can turn around and feed myself with the sun.
I love you HG, that’s my nature.
Let’s agree to not agree.
All of this just to say that the no contact is not the answer we are looking for. We have to fully look after ourself and allow no ‘extra’ energy for your kind. Resting or avoiding means we still give fuel and I call bullshit on that.
If you want to escape and stay escaped you will ensure that you do all that is necessary to avoid engagement so that you reduce your emotional thinking, you minimise the risk of harm and provide yourself with time to recover. You may, after at least 6 months of total contact, reinstate certain activities, for instance, returning to social media because by then
1. The narcissist will be focussed elsewhere and thus any hoover will be less likely ; and
2. When there is a hoover, your emotional thinking will be much reduced meaning you are far more likely to abide by logic and reject the hoover should it breach your no contact regime.
If you stay off social media, you cannot be hoovered through social media. If you return to it, there is the potential to be hoovered but the potential will be reduced AND the risk of you responding to it will also be reduced.
Resisting and/or avoiding is also allowing some fuel to the narc. No contact can be a good imminent way of stoping what has been started but it ain’t gonna save no one. Stopping to attends some places or activities because you have met a narc is not the ultimate way of solving the problem. That is just temporary.
The only way to be empowered would be to take full responsibility for yourself. That is it.
Also there are moment where a deep connection is needed, you will fail the test where I don’t. And most likely, at some point , people will stand next to me instead of you without knowing why. You cannot fully understand that has you have never experience it. You manipulate. When you don’t have legimate time to do so and people have to make a decision based on their guts, you are fucked.
I give you no fuel, you have no power and you will rotten if you don’t save yourself. I just have to turn to the sun to get my energy.
I love, HG. That’s my nature.
Let’s agree to not agree.
No contact is the way to do it if you don’t feel safe enough on your boat. Once you have a decent boat, and a tower… you are free and you get to love the sea.
Damn. I couldnt see first comment and felt really called to answer 🙂 now there are way to many of ´em!
Unfortunately, i know I am weak, the restraining order keeps no contact in place. but I also want to mess up his new IPPS so i have given some fuel, and fed my own addiction.
So I got complacent and cocky… I read everything on narcs… you armed me…. YET…. I still got hovered and sucked in…. took a while but I started to feel like hell again…. the contact with him was minimal yet lethal…. you are Absolutely Right…… No Contact… always Vigil….. is the only way
Thank you …. for your work and your words…. you continue to save me
Excuse me, HG …How many more of these “freedom-themed” ones do you think you’ll do? Do you ever take suggestions?
There are more to follow. You are welcome to make suggestions as to subjects you would like to read about.
Thank you for the reply, sir. In reference to my first question, does that mean: a) You haven’t decided how many more yet b) You don’t like to be pinned down or c) You want it to be a surprise?
Would you say Vladimir Putin could be somewhat immune to a Greater?
#IHeartVP
You are either immune or you are not. You cannot be somewhat immune.
Sorry to pop in with this question that’s off-topic, HG. But I just left a post/question on a June 2017 thread (and subscribed), but it appears I can’t subscribe to the thread… is that the case, if it’s too far back?
TIA.
I do not know about the mechanics in that respect.
Hello Caroline,
This happened to me some time ago. I did some research and found out the following.
1. You have redirected many times from your (mail ) notifications to your subscription page. This can you correct by:
Cleaning the history of your web browser
2. You can refresh your WordPress page by logging out and logging in again.
It helped me, I hope it helps you.
Thank you SX.
Your welcome HG.
Thank you, SuperXena! SuperHelpful~SuperGrateful. 🙂
Ha,ha Caroline! Too many “Supers” there…. Try it , it might help you…and to match your trend…SuperWelcome!
Um, SuperXena?…I promise this is my last techie question (I may be beyond help~tech stuff has always screwed me up)… but wheresoever might the “Log Out” button be located on this site? I’m on a device where I have this as a set page, so when I come on the site, it’s like magic~~I’m *always* logged in.
I don’t blame you if you give up on me. It’s really okay.:-)
Caroline..NO WAY of logging out of this site * skratt*…you are magically permanently “logged in”! Just joking…you usually visit a site (any site) without needing to log in..
1. Have you done step 1? Cleaning your web browser history? For doing this you go to settings on your iphone/ipad or any mobile device ( and find your browser) or if it is on a computer usually at the top right of your browser there is a “menu” where you find “history”. This dependes on which web browser you are using: Mozilla Firefox, Safari etc.
2. When you want to write a comment you get a message of subscribing to a WordPress account. Do you have one? That is the way you get a “gravatar”( profile) . Unless you have created a gravatar via gravatar.com but it is usually connected to a WordPress account. The WP account gives you the possibility of following different sites ( not just this one) and commenting on different sites.
When you subscribe to a WP account you create your user name ( e-mail address/ your profile name and a password. There you give an e-mail address where you want notifications to be sent . Have you done that? That is the account where you have to log out and log in ..
How do you get notifications of comments and new posts for this site?
Do not worry, I do not give up on people so easy….so ask more if you want..and I will try to help you as much as I can . Kind of difficult to explain it in English but I hope it is clear enough.
SX does not readily give up. It’s one of her strengths.
It’s impressive…and I was trying so hard to let her off the hook. Oh, wowser! She has a whole list of techie questions for me. Rut roh. Sounds complicated. I wonder if she’ll let it go if I get suddenly light-headed and faint…
Aha Caroline! Now I understand why you asked me….
Ha, ha, you made me laugh again….
I would probably give you CPR then…according to the circumstances ….*skratt*
I completely agree and I am very impressed by SX. She is quite skillful.
Hello K!
Thank you for your kind comment K. It really warms my heart .
You are welcome, SX!
Thank you for your comment HG. I really appreciate it.h
You are welcome.
This was SuperSweet of you, SuperXena. Thank you! I can’t possibly slack on this after all the effort you put in for me. I shall attempt to answer your questions:
1) You lost me at “browser.” Just kidding. I did this part. Check!
2) Wow, sad. I don’t even *know* if I have a WordPress account. I’m assuming not, unless a monkey hacked in and did it for me (the monkey thing is more likely than me purposefully doing this). But I do not recall going through a password/profile process for WordPress. Did I mention I didn’t go to college for a computer science degree? Right… there’s really no need to mention that. ^_^ I *do* get site notifications through one of my email addresses.
Thank you for your patience with me! 🙂
Hello Caroline,
Your welcome.
If you do not have a WordPress account it means that you are commenting through other channels.
I send you hereby a link where you hopefully can find the answer to your questions!
https://en.support.wordpress.com/who-can-comment/
Good luck!
Thank you~I’ll check it out! 🙂 But I like the idea that I’m “commenting through other channels.” Sounds cool + mysterious. 😉 I appreciate your thoughtfulness, SX.
Your welcome Caroline
You either answer or you evade, Captain Obvious.
Let me rephrase, then. Would you say Vladimir Putin could be immune to a Greater?
The way I see it, he plays them and lets them think it was the other way around. Until they learn the truth for themselves, which is usually too late.
I am rather sure he is a STRONG empath – and a really well trained one. Yes, it is possible to achieve that.
Do not deflect from the fact that I merely pointed out your question was not correctly framed. There was no evasion on my part. Ask the correct question – the fault lay with you, which of course is evident as you have recognised you needed to rephrase the question.
Putin is not an empath. To suggest he is, was rather entertaining.
Could he be immune to a Greater – yes.
I didn’t refer to the words’ origin. Just to the way the letters nicely meet to suggest a meaning.
Ah, to suggest a meaning. I see. But doesn’t manipulate already have a meaning?
It has many.
And is the link to mania one of its meanings then?
Why not?
I will take your response to mean you state that the ‘mania point’ as I shall call it, is one of its meanings.
As for why not? Well language evolves as we know – for example gay meant happy, carefree, then homosexual and more recently has become associated with lame or a bit rubbish, so it might possibly gain what you suggest as a meaning but I do not consider that it has such a meaning now and has not not done so previously and lost that meaning.
Let’s start with the definition of empathy. What you wrote suggests to me a belief that empathic people are only those who can put themselves in another’s shoes and will do all in their power not to hurt a single being. Because empaths are so inherently good. And that is a major act of gaslighting.
You are an idealist, HG. Good vs. bad, and that’s it, right?
There are many definitions of empathy. And a few levels of it. So, who I was referring to were people, who were the so called “empowered empaths” and those are not to be messed around with because if they don’t know who they are yet, they are capable of some considerable damage, because they have the ability to “influence the moods and feelings of other people”. Especially narcissists, IMO.
So, I guess you will need to excuse my habitual disobedience: VP is an empowered empath with all his wits about him. His moral code and values are not the factor here. His ability is.
May I refer you to a Guardian article, “‘It’s a superpower’: meet the empaths paid to read your mind”? Thank you!
You need to read more of what I have written because it is clear you have not done so yet, once you do so, it will be clearer to you. You are recently arrived so it is understandable you haven’t digested everything yet so I will let you do so.
The UN called and is looking for you.
Ha ha, tell them they can shove that pale blue helmet where the sun doesn’t shine!
One more thing, immunity levels tend to fluctuate. Eg. if a strong empath is going through a life crisis, then their anxiety levels tend to go up and they may be less careful around people.
So I wanted to indicate that Mr. Vova there, could also be having worse days, when he would become more susceptible to narcissistic machinations (manipulations). Although, I strongly doubt that.
Look at the word, “mani-pulation” – playing on people’s mania. When somebody has their self-mania under control, they are not easily manipulated by others.
The word has nothing to do with mania, it originates from the French for handful and the Latin for bundle.
It is correct however that if someone exerts control over their emotional thinking, they are less susceptible to being manipulated.
SarcNarc,
I’ve guessed your Identity!!!
You are Humpty Dumpty, Yes?
Let me quote from this book, Through the Looking Glass:
“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less.” “The question is,” said Alice, “whether you can make words mean so many different things.” “The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “which is to be master—that’s all.”
I guessed it!! Too bad it’s not Rumplenarcskin! I would then win the prize of ignoring these posts.
Perse,
https://narcsite.com/2017/07/14/contrariwise-4/
DOH !(－‸ლ) LOL
Thank you.
SarcNarc,
Why do you post things that you do not want to be understood?
You refer to the leader of one nation, who refers to the leader of another nation as “A big pussy” on an international news program as an empath.
You post a news article from a source does not see fit to fact check, gleefully using this to say empaths are psychics.
You make up origins for words, then claim you did not, you just like the sound of it.
Whats the deal?
Seriously, what? lol, this thread, kinda unusual.
Jenna, it’s good to see you on here again. You sound strong. How have you been?
This is fucking brilliant and so very true and much needed to hear. Well worth rereading periodically. Thank you so much <3
my cell is broken. I know when I resurrect it, there will be a plethora of messages, so I think I’ll disconnect my number and get a new one before I even fix the cell. That is a double win for me– I don’t know what the messages will be, I AM curious to see if he finally unleashes the fury …but I don’t need to know. So I’m spared knowing.
Secondly, it will always show that the messages were undelivered. THAT gives me a laugh.
I think this is all,easier for me bcuz I was never primary source to the one guy, and I was already no contact with the other guy.
the best way to move on after a breakup,is a long time of no contact, I’ve found. With narcs, no contact forever I guess, if possible.
The more I learn- the conscious I am of my emotional thinking and my addiction to my Nard. I know about addiction, I am a sober Alcoholic, I find it easier to stay away from wine than my Narc. I know what my rock bottom has been with wine, I know how afraid I was to lose it, to lose everything, that I was not in control anymore of my life, that all matter was my relation with my wine. I am not immune to wine and will never be.
I get that. I am starting to get how addicted I am to my Narc and all the other ones before. How it is also an avoidance strategy- while I cry and plot and love my Narc – I don’t use this time to develop self love and self care.
I must say though that the 3 times I was on the verge of losing it and close to rock bottom with my Narc, I went away a few weeks to regain myself and come back after for more.
Thanks for those words HG, you were right also about something else, our emotional thinking gives us a reason after another to stay in contact.
So … gaining understanding . Not done yet.
I know my journey on how I stopped drinking – I trust I will find the way to this one too. Thanks to HG and all of you .
What do I do if he comes to my door? He probably won’t, discard phase. He can walk to my house in less than a minute. I refuse keep my front door shut all spring so I cannot have my glass door open to let sunlight in. Do I just shut the front door without saying a word? Ridiculous question, I realize, I just DO NOT want him to have any stimulation whatsoever.
Do not let him in. Keep the door closed. Ensure he cannot just walk in. Let him stand and knock at the door, shout out to you etc but do not respond, do not tell him to go away, just ignore him. If he will not go after ten minutes, call the police and have him removed.
HG, what you wrote here could comprise the ‘Empath’s Emergency Protocol’. Like the Bomb Threat Protocol.
It could be printed and attached to the back of everyone’s front door.
It’s my safety plan for dealing with my sister and brother-in-law.
Thank you again for encouraging us, and for such practical help.
You are most welcome.
HG
I always like the articles that tell us what to do and why we should do it etc, the most.
I find them very satisfying and continually reinforcing.
Thanks🛡
I start doing better only to have his name mentioned at work or a weird phone call and my mind wanders off track. Feeling better I’m not alone in that as well as the danger in it too.
You’re not alone, Wounded. We all know what that feels like. Glad you’ve found this site. 🙂 When that’s happened with me, I just get busy with a mentally-absorbing task or hang with friends, etc.
I just want to say that this seems to be a very popular series, HG. So it would be nice if you would consider making it a longer series. It seems to be pinging with many.
You can soothe you fevered brow with the knowledge that there is more to come.
Yipppppeeee!
I was so pissed and embarrassed over what he’s done to me after I found your articles that I kept one line of communication open, unbeknownst to the upper lesser. My reasoning was wanting to watch him squirm and panic and finally have the upper hand. This article proves how wrong I was and how emotional thinking could ruin me yet again. I blocked his number after I read this. Thanks again HG.
Well done Kelli, you are seizing the power.
I thought I was immune to the Lesser after a year of no contact. Boy was I wrong. I was destroyed for a whole month after one visitation.
An honest and constructive admission.
Thank you, sir.
#dangerwillrobinson
OK, so as you may already have realised, I like metaphors and stuff like that. Let me share some car reviews (as cars drive on fuel, like us):
There are some regions where using models remains in vogue — especially Asia. Toyota, which owns Lexus, said that it would not use models to promote the luxury brand in Europe. But it said it had different policies for different regions…
Our 2018 Kia Stinger GT2 AWD sat at the top of the hierarchy in fully packaged and optioned form.
Part of the Stinger’s appeal is its value proposition. Our top-spec variant maxed out at $52,300, including destination. Kia presented us its competition on a platter as part of its press materials: the Audi S5 starts at $42,600, the 2018 BMW 4-Series Gran Coupe at $48,300 and the 2017 Infiniti Q503.0L V6 at $40,650. The base Stinger is just $32,800 and the base Stinger GT is $39,250. No matter how you cut it, that’s a good deal…
Nissan said that all of its specialists are “knowledgeable about the vehicles at the show and product lineup in the specific market.” Kia said it does not require its hosts to wear what “may be termed revealing outfits.”
I could go on like that for a long time but I think you get the gist.
As well as this,
Thankfully, I fully trust Kia with their safety – even though it is hard at times to be vulnerable. The fact is, you cannot control everyone on the road, and you cannot control everything. And that means that for me, safety is the number one thing I care about in a vehicle. If I am going to be taking my daughters somewhere, my whole world somewhere, I want to make sure we are as safe as possible on the way there.
The Kia Sorento is chock full of safety features, making it my top choice for a family vehicle. The lane departure sensor keeps me on my toes. You never know when I might have to splitting up [SN: no, I won’t write to the lade too;] an argument in the backseat, from the front seat.
Thanks to this amazing feature, I will know if I am drifting out the lane to stop anything bad from happening. There are even side curtain airbags in the second AND third rows! With a vehicle like this, it is obvious that Kia cares about the safety of my family, almost as much as I do. I mean, when compared to the Ford Edge, it crushed it in safety.
SarcNarc,
Interesting argumentative statements and metaphors that invite to debate. Since these were published and they are open to debate, I would like to make some observations and ask you some questions:
1. It seems to me that when presenting the metaphor of cars you exclude a determinant factor: fuel consumption/economy for each model if you want your metaphor to be relevant in this context of NPD. Isn’t it fuel the element that makes the car function in the first place? You mention other elements as safety features but I do not think they are as relevant as fuel consumption is n this context.
Fuel economy for the car models as the distance travelled per unit volume of fuel used; for example, kilometres per litre (km/L) or miles per gallon as the facts that say how EFFECTIVE the car is?
2. What does coming from different societies have to do with not understanding your reasons? Even coming from the same society you will find people with different perspectives that would not understand your reasons. It is a matter of different perspectives not of different societies.
3. Interesting approach of the defence mechanisms of the empaths you mentioned and that is exactly what is taught and stated here on this site so this is nothing new.
What is interesting is your observations of this phenomenon: could you give a concrete example from your observations of this defense mechanisms?
4. ” All people can be triggered into some kind of a brain or body disorder and regardless if this already happened…”
Triggered meaning?
a) the elements that are triggered are genetic?
In that case your assumption of “all people” is not supported by facts.
Genetic factors triggered v.s. learned behaviours?
5. ” …but it would serve everybody better if the partners/ care-givers were well informed and educated on the subject and object matter, which would enable them to protect themselves better without hurting their “abusers” back much in return.”
According to you: Why is it important for the empaths to protect themselves without hurting their abusers back much in return?
6. “I am of the opinion that what happens to us is only what we let happen there, …”
Partially agree if you “let it happen” when you are aware and understand what it is but not really if it happens due to unawareness….
7 “….and reading this blog let me rewrite many stories in my life or at least look at them from a different perspective I would never imagined possible, and merge the two.”
How do you merge the two?
8. So you say you are the master of mirroring: how comes then if this is true you changed your strategy adopting a different approach: by the use of humor and raw honesty instead? Your mirroring was not as effective (as your safety feature) as you thought it would be ?
Hi SuperXena,
thank you very much for your interest in this debate. You asked many questions, so please be prepared for a lengthy answer from me in a day or two. But I will answer you for sure!
Hi SarcNarc,
Thank you for your answer and for notifying me about the length of your response.
Just for the sake of clarification and to save you some time when answering:
I am not interested in ” buying” a new car. I already have one which I am very pleased with both in terms of fuel economy , safety and other features. So, I won’t be needing fuel facts and figures if you thought on doing that. It was just an observation concerning your car metaphor.
Besides, I am more a motorcycle ( which I also have had and planning to buy a new one) type of woman something that reveals that our perspectives differ in regards of safety features. The motorcycle fulfils other requirements that are important to me.
Apart from that, I look forward to receiving your response.
No worries, SuperXena, I won’t copy the tech specs for you here! I ride a bicycle every day of the year and my interest in cars has usually been restrained to their colour.
I just have a busy start of the week.
Thank you for that SarcNarc….fair enough.
Bicycling every day…well that sounds good and healthy…how many miles in average daily?
….I am afraid my days are busy from the start to the end of the week.
I hope your day gets “easier”…
Hi SuperXena,
it’s actually kind of a nice coincidence that you also have a lot of work this week, so maybe you’ll excuse my delay answering. My week is getting only busier, and since you posed so many interesting questions for me, I’d like to answer them thoroughly, but knowing myself, I won’t be able to do it right if I don’t sort out all the other stuff I am supposed to sort out.
Please, be patient with me a little longer and enjoy your week!
Hi SarcNarc,
Very thoughtful of you to notify me about the delay with your response.
Yes, I am patient as much as I am curious and since you are giving time to answer thoroughly my questions ( and if you do not mind) I will add some more questions:
What is your experience with narcissists?
Have you been entangled with one( some): romantically, professionally, family, friends?
What is your purpose of being here( this site)?
How did you find this site ?
Good luck with sorting out “the other stuff” and I hope you have a fine week as well.
It appears to have broken down.
*What* “appears to have broken down”?
I’m starting to think that my attempts to wrangle my narcissist away from me is temporarily lowering my IQ.
The car.
*Whose* car?…JK – get it.
Yours?
That’s kind of low, Mr Tudor – first you say don’t write me emails, then post my comments out of context to make the good people here think some crazy things.
The game can be much better played! xoxo
There is no game. The comments are dealt with them as I come to them, there are hundreds every day and I do not keep tabs on their order of appearance, it is governed by rule 13. With regard to e-mails, oddly enough I get a lot of those as well and I respond as and when I am able to do so, if you require a guaranteed response that is what the consultations are for.
You won’t post this because you are in a “Greater Narc Huff” with me for not being sufficiently sycophantic. However, you will read it. I unexpectedly laughed out loud at your response. I don’t tend to do that. I could almost see your, detached, expressionless face as you delivered this (typically brilliant – and no, I’m not sucking up, just being factual) narc reply.
I will post this because I am not in a Greater Narc Huff (whatever that is). I do not require sycophancy here. However, I am pleased my response made you laugh.
I’m pretty confused why posters sometimes think you’re mad at them… I can see you getting irritated at times by things that are posted, but as Greater, I’m just not sure how you would even get worked up to anger in this dynamic.
?
Indeed Caroline, I do not “get mad”. You are correct, occasionally I am irritated (usually by inaccuracy) but I do not explode in a fury, the comments do not have that impact. Sometimes people confuse brevity with annoyance. Sometimes they hope I will be mad because it tells them that they matter.
Oh, maybe that’s why it wouldn’t even occur to me that you’d be angry with me — I KNOW that I don’t matter to you! Lol. By the time you finish reading this, you may have forgotten who you’re even responding to. I actually think like that, all the time.
Ha ha, I know who you are.
There it is again… a narcissist laughing at me when I am being serious. Why does that keep happening to me? lol.
Well, it must have seemed weird to you then, HG — the 2 (3?) times I’ve emailed you that I kept re-introducing myself.
(Oh gawd…I *am* a little bit funny… starting to see that now/lightbulb moment).
Teresa
Stick around. Plenty more where that came from while getting the best education to be found on the subject of narcissism. Give it a fair shot?
I sense a disturbance in the force.
In reply to your comment below, HG. About a game.
My feeling: Haha, interesting point.
Translation into “acceptable” words: Absolutely, please excuse the misunderstanding. I must have referred to the game of life.
Translation into quote by Wilde: “The secret of life is to appreciate the pleasure of being terribly, terribly deceived”.
I apply that to her Highness SN as well (and I don’t mean this to state that I am masochistic).
Hi HG…i thought you said you did get mad and smash things off your desk over comments that triggered fury? Maybe that was in jest lol
That was in the past. It did not happen very often, but it has previously. My earlier answer was in the context of currently.
Hi HG…i think weve all thrown things at one point. I once threw a phone across the room 😄
Last summer, I was getting pissed with Word Press and I wanted to hurl my monitor into the driveway and run it over with my car multiple times, but empath K wouldn’t allow it; she ruins all the fun now.
YOU HAVE TO HAVE PATIENCE,WRITE THINGS PEOPLE WILL ENJOY READING.RECIPES,VITAMINS, THINK OF SOMETHING TO GET THEM AND KEEP THEM HERE.
themaninblack2018
The blog is getting close to 9 million hits so I think what HG is writing is working just fine.
IM SO PROUD I HAVE THAT KNOWLEDGE TO HELP YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE.ILL BE ADDING MORE AS I GET IT,SO THANKS ,DOUGLAS
THANKS FOREVER K.
YOU ARE A BIT BUMFUZZLING, themaninblack2018! BUT, WHAT THE HELL, WELCOME FOREVER.
Sarcnarc and everyone,
I have not posted in awhile and have some pending comments to reply to. I appreciate everyone’s patience. I had to comment here, as this drew my attention.
Sarcnarc, why do u not use your own words instead of metaphors? I can understand if the metaphors are brilliantly written, as hg’s are, but in your post, it is redundant information which does not provoke interest. It goes to show u the difference between a greater and one who is………
……. not.
I realized that midrangers talk in memes, metaphors, quotes by others because they do not possess their own stable thoughts. It would help if u reword the facts or quotes u memorize. It would make it more believable.
Funny there are 3 narcs on a page which emphasizes keeping away frm narcs.
The only narc worth my time is hg tudor, because he is analyzing himself, and using introspection to help thousands of people.
And pls, do not even bother challenging hg. You will not succeed, as he is a highly intelligent and overt greater, who knows how to feign being a non narc in his personal life much better than lessers and midrangers can.
And no, i would not mistake u for a greater. Greaters do not talk in metaphors and memes. I noticed on instagram that the midrangers add captions that are always ‘deep’ and followers will comment as to how ‘deep’ they are. It makes me smh that society has not a clue that it is a narc who loves to be in control.
Jenna,
I think I am prone to using metaphors because that is how my brain likes to get and sort its information.
Also, when you see my answers for SuperXena, it’s possible you’ll ask me to just throw in some metaphors and quotes next time and leave the space here for HG to do his talking.
“Greaters do not talk in metaphors and memes.” you say. And the little ACONs memes on this website are…?
Language is there to be used as the user sees fit. So maybe, instead of asking me why I do it, you could spend some time analysing, why you don’t. And maybe try and have some fun with them.
Also, I give people credential for their work.
Going with your line of thinking, I should not learn poems by heart either, just tell my audience what I think the poet wanted to say.
I think Jenna means we don’t use other people’s memes. MR use others. I create mine clearly
I do both – reword quotes when they are not fitting enough for me, or leave them as the wise people, who shared them, meant them to be.
I don’t make my own memes – no talent for that (or still to be discovered)
Hello Jenna! I miss you and I hope you are feeling better.
Hugs and kisses, K
Hi k….That overrides my phone incident lol
Ha ha ha…thanks for the laugh, narc affair! After I saw your confession, I thought: if narc affair is brave enough to share her moment of rage then so can I.
If you had to summarize your post to one sentence/the main point (*not* using metaphors nor analogies), what would that be?
Sorry. My reply (above) is for “SarcNarc,” regarding his first post.
Certainly. But allow me three long sentences (with insertions) and some article analysis. If this gets published.
All people can be triggered into some kind of a brain or body disorder and regardless if this already happened, they deserve to be loved and cared for just the same as anybody else, but it would serve everybody better if the partners/ care-givers were well informed and educated on the subject and object matter, which would enable them to protect themselves better without hurting their “abusers” back much in return. I am of the opinion that what happens to us is only what we let happen there, and reading this blog let me rewrite many stories in my life or at least look at them from a different perspective I would never imagined possible, and merge the two.
I live in a country brimming with post-war, post-communistic narcissists, and once I understood what makes it so hard to get them to see something else besides their own perspectives, I could re-adopt my own attitudes, behaviours and stop using many of my own defence mechanisms (picked up from them – as I said, they are always around and I am a natural born-mirrorer), and instead try to use humor and raw honesty.
Excerpts analysis. Automotive industry spurred positive coverage in the media, with outlet A observing Toyota’s varying policies across the world. Additionally, outlet B favorably reviewed 2018 Kia Stinger GT2 AWD, whose “top-spec variant maxed out at $52,300, including destination.” Moreover, outlet C drew attention to the Kia Sorento as “chock full of safety features.”
But you can go ahead and read into them for whatever makes sense to you, I didn’t edit them.
1st. My reasons for not minding much what disorder people have may not make sense for everyone, especially people living in a society different to my own and I don’t want to deny HG his perspective but I will stick to my way as well (including his great insight and keeping on admiring his observational skills).
2nd. As above, I see some empathic people around me have learned to walk around the defence walls of the narcissists we know, but it is done when they let their empathic side don’t show so much, let go of their ego and the way they used to believe “things should be”.
3rd. I’m pretty sure that if HG met me in real life, he would be rather convinced I was a Greater too, if he didn’t get the chance to observe me earlier from afar, and when I’m not mirroring another Greater or Mid-Ranger (good luck with that). And these are my safety features.
The third is incorrect.
I think I’m going to need another hug from Patricia.
Okay, SN. I can see that you have a unique perspective. I am glad that the site is helpful also.:)
Caroline, a response to your comment starting “There it is again…”
I’d say: keep at it, girl!! Reason? I am a natural-born mirrorer, and was left to figure out myself what is going on when people in one corner of the room said I was shy, while people on the other side (often Mid-Rangers) would say I’m outgoing and fun. Fun was to see them confront their varying opinions and draw conclusions (that’s just a perspective, which I choose to adopt).
The only thing that made sense to me: my behaviour depends on the person I interact with. I know it’s possible to have fun with embracing this side of yourself, because you can probably be serious as well, and it’s OK to be both. It’s just that once we get the inner courage to admit it (only in front of yourself, it’s nobody else’s business until you feel like sharing), that this is what it is, we become kind of free of it. And have fun with it.
So you might felt embarrassed writing this but to me it says, the girl is cute.
Those phone calls and texts are like water wearing on rock.
Another great and timely explanation. Much needed.
#rightagain!
Dear HG, reading this article, I feel (whatever your feelings and motives might be) protection.
I am trying (and failing) nowadays to make a decision to implement NC.
And I would like to ask: HG, how do you feel about one of your long term readers failing to implement your teachings: disappointment? contempt? anger? indifference?
Thank you
Initially irritation but I understand why it is the case so it soon fades. Of course if they require further information from me, I will give it to them so they succeed.
Love these Golden Rules. I have recently escaped a romantic entanglement, and have realized that several exes and former/current employers and possibly family members and are most probably Ns, to the point that I almost feel that I live in some parallel universe consisting only of Narcs and Victims. In work, family and social situations, my interaction with them is limited and, and quite frankly much less likely to upset me now that I’m aware of the dynamic. I close the fuel pump in their presence! My question- if we can be softened up by one of your kind and then more susceptible to the next one that comes along, how dangerous is it to work with/for and associate in a familial/social environment once we are enlightened as far as weakening resistance? Or does this sort of interaction help to hone the Narc radar? Thank you!
Talking about susceptibility..
I am a Co-Dependent Empath.
#consultation
#wisewoman
Thank you Caroline 😊.
The consultation helped me to understand more about myself.
Now I know where I stand and I find this beneficial in terms of my self growth and development.
I can’t recommend it enough.
I have been married to a narcissist for 7 years and am currently going through a divorce. This was his second marriage. Having spoken to his first wife, her life mirrored mine but to a lesser extent as there were no children involved so she could make a clean break I have two young children with this man. (I have read you article entitled ‘save the children’) I have had smear campaigns against me stemming as far as my relatives across the world, things put up on social media against me and now he is finding ways to get to me through the children and my family. He has managed to manipulate a situation to get my elderly father in trouble with the law, made false allegations about my elderly mother and more recently tried to get my brother in trouble with his professional organisation. Thankfully this was seen through and he has been reported to his own governing body and is under investigation. His parents write letters to mine and to me saying that he is no ordinary man, he is highly educated and that I cannot do any better and that I should go back to him or they will partake in the smear campaign as well (none of which is true I hasten to add). I communicate with him because I have due to the children to not because I want to. I had blocked all texts and emails due to his abuse and harassment but communication through solicitors is very expensive. I am at a loss as what to do in this situation, please help. I fear for my children as they are young and impressionable. How can I show the authorities what he is with looking like the vindictive ex wife who is trying to ‘alienate’ him from his children?
This is a detailed matter Jayjay and best suited to consultation.
As long as we cannot believe, that someone is so evil.
As long as we need someone else to give us self-worth.
As long as we believe in high romantic love…
As long as we have to have contact because of our children.
As long as we have to have contact because of some financial aspects.
As long as we believe he is the only one to fulfill our hidden and suppressed needs.
As long as we do not change our attitudes.
As long as we fulfill the needs of other people first.
As long as we believe we can heal other people.
As long as we have no proud.
As long as….
After changing all that, there is no interest in people like him anymore.
No matter, how much our narc believes it is different.
And if he notices, we are of no worth for him anymore. We remain a target of his never-ending hate.
Great post and so true mona!!
You really are the master of logic HG. Your words make perfect sense. Thank you.
You are correct and you are welcome.
This is sooo true. HG you nailed it. About 5 months ago after not speaking to ex for over a year I did actually start interacting with him again. It was by text. I was curious. I was testing myself. I thought how harmful could texting be?Lol I actually was kinda amused by things he said and the ways he tried to suck me back in. And no I didn’t want to go back to him. No I didn’t fall back in love again, nor was I depressed when he blew hot and cold. But… it did affect me emotionally . It was subtle, but I started kinda relying on those texts a bit. I started to remember the good times. I laughed at the funny quirky things he would say. But his little digs disguised as back handed compliments started to get to me. I started feeling almost like I had to defend myself. Or prove myself. Things started to kinda shift slightly where I wasn’t feeling as stable and powerful. He started saying that although I sounded happy and that life was good.. he knew the truth and that I was lying to myself and to everyone. That I was fake and only he knew the real me. There were little micro moments where I did start to doubt myself. I did sometimes almost fall into word salad trap, all the while hating him and disgusted by him. Anyway , good news is by reading HG and being present with my emotions I was able to realize that it was the start of emotional infection. And swift no contact it was ( I even changed my phone number) and no contact it will stay:) Don’t do it guys! Just don’t even risk it!! thank u so much for all you do HG!
You are welcome Star.
My ex used to say that all the time to me as well, “that I was fake, and he knew the real me, or he knows me better than I know myself”.
Star
Good for you for recognizing what was happening and using your logic to shut it down. Hope all is well for you.
Narc Angel
Thank u very much:):)I always love your posts, so brutally on point but also so humorous:) So many times what you have written has been a reminder to think LOGICALLY not EMOTIONALLY Hope all is well with you!
Blaze on Star!! Thanks for sharing. 🙏🏻✨
great work. no. this is outstanding once again. many abuse experts talk about narcissist addiction. They don’t explain this aspect of the recovery. they will often explain Abuse Amnesia, where an abused person will start to forget the abuse and think about the love bombing. This is exactly where I am currently at. It’s not that I forget the abuse, I have just worked on myself so much and I keep telling myself that I would never let the past happen again. I needed this
Well explained. The emotional thinking can be overwhelming. But as time passes the logical thinking gets stronger. I have to tell myself every day he is a cheater, a liar, a manipulatir and means no good until now he rarely comes to mind. When he does, I smile and congratulate myself for seeing through him.
I want to hug you! I really needed to hear this today. Thank you Mr.Tudor!
Your thanks is sufficient Patricia
LOL HG doesn’t like hugs.
Hahahahaha! I do know better than to actually hug you but my emotional thinking tells me these foolish things…
But at least you recognise it is ET and that is progress.
Me too, Patricia… and I’ll take the hug HG didn’t need.;-)
Lol hugs are the best!
https://youtu.be/7uGnENk7GUI
perfect ! lol
I don’t know how you do it HG; but it never fails that when I need to have an answer for something bothering or happening to me, I “hear” from you. Thanks for the “psychic” connection. Laugh if you will, but it happens more often than you know…
Is your kind ever immune to your kind?
Yes.