The Eight Exploitations of Empathy
You are an empathic individual. This is why we chose you. This is why we want people like you because you have certain traits which appeal considerably to us. You have traits which are ripe to be exploited by us and only someone like you can provide such an opportunity to our kind. You have certain traits which we need to exploit for our own purposes; these are eight of them
1. Trust
You cannot operate without trust. You trust us with your heart from the very outset. You readily give it to us and allow us to place our hands around it. You trust us to keep it safe and protect, unaware that our nefarious hands covet the provision of your heart. Your trust is absolute and unconditional and this enables us to exploit it repeatedly by doing as we please,acting behind your back and breaching your trust over and over again. Your reaction when you learn of our breach of this sacred trait is enormous and fuel-filled and the driver behind our need to take and shatter your trust. The concept of trust is so inviting that even though we will fracture it, we will endeavour to repair it and win it back just so we can breach it again.
2. Honesty
Your openness and honesty results in your signing your own fate by furnishing us with so much information about yourself. From your hopes and desires through to your weaknesses and vulnerabilities. You are content to detail it all to us as you live by a code of honesty, always wanting to tell the truth and for the truth to be provided to you. We know you operate by this trait and we will feign to be an honest person at the outset, free with our expressions of how we truly feel about you. How more honest can we be than to tell you that you are the person we have waited our whole lives for? Yet, honesty is for you and never for us because we operate in the shadows of dishonesty. Your honesty may be a strength in your eyes but to us it is a weakness as you have opened yourself up before us, exposing yourself to us, showing your neck to us as our forked tongue slides across our sharpest teeth.
3. Decency
You must always do the right thing. To do anything else is anathema to you and we know that this attribute of yours leaves you susceptible to our many machinations. You are polite and well-mannered. This means that you will accord with our initial overtures and listen attentively to whatever we say. You accept graciously our gifts, not realising that they are bribes to ensure you become chained to us. You always answer our calls, reply to our messages and open your door when we appear, not matter how often or how unannounced. This requirement to be civil and decent allows us to frequent you to such a degree that our charm is in and around you so often that you have no chance other than to succumb to it. You will not turn away, you will not slam the door in our faces but instead give us the toehold and time of day to weave our malign magic over you and seduce you.
4. Equality
You expect to be treated as you treat others and when the devaluation eventually commences and you find that such concepts as consideration, reciprocity and equality of treatment are missing, your alarmed and emotional response is the engine for the fuel we need. You operate by the maxim of do unto others as you would have them do unto you and thus you treat us with love, affection and kindness. Its absence by return causes you considerable consternation and upset, which enables us to draw the fuel from you in significant amounts.
5. Fidelity
To be faithful and receive fidelity in return is of significant importance to you. Your own dedication to the ideal of faithfulness means that we have little concern that you will have your head turned by others, no matter how badly we treat you. You will not transgress this ideal, even though you may suspect or even know of our own flagrant disregard for the concept of fidelity, you will remain true to it. It pains you, it hurts you but as a person of principle you will abide by it. You do not do this through any notion of pride or to seek some kind of accolade, but you do it because it is part of you. A constituent part of your moral fibre and full in the knowledge of this sterling attribute of yours, we shall do as we please with little concern that you will treat us in the same way.
6. Tenacity
You do not give up. You exhibit an indefatigable spirit which invades every element of who you are. You will not give up on the idea of you and me. You will do whatever it takes to please me, to win back my golden grace which you once delighted in. You will hang in there determined to ensure we get back on track. You will not walk away because to do so would be to admit failure and this is not something that you can countenance. No matter how bad the abuse, no matter how terrible your treatment, you will cling on as a consequence of this trait. We are well aware of this and welcome such a tenacious approach, for it provides with a guarantee of your attention and support.
7. Healing
You desire to heal and to fix is perhaps one of your most notable traits. The desire to nourish the good in people and bring it to the fore. You believe that everybody is capable of becoming better, including yourself which is why you are so selfless and giving. You strive to find the ways of making a situation better for somebody, you want to make the sad person become happy, the worried person calm and to ease the concerns of all you come across. Most of all you want to fix us because you believe we can be fixed. We will not disavow you of such a notion, not at all, it serves our purposes to keep you thinking that you can make a difference.
8. Loving
Your love is immense. Unconditional, vast and seemingly unending. Like the largest reservoir, your love is that which we must ensnare and once achieved we drink from it with an unending thirst. You are devoted to the idea of love and we will exploit this repeatedly. We exert control over you by suggesting to you that you must not love us if you will not do that what we want. We test your love for us by placing immense demands upon you knowing that you will always rise to the challenge. Your love for us is such that it is sweeter than that which might be obtain from others but it also remains intact for far, far longer. It endures the torrid devaluation and the heartless abandonment so that we know we can count on being able to come back once again and take hold of your love yet again for our own unsavoury and malicious purposes.
17 thoughts on “The Eight Exploitations of Empathy”
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Hg- I teach second grade (8 year olds) and my school tries to teach the kids empathy. Are kids this age already narcissists or is there still time for them to be taught empathy?
And because he violated me and took my rights away based ON conning me with Lies and Bullshit…I saw the ugly evil monster behind his mask…So I ended up being his worst Supply and nightmare. Of course I paid a price, but He is loosing the life he once had to exploit women. The saddest thing, a lot of the women did not have a clue of what is a Narcissist and that he was one….So may Karma and God continue to fuck up his life. And we the victims heal
These are instincts a good intuitive mother has ….
So accurately matches my life… I have been feeling like Im crumbling lately though…
Hi HG,
The end of the last line says, “… take hold of your love yet again for our own unsavory and malicious purposes.”
What are these unsavory and malicious purposes?
Thank you!
Manipulating you.
The manipulations are just the tricks. But the purpose… to try to fill that bottomless pit with something. Like ‘my narc’s’ sexual perversions… its like constantly eating junk food. At some point, the endless quest to fill up on junk food makes it near impossible to appreciate and enjoy a really fine dining experience. With so much constant noise in the way, they can never enjoy and be filled by the good and love honest people might bring to their lives. That love never warms them in that deep soul filling way. The manipulations have one purpose, to pull the lever on the control to deliver the cocaine fix and that purpose is to just keep them going.
You have written Chapters of my Life. Your insight and the detail are so accurate. I have attempted no contact many times. I attempted again but he is relentless . Coming to my home wanting to stay the night , scratching the door when I don’t answer. I emailed him ” big mistake’ and his new girlfriend popped up on my phone screen yikes when I clicked the video she showed him sitting next to her😳 .She said, look at her , she is crazy. Well I emailed him some very destructive voicemail and told him I copied her. Then went grey rt ock and left ty own for a week. I’m so scarred of him this as T I’m going to stay with a friend a few months. Thank you for the information , blog and everyone here I keep coming back and the time was right when I broke away to actually open myself . This has saved me from cotinuing under his mind control and covert abuse.
You are welcome.
And the wormhole through which all of these exploitations teleport is empathy’s blind spot. It’s our fatal flaw, HG. I do appreciate the illumination you have given, grateful to have sealed that thing off, so thank you.
You are welcome.
About the “forget about me, let me go, move on” … I know he is a narcissist but was this possibility for real? I am doing just that, but forgetting about him doesn’t mean bot remembering, but have you ever said similar things?
Trying to make sense of where our tenacity fits in with being told by a narc to forget about there ever having been an “us”, never was, never will be and that I should just let him go. I wonder how much was all narc manipulations for fuel and to hurt on purpose, and how much was 100% what he actually wanted. In the end, it doesn’t matter, I am doing as requested, but this post made me wonder.
Sarabella, I know you are asking HG the question and not me, so I hope you don’t mind my response. My take is that his words constituted a provocation for your delicious fuel (emotion). I say this because how many of us ever really respond with, “You’re right. That’s so logical of you to say narc. Will do. Goodbye.” Much in the same way the future faking is fake, so are the fake goodbyes. Just another use of words to extract your fuel. Nothing of real substance, which is why we must not engage with them else the perpetual mind f-word. But consider the source…me, an empath. If this helps, good. If not, pardon my intrusion on your query to HG.
That is how I usually took it, as fake. Because if I also waited a bit, as i found out, I could easily re-engage him. That was like participating in my own gas lighting because he always acted as if he had never said things like that. But I still wonder if there isn’t some part that is true. Like I wasn’t getting the discard for what it was. I finally did take it at face value, whether he meant it or not, and I have cut out the parts of “us” that made it all work. Cut it out deeply enough, he will never get fuel from me again. My working on the residual parts has only to do with me and sorting through the last bits of nonesense.
I just wonder if there is a part of him that really meant it for real, like I was too “stupid” to not get his discard was really meant whereas I always thought he was always faking it to hurt me (for fuel). Too stupid which is why he said, i had no self_respect for persisting. (Little did he know, on my side I used him to work something out as I decided I was going to take something from that shit experience. Something that was what nade me succeptible to his kind. And because I did work it out, I won’t ever be at risk with him anymore. The ironies that a narc can help cure you of narcitis)
Make sense though? Maybe he did mean for me to walk. The discard can’t happen if the target refuses to listen and properly submit and wait for gim. Or it was all still just more strategy for fuel and control on his part?
No problem commenting…
Great insight Bella Sara! Can I call you that? Doesn’t Bella mean beautiful? I thought of you this morning and your art. The Today Show is doing a loneliness series to combat the loneliness epidemic. The UK even has s minister of loneliness to combat the epidemic. Google it! In Chicago, they use art to combat loneliness. People attend art classes with others. Art is very therapeutic and healing it said, the outlet of creativity. I’m so glad you are creating. The art classes for loneliness are for amateurs like me. 😄
DUTG
I bet those loneliness art classes net a lot of phallic shapes and others that could be mistaken for soft tacos.
Dutg
Ive lost the thread where you asked what steps to take to take HG global. Im not ignoring you. Do you remember which one it was?