The Mid-Range Narcissist – Five Facts
I have come across these five questions on a number of occasions. They are often regarded as the five fundamental queries which are raised about our behaviour. They are usually answered in a forthright manner by certain commentators in order to drive the message home. However, these observations and answers are provided by people who are not of our kind. They are naturally entitled to comment but the true value arises from someone who is on the other side of the fence, the perpetrator of the actions, the doer. Furthermore, the usual observations are provided without regard to the fact that narcissists are both similar yet different because we operate in certain schools which are linked to our degree of functioning and malign outlook. Accordingly, the traditional answer provided to one of these questions may be correct for the greater of our kind, but not for the mid-range or for the lesser narcissist. This time the focus falls on those narcissists which are from the Mid-Range school. It is usually the case that those who Mid-Range are not so much defined by what they are, but rather by what they are not. Thus if a behaviour which accords with a lesser narcissist is absent and a behaviour which accords with a greater narcissist is absent but the individual still displays behaviour which accord with narcissism as a whole, this person falls within the Mid-Range. The Mid-Range is neither a creature of complete knee-jerk reactions but nor is he or she fully aware of what he or she is and the capabilities that he or she may possess. He or she will not exhibit the driven, malign nature of those narcissists from the greater school. Here are the five answers to the five central questions.
- Do We Know What We Are Doing?
Whereas the lesser narcissist operates through instinctive responses and in a knee-jerk manner the Mid-Ranger knows what he or she is doing even though the response is largely still one of instinct. Most of the Mid Ranger’s response is instinctive but they have a greater awareness of what is happening, the Lesser does not really notice.
The Mid-Ranger will notice that they feel a sense of unease and being unsettled. This is when their fuel levels have dropped to a low level. They do not know that the sensation of unease is linked to the reduced fuel levels. The Mid-Ranger does know that provoking reaction in the person who is his or her primary source and other people causes the unease to diminish and vanish. He or she is aware of the link between the need to receive attention and the reduction in the state of unease. He or she realises that certain reactions do not always work (i.e. unemotional ones) and that some reactions are superior to others (the sense of unease vanishes quicker and is replaced with a feeling of power) but they do not know why that is. They do not realise the index of fuel supply governs their own state of power/unease. They do know what if they are praised they feel better, if you are made to cry, they feel better and if you are losing your temper because of something that they have done, they feel better.
- Do We Know That We Are Hurting You?
Akin to the lesser, the Mid-Ranger is aware of the hurt that is being caused, the major difference however is that the Mid-Ranger recognises that you are being hurt (since he possesses Cognitive Empathy) but he or she will never OWN the responsibility for that hurt. Thus, he may say
“I know you are hurt when I call you names, but if you just stopped trying to control me, then I would not have to do it.”
He knows the name-calling upsets you, he also is aware that your emotional response has a positive impact for him (although does not know why) but he will never accept that this behaviour is wrong or his fault.
The Mid-Ranger may also give some consideration to how this might be achieved whereas the Lesser just does it. This tends to be apparent with mainly Upper Mid-Rangers, Lower and Middle Mid Rangers still operate through an instinctive response.
The Mid-Ranger does not behave this way because of any innate malevolence but rather because he or she is aware that the evidence of pain on your part gives them a “good” feeling and lessens the unease which may appear. The Mid-Ranger knows that if he or she acts in a certain way, it will cause you upset. With the higher functioning Mid Ranger, he or she will take some time to evaluate how best to respond in a situation so that the “good” feeling can be obtained. This is why some Upper Mid-Rangers are often mistaken for Greaters because they have a degree of calculation to their actions.
The Mid-Ranger will be aware of what it is that you are doing which has generated contempt, irritation or annoyance. He will be able to provide you with a reason behind this sensation and moreover if there is no actual reason he is readily able to invent one. Whereas the lesser can only usually respond in a vague and amorphous fashion, the Mid-Range will provide you with a reason for this annoyance at your behaviour and why he or she is hurting you. It is most likely a lie, but a reason will be provided nevertheless.
- Do We Do This Deliberately?
The Mid-Ranger is deliberate in his or her behaviours but they remain governed by instinct. They do not know it is fuel, they do not know its true purpose but they are sufficiently aware and of sufficient function to link the provision of certain reactions by you to the settling and empowering effect it has on them. The Mid-Ranger is aware that he or she can provoke good and bad emotions from you and that these reactions serve a purpose.
They are also able to apply a wider range of manipulations from their repertoire as a consequence of their increased function. The response is an instinctive response but in some instances will be thought out and whilst the plotting and scheming is far removed from the grand scale of the greater narcissists, there is no doubting that the Upper Mid-Ranger will plan. He or she will consider how people can best serve them. This is not done from a malicious point of view but is more about working out what will serve him or her the best. The Mid-Ranger will consider which friends serve him best, who will make the best target and how the various people that are his fuel lines knit together. He does not behave in the random and chaotic fashion of the Lesser nor with the pinpoint, malicious accuracy of the greater but with a sense of organisation and planning so that he or she gets what he or she wants.
- Can We Control This Behaviour?
The Mid-Ranger is possessed of the ability to control his or her behaviour even though the majority of it is instinctive. Accordingly, he will respond to certain behaviours with his own set response but can exert some control, for instance keeping a lid on the ignited fury for a short time, since he recognises the situation demands a certain approach.
Since he or she is not a creature of base instinct like the lesser but adopts a more considered approach there is some thought given to how he or she should respond. The Mid-Ranger is not aware of why they ought to behave in this way, they only know that there is a way of behaving which suits them best and they need to tailor their responses and behaviours to accord with this way and this includes control. The Mid-Ranger only has so much control however and in situations where fuel levels plummet and there is a real or perceived threat of a primary source cessation then the Mid-Ranger will lose control when placed under such duress. This may occasionally manifest in the use of physical violence. The Mid-Ranger knows there will be consequences but is unable to contain the urgent need to “do something” and therefore control is lost. The Mid-Ranger is particularly prone to using the silent treatment as this represents a halfway house between exerting and losing control. He or she may be panicked into a sudden reaction but they do not lose control to such an extent that a frenzied response, by way of violence both physical and verbal may appear. Instead they vanish. The Mid-Ranger is also more likely to engage in emotional, financial and sexual abuse through planning and the greater subtleties and insidious nature attached to these particular machinations.
- Can We Stop It?
Yes, the Mid-Ranger can to some extent. Much of his behaviour is instinct. He truly considers himself to be a good person, he believes he is empathic and caring, he regards other people as the problem. He cannot understand why people have to be so unfair, so troublesome and why they cause him pain and anguish, since he has such a different perspective to you.
He has an awareness and therefore is able to decide that the behaviour can stop. Indeed, where the Mid-Ranger perceives an advantage to be acquired he will do so and amend his behaviour accordingly. Whereas the lesser narcissist will instigate a respite period instinctively without knowing why he is doing, his need to devalue will just abate and the golden period returns, the Mid-Ranger knows the value of a respite period and will grant it because he feels settled and prone to wanting the contrast of the positive fuel again. Similarly, when those fuel levels drop the Mid-Ranger knows to commence the devaluation again. His awareness and control enable him of her to stop the devaluing behaviour as and when it is required. He does not exercise this with regard to any sense of malevolence, like the greater, but rather it is driven by need. The Mid-Ranger could stop his or her abusive behaviour but will not do so if they perceive a need for it to continue. The lesser is unable to stop it because it “just happens”. Of the three schools, the Mid-Ranger is less volatile, less malicious but in some respects can be regarded as entirely culpable for the behaviours which are engaged in and that are doled out to his or her victims. The difficulty is however, you can regard the Mid Ranger as culpable but he or she will never accept any liability for their behaviour because they are automatically configured to reject any notion that they are at fault. Their default setting is always to block this, reject it and counter it – usually through Pity Plays, sulking, silent treatments, blame-shifting and projection.
57 thoughts on “The Mid-Range Narcissist – Five Facts”
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Thank you for answering my comment on another blog HG..
‘Can a greater NOT be interested in a career, but is highly intelligent – a writer – a musician etc’
You said most likely a UMR rather than greater – so I searched for this article.
This part…
‘The Mid-Ranger is also more likely to engage in emotional, financial and sexual abuse through planning and the greater subtleties and insidious nature attached to these particular machinations.’
It was the planning and cunningness, the scheming and deliberate antagonising me which made me think he knows what he is. But he loved the silent treatment, loved it! (Because he knew my childhood and used it against me) which makes him a UMR as Greaters don’t use the silent treatment as much?
Anyway, great blog – as always.
I feel I’m nearing Graduation with a 1st class honours degree from the University of Narc in Oxbridge… no in fact I’m completing my Masters in Forensic Psychology from Tudor Corpus Christie College ha!
Just curious. Anyone ever heard : “I love BDSM, but in a psychological way”?
HG – would this be some sign of MR-awareness?
Thank you for your help!
Inconclusive with such a remark in isolation, Shesaw.
Shesaw
Not that last part, but I have heard “I love BDSM” only to find that they mean: I love the IDEA of bdsm, and/or I have watched BDSM, and then have them turn into a quivering crying little pile of snot with one twist of a nipple ring.…
So maybe thats what he meant. Or he meant I like the idea of having YOU in psychological bondage to HIM. They say a lot of shit.
LOL NarcAngel. Sexual shame and intimacy issues. My mid ranger cannot explore with his IPPS (too vanilla white picket fencity) but he fucked things up so royally with me that he cannot explore with me anymore either. Self-bondage, I’d say.
Thank you for putting that in perspective for me, NA
“They say a lot of shit” – that’s probably it, haha. I loved that remark.
And yes, I suppose your idea of psychological bondage is what he meant. He used to brag about knowing how to make me hate him, love him, return to him always. Pfffffff….
I wonder if others do recognize this. I mean – this kind of awareness, like openly admitting the need to assert control, admitting the need for compliments, the need to make others adore him.
It did make me think he was a well-aware narcissist, but he always denied having the disorder. The idea must have been too disturbing for him, I suppose.
HG – would you ever admit that you are a narcissist to someone close to you? Would you admit narc-symptoms if that served your aim(s)? Thank you again!
No.
Talking to you in a belittling way, making you say things, tying you up and leave you for hours, make you do things you feel ashamed of, make you serve them, involving 3rd parties, make you do stuff remotely, etc.
Never heard it stated this way. 😉
Hi HG, apologies if this is not relevant to the post but why would a (suspect) narcissistic manager:
1. ‘Remind’ you to send him a report that was never requested in the first place.
2. Accuse you of having put too much pressure on a coworker who ‘is going through a hard time’ when simply chasing him for routine stats.
3. Interrupt you to point out the (supposed) incorrect use of a verb.
What is he trying to achieve here? I hadn’t had issues with this person in a long time.
Thanks HG.
1. Gas lighting.
2. Triangulation.
3. Belittling.
All done to assert superiority, gain fuel and control the recipient.
Understood – thanks for the quick reply HG.
You are welcome.
Since she stated she hadn’t experienced anything for awhile, did something trigger her to be painted “black” by her superior?
Yes.
The only two things I can think of are:
1. Refusing to add a smiley face to my request for stats (my manager had recommended it because the Analytics guy was ‘under a lot of stress’… I found it ridiculous and I just sent the usual courteous email request. Manager asked if I had added the damn smiley face and I did not reply).
2. I have just earned a diploma.
By the way, I submitted my three-page report and he said he will review and ‘let me know’ – I am 100% sure he will find something wrong with it.
EmP
Adding a smiley face?
Wft? Do you work at McDonalds?
How should you respond ? In the same way as you would with an N IP ?
And gather evidence ?
Yes
NarcAngel, pathetic right?
And to be fair, that’s my manager’s favourite technique.
He hates confrontation so much and is such a coward, that anytime he has to deliver criticism of any kind he puts a LOL or a smiley face at the end of the sentence (as in – he can be rude because, you know, the smiley face at the end of the message changes everything).
He can’t say anything to your face of course: he either emails you or Skypes you.
You ask him for an opinion? Impossible to get one. Just forget it. He will list you endless pros and cons. “You could do that BUT then….”. “Yes, you’re right BUT….”. It makes you want to bang your head against the wall.
Also, we had lots of arguments in the past. Big drama (being Mediterranean I find it hard to shut up at times) and he keeps telling everyone how ‘volatile’ I am.
He’s been provoking me all day by the way. Thank goodness for HG’s work. I kept thinking of Malcom the MR – while repeating myself “do not engage”, “do not provide fuel”, “do not pander to the narcissist”.
EmP
It would be hard for me not to say (fuel free): It would appear that your definition of volatile is someone that has a personality and is confident enough to state their position without emoji. Probably best if you dont engage though.
Narc Angel, I wish I could tell him that. Better not engaging I’m afraid.
On the bright side though, a lady working in our Finance department (who can’t stand him) told him she is ‘plotting his downfall’.
The sarcastic comment was delivered in a neutral tone of voice, no emotions involved. Just brilliant.
EmP
Tell my sister to stop giving away the plot!
I do love plots!
Ha ha.OK, will do!
Is it possible to have an Elite mid ranger?
Yes.
HG,
What traits does an Elite have? I can guess.. If you have an article on this, it would be appreciated if you post it sometime. Thank you.
See Sitting Target.
HG if a mid rangers hoovers you with a friendly hoover after a year of NC would that be because his fuel levels are low or high?
It will be because there has been a Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria are met.
Dear Mr Tudor,
I can relate to so much of your article. I think the weasel is definitely a mid range cerebral. He knew he left a path of destruction .. he told me so. He told me he wasn’t normal. He told me he had failed relations with women, couldn’t hang onto them because of his condition. He feels he has friends from his club … but they know he’s an attention seeking manipulating wanker… I was informed by one of the members and even the hierarchy know of his antics.
He wormed his way into our family … he conned us and everyone around him. He used his PTSD as his front….that’s why everyone felt sorry for him. He never took medication for it. All pity playing. You can almost see the scheming going on thru his head. He amused himself in teasing me and having me decipher his antics …. he laughed. Mr Bubbles even befriended him an took him under his wing.
I think I tried to sever the friendship at least 6 times. He freaked out every time, regrouped and came back with all the excuses under the narc sun. ,, I not shallow or callous, I cherish your friendships forever, I would never hurt any of you,,
Your last sentence sums him up to perfection because he gave me the silent treatment as his final answer
Another great detailed descriptive narc warning … thank you
HG, I listened to your YouTube recording posted today on the analysis of the mid ranger’s projection. Excellent! I highly recommend it!
Thank you.
Perfect description of my ex. During the initial grand hoover after I left him, he proceeded to apologize for every single mean, cruel, deceptive, dick-head thing he’s ever done or said that hurt me. He even scraped up an almost convincing amount of snot and tears.
Alas, it was too late. I had already found him out and was actually expecting him to put on this pathetic spectical.
If HG hadn’t gotten to me first, I probably would have believed at least some of his verbal diarrhea. THANKS HG!!
Reading that these people have no awareness, don’t know what they are doing and/or can’t help it honestly drives me insane.
I guess when you don’t consider how your actions will affect others (because you don’t care) you can easily absolve yourself of any wrong doing, because it was just ‘collateral damage’…
It still makes me angry though. And I thirst for revenge.
Then I remember the words: “Love me, hate me but never ignore me”.
And I keep hiding in the shadows.
My upper mid ranger cheated and lied and I ended it with him. Needless to say he blames me. He went into a full relationship with her immediately as we know now that she was in the picture prior. Prior to me ending it due to his cheating, he loaned me some money in a rare moment of generosity. He told me to forget about it. Now more than six months later of not hearing a word from him, he emails me to find about about repayment. I’m not in a position to repay. Will he let this go even if he has a new primary source that he says he is very happy with? Why did he bring this up all these months later just before my birthday? Funny thing is he is not demanding the money at all. Is this a hoover even though he knows that I am aware of his relationship which he admitted to.
Yes it is a hoover. He used the issue of the money as the basis for the hoover because that was what was most effective for him to do at the time and because of the nature of his narcissism, it is irrelevant that he previously told you to forget about repayment. Such contradiction and inconsistency is catered for by the narcissistic perspective and toxic logic so it does not appear inconsistent to him. He brought it up because there was a Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria was met.
Heartbroken
Curious. Do you feel you should no longer have to pay the money back because you were wronged, even though you acknowledged it as a loan?
Honestly I dont feel like I owe him anything after what he put me through. I feel like at least i got something out of it apart from the heartbreak that i still feel all this time later. Btw, he always knew that I would not be in any position to pay back back for a long time to come. I never committed to payback and have chats where he says to forget about it. And with this hoover, he never actually asked for the money back.
Hi HG,
There are two definite Mid-Rangers in my family (I feel pretty sure of that), but I was wondering if the following sounds like a Mid-Ranger comment.
I was out for Mother’s Day brunch with some family and I mentioned to everyone how cute these two little sisters looked in their matching little outfits and my brother-in-law, who was sitting across from me said, “I hate children” as he stared at me.
I stared back at him and said, “I know. You have been telling me that for __ years.”
He just looked kinda dumbfounded.
HG, does this sound like a Mid-Ranger? Thank you for your help..
Based purely on that comment in isolation, that is most likely to be said be a Lesser.
I concur. Lesser.
Thank you, HG, for your response.
The reason why I thought he might be a Mid-Ranger is because he reminds me of my ex-Mid-Ranger (because my sister drives him around in her car, pretty much everywhere they go). My brother-in-law recently bought himself not one, but TWO new cars after he inherited some money (but he only drives about 3000 miles a year), so sometimes they show up in one of those.
I thought that he would have bought my sister a diamond engagement ring with some of that money for their twentieth anniversray, since she doesn’t have one. All he has given her is an engagement ring with some small gemstones and a plain wedding band.
A year or two ago on Mother’s Day, my sister was sitting next to me and told me that she thinks that she should be wearing my grandmother’s engagement ring now instead of waiting for our mother to die.
Uggggg
HG- will a mid range ( or lesser) ever apologize for calling names or anything else
And if so, I’m assuming they dont actually feel regret but it’s only to change the situation to suit them
Lesser is highly unlikely to apologise. A Mid-Range will often ‘apologise’ but as you identify there is no regret, it is not genuine and is done for their own gains.
If they do, nine times out of ten it will be some shit like: Im sorry you made me do that.
Yes NA, that apology line or “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry you’re taking it that way.”
Because if it wasn’t my fault in the first place, he’d have no need to say sorry to begin with.
Clarece
Haha. Yup. Last night I called someone out on their shit and I got the classic “youre overthinking”. I responded that they were not helping their case In now adding that insult. This is what I got back in response:
“No insult intended, but that seemed the nicest and most lighthearted way to tell you that you have erred in what you thought I was thinking”
What a Fuckstick.
OMG! I can’t even… Can’t even begin to hear the “overthinking” line…. lol
That was used on conjunction with the “sorry you feel that way” every. single. time.
Don’t forget “you’re way too sensitive” and as Clarece mentioned “sorry you took it that way”. TOOK it?? You whipped it at me with all your strength you stupid, malignant ape!!
But I’m not bitter.
I may not always be right …. but I’m never wrong
😂
“The difficulty is however, you can regard the Mid Ranger as culpable but he or she will never accept any liability for their behaviour because they are automatically configured to reject any notion that they are at fault.”
= every single man on the planet
I thought that was the default setting for every woman on the planet.
May sound disappointing but not a chance of that being true…
Lol! Yes, let’s call it day now and have a happy hour!
Haha. True /iroll