The Narcissistic Icicles – No. 8
54 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Icicles – No. 8”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Dear Mr Tudor,
I’ve been hurt so much, my hurt tears have dried up, I only cry “tears of happiness” now
If that’s attention seeking ….I luv it
Great meme … thank you
Windstorm,
Sorry about where this will land on the thread, again (I’m the usual tech mess). I’m like that too, so I understand completely! I can’t wait to just walk through the gardens. I don’t like too much hubbub for too long, so Tokyo should challenge my senses. 🙂 I’m the most excited to hang out with their family… they’re so kind, and I am told the Mom is an exceptional cook. I will need to be adventurous! They think it’s funny I don’t like octopus… so they tease me, “Oh, that’s really nothing” and say how I’ll be trying much more (new) exotic Japanese cuisine with them…*_*
Uh, where exactly is that McDonald’s, Windstorm? Lol (But I’ve been overseas before and stayed with BF’s family, so I know I’d feel impolite if I didn’t eat whatever they give me, no matter what it is… so I will…gulp).
(Sorry I’m OT of the thread, HG…o-fish-n-chips/I’m exiting~cheers!)
Caroline
I don’t eat octopus either. I’m not a complete vegetarian anymore but i don’t eat anything that I feel is intelligent and octopuses seem pretty smart (yes, I know I am crazy).
Everywhere I go I always check out their McDonalds. Every where has them so it makes for a consistent cultural comparison. There are always menu differences (McLobster sandwiches in Nova Scotia, poi pies in Hawaii, blueberry shakes in W VA) and also differences in structure, location, amenities, etc. It fascinates me to see how something so familiar varies from culture to culture. I try to go in every chain store that is also here in Kentucky. Alas, there were no Walmarts there. lol!
Windstorm~You get me! Not that this would happen, but if someone brings me a platter of dolphin, there will be no eating – but there will be much crying. 🙁
Thanks, Bubbles!
Windstorm~I saw your name pop up in the sidebar…WOW! You have been greatly missed…So happy to see you back! 🙂 :-):-), etc
XOXO~hope all is well with you and your family.
Caroline
Thank you! I’m glad to be back. Family’s all fine. I had an opportunity to take an extended trip to Japan and it took a lot of time and work to get my body into good enough shape and beat Japanese into my old brain! Then even longer to recover once I got home! Getting back to normal now and needed to get back on the blog for my mental health. Very glad to hear from you. 😊
Hello Windstorm
I love the picture. Glad to see your back. I figured you were on your trip.
I hope you had an amazing time with your son.
Twilight
Yes. I learned a lot. My son only had one week of vacation and we went to Sapporo to the Snow and Ice festival – which was really fascinating. The rest of the time I just settled into Japanese home life – washing, shopping, cleaning while he worked 12 hour days. 😝. I did a ton of walking (there is nowhere flat in Yokohama) and soaked up a lot of culture. Needless to say, it was all very, very different from rural Kentucky!
Windstorm
Yes, I am sure it was very very different from Kentucky. Lol when I moved from Colorado to Virginia things were different….trees and humidity for starters.
I am glad to hear you had a wonderful time and safely home.
😊
Dear Windstorm! Welcome back! I think of you often believe it or not. I’m so happy you had this big adventure. Good for you taking that on for an extended time. You are ungorgetable here!!
Thank you Clarece. It was a big adventure, but I’m glad to be getting back to my skewed and chaotic version of normalcy. I’m so glad there are so many familiar people still here – yourself included! It wasn’t really like being home until I got back on the blog!
Windstorm,
I’m so glad all is fine with you and yours~and I so hope you see this reply!…I sometimes receive subscriptions to the threads – and I sometimes don’t. I just now saw your reply, but I have no way to reply to your comment directly.:-(
Japan! So wonderful!! I’m sure you enjoyed your visit immensely. I have a wonderful friend (Japanese) who has asked me so many times to visit her and her sweet family, and I really do want to visit them sometime soon. So…
Tips?
Must see?
Insights?
Hugs,
Caroline
P.S. I love + respect how you prepped yourself for the visit to Japan…I would expect nothing less from you, gal. 🙂
P.P.S. So glad you are back!
Hey Caroline,
I’m not a normal type of traveler. My objective on any trip is to settle in to an area and compare every aspect of culture, flora, fauna and geology to what I have seen in other places. My “must see” list had things like “McDonalds, Supermarket, convenience store, Church, cemetery.” I was fascinated by building structures and materials and the way they make their keys!
If you go to Japan, my advice is to talk to your friend about what to see and let her be your guide. Read and study about Japan and see what looks most interesting to you.
Glad to see you back, Windstorm 🙂
Thank you Strongerwendy! Glad to be back. I missed you all!
Thank you, Windstorm,
I love candles and truly appreciate the time that you spent on your note to me! It was so nice !!
Hi HG,
I have a question.
So ‘ghosting’ is a very famous term these days. I was wondering if those guys who ‘ghost’ women after dating them for a while will fall under Narcissists category or not. Most women complain about having a real connection and then poof! Nothing.
Or are they just regular jerks?
I do not like the term ghosting as it has entered popular parlance and dilutes what is actually occurring. This behaviour indicates a narcissist or someone with strong narcissistic traits. Anybody with a decent level of empathy would explain why they no longer wished to engage with the person, even if they softened the blow with an excuse.
Your answer HG is perfection
Thank you Julie.
100% what HG says!
What about just a garden variety womanizer? It was while I was googling info on someone who is a womanizer trying to understand what was going on that I eventually landed on narcissim and the manipulative checklist, then eventually here. It has made me think that all womanizers are narcissists or heavily traited on some level. What do you think?
I agree with you because someone who is a womaniser or a man-eater will :-
1. Demonstrate a sense of entitlement;
2. Reject accountability – in terms of either being faithful to an existing partner or if single, possible to the wishes of the person pursued and if the pursuer is married etc potentially in both senses
3. There is a lack of empathy where the pursuer is cheating and potentially putting a family unit at risk
4. Often impose on somebody who may not be that interested and/or someone who is in a relationship already, thus showing a lack of boundary recognition
5. Bombard their target a la the traditional lovebombing demonstrating magical thinking, a sense of entitlement and a lack of boundary recognition
6. Possibly tell lies in order to impress the target and deflect from questioning about their own motives and relationship status
7. Revel in the attention of the target (and the reaction of onlookers, friends etc) – fuel of course although they do not recognise this
All of which are behaviours of narcissists, so the womanisers/man-eaters will be narcissists or have narcissistic traits.
He checked every single one of your list. Added to it all the other behaviors classic to narcisissm…
Good work Sarabella.
Reminds me of a guy I went on a couple of dates with. On the third date and after several long phone calls and texting sessions we were supposed to have dinner at his place and go to a concert. One day prior he cancelled, as he wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t afford to get sick as he was finishing a major project at work, and he’d rather rest at home. I said sure, and texted a ‘how are you’ the next day, which he didn’t answer. That same night I saw a picture he posted on FB of himself and the band that we were supposed to go see, with the comment “I had to go greet the legends”.
I was mildly insulted, but not all that bothered because I wasn’t invested at all and had not felt a genuine connection. He would throw all these names of supposedly well-known and/or important people at me in conversation and I, who don’t give a crap about the local dungheap ‘high’ society, obviously wasn’t suitably impressed.
Thank you for the answer HG.
And is there anyway you categorise someone who is maybe 80% narcissistic and 20% empathetic? Mostly towards their pets and family and a few close friends maybe.
Or is it just typical human behaviour?
That is someone who is narcissistic but not a narcissist.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Just read of another new trend called “orbiting”. It’s following your social profiles, instagram, leaving the occasional comment on a photo or tweet and interaction with your texts and emails
Apparently, close enough to see each other but far enough to never talk. Still curious, but not wanting to give of ones time and energy. Keeping options open without offering anything!
They say it’s worse than ghosting!
One lady said “glad the guy who ghosted and promptly got married enjoyed my instagram story ”
Your thoughts
If this is done by a narcissist, it is hoovering. There is no need for additional terms which dilute and confuse the behaviour.
HG, When do ” strong narcissistic traits” turn into a full on narcissist?
Someone who has strong narcissistic traits but is not a narcissist, does not become a narcissist.
Smh…total lack of empathy
Opps wrong post– please go back to the one with the 13 year old girl– I think that one is a troll…..
I also think it is a trolling act– and not one of us at all– sorry just my gut~~~
Your gut instinct has failed.
The few that do care have concerns of their own and I do not want to trouble them.
I cry when I am alone. I know other people don’t care.
Kate,
I have cried when I was alone. I didn’t want others to see me as weak.I didn’t want to trouble others, either.
But the narcissist would come back just to see me cry.
Better to let someone who would care about you, see you cry, than to fuel the narcissist.
Kate,
You describe how I’ve so often felt, too. Goodness knows I’ve done more than my share of crying alone and feeling unloved. Certainly crying in front of a narc can only do harm, either they laugh, ridicule or get angry.
I’ve found over the years, though, that it’s not so much that the non-narcs don’t care when we are hurting as it is that they feel uncomfortable, because they don’t know what to do or how to respond. They may have their own family narcs who taunted and ridiculed them when they got upset and they honestly don’t know how to respond helpfully.
You’re right about everyone having troubles of their own and I understand not wanting to bother them or pull them down. My way of getting around this is I have a group of friends/family that when I’m really down I can text them a code phrase and they respond with a barrage of cheery comments or memes. I know they love me and i feel their support. They know they are there for me when I need them, but don’t get weighed down with depressing details of how I feel.
Sorry for going on so long, but your comments really struck a chord with me. I’m lighting a novena candle for you and all of us who find ourselves crying alone. May we always realize that no matter how alone we feel, there are always others who care about and support us.
Happy May Day
Windstorm, thank you for this:
“I’ve found over the years, though, that it’s not so much that the non-narcs don’t care when we are hurting as it is that they feel uncomfortable, because they don’t know what to do or how to respond. They may have their own family narcs who taunted and ridiculed them when they got upset and they honestly don’t know how to respond helpfully.”
I think this is so important to keep in mind when it feels as if someone is being dismissive of our feelings by basically telling us to ‘suck it up’. A very close friend does this sometimes to me, other times she is the most supportive friend. I need to keep in mind her narc father did not allow any tears in their home. Also, I know personally that the intent behind my hard responses to others is often my own self talk…’suck it up DUTG, do you want to die on this hill?”
Often as an outsider I don’t want the beautiful hurting one to waste away because of the ‘assholishness’ of some jerk, narc or not. My intent is really to spare them or save them from the pain I’ve spent too much time trying to overcome. I will find a more compassionate way to express that to them.
I’ve seen a lot of snark out here lately and am trying to show empathy to all sides. I recognize we’re all here battling from different perspectives and at different points in the journey. I learn so much out here everyday. The narc is a distant memory, but the learning about myself and others just keeps growing exponentially.
Thanks Windstorm and Merripen for your enlightenment these past few days.
DUTG
😊. One of the few benefits of growing old is a lifetime of experience. Like you, my narc problems are mainly in the rear view mirror, but it’s a balm to my soul to continue learning and feel the connectedness to everyone.
Windstorm
Lovely to see you my friend.
NarcAngel
Lovely to see u as well! I am so glad to b able to b back here! I’ve really missed being part of the blog community. It felt like an important part of my life was gone.
Hello Windstorm
How have you been?
It is nice to see you are back.
Twilight
Windstorm , glad to “see”you here again.
SuperXena
Thanks! Glad to “see” you too!
Dearest Windstorm
Awe you’re back …. how absolutely wonderful
We so very much missed you
Hope all has been well with you
Heartfelt happiness you’ve returned lovely lady
Luv Bubbles
💜🍾
Windstorm,
You are so wise. I’m so glad to see you again.
Perse
Perse
Thank you! Glad to see you too.
Thank you, Windstorm, for your kind note and I love the candle, too!
Definitely talking to people can make it worse when they gaslight me! I was told today by someone who spends little time with me that I share too much with people, make them uncomfortable and make it easy for them to control and manipulate me – especially with men. (??). She doesn’t follow me around. She is not an authority on me. I am. I don’t know why she thinks that she has this knowledge.
Help, HG??
Also, she thinks that she is smarter than my Neurologist, even though her work is NOT Neurology. She has not herself studied the human brain, my tests or me as a patient. She is really full of herself! Our conversation made me feel really down. I don’t like talking to her.
I wish that I had a group like you do.. I will stick to crying when alone. Sharing then being made to feel bad is really mean.
Kate
It is important to watch what you share with people. That’s why narcs always want you to talk in the beginning. They’re gathering ammunition to use on you later. It’s very hard to find someone totally trustworthy not to repeat what you share in confidence.
My own experiences sound very similar to yours. I’ve learned to not share the things that would upset people. And in all honesty most people can’t really help you anyway – as far as useful advice.
What I’ve learned to do is to have a few empathic caring friends/family that I can text when I’m really down. I don’t tell them why I’m down – to be honest it’s a bipolar thing triggered probably chemically. I’ve been subject to strong suicidal thoughts since I was a child. They are black, despair-filled, hopeless periods and I can not even speak or talk on the phone.
When I text my support people I just say, “Say something cheery.” They know that’s code for I’m in one of these dark periods and they just text me cheery things to reinforce that I am loved and cared for. I’ve found that it really makes a difference to have that connection to people who love me. It really helps me to know that I am not alone.
That’s why it disturbs me to think of you crying alone. For me it’s that feeling so alone that hurts the most. Maybe you could set up something similar. Certainly you can share here on the blog. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and send you positive energy⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️