The Smearing of the Empath
I have previously explained some of the forms that the smear campaign takes and also why they are so effective. Now I turn to the six reasons why they affect somebody like you so much. Smear campaigns are a constant in the arsenal of the narcissist. Effective, utilised through word of mouth and with the capacity to envelop several people at once who in turn perpetuate the smear, the smear campaign is a favoured manipulation of our kind. Here are six reasons why they affect you so much.
- Denial of assistance
The smear campaign is usually utilised during devaluation and on the cusp of discard. Its timing is such that you will more likely than not find yourself in a position of desperation, fatigue and confusion. Battered and buffeted by our manipulations through the devaluation period,you are in a poor position to defend yourself never mind having to defend your reputation with others. Once the discard hits you and knocks you for six, you are in need of considerable assistance. You need somebody to help you make sense of what has just happened. You need somebody to listen to you as you pore over the relationship and try to piece together (usually unsuccessfully) the cause of your fall from grace and subsequent discard. You will need assistance on practical items such as money, paying bills, eating, child care, washing and cleaning in some of the more extreme cases where your ability to function has been hammered. When your need for external assistance is at its highest, you find that those who you thought you could rely on to help you have been poisoned. Friends become unobtainable or suddenly busy with other commitments. Family are sceptical about helping you since they think you have brought it on yourself and they are even ashamed of your supposed behaviour. Colleagues are not inclined to assist someone who has been painted the way you have. These people disappear, turn their backs or even worse ally with our kind and the help and assistance you so desperately need has been taken away from you. This furthers your isolation, your pain and your distress. It also reduces your capability to address the nature of the smear campaign and neutralise it.
- The Corruption of the Truth
You abide by the truth. You speak it and live by it. Yes, you may tell the odd white lie but you are a paragon of virtue compared to our mendacious and repeated untruths. You believe in the truth and you need others to know that you are an honest and truthful person. You base your life on having honest dealing with people, both towards them and from them. It has been an horrendous enough experience dealing with our lies that we told time and time again to you, but it becomes even worse when you are being lied about. You may have reached the conclusion that we are well-practised liars and that is the way we are but to have your own reputation impugned and your character stained as a liar is anathema to you. This causes distress and the fact you know that other people are believing a lie about you will have a damaging effect on you and we know this full well.
- Frustration
You feel a huge sense of frustration that your reputation is being smeared but added to that is the frustration that people are actually believing what is being said about you. You are surprised and dismayed that people are falling for what we are saying about you. You are disappointed in those people who you thought would know better than to be taken in by what we have said. You really ought to know by now that just as oyu were taken in by our charm and seduction, so have they. Did you really expect them to respond any differently when you did not? The difficulty is, is that you know the truth about the lies being spun about you and you desperately want others to see through this but they do not. You understand why, because we base the smear on a grain of truth, we magnify and manipulate and twist and warp the truth so that people are deceived in an expert fashion but nevertheless you really though that people who you could rely on would see through this tissue of lies, this web of deceit. The frustration at this overhwhelms you and adds to the distress of the situation as a whole.
- The Lack of Control
We hate losing control. Most people do not like to lose control because this causes distress, anxiety and apprehension. If something bad happens and you are able to at least do something to address it, counter it or mitigate its effect you automatically feel better. However, if you are swept along on a tide by a force over which you can exert no control, the sense of helplessness is massive. You are made to feel like this because when the smear campaign commences your coping ability has been hugely reduced. We however are at the top of our game, calling the shots and orchestrating everything with considerable effectiveness. You do not truly understand why it is happening, why we are behaving like this and moreover why people believe what we are saying. You feel as if you have no control over the progression and outcome of the smear campaign and this increases its effectiveness in terms of how it affects you.
- Keeping Up Appearances
Related to the corruption of the truth. Whereas the corruption of the truth alarms you because of the way that a central quality which you adhere to and believe in is being damaged, the smear campaign is also damaging how people think about you. You are not a person who is immersed in pride. You are neither vain nor conceited but you still want people to think well of you because you are a good and decent person. You just want people to know what you are and to have them told that you are something contrary to your actual appearance becomes especially upsetting for you.
- The Hammer to Your Reputation
Not only is your character and outward appearance as a good and honest person shattered and dented by the smear campaign, the effects of a smear campaign often go further. Your professional integrity is called into question with ramifications for your job, career advancement and livelihood. Your standing in the community is adversely affected which could have repercussions where you hold positions of trust and authority. If you have to be licensed by the authorities in some way, a smear campaign can place that in jeopardy. You may lose friends, your family may distance themselves from you but the repercussions of a smear campaign can infect your professional life, your income, your integrity and your standing. You are made to feel like a pariah and you may lose clients and customers, the backing of your superiors, be regarded as an albatross to an organisation. People are obsessed with appearances and if you become a PR nightmare not only is your personal life hammered by the smear campaign your professional and business standing is also.
26 thoughts on “The Smearing of the Empath”
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” I hate to tell him and she not want anything to do with me, then have to explain that to him as well.”
Jason – just my 2 cents; if your son is barely 4 years, you may have some time to sort out things with your daughter before telling him about her. I don’t believe in hiding things but I do believe in avoiding unnecessary hurt.
It’s good to hear that your family keeps you focused on the present moment and positivity.
Yeah,I think I better hold my horses with my holy narc if I want to avoid no 6. I have already had enough smearing by the other narcs in my life.
The smear. Family and friends telling me I brought it on myself. I was gullible and vulnerable. Not anymore.
One stroke of luck . . . no one believes ex. Know he’s at the very least a sociopath. Told me this directly after my escape. I said, wouldn’t it have been nice of you to inform me early? But I wouldn’t have listened . . . I was on the pink cloud . . . . time to go to Tennessee. Watch out ladies in Chattanooga. Satan is coming and he’s wearing a black cloak, disguised as a pious, religious man, who often quotes from the Bible.
But I am vain. My super emp power is how I have survived. I have strong narcissistic traits. This time and place, those traits have become most heightened. Yesterday I wondered how long before I go back to being an empath? Maybe never. Maybe this is who I am now.
Wow. I didn’t know you knew me or EXACTLY what has happened to me….Every section. Every paragraph. Every sentence. Every word. All I can really say is WOW.
Not even sure how I ended up on this site, but for the last 15 years I have had to deal with the ramifications of the most evil, dirtiest, pure hate driven, what I can now call, smear campaign. I had no clue this was a thing or that my ex-wife was a narcissist for that matter, until I read this.
What has kept me going is the fact that in January of 2019 my daughter will be 18 and I can, hopefully, finally give my side of the story, which is the truth. I can just hope that this evil vile person has not smeared my name to dust over the years (have not been able to see or talk to my daughter). I still have 2 pictures of her from our last time together that I luckily have been able to keep in my bouncing from state to state, town to town, nomadic lifestyle since that horrible day the campaign began. She is so happy and innocent. Not confused and hurt, as a child would be, given that the lies said were true. I
I now have a fiance and a son that will be 4 in July and I cannot wait to introduce them!!
To this day my family still will not speak to me, and not sure anything can heal the damage done but hopefully when they see my daughter back with me they will at least hear me out (which they have never done or even given me the chance to explain anything).
I also know now that I am not alone in this horrible thing that a narcissist does.
Thank you! And to all the people dealing with this, I know it’s hard but keep your head up and focus on at least one positive thing that could happen in the future and devote your being to achieving it. The pain and damage of this will be very difficult to heal completely, if it can even be done completely. Just live day to day and grind towards that focal point.
AKC, if by some strange way you read this, daddy loves you to death and I hope to talk to you very soon sweetie!! can’t wait to hug your neck and introduce you to your brother!!!
Welcome Jason, good to have you here.
Ty. Glad I stumbled across this, and to know I’m not alone in this sickening, I’m not even sure of what word I want/should use here, practice?
Jason… you have come to the right/best site! So informative. It will be good to hear from the male perspective!
Ty. I look forward to soaking up so much knowledge/wisdom from both the site and the posters.
Jason – your story is very painful to read. I hope you have a lovely reunion with your daughter some day.
That was honestly painful to type. I don’t like to dwell on it for long as it Just puts me in a place I just don’t like to be. Was there for many years, it’s def not any fun. Nowadays when I find myself slipping back, I usually just grab my son or my fiance, who is my world. I told her about everything very early on in our relationship (just had 5 yr anniv 5-1) and she has been nothing but absolutely supportive of me. 8 months can’t get here quick enough. SO MUCH weight will be off of me and I can’t wait to see the impact it has, not only on me, but my fiance and son as well.
I still haven’t really explained to him that he has a sister. I feel he is just to young and innocent to have to worry about/deal with that issue. He just really noticed her picture last week and asked my fiance who that was and she said she told him that was his sister and he didn’t really have a reaction. I don’t think he really understands it yet. I figure I will wait until I see what happens with my daughter before I really explain it to him. I hate to tell him and she not want anything to do with me, then have to explain that to him as well.
Such confusion…thoughts?
Welcome Jason
It is always good to hear a mans perspective. In my belief a woman narcissist can go under the radar even more so then a man.
IMO a machiavellian mind set comes more naturally to a woman where a man learns it. Then add society leaning more towards a woman’s side of stories. She is able to blend in easier.
Both genders thou are just as destructive, yet the male empath has even more against him, it is not manly to show any kind of emotions, then the accusation a woman can get away with.
I mean no disrespect towards any of the woman here that have been affected by those of HGs kind, I have witnessed more times what these woman can and will do to men.
I totally agree that women can get away with more people believing them then a man can, especially about certain topics. I have literally gave myself hundreds if not thousands of migraines thinking why she would stoop as unbelievably low as she did, and never could come up with anything until I found this site last night and it allllll made sense. I never once thought about this disorder, I guess because I’ve never really heard of a woman having it.
I will tell you how perfectly it fits her without going into too much detail.
What do smear involved is a very very serious accusation that the first person you should tell is the authorities, plain and simple. Did she do that? Nope.
I had actually voluntarily went to a 90-day rehab because I was young and dumb at 22 years old. I caught her cheating on me, for the 2nd time, and i couldn’t do it anymore, and moved 45 minutes away. And with a two year old daughter I was ready to grow up. It was a pretty strict place with outside contact for the first, I believe it was 2 or 4 weeks. I was able to get ahold of her and ask her for her address to send letters etc, as she had moved to another apartment. Everything seemed fine, no problems, she gave me the address and wished me luck etc etc. Well I sent a letter and got back divorce papers! She only agreed to give me the addy to get mine because we wernt allowed to give it out. She was always plotting.
I get out and get home, called a good friend of mine and we went fishing and he told me that she was beginning the smear campaign. Dumbfounded I went home, called her and asked wtf was this I was hearing i did? She states that my child, who had just turned 2 at the time, and could say 10 words, max, had a straight grown up convo with her and that I couldn’t see her….my first words back were “did you call the f’n cops?”…nope. but she sure made it a point to tell all my friends and my family.
I hate to cut this off right here but it is getting really long and I have stuff to do. If anybody was really into it I am sorry and I will come back and finish this later this afternoon
Jason
I understand. I know women that have sent men to prison for crimes they never commit. All for the drama and attention.
I dispise women like this more then I ever will Men of HGs kind.
Yes so hard to rise above it but that is what has to be done. I guess you could tell your true story sworn on your children’s lives, surely people would know you would not lie on your children’s lives.
Interesting if you asked people to get the narc to swear on his or her children’s lives that they are telling the truth, would a narc do that and curse their child to death?…..yes they would, no conscience, if they cant love to they care if their children die? sorry that’s really dark but that is what they are.
MY DEAR JASON,H. G. WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO SURVIVE IN A WORLD OFNARCISSIST,S & COME OUT ON TOP !I THANK GOD EVERY DAY I FOUND MR . TUDOR😥😅😄! LEARN FROM THE BEST AS I AM DOING , THIS NEARLY KILLED , NARCISSIST FATHER , TERRIBLE CHILDHOOD , UPPER RIDGE(MID) NARCISSIST HUSBAND NOW MALE FRIEND NARCISSIST NUT !😘😍BE SAFE & LEARN JASON,AS WE KNOW HOW NOW !!
what if they go beyond the smear and into a “the ends justify ANY means” mode and are striking out using completely bizarre outlandish shit to the point of ruining their own credibility in effort to “entice” (NOT) me into breaking 115 days of no contact after escaping him. How dangerous is he? We were married for more than a decade and I only got away via a well planned “abandonment”.
It is very panicking – I had never experienced it before . The reaction of panick is not helping either because it increases the perception of craziness.
I never thought , never , this would happen to me. I heard him smeared so many people – but I thought I was immune.
I guess not and it hurts – but I guess you have to go on .
I can only imagine for people who need help with kids etc and it gets denied by “ friends” must be devastating .
I understand, Jungle. Especially the part of having heard the ex narc smear so many people. Of course, I would think him justified and couldn’t understand why people HATE him so when he just wanted to be accepted by his peers. Why couldn’t the see how wonderful he was? Why did they not see how brilliant and superior to them in intellect and knowledge he thinks he is?
Does a divorce judge recognize narsisst abuse?
No children.
Just the 2 yr old narsisst husband that rages & lies.
Some may do so, but very few do.
I got extremely ‘lucky.’ I got one who did. But my psychologist went to court proceeding with me to explain narcissist (personality disorder), but she didn’t have to say but two sentences cuz the Judge had experience with NPD as demonstrated but a pisitive outcome in my regard.
Good outcome for you.
Great article Really is. What I am going through. Thanks so much for this HG Tudor xo
You are welcome.
Great read.. ty HG. Relatable
Thank you Julie.