The Stolen Case of No
No is a familiar word from our lips and I have explained its extensive use and important value to our kind on a previous occasion. We use now to exert our hold over you. It is not only used in that sense but also as a reminder that you have lost the use of no because we steal that from you and then, when saying “no” to you on a repeated basis we are flaunting what we have taken from you.
We steal your ability to say no very soon into the entanglement. We pluck it away from you with ease and subterfuge so that it seems as if you have placed the use of the word “no” into retirement when actually it has been carefully and quietly spirited away from you. During devaluation, the theft is far more apparent. It has been a brazen burglary, a smash and grab as each time we metaphorically hit you over the head (and in some cases also do so literally) and make off with your use of the word “no”. It is removed from you forcibly and then waved around in front of you on a daily basis, a vicious reminder that we can use it and you cannot. Therein this underlines our superiority over you. The acquisition of the word “no” is an early and key aim of when we ensnare you. We set out to take it from you, acquire it for our own extensive use and deny you the opportunity of using it ever again. Inevitably the questions of how and why we do this manifest. First of all, how do we achieve this pilfering? What forms does it take?
- You lose the capacity to say no to our advances during seduction.
- You cannot say not to spending time with us.
- You cannot say not to the suggestions we make.
- You cannot say no to the places we take you.
- You cannot say no to the gifts we shower you with.
- You cannot say no the first time we take your hand.
- You cannot say not the first time we move closer to kiss you.
- You cannot say no when we take you to bed.
- You cannot say no when we keep staying at your place.
- You cannot say no when we invite you to stay with us.
- You cannot say no when we turn up unexpectedly and invite you out for lunch or coffee.
Think back to your seduction (or if you are still inside this period consider the ongoing situation) and how readily you accede to all these requests. It is easy because there is always an upside. You cannot say no, because you do not want to say no, because you do not want to miss out on the experience of being with us and being bound closer to us. You do not realise this but we have already stolen your ability to say no. Just in the way that a totalitarian state tells you what to think, say and do, we do the same but it is all wonderful, golden and benign. This is because when we take away your capacity to say no during the seduction of the golden period we are governing you through love. This regime is as controlling as any other but is uses love to achieve governance.
What then of devaluation? How then does the theft of “no” occur?
- You do not say no to our demands that you run around after us.
- You do not say no to our command that you stay in and do not go out with your friends.
- You are forbidden from saying no to our demands in the bedroom, no matter how degrading and humiliating they may be.
- You do not say no to our sudden explosions of rage but rather you must deal with them and ride you out.
- You do not say not to the repeated crossing of your boundaries through our invasion of your personal space, the occupation of your accommodation, the use of your resources such as time and money.
- You do not say no to our coming and going as we please. We are entitled and we remove your ability to say no in order to further this sense of absolute entitlement.
- You do not say no to our erosion of your self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem as we whittle them away through the repeated applications of our manipulations.
- You do not say not to our isolation of you, as we ensure you spend time with us and do not socialise with friends and family.
- You do not say no to the frequent manipulations that are applied to you, but rather you suck them up and deal with them as best as you can.
The totalitarian regime that we implement is no longer one which used love in order to govern. That has been replaced with fear. Fear of repercussions, of responses, reactions and consequences has the word no evaporate from your vocabulary. Even if you try and say it, it will not come naturally, but rather sticks in your throat until we seize it and pull it away from you once again leaving you with no option other than to say “yes”.
The theft of “no” continues even after you are discarded as well.
- You do not say no to our smearing of you to third parties, since you are bewildered and do not have the energy or coping mechanisms to fight back;
- You do not say no to our hoovering of you by saying no to our home visits, no to our telephone calls or no to our messages;
- You do not say no to the memories of us but rather allow them to fill your mind and continue our infection of you;
- You do no say no to wondering what we are doing and who with
- You do not say no to spying on us, trawling our social media profile and asking others about us.
- You do not say no to the reinstatement of the golden period.
No is denied to you repeatedly. It is taken from your lexicon of words and if you ever try to take it back, it is soon whipped away from you once again. We own your use of the word “no”. We understand the power that comes with its use and that is why we take it by any means possible. At first through the false love and then through the imposition of fear, intimidation and threat.
Why do we do this? Why do we make it our aim to remove your capacity to resist, refuse and thus say no?
- The word “no” is powerful. More so than “yes”. It is harder to say but when used it is powerful. We want to remove that power from you and have it ourselves.
- By preventing you from saying no to us we can control you and have you do what we want.
- Only the great have the ability to say no. We have it. Therefore, we are superior. You do not. You are therefore inferior.
- You know you should say it but you cannot. This damages your self-worth even further.
- Watching you try to say the word we have taken causes you pain, frustration, upset and anger, all of which lead to the provision of fuel.
The removal of “no” from you to us is a lynchpin in our manipulation of you. How ought you to deal with this theft? It is simple enough. Always remember where you have placed the word “no”, take it out, use it, practise with it, say it to yourself in the mirror and remember that the more you use it the harder it is for us to steal it from you and keep it from you.
20 thoughts on “The Stolen Case of No”
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HG,
‘No .. …. we take it by any means possible….
At first through the false love and then through the imposition of fear, intimidation and threat’.
YES,……WOW.
These words have much truth to them.
Is it possible you are just very good at the art of writing, observation and through usage !!!?
Please excuse any rudness.
My trust in everything is very low, very much including myself :(, It was so strong.
All said, your writings are a life line as are all the commenter’s.
Thank you HG and thank you all !!!!!!!!!
Dear Mr Tudor,
I was beaten fiercely with a black leather belt when I was in grade 3 by my psycho step dad for saying “no”. He accused me of lying … I wasnt, I was being truthful and had done nothing wrong. I was forced to wear a longer dress to school to cover up the black n blue bruises and belt cuts behind my legs and bottom and could barely sit. I told to shut up about it or I’d get the same again.. I remember the “no” word well. The power he had!
I guess that’s when I became a “yes” person!
This is one of your most important “red warning” articles to us …. say “No” to everyone first.. we are females … we can change our minds…. if …..and ….when …. we want.
But in this instance… this article gets a big fat “yes” from me … excellent, thank you
You are welcome.
Bubbles
I felt fire in the pit of my stomach reading that. Dragon coming to life. I cant stop thinking about ways that I would torture that piece of garbage that hurt little bubbles and Im sorry you have that memory.
NA
Dearest NarcAngel,
Thankyou lovely one for your warm response, you’re too kind.
My brother copped the same belting as I did …. just because … obviously getting his psycho nut case “jollies off” by doing it!
My step dad was so charming to everyone and those at work … yet a complete monster at home… he also tried to gas us kids in our sleep, he pretended it was a fault in the stove! There was no fault!
He took control and bought clothes and jewellery for my mum, laid them out on the bed for her to wear, opened her mail, forbade her to go greet rellies from arriving o/s and finally hit her. She told me she hit him back and split his lip in half …. gooooo mum …. but a very dangerous move. He told her to go to his psych (which she did) and the psych told my mum to take us kids and get the hell out because the psych knew how dangerous and unpredictable he was! Mum then planned and executed our successful secret getaway!
I hope by relaying my stories, it resonates a little with others and triggers ones senses to the red flags and prevents them from going thru what I was subjected to.
It was a very different era back then NarcAngel… we were so young, naive and gullible ….. hmmmmm …. 🤔…. what’s changed …I know
….. I’m now old, naive and gullible … haha
Hugs to you NarcAngel 💜
I can relate to everything you described in your post Bubbles.
I know the feeling.
Dear abrokenwing,
That absolutely breaks my heart 😥
Hugs to you
You’re such a sweetheart Bubbles…
My father also accused me of something I didn’t do and he wanted me to admit it so he beat me up to the point where i actually started believing that i did it but maybe i just don’t remember…
This memory popped in my head as i read your post and I could literally feel your pain.
Big hug to you too Bubbles X
(((Bubbles))))….so sorry this happened to you and your brother.
Dear narc affair,
My brother has issues as well!
Mum was quite naive at the time and did what she did to survive being a single mum, but there were consequences and sadly we suffered as well. Being a single mum was frowned upon back then and she barely survived financially, so having someone come along and take on a woman with two kids was such a relief.
She learnt the hard way (3 husbands) but sadly, it made her what she is today.
Thank you lovely 😘
For years i struggled with being assertive and it still doesnt come naturally. No is a word i have to practice saying and feeling ok with. Ive always worried too much what others think and not my own needs.
In relation to my narc i need to make changes and say no but in the back of my mind i know it could change things but maybe thats what is supposed to happen.
Narc Affair
This article and saying no is big with me. I know a lot of people feel the way you do about saying it and heres my thought for what its worth:
Too many people associate being assertive with being rude or confrontational when it is really just showing respect for yourself. Being assertive is not only having boundaries, but telling others what they are so they do not breach them or claim not to know when they have. Usually people when pressed to say no will also give a reason or explanation along with it when really, only someone who does not respect you or your boundaries would ask you to qualify a no thank you. Baby steps I guess. Keep practicing no thank you until you can say it without a follow-up or reason. I promise you that anyone that does not accept it without explanation does not have your best interest at heart so you should not feel bad.
Hi narcangel…ty for your reply its very helpful to read that bc it really feels like the most awkward thing to do bordering on discomfort. Its that guilt complex and people pleasing. Not wanting to rock the boat. Yet when someone has said no to me ive been overaccomidating smoothing it over feeing awkward for them lol
I agree no should be enough. Also if you overdo it with excuses its a sign that youre not strong in your decision.
An example of this is…a friend of my daughters mum asked one day if i could pick her daughters up on the way to school so they wouldnt have to walk. They live approx 10 min walk away from the school. It was winter so i said yes. At the time i was bothered bc she knew we were dealing with some things at the time and this added more to do but i figured one time is ok. It then started to be everytime it was a bit colder out. It meant getting up 20 min earlier bc of the route. I get up quite early already. I struggled over it trying to come up with an excuse and then was angry for having to waste time and stressing over it. I told her im sorry i cant bc were already racing to get out the door. She became quiet and eventually turned her daughter away from my daughter. It wasnt the outcome i wanted but youre right she didnt have my interests at heart and was only looking out for her own. Good riddance. No can be a good way to weed out users.
Dear NarcAngel,
You just described me perfectly, to a tee, spot on . I’ve always followed with reason or long winded explanation, to be “nice”!
Well said, excellent advice ☺️thank you
Dear narc affair,
I just read your story with your daughter’s friend, same with me. Mine was one of the mum’s from my daughters school…. she had me doing things I never even said “yes” to …. it was always “implied consent”. I was easily manipulated!
Not now!
I have withdrawn from almost everything now, including people. I don’t do anything for anyone anymore and I definitely don’t fix people anymore. I now sift thru people’s chatter first, realise it’s crap, get bored and walk away, politely … haha
I now trust no one and pretty much hate (sorry no longer tolerate ) everyone! I’m now at that ripe ol age where I can and don’t give a “flying ****” 😂
Mr Bubbles said to me ….. “fiiiiiinally” … 😂
Ps … I now feel narcissist myself … I’m doing a Mr Tudor with people …
you’re good, you’re bad, you’re a narc (going thru the different cadres in my brain), you’re a complete arsehole, you’re a loser, and definitely hate you…..😂
Hi bubbles…your reply made me feel sad. I do understand where youre coming from youve been hurt and youre protecting yourself. Ive found myself feeling that way too putting up walls. To love is to get hurt at times and thats a reality. Theres no guarantees when you put yourself out there and be empathetic you wont get hurt. I dont want to lose that part of me. Im cautious and still get burned now and then but im learning to not be as naive as i was and to educate myself on these types of people.
Bubbles dont be afraid to be your empathetic self just be guarded. I can tell by your posts you have a beautiful heart 💓
Dear narc affair,
Thankyou gorgeous, that was so lovely.
Narcs leave such a bitter taste in one’s mouth, it’s very hard to get rid of 🤢
It’s like the 7 stages of grief !
I’m just taking longer on the working thru, acceptance and hope! I guess it’s because my mum is in my life everyday now!
I appreciate your kind words, thankyou, I’m a work still in progress… getting there …slowly …very slowly …. haha
😘💜
I’m stealing my NO back
Wow! Great article. I never realized til I just read this that I had a hard time saying no. Even if i knew I
Should say no i didnt . This explains much. Ty HG
Pleasure.