The Igniters of Fury – No. 20
17 thoughts on “The Igniters of Fury – No. 20”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
“Two pieces got accepted into the art show! Its sort of a local thing, but still… super cool.”
Congrats sarabella!
Sarabella – your telling of the herd of deer and reflections on your art class was a beautiful description.*
Re: “the art scene,” I agree with you wholeheartedly. I tried to fit in to that and never did but It’s been much more rewarding to be on the fringe – and it was a lifeline for me during my entanglement, in more ways than one.
*there was no reply button for me on that post of yours, so just leaving this here
My Narc mother said she didn’t support me and my desire to pursue my art because she didn’t think I would be any good. When she saw that I was, and that people openly say I am very talended, suddenly it was, “beautiful as always” in response to work I started to do.
Sarabella
Im glad you didnt let your mother dissuade you, and that you have a creative outlet to nurture you.
She did in many ways. One way was as anyone knows, art isn’t easy to break into and she could have supported me when I got accepted to an art school. I almost got a Fulbright scholarship. When that fell through, I never even thought to ask my mother to help me. She had been making it clear that she was not there for me in anyway. So I let the dream go for 20 years. I had had an opportunity to study art at a school in France.
Funny thing is that I made a life change right before the nar, and as part of it, I had gone out and bought a fresh supply of art materials. I didn’t do anything with them, and was surprised I was even buying them, but then the narc and I got ‘involved’ in a long distance nothingness. And suddenly, I was in my art again. Right now, its the only thing that is finally healing this mess of narcisism that’s hurt my life, not just from him, but from family.
I always wonder if some angel was telling me what was going to happen and had set it up to catch me. I also used to be an avid journaler from high school all through my 30’s. About 4 months before Narc and I ‘got involved’, I bought a blank journal. I spent some time picking one out which was odd as I haven’t journaled in years and didn’t have much to say. So there sat my journal and my art supplies, bought, and yet I felt no drive to use either.
After the narc effed up my life again, I filled that journal (have since burned it though), and I picked up my brushes again. It was like something in my life must not have been working already, so the universe lined up what was going to help me as it then brought the devil himself to wake me up.
This weekend, I entered 3 pieces in an art show and am waiting to see if they will be accepted.
My art is better now. More sophisticated because now, I have my money lined up and don’t have to make a living at it per se. And now, I know more why I am doing it. And its validating my life again. And also, I hope if ever he sees it, he will be filled with rage (to follow up on this thread) that I am good. And that this will be proof I did not sit around waiting for him anylonger but went on with my life.
Dear sarabella,
I’m sooo happy for you, you clever girl …. such talent and so gifted!
If I was your mother I would’ve “bought” all your paintings … congratulations and best wishes for your future success
💜🎨
Ah, thank you Bubbles… lol. Its amazing how opposite I am to my mother. I konw my daughter will be great at whatever she sets her heart and mind too. I can’t even imagine telling your child you never thought they would be good at something that they clearly always loved.
I actually just yesterday set a goal for myself. I am going to paint a portrait from a photo of my daughter and enter it into next year’s Portrait Society of America competition. Doing it mostly for the goal, the challenge and why not?
Although, I was thinking, maybe HG could send me a photo and I could paint his portrait. So if I win, HG will be FAMOUS! ROTFL… 🙂
Two pieces got accepted into the art show! Its sort of a local thing, but still… super cool. I worked the past 2 years to pick up where I left off and it was with starting to enter into shows and putting my work out there. 🙂
Sarabella,
Good luck on the art show. But remember what ‘they’ think never determines you.
I love paintings and reading about many of the great painters. I have no talent in that area myself, but I have writing talent.
That’s what attracted my narc to me in the 1st place, until he began to resent my accomplishments.
Unfortunately, I have encountered a lot of narcs in the artistic arena. Many are poseurs who just want attention. Some have had genuine talent but were lazy because it wasn’t giving them the fuel they wanted.
I know of one narc who was so pretentious–for decades was a writer but then after no attention in that area, turned to sex research. WTF?
It’s parody, really.
Oh yeah. Last summer, I went to an art workshop, plein air painting. I started it positive and open. On the last day, everyone had left and I was out enjoying the lake and a herd of deer that came down to drink. And I burst out crying. I autopsies the whole thing and realized the teacher had been putting me down the whole time. Subtly, overtly. I found it hard to believe but as I reviewed it all, I saw all the tricks. What else could ever explain why I was so hurt at the end? He came and praised a painter next to me, got to my work and laughed at one part of it even though it was in progress. And I reviewed all his bragging and confidence boasting and concluded he was some narc, too. I HATE the art scene so staying on the edges. I found a really great teacher months later. Left feeling positive, seen, validated. And I will take her advice to the class… find a teacher you like and stick with that person and don’t go talent shopping.
But man, that guy…. if I didn’t have the narc training I have, I would have just left thinking it was all me, not that he was threatened and had it in for me for some reason
Narc training is a good expression, and once you see, you can’t unsee. I’m glad you saw him for what he was and it didn’t bring you down.
Its really interesting to look out in life now with what you can see once you sort of ‘get it’. I think that you can be a therapist professional and study NPD but until you fall into the hell of it, I wonder if you can ever really get it? I mean really get it. Not that a professional needs to experience hell to work with NPD patients, but I just wonder. It has taken me 4 years to wrap my head around it all. But maybe, that is what it takes, an empath to really see how wrong it all is? Why we are such a horrible combination?
Hmmm, HG, do you think there is some truth to that… that normal people really can’t understand it on some level, and all of what makes empaths go “crazy” with the hurt, pain and anger is that we know via that mirror, how incredibly off your kind are? Its like we are the angels, hurt with pain over the presence of the devil. And only angels can sense the presence of the devil.
I agree, any people do not understand it usually because
1. They have not experienced it ; and
2. Their preconceived notions about relationships interfere with that understanding. For example, they cannot comprehend such behaviour and therefore tend to think that the victim is exaggerating, is not entirely blameless, that they are over-thinking, being too sensitive etc
Narcoholic -if we were in front of ppl,, he’d either brag about my talent, or else downplay it like it was no big deal, even tell me to not be so full of myself. If neither approach got the attention off of me, he’d storm aroumd in a repressed fury (usually if he wasn’t doing so well at HIS job or whatever lately)
This picture is perfect.
When my son was nine years old, his father yelled at him for throwing the baseball too hard.
Kate
I can only hope its because he hit his father in the balls with it. A little thought fuel for me.
This is so funny – I can’t stop giggling to myself!!!