The Greater Narcissist
This is a Greater Narcissist. There is much to write about the Greater, but for now, a snapshot shall have to suffice. We have met Lee the Lesser and Malcolm the Mid-Ranger. There are lots of Lees and Malcolms. Lots of them. In fact most people who have ascertained that they have been ensnared by a narcissist will have entangled with either a Lee or a Malcolm. This is Greg, Greg the Greater, a rare beast indeed.
“Hello, what was that?” asks Greg.
“Hello Greg, I was just explaining that you are a rare beast indeed.”
“Oh completely, how good of you to notice and may I say just how delightful you look today, you have done something different with your hair haven’t you, it really suits.”
I cannot help but smile and look pleased at this remark. I know I shouldn’t but this is the problem with the Greater, they are ever so charming and before you know what has happened one has given them some fuel, told them something they wanted to hear or agreed to do what they want.
The Greater exhibits considerable charm. Charm is one of his prevalent weapons. With the Lesser it is raw aggression, with the Mid-Ranger it is the ability to draw sympathy, but with the Greater he uses charm to achieve what he wants.
His charm manifests in many ways. Courteous, polite, amusing, well-read, urbane, complimentary and attentive. But this charm is a combination of considerable intelligence, confidence and planning. Out of all of the three schools of narcissist, the Greater knows the benefit of planning and scheming. He is always gathering information, storing it away, logging it for later or immediate use.
“You are the master at gathering information aren’t you Greg?”
“How very kind of you to say so and I cannot deny that,” he responds with that slow and engaging smile of his. See how he holds my gaze, boring deep inside of me? Of course he is just reflecting back at me what I want to see, after all, he is an expert in the art of seduction. He is an expert in most things, he has to be, the world cannot be afforded any glimpse of weakness, any hint of the loss of his control. He must project an image of success at all times.
Greg knows that the foundation of his success lies in planning and preparation.
“Greg, what is your view about preparation?” I ask.
“Every battle is won before it is ever fought,” he responds in a matter of fact. He is deadly serious. To him, every engagement in his life is a form of battle. Every person he interacts with, every situation he faces, every scenario he is engaged in – all of them are battles and he has to win every one. Even if he appears to lose, he will have allowed that to happen for the sake of a future win.
Greg knows that to forge his rightful and entitle path through life he must secure these victories and win. He does so by ensuring he knows his enemy. Everybody qualifies to be an enemy because the Greater knows that the world is against him and if he gives any quarter, this cruel and heartless world will seek to topple him. He may be a Greater but the wariness and paranoia applicable to all narcissists is just as applicable to him. Greg understands that he has to know who he is dealing with and this means gathering intelligence.
By the way, than unflinching stare has remained focussed on me. The attention from this handsome individual is both unnerving yet oddly engaging. He uses his eyes a lot. Do not think however that when he is staring at you, mirroring your own desires, so you become trapped like a deer in the headlights that this is all he is doing. No, not at all. He is evaluating, considering his next move, what to say next, gauging how I will respond. The Greater’s mind is always whirring, thinking about the next move, ascertaining how to seize the most appropriate advantage. Normal people would find it exhausting but not the Greater for he, among all of the narcissistic brethren has the greater energy levels. This of course means he has the highest demands for fuel but he is also the most effective at gathering this fuel. This effectiveness manifests in two ways. The first is the methodology applied and the second is the range of appliances at his disposal.
The Greater has the widest range of manipulations at his disposal. He is well-practised and able to match, with considerable accuracy, the best forms of manipulation to his victims. Of course he relies on understanding his appliances, knowing what they like and dislike in detail and achieves this through extensive information gathering through his own questions, the use of Lieutenants, conducting background searches and so on. He has had many victims and therefore knows how certain types of person are likely to respond to certain manipulations. Admittedly, he will not get is right every single time, but his error rate is very low indeed. His effectiveness is heightened through how driven he is. He must succeed, be the best, be the sparkling diamond at the centre of the crown. Leader in his field. Champion. Conqueror.
Like a master artisan, he selects only the finest materials (victims) on which to work and then he applies his deft touch through carried manipulations from his Devil’s Toolkit. All of this is done enveloped in charm. He has people do things because they want his praise, his approval, his largesse, his friendship and is love.
The Greater also has extensive fuel networks on which he relies. Unlike the Lesser who has a narrow fuel base or the Mid-Ranger who has a wider one with numerous appliances, the Greater has an extensive and impressive network. Let’s find our more from Greg.
“Hey Greg, who is warming your bed at present?”
“Why are you interested?” he asks as he places a hand gentle on my arm.
“Oh this is professional purposes only, “ I respond trying to rebuff him, but the hand remains unmoved. He is confident and assured.
“I am ever the professional.”
“I am sure that is the case, but tell me, who is on the arm of Greg?”
“I have a girlfriend at present.”
“Just the one?”
“Yes, but there are others, certain ladies who know me well who I can call on if I need to.”
Those are his intimate partner secondary sources, his friends with benefits and booty calls.
“How many?”
“Four,” he replies without hesitation.
“What about your friends?”
“I have six guys I regularly knock around with, plus two good female friends.”
Those are his inner circle.
“Then maybe another twenty or so people I know well through golf, football, the pub, you know, I see them every so often.”
Those are his outer circle. More secondary appliances.
“What about work and family Greg?”
“Well I head up a department at work so I have a team of eight working for me and I am on good terms with the other directors.”
More secondary sources there through colleagues.
I let him continue as he explains how he is well regarded by his family (more secondary sources), his neighbours, people in his community, the people he knows through a charity he is a trustee of (lots of tertiary sources). His network of fuel appliances is vast and he can rely on it regularly to ensure that his considerable fuel needs are catered for. It is rare to find a Greater running short of fuel.
The Greater knows what he is. His higher cognitive function allows him an awareness. He may know that he is a narcissist, since it has been pointed out to him and his increased cognitive function means he can understand and relate to it. Of course, he knows not to admit this to anybody, unless he sees a distinct advantage in doing so. In some instances he may not know that he is a narcissist but he certainly knows that he is different from other people. He knows he is special, talented and destined for continued greatness. He knows that it is necessary for him to control his environment and people, for if he does not do so, he feels weakness gnawing at him, unease and the threat of the loss of his superiority. He knows that he must maintain this edifice that he has built and this is done through having people react to him. He may not know it as fuel, but he knows how important it is for people to respond to him. He knows he must receive admiration and anger, love and loathing, adoration and abhorrence. These power him and allow him to achieve the things he knows he is entitled to. He recognises he does wrong, but does not care. He knows he has no conscience, no sense of guilt, he knows he has a reduced emotional repertoire because from years of observing and listening – as opposed to just doing as the Lesser and Mid-Ranger does – he has learned what he does not feel, not that it concerns him in any way.
Greg knows that charm, manipulation and persuasion are they key attributes to staying number one and having people do as he wants. He wants to own people, make them his, subsume them into him and he understands why this must happen, because it makes him all the more powerful, all the more effective and all the more able to keep his creature locked away and never heard. Greg knows that his Machiavellian nature, his duplicitous nature and slavish devotion to the doctrine of the ends always justifying the means, results in him staying on top of the pile. He is proud of his orchestrations, his status as Supreme Puppet Master. He knows that people are there to do his bidding, to be moved where he wants them to go, to carry out his wishes and best of all, they often do not even realise that they are doing it.
Of course, Greg is no fool and understands that when the velvety caress of his subtle manipulations is not working, then the iron fist must be deployed. He has no reluctance to dole out his innate wickedness. He will ensure that this is either done through a proxy or if it must be by his hand, then he will reduce the risk of retribution and consequence to him. He evaluates. When that apparently loving gaze becomes the inky dark stare of malice, the whirring mind is plotting to ensure a most malevolent outcome for those that cross him. Whilst the Lesser and the Mid-Ranger will act with malice, theirs is nothing to the concentrated vitriol that the Greater possesses and will unleash when he deems it appropriate. This is another factor which sets him apart from his brethren ; the sheer evil that he is capable of and that will be readily applied in order to preserve his position.
The Greater will pursue for longer, hoover harder, use more energy, charm more fiercely, devalue with scathing intensity and channelling the vast amount of fuel he can draw on from the extensive fuel network, this powers this effective machine as he achieves his machinations. The Greater calculates the impact of his words, either to seduce or to devalue. He assesses the likely responses of those he wishes to control and the likely benefit for him. For him there can be no end, the games must always continue and he must always be wining and be seen to be winning.
The Greater may often be hard to detect because he is most capable of exhibiting cognitive empathy. He has studied and knows how to mimic with considerable conviction, but this is not a perfected art. He will be prone to those pauses when he is ascertaining his best response and that sudden frozen look will appear, albeit momentarily. The Greater is also hard to detect because he will engage in what appear to be good works. The Lesser is self-centred in a brutal and demanding manner, the Mid-Ranger is self-centred in a sulky, feel-sorry-for-me style but the Greater, well the Greater will show generosity, be charitable and appear to exhibit kindness. He will hold positions of authority, trust and responsibility. They are put part of the carefully constructed façade on which he relies more than any other type of narcissist. He builds this façade, cements it and uses it repeatedly. His apparent good works are but a veneer of respectability which are either:-
1. Committed because there will be a distinct gain arising from this act in due course – for example, lending someone money to then have them repay him through actions and loyalty ; or
2. Part of furnishing the façade and thus a worthy sacrifice for the maintenance of this artifice.
Be in no doubt that this apparent sugary surface coats a venal and vicious individual who will never stop in the pursuit of victory. Cruel, perverse and utterly self-serving, behind that engaging smile and warm handshake is a cold and calculating mind.
Of course Greg would never admit to any weakness, unless as usual, he saw an advantage in doing so, but he has them. Like all of his kind he hates criticism. It burns and wounds and he uses his considerable control to keep his fury under control. Furthermore, the innate confidence and superiority that Greg has means that an objective observer will regard him as not necessarily appreciating certain risks to the extent that he might. Naturally, Greg would reject such a suggestion as failing to understand, however, there is an over-confidence which exists, which might, not always, but might lead to occasional difficulties for Greg the Greater, although of course he is equipped to address those difficulties using his customary charm, malice and manipulation.
34 thoughts on “The Greater Narcissist”
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Hi HG, hope you’re well.
One question, if I may.
Could physical exhaustion crack the Greater’s facade?
I am asking because our CEO, who is very likely a Greater, usually pleasant and charming, has snapped quite a few times at employees lately.
I swear I saw a glimpse of fury in his big, dark eyes today, followed by a forced smile when challenged by one of my not-so-wise colleagues (he will have made a ‘mental note’ I am sure).
I thought of physical exhaustion as he has recently become a father and I believe he doesn’t sleep much these days.
But the fact that our revenues are currently not on target might have something to do with it.
What do you think?
Thank you.
Being exhausted may well make someone irritable and impact on their facade, yes.
H.G. Tudor, thank you for generously sharing your insight.
I believe I was entangled with a greater narcissist, but I’m curious to know whether this kind would be so confident in his abilities, that he would be bold enough to commit the crime of abduction for ransom without, seemingly, thinking of a plan B if he got caught, which is what happened by the way, and is actually how I became convinced of his narcissism. He is currently in custody.
I was ensnared and deceived by him for over twenty years, as were all of my friends and acquaintances, as far as I know. Although, now I am convinced his mother is also a narcissist, but more probably a mid-range.
Another question I have is why would he take such a great risk criminally? I had only just begun to question him about gaslighting, which he vehemently denied was even a thing. We have six kids together, and I was a submissive wife, so I was presumably a perfect fuel source for him, not to mention a perfect cover for his secret homosexual double life, which I found out about later.
So do you think it’s possible that a greater narcissist would use crime and the subsequent arrest to orchestrate a discard? I know it seems counter intuitive for a normal person, but would he go to such lengths to cause the greatest amount of pain for me and his kids in order to extract negative fuel supply? He is currently still trying to Hoover me through his parents, through letters (which I refuse to read), and through fake persona (he fabricated a southern character to write to me and convince me through Scripture passages that divorce is not an option Biblically, which I found completely laughable).
I would be very interested in your thoughts. Thanks!
Hi HG,
I was wondering: would it irritate you if your readers praised another Greater on YOUR blog?
Of course you are an Ultra, therefore belong to a higher category, but just wanted to check.
I don’t want to be disrespectful.
I have been observing and talking to my CEO (who I believe is a MGN) and would like to share some observations, ask questions and such.
Needless to say, I see him under a different light now.
Crazy how my office is literally packed with narcissists and how they all behave EXACTLY as you describe in your articles/books. I am not romantically involved with any of them, but, as they love to talk about themselves and I am an attentive listener, some regularly update me on what is happening in their private life – or share details about their upbringing (my CEO).
I am secretly ‘studying’ them and, as you would say, making mental notes and compiling a dossier – for scientific purposes only, of course!
Will report on the appropriate sections of the blog, if allowed.
One last question: do Greaters have protégés? I would assume so.
Thanks HG.
It would not concern me as I am higher. Yes, Greaters have proteges – they are often Lieutenants.
Hi HG,
I hope you have more articles on the Greater and will share them with us soon. Thank you!
Hi HG. I will be purchasing 2 copies straight away! Gnite.
Thank you.
In some respects the greater, out of the three, seems obviously pompous.. The lesser seems like trailer trash, and the mid-range… well sulky men are questionable as partners for many reasons.
Nothing wrong with firing the ole pomposity pistol.
Agree. Fun. I am trying to locate a copy of Departure Imminent: etc published in 2015. I’ve checked several online sources and cannot find this book. My ‘courage to go No Contact has inspired my friend to leave her narc of 15 years so which book should she start with? I don’t like to tell others ‘stories however, this woman needs help. She is 73, her narc literally took all her millions, he’s driving a Mercedes and she an old, rundown beater for an auto . . . he disappeared for 5 months. She didn’t know where he was. I’m schooling her . . . but she has business, legal entanglements with him. I did not follow your instrux until I discovered you, during my ‘runaway bride’s period.
Is there a more recent version I can purchase? Thanks HG. You save lives.
Hi Linda, I change the name to Getting Out – it is the same material, just a different title.
Hi HG,
Will you be writing about the narcissistic dynamics in the workplace in the near future? And, most of all, how to handle a narcissistic boss/colleague (based on the school he/she belongs to)?
Your insight on this topic would be very much appreciated.
Thank you.
Yes, there is a book dedicated to this in writing.
Wonderful. Can’t wait to read it.
As I continue to read your fantastic articles, HG, my thoughts and perceptions of people in my life continue to change and evolve. I used to consider the possibility that my son and his father/my ex-husband were Greaters, but now I actually believe that they both are Savior Empaths, each of them playing the role of my protector (numerous times and against numerous times by my ex. They are both very intelligent and the strong, silent type.
Who concerns me immensely after reading this article are my mother and sister. They are both excessively intelligent, well-educated, well-traveled, accomplished musicians, icky-sweet at times, charming, manipulative, married men who are easy to control and have a vicious and ugly face to hide their inner jealousy and excessive greed. My grandmother told me not to trust her daughter and I tried my best to protect her from my mother who was jealous of her mother’s inner and outer beauty and my father’s mean, snarky remarks. My sister was always jealous of the bond shared by my grandmother and I.
Their scheming plots are known by me and I will be setting this straight, hopefully within the year.
Can age change the narcissist like starting to operate on a higher school ? .. or will it just be that their skills got improved .
Like is someone in their mid twenties still searching ? .
No.
The skill set may improve.
Makes sense !.
Hi HG. Is it possible a narc shows signs of all 3. It seems as if my ex flucuates. He is definitely Greater in social situations, but I’ve seen the Lesser and believe mostly Mid-?
Can it be, becuz he’s only 38 yrs old, that as he hones his skills he moves up the ladder??
You may hone skills but that does not shift school. Some traits can appear in all three schools. A narcissist may have traits from different schools but will have more of a particular school than others and thus that is his or her school.
I see . . . then my ex definitely a Greater.
Wow, I just saw a documentary about Madonna. I knew that she is one of your kind, but I did not know which kind until… I heard what her brother and an old friend of her told about her. It is pretty clear now. And the documentary shows that there must be a strong genetic influence. She is born that way.
Small world! I, too, am familiar with Madonna. She grew up upper middle class yet she lies to gain fuel about her upbringing and class status . . . always portraying herself as growing up in poverty when she first started to become popular. Perhaps her mother dying when she was young had a profound impact upon her; as my brother’s untimely death did on my life . . . only I was born an empath. Empaths are born, NPD is damage in childhood, or as I understand it, one can be groomed in childhood, particularly males, to be Machiavellian.
Due to your description my narc is definitely a greater. The charm, his twisted world view, his will to win, his deviousness, all of it fits. The only one that does not fit, is “considerable intelligence.” I am sure that you would say the same about him, HG, if you would know him. No, there are “little” greaters too. Perhaps, you did not meet them until now, HG.
HG, I left the Greater 53-days ago. I’ve been NC since. The longest ever.
There at the end, he spewed such vitriol & hate at me, I knew we were done. I was relieved it was finally over. I drove 1700 miles to get back home. I escaped while he was away on a trip. (And my suspicion is that he attached a tracker to my car beforehand. My mechanic will be giving it a thorough once-over.)
On my drive home, I found your material. Oh, my personal dénouement! Without your insight & instruction, I’m certain his tenticals would be wrapped around me once again. Repleat with fangs and all.
Much to my great shock & dismay, he hoovered me!! However, you said it would happen. You damn near promised it would. I didn’t believe you. I thought your insight was ‘in general.’ But thanks to you, I had my rational mind intact & followed NC perfectly.
I’m still a work in progress but it’s the first time in 5-years that I decided NEVER to return to the Beast again.
I don’t understand why you help us but I thank you from the bottom of my very Empathic heart.
Best-
I have a question regarding this class of narcissist in relation to empaths. I know many traits that various types of empaths possess may our may not make them more susceptible to a narcissist’s ‘charms’. However, and I know this site addresses this (I just haven’t been able to absorb it all yet as a newcomer), there are as many empath prototypes as there are narcs and sociopaths.
As someone raised by a narcissist/potential borderline type and passive-aggressive/avoidant type (respectively) who was deprived nurturing & constantly belittled from a very young age, I personally feel an odd connection to these divergent types. This erroded my self-esteem early on, causing social anxiety & giving me an accelerated awareness of the importance of observation. I felt like an alien, so I’d observe others – not to learn manipulation, but rather to avoid attention and rejection. As I grew older, I became aware of how to pick up on the energy of others, including their level of comfort, whether or not they were being genuine or simply polite/talking to kill time or nerves, if they liked me or not on an instinctual level or if they simply saw me as a stepping stone or having something to fulfill their ulterior motive, etc… I can sense when someone is “mirroring” (expressions, sayings, and all), as I once did it too when I was less secure. I never liked doing it, though, as I felt like a fraud. This is a behaviour I still actively repress if my social anxiety causes it to begin to surface, as I (without meaning to judge others) find it morally dubious for both myself and with whomever I’m speaking.
I’ve also encountered a WIDE range of personality types in my life. Some superficial, some intimate. An almost fool proof red flag to me is someone who either lays on a charm attack with very little insight into who you actually are very early on or overly intensely in the ‘getting to know you’ stages; or one who comes off overly studied and confident, i.e. ‘too perfect’ with no admitted faults or overly cultivated self-deprication. Being cultured is one thing, but when it’s used to connect with another vs when it’s used to impress/exert superiority, making their target feel inferior, this is a big difference. Also, someone who only asks questions/listens to gain an upper hand vs to get to know you can become apparent no matter how many people before haven’t noticed the distinction. I know this style narcissist will simply use any unconvinced target as a chance to hone his/her craft, but not everyone is blind.
Perhaps bc I once relied on mirroring, etc…I can spot disingenuous types fairly quickly. I always thought that it was due to my upbringing and that I was an empath sensitive to the energies of others. However, does this mean I have some traits of a narcissist? I genuinely dislike hurting others, but I think all narcs are deeply fragile, just like empaths. Has this dichotomy been linked or studied? Can only those with some narc traits spot their own?
I’m genuinely curious and hope I didn’t come off presumptuous. I was just trying to verbalize what I in my mind saw a potential link to be and wish to hear the other side’s input. Thanks if you have any insights. Looking forward to any potential input.
I’m almost certain he was a greater he never showed heated fury or had pity parties unbelievably charming although not to me in ages very malicious turned my two best friends against me as well S the boyfriend I had after his first discard very investigative discovered recently he investigated me on a site called peekyou.com that I had never heard of but I don’t know if it took place in the beginning middle or end of our relationship but he’s very calculating I recently showed pictures of him to my therapist for the first time and she screamed when she saw him and said oh god no he’s disturbed
I notice my victim / lesser / mid range narc is meaner and more cocky when he makes more money. I use to think he was bipolar …and I also feel his actions and thoughts are becoming more narcissistic as he ages? He also has a wealthy man friend ( lieutenant ) that he mimics and he verbally repeats this mans words to me . Can’t stand it . I am an empath and I absorb his anger and feel it ….it hurts my body physically. My smiles for him are smirks now ….I know what he’s thinking it’s exhausting …empaths feel others pain and do try to understand , you got that right. But , we also can be psychic and know when you are physically putting your attention elsewhere. He will never ruin my abilities . I do know when another impath is near me …just like you know when a narc is in your presence. I know you must be picking out very idealistic naive girls .
Hi HG,
Could the school to which the narcissist belongs be linked to the environment he/she grew up in?
I am asking because it seems as if the lower the status of the family of origin, the level of education, etc., the lower the school.
My family of origin for example (low status, general poor level of education) ‘produced’ a significant number of Lessers and a couple of Mid-Rangers (LMR), both on my mother and my father’s side.
I can’t imagine a Greater, a charming, well-mannered, highly intelligent and sophisticated individual, being ‘created’ in a family where people did not go to school, can’t speak their language properly, live in council houses, curse, burp in your face, etc.
Are there any Lessers in your family?
Thank you.
Yes it could and alongside genetic influences also. There is an Upper Lesser in my family.
Thanks for the quick reply HG.
By the way, I am listening to the Q&A from July 2017 on YouTube and I am REALLY enjoying it.
Wish you had your own radio show.
Thank you. So do I.
Take a look at trump hes a lesser and he grew up with money and education. He lacks class in the worst way. Not meant as a political debate post just my opinion of him.
There have been many from elite families that have been very rough around the edges and have no self control.