A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 21
Dear Narc,
You tried to steal my shine. You tried to turn off my smile. You almost succeeded in raping my soul but I found myself stronger and today I thank you.
Thank you because you revealed to me who I am and how much I am worth.
Thank you because you made me understand that I was right since the beginning and that emotions don’t make mistakes, I made a mistake because I did not trust my feelings.
Thank you for having disclosed to me what I do not want in a person.
Thank you because you showed me how strong I am.
Thank you because you made me understand how many friends I have and how many people love me.
Thank you because that made me understand that I did right till now.
Thank you because I trusted you, despite my past and now I know that I will do the same despite you.
Thank you because now that you taught me who I am, my smile is always on.
Thank you because I love myself much more than before because I survived you in spite of everything.
Thank you for having forced me to grow up and for demonstrating to me that bad and ugly people exist even close to me.
Thank you for the existential misery that you have shown, it prevents me from hating you and from having bad feelings towards you; it causes me only commiseration and that made it easy to having let you go.
Thank you because since you are not with me anymore, my life is lighter, I am not obliged to take care of you as if you were a child, the world does not turn anymore around you, I am not obliged to hear you anymore explaining to me how amazing you are while you do things anyone does and expect to be admired like you were a superhero. I do not feel anymore embarrassment with my friends when you tried to drive the attention to you speaking about money and who you pretended to be friends with without paying attention to the fact that no one is interested, I do not need anymore to call off my spaces because you are not able to stay without me. I am no more forced to hear you speak about your exes. I do not feel any more kept out without any reason from events where you deem it is not appropriate that I participate with you, I do not need to receive your multiple phone calls at 3 AM when you claim you finished working while you are abroad.
I could go on with this list of thank you for long but, the biggest thank you has to be paid to me who, unaware of the being I was dealing with, when I felt there was something very wrong in your behavior even if I could not pinpoint what it was, triggered you and made you explode in your whole inconsistency. I wish you a long full and good life.
15 thoughts on “A Letter to the Narcissist – No. 21”
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Thank you HG for leaving your old articles up, this is one I really needed today.
To my narc, thank you for the discard and for showing me that yes, I really can block you and delete your number, and feel relief, rather than despair (there were moments when I didn’t think I’d ever get to that point, but I did!).
Thank you for reminding me of all of the times I have followed through on goals, because that’s the energy I will tap into, as I follow through on never letting you hurt or affect me again.
Thank you for showing me that despite some heavy blows life has thrown my way in recent years, my self preservation instincts are still there.
Thank you for revealing what an emotionally stunted, mean, wounded jerk you really are, and unless it’s someone you are currently using, how little regard you have for people, and how you don’t value your relationships. Thank you for showing me that your blasé, dismissive attitude can be channeled elsewear, because I will no longer be sitting in front of your with a big, fat bullseye on my forehead when you come back with your fake apology, “poor me” hoovers.
Thank you for showing me that the me who somehow got myself out of abusive situations with very little guidance or support in my youth, is still there, and I will get through this now too, with the help of my newfound knowledge here.
Thank you for showing me that any attention I give you what so ever will be twisted and used against me, so now so can forcus my energies on getting myself healthy and better.
Thank you for revealing to me that I will not sacrifice my emotional well being for you, or anyone.
You are welcome. All of the existing material remains available for people to access and is a veritable treasure trove of information both in the articles and comments.
True with a vengeance. Listened last night to the one on avoiding giving fuel if you’re ambushed (which you know is one of my recurrent fantasies/nightmares: yes, I could slug Mrs. Mid-ranger, but then she could claim, “See, she hasn’t changed; I knew what she was when she was ten.” No concept of self-fulfilling prophecy will dent her complacency, however I dent her skull.
I love your excuses for getting away if it’s not a situation where you can just quietly walk off without a word. Also the techniques for minimizing visual and auditory fuel. Much more specific in terms of choreography than the vague “Grey Rock.”
I suppose in today’s climate, I might be tempted to say, “Oh dear, I think I’m coming down with something,” and give a dubious little cough, but that would attach an Overwhelming Angel to me like Superglue.
(Otoh, it would send Wanna-Be Playuh-Narc running for the hills….)
That was a beautiful letter. I think living your best life is the best revenge ever. Not that I was full of peace and love yesterday. Lol. But today is a new day.
I would only add a thing to my letter: yesterday it was a year since we split up, and I lightened a candle in my room and said thank you to whatever god may exist to have been freed from that being.
More than 11 months NC and no hoover: a great success. Keep going.
Thank you for sharing
Wonderfully written the graceful rotation from negative to positive, focusing on the loss as a huge gain, the realisation that the losses are our freedoms, to heal is to immerse ourselves in the joy of those freedoms instead of the pain and the suffering of the tortured imprisonment we often try fruitlessly to hold on to.
Let the divine take our hand and together drift into the golden freedoms that await us in a healthy life.
Much love xxx
THANK YOU OMJ & JULIE &SO MANY OTHERS SOME POSTS ARE REALLY FUNNY , RUDE , PAINFUL ,SAD , THEIR THOUGHTS ABOUTNARCISSISM HITS HOME EVERY TIME! I REALLY APPRECIATE LEARNING FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE,S & ALSO SHARING MY OWN (NOT THAT ANYONE CARES ABOUT WHAT I HAVE WRITTEN PERTAINING TO MY LIFE WITH NARCISSIST FATHER ,CO DEPENDENT MOTHER , CEREBRAL NARCISSIST HUSBAND NARCISSIST MALE FRIEND ,AND COMING OUT OF ALL THIS NIGHTMARE STILL AN EMPATHETIC PERSON WHO CARED ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE & EVERY ONE’S. NEED,S BUT MY OWN !(MR.TUDOR. YOU HAVE HELPED ME IN WAY’S YOU CAN’T IMAGINE ,I WISH WE COULD MEET BUT I KNOW THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN ) BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT REAL,YOU ARE OUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND WHICH COMES FROM WITH IN !😥😅😄😘! SINCERELY. SHARON
A letter that radiates inner-strength, new-awakenings, and hope is very refreshing. My favorite part about this letter is that it goes down smoothly without the need for cuss words. Thank you for sharing this well-penned delight.
I can identify with much of this letter as I also thank my narcissist for many things.
These are the best parts for me:
“the world does not turn anymore around you”
“the biggest thank you has to be paid to me who, unaware of the being I was dealing with, when I felt there was something very wrong in your behavior even if I could not pinpoint what it was, triggered you and made you explode in your whole inconsistency”
Benedetta’s letter shows how far she’s come in her awareness of herself and the narc. Her description of his self-centered, manipulative behaviours feels familiar to me, like a toxic, uncomfortable home that I will never return to. She seems to have arrived at that place where her pain and anger have reached level with a new understanding and thankfulness. I am happy that she moving in the right direction and is over the worst of her suffering.
Benedetta, I wish for you the long, full and good life that you wished for him. You certainly deserve it, my dear, after what you’ve suffered. Your growth and your humanity have allowed you that future. His inability for either has denied him the same.
‘Bad and ugly people, exist even close to me’. Love that bit. It was my realisation also. Good letter Benedetta.
I love this letter… it is written with grace, and depicts to me a real strength of character, and a different view held by the writer, which I believe to be most admirable. There is a light and hope in this letter… it definitely drew me in.. Thank you so much for sharing this Benedetta. ( love the picture used also, it matches the letter content really well… )
Liked it.
Spot on HG Tudor! Are you reading my mind? Perfect timing for the perfect send off to a new life for me. I still somewhat hate you for hurting women in your past but I do thank you for helping all of these healing women today.
Thank you for this letter . It does resonate a lot with me. I am a fresh NC- but because I escaped and took some air time in between being with him and because I consulted a few months with HG almost every week – I do also feel a stronger individual .
I do also feel that my life after will be better .
That I have conquer a beast in me. Something that needed to prove to me that I had intuitions that proved to be right, that I saw through and true.
I don’t seek revenge , I seek me blooming
I don’t seek revenge, I see beauty , my beauty
I don’t seek revenge , I seek knowledge and sanity
I don’t revenge , I seek to sleep well and dream well
I love what you wrote because I know the seeds are in me timidely pointing out of having had an experience that will elevate me , that’s has elevate me.
I know I am still fragile – but I am fragilely strong
It feels good to know that someone else has created that reality of being well and better despite the dark , it gives something to aim for – our kind aims 🙂