The Narcissistic Icicles – No. 5
17 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Icicles – No. 5”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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I’ve been no contact with the narcs in my life for many years now. That time away from their grasp has led me to one simple statement about their relationship status. They are surrounded by people they use and people who use them. As a victim, it is harsh to come to the realization that I was using the narc just as much as that person was using me, but it is true. I played the part because they either actively gave me something I wanted OR pretended they were/would in the future. The cost eventually became more than I wanted to pay and I cut off contact never giving a reason, just quit on them. As I rid myself of these people, one by one, I was able to find that needy part of myself that fell prey to them, that used them, and heal it. Most of these people still live near me and continually try to reach me for some visceral reaction via my friends or my husband’s friends, or my son’s friends. It’s almost humorous to see the lengths they go to, the lies they continually make up, etc. One would think I assaulted them JUST yesterday instead of 5 to 10 years ago! They need drama so much that I am actually fascinated by their foolishness! Honestly, I am just continually popping the popcorn seeing them implode as very few people will even give an ear to them – in their own circles – which is most likely why they are now reaching into my sphere after so many years. These people are either mids or lows and it is obvious they are not maintaining the facade well as a few of their lives are literally imploding and they are grasping at straws….. Age, in their case, did not equal wisdom. Many thanks, HG, for the insight on both yourself and us.
Hello ETS, welcome and you are most welcome.
ETS, Your post is a wry smile! You’re kind of my hero! I love that you ferreted them out one by one. I can see you in my mind’s eye, thoroughly entertained and holding them at bay with one hand, while snacking on popcorn with the other. I’m still in the process of removing the narcissists from my life. My awareness only began to bloom after the intimate narcissist’s disengagement. I was left quite damaged, but found my way to HG’s website. There was so much to learn. His insight helped me up off the floor. It has taken a year. So, I dust myself off, take a look around and it’s like I have narc-goggles on, now. I never noticed them before reading HG. It is heartening to know that you were able to identify the toxic dynamic you were caught in, heal yourself and escape it. Thank you for sharing this. Your description of the aging, imploding local narcs is hilarious and desperate at the same time. I could see this adapted into a short play!
Hi Merripen,
Be diligent, keep following HG, and you will one day feel as I do now. I’ve followed HG for a couple years now, coming here whenever I feel like I am at risk of a visceral response to the BS. He is a great source of restraint. I am back to this site at the moment because I really want to publicly point and laugh but know better…….
I never had the misfortune to be involved romantically with a narc – sorry you did. All the narcs I mention in my previous comment are “family.” Growing up with two narc parents, I never knew the name of their madness, only that I didn’t care to be around it. So, when I caught wind of their behaviors in others who were not family, I steered clear. Lived by the notion that is someone is too good to be true, they are. And that spared me the intimate partner disaster. My husband’s mom is also a narc while his dad was the more co-dependent of the two so my husband was quite tired of it all as well when we met some 24 years ago. Unfortunately the stigma around “but they are family” is great and it is not easy to just cut them off especially when they live within 10 miles of us. We just slowly started disengaging with his parents and mine which only served to infuriate them and they showed their true colors often. So we disengaged more until we literally had nothing to do with them but of course, they never stop trying to reach out. “Your dad just had a stroke” comes a message. Okay sure he did….we delete it and move on. Finally blocked their ability to message so now they do it via our friends. Still our response is the same. Not our problem! And the cycle continued like that until health or legal matters truly caught up with them recently and they are now too busy trying to stay alive or out of jail – and maintain the drama. The thing is, none of these narcs in my life think about consequences, growing old, and their “friends” growing weary of their madness. So they live for the day, fill up their lives with land mines, and finally the day arrives when they begin to step into their own traps. That day has arrived for a few of my family narcs and it is glorious to watch then try to get out of their own demise. The best part is that several of these narcs have “pulled together” to “help each other” since it appears that most of their non-family friends have quit on them and I already know how well they “help” (help = stab each other in the back) so it is just poetic justice at this point. Since they are all the “poor me” kind, their issues are blasted all over the internet so anyone and everyone can enjoy the show!
NTS, Thank your for your advice and support. I appreciate both. You write well and I appreciate that, too. It seems that you are nimble of feet and soul, to have avoided what you have and to have partnered as you have. Blessings, to be sure! There’s a live-feed coming from your inner compass and you are not ignoring it. I have to say, it just makes me smile that you are not an over-sweetened lemonade of an empath. You’re more like a margarita with salt on the rim. I can get behind that! Like Narc Angel, you seem to enjoy with wry delight the antics of the narcs in your life. Cheers!
I had decided to leave him but since I was in therapy for co-dependant behaviors and fears I decided to stay and test my terapy. We called it stayig in the storm while learning to sail out of it. He would always have message for my therapist.. Tell him this about me, tell him that. He would often say after a fight ‘ your terapist will tell you to leave me” . With HG’s consultation and reading this blog, I see that this compartimentalising and he push the responsability of his actions to someone else, it’s not him who has a poor behavior, it is my terapist who will tell me that I should leave him. Very instructive.
In my case, yes, years of therapy. Your hope is reality. Anyway…what have you gained after you made me waist my time thinking in circles? I lost time, and now i accept this truth, what did you exactly win anyway??? Nothing really interesting i swear.
No therapy here, or does it count being on this blog as therapy as well hmm. HG I know you say you are not a healer but I think many will agree with me that you are albeit unwillingly one. Maybe change your name in PhD Tudor? Just a thought..
Ha ha, maybe I would then be a good doctor!
Haha. Your good doctors can shut their doors, there is a new doctor in town. Please heal me Dr. Tudor!
I wouldn’t regard your fo-room as a major psychoteraphist’s chamber, but I say you are correct. If applied correctly, it will heal.
It will, though the credit goes to mother, not the N.
Isn’t that the truth!
Yup!
At least ill go to therapy and get the help i need. A narcissist wont allow this bc it means accepting there is a problem and working on change. Changing is not an option. It defies their logic.
Hahahahahha. If done right, it will.
I will deny him that pleasure . . . .