Sex and the Narcissist
No holds barred and no strings attached
The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform
Read about how the narcissist views and uses sex and how you are central in that
Also available in paperback on Amazon
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19 thoughts on “Sex and the Narcissist”
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This book is absolutely essential reading – I’m w NAngel about the boxed sets w this, preceded by Fuel & Fury…
“You are a walking tanker of emotions. You act emotionally, you are governed by your emotions, and you show them. That is why we want you.”
This explained why I was confused about what my narc wanted – it seemed like just sex.. but there was nothing mutual about our interactions.
It is such a strange concept to wrap your head around – that my emotional reactions, not anything else that I have to offer.. is what is “attractive” to narcs.
If that is the case, why go for sexual content – texts, masturbation, dirty talk – doesn’t that implicate intimacy that a narc would rather avoid? Or is it simply the nature of sexual content & that intimacy that makes the attached fuel so potent?
Sexual content is used because as explained sex is a massive weapon of seduction. Texts, masturbation, dirty talk are all achieved from distance (thus no intimacy involved) yet control is exerted and fuel obtained – we avoid that which we abhor and gain that which we adore.
Thank you for your explanation, Hg.
So talking dirty isn’t as invasive as the physical in intimacy – i can understand that.. & is it the nature of sex that it heightens fuel potency? Or does that depend on other factors?
(Maybe it’s time for me to review Fuel as well)
Potency is linked to your status in the fuel matrix. Sex is just a method of manipulation – as this book makes clear.
This is so eye opening. In a year’s time, we slept together only twice, he never came (I played dumb, pretended not to notice) but our texts are incredibly sexual. He will perform oral but that’s it. I am secondary supply as he and I are both married. I have become obsessed with why he won’t have sex but talks about it constantly…now I know. He likely HATES it. I will never be able to coax him into it, will I?
Hi nuit,
If i may interrupt, after reading comments frm pple regarding sex w a narc, i believe that it is the act of ejaculation (pardon for being graphic) that the narc abhors, being caused by the intimate partner frm direct touch. I have read that some narcs try not to ejaculate for this very reason. If he does ejaculate (usually the case), he feels like he has lost control over his body, and that his partner is controlling him. He will start self soothing behavior, like curling up in fetal position (see Alice’s posts when this blog first started), and then regain control thru devaluation (sexual, verbal, emotional, withdrawal, or covert abuse). Many narcs will skip the self soothing behavior knowing it looks odd, but feel anxious abt the fact that u have made them lose control, and proceed to some form of devalue shortly afterwards. The devalue cud be simply withdrawing for some time.
Hi Jenna!! Not an interruption to add & I am delighted for the opportunity for an interaction w you as I’d read some of your update & am soooo happy for you – as you can see, I’ve given up trying to leave – I’d love to say it’s not allowed, but I’ll say I’d miss y’all too much (don’t want to admit my addiction).
That is fascinating, what you’ve shared – thank you for that. So sad that the moment of what should be intense pleasure should be stressful… I am such a love enthusiast, & I love the intimacy.. I see such healing through touch.. so all this avoidance as touch is unpleasant is so sad to me..
I wish you strength & continued healing, Jenna – lovely to read you.
I have to get this book . . . My ex totally loved ejaculation in me. Went deep becuz he was trying to get me pregnant . . . Or so he said . . . never knew if he ever told me the truth . . . and I was taking precautions not to get impregnated by him. So does the book imply withdrawal is a narc preference??
Hello nuit,
I’m so glad to see u around the blog! I feel such warmth frm u. It makes the blog all the brighter!
Yes it is sad that such a beautiful moment causes stress for them. They are control freaks after all. But don’t feel sad for them. I used to feel sad for the mmrn too. I do not anymore. They know very well how to regain that control. And regain it they do, sadly. Hmm, i am noticing a theme of sadness here (sad for this, sad for that lol!!!). We must stop feeling sad, yes? (I am using hg’s style to insert ‘yes’ at the end of a question!)
Ty for reading my update nuit! ☺️
I look fwd to more interaction with u!
Hello anonymous,
The book is informative, interesting, and clears many questions. I read it in one sitting. I could not put it down (well, ebook but you know what i mean!)
My observation is frm comments by pple who have been entangled w narcs. I have read comments describing how some narcs try not to ejaculate at all, not just withdraw. I feel ejaculation is at the heart for the abhorrence of intimacy. It is my opinion. So no, withdrawal is not a preference for narcs.
Really? I mean, I’d totally believe it but I’ve never once seen a trace of it, and I’ve looked. And he’s not bright enough or sober enough to bother hiding it. Plus he’d love to have let me see it, since he loved to put me down any chance he got .
I wonder if it’s bcuz he can’t put himself in the porn…he is very aware he’s not good looking or ripped anymore (never was good looking, was buff in youth not now)
yeah, what’s in it for me
Which cadre would be most likely to masturbate outside ? (Not where likely to be seen, but still…) This person while not good looking , is an outdoorsy, sporty, looks are important (for women) . (Also doesn’t like porn, but refers to having sex as his own personal porno)
Somatic?
Yes
HG
The outdoorsy meat grinder is lying about not liking porn right?
Yes
Great, now to narrow down the school . Is apt to use scathing sarcasm rather than pop off, not terribly educated or bright, doesn’t sulk that much but prone to cold fury silent treatments … had lower management jobs but lost both to alcoholism. LMR?
Agreed.
Pops off with heated 30-40% if really pissed