The Empath’s Riposte Grenades
There are occasions when you have been on the receiving end of one of our conversational narc grenades which has been thrown at you as we then walk away from the ensuing carnage, sucking up the fuel and marvelling at our own brilliance. There will of course been times when you wished that you had something which you could lob at us in order to make some kind of impact, a comment or a gesture which does not take much effort but manages to land a blow on us. The problem is, until such time as you have received the benefit of my mentoring I should imagine that your responses to your particular narcissist have been along these lines:-
Shouting and hurling insults at us as you lose your temper
Crying as you call us as many names as you can think of
Throwing something at us with a yell of frustration
Banging a door shut in annoyance
Telling us what you think about us as you bristle with anger
Of course as avid students you will know that all of these responses and more besides have no impact on us other than to provide us with fuel. You can call me as many insults as you can think of but if you do it as you scream at the top of your voice in anger or with tears spilling down your cheeks, the savage words merely fuel me. Now, for the purpose of extracting more fuel and providing me with something to go and complain about to other people (thus gaining more fuel and smearing you into the bargain) I will provoke you even further. Once you have lost yourself to emotion, we will keep pushing, prodding and provoking in order to make you deliver even more fuel to us. We will feign that we are hurt, we will pretend to be angry in response, we may even mimic being frightened of you. It is all fabricated and is just designed to draw more fuel. Accordingly, you should not respond in this fashion. Instead, when deploying these ripostes, you must do so without showing any emotion. If you do, the intended effect will fail. If you do these without expressing any emotion you will not provide and fuel and the effect will be that we will feel criticised and this will wound us. Be aware that when wounded our fury will be ignited. This may mean we withdraw, we may unleash a cold fury (silent treatment) or a heated fury (insults, violence) and therefore you should proceed with caution. You are best performing these ripostes when you are departing so you are leaving your own empathic riposte grenade behind to explode and wound us. In some instances, departure may not be possible and therefore you need to consider carefully the type of narcissist you are with and their likely reaction to criticism. Caveat out of the way, here are the ten critical ripostes for you to use against your narcissist.
- Point and Laugh
Point at us and give a hollow laugh. A slow, hollow laugh which is repeated will provide no emotion. Alternatively, point and just say “HAW ha” in an exaggerated manner, akin to the Simpsons’ character, Nelson Muntz. We will not know why you are laughing and the fact you are pointing at us but giving what is a derisory laugh will feel like a significant criticism to us.
- “You are big on emotion, low on substance.”
We like to think we are important and of considerable substance. You are the emotional one, not us, even though of course we are the ones which thrive on your emotional attention. To suggest we are emotional (when of course we have a limited range of emotions) implies that we lack control. To suggest we have no substance (which hints at our need to adopt the characteristics of others and also impugns our importance) adds to the criticism. The Lesser will be wounded by the suggestion of being emotive and unimportant, The Greater, knowing what he is will be wounded by the massive hint at knowing what we are, alongside the suggestion of lacking control and lacking importance. A double whammy.
- Feign sleep when we are talking
There is no emotion in closing your eyes and emitting a gentle snoring as you are sat down or lying down and we embark on one of our lengthy monologues. Once we realise you are not paying attention the criticism will wound.
- “I have to be elsewhere.”
If this is said without emotion you are telling us that our presence is not magnetic and commanding enough. Make your exit and leave us to our ignited fury at this wounding remark.
- “Jim has one only his is better.”
Useful for when we are crowing about some material possession. “Jim” may be somebody known to us both or you may make him up, the key thing is to point out that whatever we have, then “Jim’s” is better. It may be that his is a nicer colour, or his if larger, faster, more spacious, tougher, more durable. Whatever it is it will wound us. You can even keep rolling out the fictional Jim on repeated occasions and it will soon dent our crowing and have us wounded.
- “I wasn’t listening; can you repeat what you said please?”
You should always be listening to us. We are important. Any suggestion that you are not amounts to a criticism and if you actually tell us that you were not doing so, then it is even worse.
- Fall asleep when we are having sex with you
To impugn our Olympic sexual mastery in this way is a massive criticism. It need not be full sexual intercourse either. If you are touching us, drift off or vice versa. Best used with a Mid-Range as they tend to go off in a wounded sulk rather than erupt in a rage.
- “It is just not that interesting to me.”
Any suggestion that we are dull or boring when we are demonstrating something to you or regaling you with our latest tale of brilliance will constitute a wounding criticism.
- “Let me know when you have finished.”
This can be applied to so many different activities. We expect you to either be a willing and enthusiastic participant or a delighted spectator. If you make this remark when we are showing off about something and then walk away we will be wounded by this criticism.
- “No that does not make sense.”
Remember how frustrated you become at our circular conversations and inability to understand the point you are making? Well, this is your chance to turn the tables. You probably do understand but by suggesting we are not articulating ourselves clearly when delivered without emotion will amount to a criticism. We may try and explain again. If so repeat the comment. You can then walk away as our fury ignites and no doubt we insult you for being stupid and thick but who is the one who has just been wounded?
38 thoughts on “The Empath’s Riposte Grenades”
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Wow! This is pure Gold. Thank You. Bravo. Mastery indeed. I deal with a lesser so these are very dangerous but extremely effective.
So… 1. Point and Laugh… when I pointed out his underdeveloped man parts (after he went after my physical shortcomings not once but it was the core of what he used to control me), I guess that was rage and wound causing, huh? Good.
Yes! Da! Ja! Si! Oui!
Lilly,
…”nope still delusional” Hahaha.
That was pretty entertaining and some good ideas in there – in addition to HG’s!
Thank you WhoCares. Use anything you like.
Me, “I’d tell you I hope you feel better but since you pretty much told me to suck it up when I was sick a couple weeks ago I really don’t care how you feel.”
(I had a bladder infection and a bad cold. He had a tummy ache) 🙄
Him, “your mean.”
Me, “it’s you’re mean.”
Sophia, I love how you unapologetically correct his grammar at the end!!! LOL
I literally have adhd. I’m pretty sure I wounded him frequently. “What are you looking at?” “Did you hear what I just said? Jeez.” “Can you look at me when I’m talking?” 🙄 I’d apologize and feel bad even when I could repeat his sentence. Funny though, the favor wasn’t ever returned.
“Alternatively, point and just say “HAW ha” in an exaggerated manner, akin to the Simpsons’ character, Nelson Muntz.”
If I did this he would probably find it funny and think I was quoting The Simpsons (he is a huge fan of the show like I am). So yeah that one would back fire in my face.
I am holding onto #2 and #10 though!
I DID..the point and Laugh to the Ex GN. It seemed to slowly.. iginite his fury.
The best was telling him NO..unemotionally,
when he asked me to use my mouth on him,
after I came home from a stressful work day..told him I had had one..and he was stinking drunk where he had NOT worked at all. I was tired. He bellowed from the core of his being.He raged on for hours untul I had to grab my clothes and leave. It was NOT a safe place to be.
He knew..I did not want to spend hours..trying to revive his Manhood. Ha!
This one was brilliant HG. Yes I admit at first I did all the emotional stuff, only the crying part never occurred. Without knowing at that time I actually did some of your suggestions (after devaluation started), no wonder your teaching technique appeals to me.
Point and Laugh
I did not point, but I had a hollow laugh and used it often while narc would make a point during an argument.
Narc: why are you laughing, can you not see I am making a point here?
Me: because you are funny, not really
Narc: feigned hurt/silence
You are big on emotion, low on substance
Me: You are too sensitive, you can not seem to intellectually argue while in this state
Narc: I can not believe you just said that to me (sulk)
Me: believe it, I just did
Narc: used this same sentence to me few days later
Feign sleep when we are talking
I did not need to feign sleep as I actually fell asleep while he gave a monologue on the phone.
Narc (next day): how dare you to fall asleep while I was talking?
Me: your voice was monotonous and I was tired
Narc: rage
I have to be elsewhere
This one I used a lot, especially during an argument
Me: I have to go
Narc: I am not finished yet, listen to me right now
Me: but I am, and I would just hang up on him
Narc: lengthy email how I did not care for him and how much he was hurt
Jim has one only his is better
Narc was big on music and believed he was a reincarnation of John Lennon
Narc: monologue how he had something unique to bring to the world
Me: oh I heard that concept from a friend, but he’s ideas actually seem to be successful
Narc: silence
I wasn’t listening; can you repeat what you said please
Narc: monologue about how the world has let him down
Me: fumbling on the phone, reading news while narc speaks, at the same time there pops a advert with loud music
Narc: did I just heard music? Are you not listening to me?
Me: I can multitask go on, can you repeat the last sentence?
Narc: rage and bringing this story in every argument from then on
Fall asleep when we are having sex with you
Ha ha. This one cracked me up. I did not do this one as we never were intimate.
“It is just not that interesting to me.”
Narc: talking about universe, aliens and doom thinking
Me: can we talk about something else before I get abducted by aliens?
Narc: silence, the end of conversation
Let me know when you have finished
Narc: explaining on and on how he accomplished something work related
Me: hold that thought, I will be right back, than afterwards starting conversation about something else
Narc: silence during the rest of conversation
No that does not make sense
Narc: explaining in lengths he’s point of view
Me: you are delusional
Narc: repeating everything he just said
Me: nope still delusional
Narc: you guessed it right: sulk/silence
That was hilarious, Lilly! I was LMFAO as I read! Ha ha ha….
Thank you K, glad I could make you laugh. At times it was not always funny, having to deal with the childish response by narc, but it sure made me feel better.
Lilly
It is absolutely mind-boggling when you are “in it” and now that I am away from my MMRN (and most of my other narcs) I feel so much better and I can look back and “see” the ridiculousness of it all.
K… absoutely! Thru NC and time its amazing how diffrent ones outlook changes. You go from pure & utter devastation to finding it all completely ridiculous . It takes a long time to get to that point. I went from being in meds because of the N to this stage now. I thought id lost my damn mind at one point. Believe it when HG says elite greaters are the worst.. I would rather hug a scorpion that be with one of those again. You are lucky to survive! I still work with him and occasionally he will try to hoover by sending a message on the work computer and I take great pride in deleting it and never ever responding. “Thanks for sending that unit for back up” “do we have calls holding” all stuff that he already knows by looking at the computer in his squad car.. (eyeroll)
Julie
Your outlook completely changes when you have been no contact for a while. Before NC, it felt like I had been ambushed and “roofied” and the whole experience was devastating and heartbreaking. We are very lucky we have made it out and I would rather take my chances with a scorpion, too. Less painful! It is fabulous when you can just ignore the hoovers and it doesn’t really bother you anymore.
The quote below made me realize how lucky I was because I only had to deal with a ULN and an MMRN.
“the nature of the abuse doled out by the Greater is done in such a calculated, insidious and mind-fucking manner that the victim (with eroded self-worth and reduced critical thinking) is easily led to the conclusion that it cannot be abuse.”
https://narcsite.com/2018/03/09/what-happens-when-you-tell-the-narcissist-he-is-an-abuser-3/
K… agreed. It is very much like being drugged at the time. Its amazing how NC makes you see thru all the bullshit & mindfuckery and u are then able see into their dark souls and what they did to you. Then to add insult to injury they trot off into the sunset with the new source and leave you laying on the floor in a heaped up pile for the next days trash removal. I pity him now and laugh at the same time. I have a wide array of emotions about him now but none of which are much on the positive side. I see him as a silly little creature. Any type of N is not good to get connected with. I am so hyper vigilant now that I dont think I will ever enjoy dating now. I find faults in EVERY man that tries to court me. They dont last more thAn a few weeks then I start finding things that are possibly narcissistic and they must be terminated. Does anyone else have this problem??
Julie
Exactly! Shanghaied, used and abused, then unceremoniously tossed into the broken appliance heap, while they ride off into the sunset with their new IPPS. Bastards! All of them. I don’t think about my MMRN too much anymore, however, when I do think about him, it isn’t pretty.
This made me laugh: “they must be terminated.” Presently, I have NO desire to date whatsoever, so I cannot attest to dating issues but I have read many comments here that are similar to what you are going through.
K.. yes i love your term “shanghaied” . More fitting. Im thankful that you do not have to think of him much. I have no choice as I still work with mine but at least I was able to get management to tell him never to have contact with me at work unless it’s directly related to work. Im close to retirement and look forward to that day mostly because Ill NEVER have to see or speak to him again in any way shape or form. I havent seen any posts about anyone having the dating heebie jeebies yet so i was curious. Its strange how I feel Im being overreactive to certain things a guy will say if I go on a date. Five mins in and im like “nope, nope, red flag , danger will robinson” . I probley have dumped a few nice men this way. My trust level on a scale of 1-10 is a solid -5 lol. Its been about 4 yrs since the narc too. Im sure its some kind of a ptsd . They just rape your entire being and your left with nothing and it not only effects you but shit rolls downhill and effects others around you. Your job suffers in the aftermath, children, friends, family. Thank god i am a strong person or I would probely be 6ft under after that one.
Julie
The whole experience is truly soul destroying and heartbreaking. Some people have a very difficult time recovering. It is a good sign that management is being helpful regarding no contact, but I bet you can’t wait for retirement. Quite a few bloggers have expressed trust issues and red flags (real or perceived) about dating and I think it is only natural as part of the aftermath. Proceed with caution! No one wants a repeat narc experience. I enjoyed your Lost In Space reference-danger will robinson! I don’t think you are being overreactive at all, just be prudent and get out immediately if you see red flags. Better to be safe than sorry.
Lilly,
Ha ha – That was great! 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing it with us.
You are welcome E.B.
Wonderful article and info. I wish I knew this a few years ago!
Ty HG well done
i must admit i felt frustrated but at the same time thought he was a coward and at that point he lost all his power with me but because he had such a profound affect on me I still feel there is unfinished business. If he does unblock me please tell me the best strategy what to do please sweet HG lol
Lynn… if you are talking about facebook blocking , even if he blocked you you can in turn still block his silly ass as well . That way if he unblocks you he will still be blocked by you. Hope that helps?
thanks julie but no just on my phone on Whats app where incidentely he puts a picture I took of him in a romantic moment as his whats app pic, I’m not on facebook thank god and I dont think he is. think I made it worse for future victims as he never used internet at all till I introduce him to it, didn’t even have a smart phone. opened many doors for him. If anyone is ever on Aegina Island he is the short Greek waiter called George in the port on the main strip called Emplo lol go and have some fun injuring him for me lol
If I’m breaking the rules giving that info on here then sorry let me know and i wont do it again. nothing confidential about a bar restaurant though is there lol
Lynn .. I dont know what that app is but Im sure there is a way to block or delete him. I think I need a vacation somewhere on an aegina island ((insert evil grin)) loll jk
The unfinished business might just be that what does HG call it? Contagion or something? I have that sense sometimes, but then remind myself, “unfinished business” is exactly the words he used to lure me in. Claimed we had that as well… from 30 years ago? Gimme a break. He claimed he thought of me every 6 months all that time. Wow, how amazing. I have had a sadness my whole life that I never got to hang on to a single childhood friend (the way we lived), that it went right to that hurt in my life. WOw… all that time, someone actually though about me? 🙁 And it was only a lie…. But I never once consciously thought of him but after the whole story came out, I know that what he did to me 30 years ago did stay with me. I just lost who it was connected to as I went on with my life.
You need to deal with that feeling as that might be your weak point. See if its really true, or if he planted it somehow…
Sarabella … I had 2 depressions in my life – when I was 14 and whenI was 42 both time there was one common dominator / a lesser narcissist who came back 23 years later to « catch up » where we left off.
We had left off that he had married another woman and I was so hurt that I left the country trying to forget him. 23 years later when I heard his voice on my answering machine at work « Madame , this is a ghost from the past coming back to hunt you » I should have seen the writing on the wall but I collapsed on the floor totally in shock , my great love was back, I knew we were destined.
He came back for my money , he came back to have a place to live, he came back to push all my buttons and I got sick again. Only this time – I ended up kicking him out of my house – out all his things in black garbage bags.
That was my revenge and to have him cry in front of my parents and siblings who all told him off not to mention my brother who had him have a little man encounter in a dark street.
Don’t engage, LYNN. When you have a chance please read:
https://narcsite.com/2018/03/09/the-golden-rules-of-freedom-no-4/
https://narcsite.com/2018/01/26/5-common-no-contact-mistakes-no-4-the-need-to-sign-off-4/
Thankyou K I appreciate your help I will read though i am sure not necessary as i think he has blocked me for good as I called him out as a psycopath/narc by highlighting his traits in relation to evidence of the condition, not sure if it injured him or his blocking was his revenge, but i did it to try and get through to him and make him sure because i’m not sure if he is a middle or greater and what his comprehension is of himself to be honest, he has little to do with internet but that doesnt mean he is lesser he shows his intelligence with language skills and other things that interest him though his intellect move in small circle he seems to like being ignorant.
You are welcome, lynn!
Read #3. Block then unblock, on the link below. I think you criticized him by calling him out and that is why he blocked you.
https://narcsite.com/2016/06/30/10-social-media-mind-games/
If you want to know what he is, put greater or midrange in the search bar, then scroll through the articles so you can read them.
Hi HG sorry can you repeat it all I wasn’t paying attention ha ha… nooooo dont leave me only joking darling 😉 Actually think that’s why he blocked me because in response to anything he said I just quoted everything I had learnt from narcissist/psychopath u tube stuff and just quoted a parallel example and wrote ‘see that’s just what psychopaths do’ at the end of everything he said ;-D maybe I won when he blocked me but believe me I was gutted when he did I so wanted the taunt and bait him further. Do you think he will ever unblock me for more fun or have i had my chips?? xx
I will make shortcuts on my phone keypad of this especially high on emotions and low on substance … this may serve one day !!! :)) hoping we are not a couple of us here with the same Narc sending the same texts !!! Lol
Thank you, HG!
Much Aloha!!!
Roll eyes is another goody. Ive not done this but im sure itd irk him. That said itd be negative or challrnge fuel so it wouldnt be as effective.
I find the biggest grenade is the one with no fuel. When hes devaluing me the fuel pump is shut off. My happy demeanor is neutral. Theres no compliments. No extra sweet things i normally do for him. I go grey rock and cold. I detach and he no longer gets fuel from me. That grenade hits the hardest.
One thing I have been soins lately is when he text back and forth other woman in front of me I just take my phone, ignore him and browse and read my articles etc he always come and see what I do with my phone. Also when he text when we speak – I just pause . I just don’t speak and smile and he tells me to continue talking and I said no, I will wait and let you finish with answering . He does not like that very much.
Now were talking!!😋😆